I'll make you love me
by Xim84
Summary: Bella married a man she hates. Can he force her to love him? AH. OCC
1. The beginning of the end

**Hope everyone will like this, if not don't be to harsh please :P**

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all!**

Dress. Check

Hair. Check

Shoes. Check

Make-up redone for the third time. Check

Worst day of my life. Check

I stifled a sob. I was really going to have to try not to think about this if I really wanted to stop crying. After all it was my wedding day, and the freaking mascara kept running down my face every time a tear was spilled and I was done trying to fix it.

Some women actually looked forward to this since they were practically born, a wedding, a house, more money than anyone should be allowed to have in one lifetime, the whole package. That's what life was about for some people, so much so that it was the only thing driving them forward. I even was one of them a long time ago. But that was over by now. It was over since I met _him_, since he walked right into my life and destroyed it all. I called that day the beginning of the hell, the beginning of _my_ hell. I think in real life it was called something else and had another meaning. Whatever, I really don't know by now and actually don't care, but for me that's what it was.

That became my new mantra, a poor choice I know, but still. I didn't care for much this days. The ache in my chest was enough to keep me distracted. I was trying not to morn about my sad pathetic life, but now standing here looking like a bride to be, it was hard not to cry.

The reflection in the mirror looked back at me with pity, with self loath and I think a little bit of hate. This wasn't me, not anymore anyway, my brown eyes were lifeless, I definitely looked a lot paler and al least ten pounds lighter. And _she _hated me for it. I had let this happen without some sort of a fight, without that spark my mother always thought I had. I had let that man consume everything I was until there was nothing left, he was still doing it and I was _still_ letting it happen. Not that there was anything to do realistically, he wasn't exactly forcing me. I was doing this willingly. My father's life and future were at stake here, and even when the only thing on my mind was to run away and never come back, I knew that wasn't possible. I was being forced to live with the decisions I had made, and I didn't want to face them, like the coward that I was, I didn't want to marry a man that not only I didn't love but I despised with all my being, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I took a step back and flopped down on the soft white leather couch. _Breath in – breath out_, I told myself. If I could just stay calm enough and not break down on the cold tile floor, I could get through this. After all I had made my choice, as much of a choice as this could be considered anyway. I would no let my father die for his own mistakes, because that is what _he _said would happen. _Breath in – breath out. _I just wanted to cry, curl up and hide myself.

Tears were running down my cheeks and I barely had a grip on the sobs, and those memories were the only thing I could think about. Just like those dying people, and how they say that right before the end, right before it's all over, they see their entire life flash before their eyes, I guess it was like that for me, I could relate to that, except for the fact that I wasn't dying…physically anyway.

_I ran up the stairs and opened the front door, I was running late and I had to start diner soon before dad came home. I dropped my bag on the hallway and as soon as I heard voices I stopped dead on my tracks. I didn't see the cruiser outside, did I miss it? No, I would have seen it. What was my dad doing home at this hour? And who was with him? I tried to listen carefully, but only got glimpses of it._

"_But what do you expect me to do?" My dad hissed. "to turn myself in, to die in there?"_

"_To let me know!". My dad was shouting now. "you know very well that's not the case, you know you could stop this, just say the word and all of this would be over"._

"_But Mr. Swan, why would I do that?" he said in a boring tone. "what could I possibly gain out of that"._

"_Please" my dad was begging the man "please, I have a daughter, tell them to stop this, I would do anything you ask of me, please"._

"_Sorry, Mr. Swan, you are not good to me, nor you ever will be. Goodbye". _

_I heard the footsteps walking towards me before I had a chance to move, and then I saw him. He looked startled for a minute, but he composed and hid whatever emotion was crossing through his face. _

_I didn't understand. Did I hear right? It couldn't be. Who was this man? Why was he talking to my father about his death?. My breathing picked up. I didn't whether to be confused, overwhelmed or terrified._

_And he just stayed there looking at me. And then he spoke. "You must be Ms. Swan, I've heard so much about you", the way he said that made me tremble "My name is Edward Cullen, I'm your father's…."_

I jumped as I heard the knock on the door. Apparently my time was over and I was doomed to walk down the aisle to misery. My breathing was getting near panting, my body felt hot, way to hot.

"It's time Ms. Swan", I heard from the other side of the door. I wiped my face for the last time, got up from the leather couch and took a deep breath. There was nothing left to do but face the inevitable and do it with the little pride I had left and my head held high. I just didn't know if I was strong enough to do that.

"I'm coming".


	2. Abandoned

**Another one here… hope u like it! **

**I forgot… song for the 1****st**** chapter was: **_**she breaks down **_**by **_**vienne. **_

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

I was a loved child, I knew this. My parents, my grandparents, they all showed me how much I meant to them every single day of my life. Even when my mother died in that awful car accident, I never felt unloved or uncared for. Both of my grandmothers took some sort of a mother role with me and never let me stir the wrong way or rebel too much. My father became even more protective than he already was.

My mom, Renee was killed when I was just 12 years old, and was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. She was a wild soul, as my grandmother called her. My parents loved each other very much, so to say that my dad was devastated was an understatement, and there was a period of time where I didn't know who he was anymore, he drank himself to oblivion and wouldn't come out of it for days.

That made my grandfather step into action and sort of got things under control. That was not a pretty picture to witness. They fought and fought and I think my dad even hit his own father. I was too young to remember it all, but I do remember it was not good or healthy. But somehow we got through it and turned out sane about it. So I guess it's true when they say you have to hit rock bottom to finally see some light of day.

Everything got better from then on; I was always loved by those around me, and I thank them for it each and every single day. There were only feelings of contentment, and even though my mom was gone, I didn't feel lonely.

I had never felt lonely up until this moment.

Thump

Thump

Thump

I could just hear my heart beating way too slow for a normal rhythm. For the first time in my life I felt desolated, scared, and out of balance. I was standing at the end of the hall that led to the road to hell, as I began to call it. There was absolutely nothing holding me up, there was just desperation, anxiety and…longing, I guess.

I wish someone could be here by my side, to hold me, to give the strength I so much needed, someone who could say you _can_ do this.

"_My baby", my mom whispered, "the earth will try to swallow you whole…but your strength will be your future"_

I smiled with watery eyes, I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now either. But that was my mom.

I just wanted someone with me right now. But there was no one here and I had to deal with that. There were only his guests, his parents, his siblings, his friends, his co-workers. A bunch of complete strangers that I didn't want to know.

It was easier this way, I guess; easier to my dad, to my grandparents, to everyone around me. Easier if they didn't know their baby was getting married without telling anyone about it, because that was the only thing I could get out of this fuck up arrangement.

"Ms. Swan, are you ready?" _No. _Some blond bimbo I was introduced to this morning asked. She was supposedly here to do as I wished, it appeared, or to make sure I didn't run away, I wasn't sure which.

"Sure", I answered with a fake smile on my face. After all I had to get used to deliver lots of those for all the guests here.

"Okay, walk with me please".

She led me to the end of the hall. Her fuck me heals were echoing of the walls, and my breathing started to get uneven_. I could do this, I could do this_, this is what I had chosen for myself, and for my dad.

"_Angela, I need your help with something" I was walking up to her just as she was arriving to school. I just wasn't able to get those images out of my head, I had to know what was going on, and my dad wouldn't tell me a singles thing. He would just say that he was a co-worker, but I knew better; he had been a police officer for as long as I could remember and never in my life had I seen that man before. _

"_Sure Bells, what's up?", I pulled her to the side, I needed to do this privately, it's not like anything could be done unnoticed around here._

_She noticed my erratic behavior and started to get worried. "Angela, I need you to help me find someone, but no one can find about this, it's really important, please Ang"._

_Angela's dad was a lawyer and he knew his way around Seattle, if I could get her to help me on this I'd finally know what was going on._

"_Bells, are you okay? What's going on?" She asked with concern. _

"_Please Ang, just say that you will", I was desperate here, I needed to know. "Okay okay, calm down, what do you need?". I sighed in relief._

"_I need you to look someone up for me…his name is Edward Cullen"._

Bimbo stopped right at the edge and moved to the side. All I had to do was turn to my right and I'd be there. Breathe Bella, breathe. I could do this, I _was _going to do this. I turned to my right and was met with the most terrifying feeling in the world.

I was trying to decide if it was panic or fear, but was too busy looking at all those people looking at me. I mean, I should have predicted this, really, but I was kind of busy trying not to crumble. Did the church seemed a lot bigger than before? This morning wasn't as huge as it seemed right now.

The wedding march started and I guess that was my cue to move, but my feet were locked in place. I was frozen in shock. How did I get to this place? How did I let myself become involved in all this? I had to keep reminding myself the reason every five seconds, so I wouldn't run for the hills.

I felt a hand at my back and froze; apparently my stalling was becoming obvious, and bimbo decided to give me a little push. I guess she was really instructed to keep me in place and avoid at all costs me bolting through the door.

She put pressure on my lower back, and I guess I was walking now. Or stumbling might work better, this dress was way too heavy, and maybe in another circumstances I would find it beautiful, but there were no other circumstances right now.

I took a deep breath and keep straight ahead. I could feel all of their eyes on me, some of them kept looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world, others…well, they made me feel like I was some sort if wild animal trapped in a cage at the zoo.

I kind of understood, I mean what kind of a bride walks forty feet down the aisle alone? With no one to walk by her side, or to give her away, well, I guess me.

My heart was pounding out of my chest now, my palms were sweaty from holding the flower bouquet bimbo had placed there seconds early and I was on the edge of tears.

I was getting to my destination and I could see him. He looked…happy? I was certainly mistaken, he didn't know me any better than I did him and… he was smiling? My feet trembled, I just wanted to stop in the middle of the aisle and regroup, but I couldn't do that, so I just slowed down a bit, I mean what was bimbo going to do, catch up to me and push me all the way down? Pretend, just pretend, that's what he wanted, I would do that.

To his left was standing a huge man I now knew was his brother, whose name I couldn't recall right now. In the middle was the man who was going to condemn me, and to the other side of the altar was that really short woman with the annoying voice.

I was getting closer now and I could clearly see his face. He did seemed happy; he really was a good actor, there was no way he could be happy about tying his life to a complete stranger.

And then I was there. Right in front of the altar and ready to marry him…just as I had said.

**Song for this chapter: Goodbye by Greg Laswell. Review! **


	3. I do, I don't

**I'm here again. This chapter's is just a bit longer. Hope you enjoy**

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all**

I was standing right next to _Edward Cullen. _

God, even thinking about his name made me feelnauseous. Everything about him made me like that. I had to overcome the urge to move to the other side, just to put some space between us. And to even think that just a few weeks ago I was trying so hard to find out everything I could about that name and the person behind it. I laughed inwardly, I guess I got what I was looking for. _Search and you shall find. _Would my decision have been different? If I'd known what I was getting myself into, would that have stopped me? I didn't have an answer for that.

My body felt like a wire, hooked in all the wrong places. My body was stiff, hot, clammy and reluctant, a reaction to his nearness I suppose. And just as I was about to step on to the altar, he offered me his hand with another polite smile, but I pretended not to notice, trying to look busy dealing with my dress.

The reality was that I wasn't even going to try to touch him, his skin looked frightening, rigid, and way too pale, even more so than mine.

He dropped his hand and he had the nerve to look…what was that? Disappointed? Maybe he really was taking this way too seriously. Well, maybe everyone was taking it like that, except for me. For everyone else it was the wedding of the successful son and friend, the happiest day of his life, according to the story he had been telling everyone, at least that's what I'd heard. To me it was nothing but this thing I had to get trough and endure.

The music stopped and the silence that followed seemed to last forever. Perhaps everyone could hear my heart pounding out of my chest, I couldn't tell anymore.

For the first time since I walked in here, I took a look at my surroundings, this place was a really old church, it was filled with flowers scattered everywhere, the light was coming through the windows, and perched on the walls were some kind of structures resembling figures that looked like saints. The old wood gave the whole space a feeling of completeness. Candles adorned the altar and there was a canopy of flowers surrounding us. Hanging from the high ceilings, were the most brilliant chandeliers you could imagine, and that made it feel there was even a glow to the entire church.

It truly was a beautiful picture to behold, and if I wasn't in such a negative mood, I'd probably find it amazing...except I didn't.

Whoever decorated this did it with heart and effort, and again, under different circumstances I'd appreciated it, but I didn't. It seemed church would not be a place I visited anymore, not that I did much before this, but it was definitely off the list. There would be enough things to remind me of this whole ordeal, I wouldn't let a church be one of them.

The priest, minister o whatever he called himself stepped forward and began speaking in a solemn voice. It was time for business, I guess.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses to join Edward and Isabella in the bonds of holy matrimony". He said motioning to us.

It didn't escape my attention that he skipped the part of "_who gives away this woman to be married to this man". _Maybe he was instructed not to do so, and was informed of the situation, maybe everyone here was given particular instructions to follow. It made it all more fake than already was. I didn't know what I was really expecting, salvation form this old man maybe? He was supposed to be one of God's servants, wasn't he? He began his lecture and said all the words he was supposed to say, I on the other hand just dozed off, and just waiting to say the _I do,_ that would end my freedom.

Instead I focused on the priest, he was an older man, maybe in his sixties, white hair adorned his head, and he wasn't that much taller than the man standing next to me. His face reminded me of those grandfathers that appeared on TV commercials playing with their grandchildren. And the wrinkles on his face gave away his age.

I wondered if he had a wife or kids, or was he one of those people trying to redeem their pasts by doing what he was doing as of now. He continued speaking through the whole ceremony, or I thought that's what he was doing, I couldn't understand what he was saying as much as I tried, but there were a few words I got…_love, respect, discipline, cherish, unconditional, _and the scariest of them all…_forever. _None of them had any meaning whatsoever, not with this man, not like this.

"If there is anyone here who knows a just cause why they should not lawfully be joined in marriage, I implore you to speak now, or forever hold your peace", said the minister.

I sighed, if only. I did wished someone would do that for me, someone who cared enough to burst through those door and take me away from all of this. No, I had made my decision and I had to stop thinking that way, it would get me nowhere.

At one point _he_ tried to get closer to me by moving around on his chair, almost so that our arms were touching each other. I could feel the heat rolling off of him. I closed my eyes and tried to swallow hard to keep the tremors from getting through my body. I had no idea what it was about him, I didn't know if it was fear or just plain old anger going through my head, but it seemed I always reacted like that to his nearness. Then he tilted his head towards my direction and whispered "are you okay?"

Seriously?

Perhaps I lived in some kind of alternative universe where things were not as I thought they were. Was he kidding? Maybe he had some sort of dark twisted humor about this and was trying to make me feel worst than I already did.

I was sure my face said it all as I turned and looked at him. His green piercing eyes were trying to study my face looking for answers. His expression was unreadable and I couldn't keep looking at him, so I turned my head away.

"Since it is your desire to take each other as husband and wife, please indicate as such by joining hands", the priest decided then that it was time for us to stand up and get really close so we could _declare our love_.

I didn't want to touch him, I didn't want to feel any part of his body near any of mine. My eyes started to sting and my breathing became labored.

I thought I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to do this; I knew I would have to share a life with him, a house, the name, even my identity. What I didn't think about was the physical part. I mean, I wanted to believe that if I refused to have any kind of physical contact with him, he just wouldn't force me to do it. But I didn't know him at all and now standing here having to _just _hold his hand, I was kind of freaking out.

He watched me intently, maybe trying to will me with his eyes to not do this any harder that it had to be. Seeing no intention to move on my part, he raised his hand from his side and took mine own hands into his. My mind was reeling, I didn't know what to make of this, tears were definitely spilling from my eyes now. And all of this from holding hands.

The priest started again, "Edward, do you take Isabella to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to her and her alone, for as long as you both shall live?

"I do", he continued, "I Edward take you Isabella, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part".

He said with such conviction, and that only proved even more the good actor that he was.

I had longed to hear those words for a really long time, they were simple and perfect. Except they were so wrong right now, the moment was so wrong, _he _was so terribly wrong.

Another tear was spilled from my eyes toward my cheek, and he reached to wipe it with the back of his hand, but I recoiled from his touch. And apparently only death would do us part.

"Isabella", he addressed me now, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to him and to him alone, for as long as you both shall live?"

This was it, I could say no, I could be free, I could run away from all this crap. From him, from a future that would never be. I could say no, I would say no. Some sort of hope resurfaced inside me, and I took a deep breath, maybe there was a way out of this mess. But as soon as my dad came to my mind, the hope disappeared and was replaced with panic. No, I couldn't let my dad face what would probably be waiting for him the moment I stepped out of this church as a single woman.

No.

I just hoped the sacrifice would be enough. And that Edward fucking Cullen would keep his word.

"I do", I whispered. Done, it was done.

Then I felt a hand at my shoulder, I looked up and was surprised to see bimbo there giving me a piece of paper. I took it from her and opened it. They were my vows, it seemed that I wouldn't remember what to say so they had to make sure I said them right. I took a shallow breath and started speaking. I was aiming for strong, but it came out shaky and full of emotion.

"I Isabel-la take you…Ed-Ed-Edwardd… to be my husband", the tears were in full mode now, and my vision was becoming blurry, "to have and to hold from this-this day f-forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer…in sickness and in health, to…to…to love and-d to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part".

People thought I was crying happy tears; well at least I wouldn't have to worry about explaining why I was such a big mess.

"Because Edward and Isabella have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and these witnesses, and have thereto given and pledged their faith, each one to the other, I pronounce that they are Husband and Wife, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen. Edward son, you may kiss your Bride".

Fuck!

Okay so I was being relatively dumb and naïve. I've been to weddings, I knew people kissed, it just didn't mean _I_ wanted to.

He stepped towards me with a cautious smile, standing there… waiting. I could feel my heart in my ears, and I forced myself to step forward too. He raised a hand to brush my cheek with his knuckles and then leaned in slowly, carefully, as if saying _I don't bite. _I just closed my eyes tightly and waited for the inevitable. Rationally I knew a kiss was not a big deal compared to what could happen afterwards, so I gave in.

I felt his lips press very lightly against mine, and as soon as it started, it was over.

The guests erupted in cheers and happiness. He took me by the arm, and started walking down the aisle, once again.

- o -

We were arriving at the reception salon, the whole ride being entirely too quiet for a couple that just got married. He sat on the opposite side of the huge black limousine. His legs were crossed and he had his hand stroking his chin. He looked pensive and sometimes he would open his mouth as if to say something, but then close it just the same. Maybe he was planning on asking me if I was _okay_ again.

I couldn't guess what he could possibly have to say to me, every single detail was discussed on the _talk _we had days prior. I already knew what to do, how to act. What to say, and more importantly what not to say.

"_So, are we clear Isabella?", he asked as he sat back down on his chair._

"_Yes, we're clear". We had just finished talking about all the details involving the fake wedding. It wasn't really fake at all, since it was happening, and I was getting married to a man I didn't love, but still, it was some kind of fake._

"_As requested from you, you just have to show up and be there; all of it will be taken care of and you won't have to worry about anything" _

"_Okay", I murmured. "But I do have one question, why make it such a big deal out of everything, why can't it be simple like I…"_

"_I already told you" he cut in, "__my family doesn't know anything about this, and they have no reason to suffer the consequences of my actions", he was running his hand through his bronze hair in exasperation. He sighed. "I'm not your enemy Isabella, I'm not forcing you to do anything you…"_

"_I know you're not", I interrupted him, I didn't need to hear this right now, I know what I had done. "let's just get this over with"_

"_Okay then" his face hardened, "and remember if you stick to the end of the deal, I'll keep my word"_

I was brought out of my memories when the car stopped. He looked at me then and sighed. Was he expecting something from me? I hoped not.

He moved towards the door and opened it; he walked out of the limo and extended his hand as an invitation. I just stared at it like it was some sort of a demon. I would keep the touching to a minimal and only when extremely necessary, so I shook my head and stepped out of the limo. He moved aside and his face fell, again I really didn't know what he was expecting of me, right now the only way I could look at him was as an enemy, and I didn't shake hands with enemies.

We walked right into the huge ball room, and everyone started cheering again, he took me by the arm to drive me forward when he sensed I wasn't planning on moving, I guess bimbo was now replaced.

The DJ announced us as _Mr. And Mrs. Cullen, _and God, I hated my new name. The room, just as the church was decorated with millions of flowers, some white, some pink. I was amazed at how many people you could invite to a wedding, especially when the only guests here were on the groom side.

The dance floor was the center of attention in the room, and it now was my least favorite place as the DJ summoned us directly to it. It was time for our first dance as husband and wife.

Ugh, why couldn't we just do a simple wedding with no people at all? The result would be the same, and it would save me a hell lot of embarrassment. We were standing in the middle of the dance floor, waiting for the song to start. He stepped closer to me, and raised his arms to wrap them around me. He put his right arm on my lower back, and with his left hand took mine.

I froze, my body locking up. I've dreading this moment all day long and now standing here having him so close to my body, I was nearing hyperventilation. I had never notice just how tall he really was, how green his eyes were, and how unbelievable shiny his hair was. It made me nervous to be around him, I didn't feel comfortable at all.

"Just relax, please", he whispered with a hint of tenderness, I think he was trying no to scare too much. Sure, relax, since it was that easy to do.

The song started, and it was a beautiful, sweet, and slow melody and held all the promises that I would never be able to have, all the feelings I gave up to experience when I agreed to this. I knew it too well, it used to be one of my favorites, but from now on it wasn't.

_The first time ever I saw your face  
I thought the sun rose in your eyes  
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave  
To the night and the empty skies, my love  
To the night and the empty skies_

He was leading me, making me move and dance like I knew how to do that. Tears were pooling in my eyes, and I tried to look down, so he wouldn't be able to see my face. I wanted this to be over, I wanted to not have to endure all of this.

I felt the earth turn in my hand  
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

It was quite cruel if you thought about it. Not only did I have to live this down, but I was standing here in the middle of a bunch of strangers, who in some way, were being part of my torture, admiring it, and some of them enjoying it.

_And felt your heart beat close to mine  
I thought our joy would fill the earth  
And last 'till the end of time, my love  
And last 'till the end of time_

The song came to an end, and everyone started clapping. He stepped away from me and smiled somewhat shy. Was I supposed to return it? Because I wouldn't.

He led me towards the main table at the middle of the room and we sat down. People were coming by to congratulate the happy couple.

This right here was one of the many reasons why I didn't like attention.

The criticism, the constant stares, the most amazingly fake smiles you could ever encounter. People who didn't even know you, trying to be polite for entirely the wrong reasons. And it wasn't as if they even liked you at all, they were just being nice and trying to follow society standards. I guess it was just how the world revolved. It didn't mean I had to like it. And let's face it, I didn't like much this days.

Time was passing and people were dancing and laughing. I wished I could be happy about some of this. _He _got up and left me there staring at everyone. He was mingling with everyone, after all they were his guests.

Some time later I felt someone sit beside me; I thought it was him, but when I looked up, I was surprised to see his sister there. She looked…what? Mad maybe? She sat down and whispered in my ear.

"I know what you're doing Bella"


	4. Victim

**Hi again. I'm snowed in, so here's a new chapter. Hope you enjoy**

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all**

My eyes were wide. What did she mean she knew? How could she know? Did _he_ say something to her?He couldn't have, he almost made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone and now he was just going around spilling the truth to her?

"Um… what is it that I'm doing?" I figured playing dumb would be mi exit ticket out of this.

"Please Bella, I saw you all the way from my table, and you can't hide it. I know you're stalling, and I know you're trying to avoid taking pictures with everyone"

Oh!

"Yeah Alice, you got me, I'm just really tired and I'm not a good model" and apparently not a good liar either, because the look she was giving me, made me believe she didn't buy any word I had say.

"Come on Bella, you have to come to get pictures taken, you look beautiful, it is your wedding at the end of the day, and you don't seem like you're enjoying it too much. Please Bella, come on, Edward is all set to go, he just sent me here to get you."

God she was very insistent, I would have to find a way to deal with all of his family, without giving myself away and without being too rude.

"Okay, fine let's go" I tried to smile, but I'm sure it came out as a grimace. She got up from where she was sitting and bent down to kiss my cheek.

She made this weird awful sound and took my hand and practically dragged me to where everyone was standing just waiting for me it seemed. I wonder why my _husband_ didn't come and get me. It all made me feel like I had babysitters now, all of them put to the chore of taking care and watching over me, just like he ordered.

I approached the little crowd that was gathered slowly and carefully. There was his father, brother and wife, two other people I didn't know and…Jasper? I think that was his name. I had to give it to them, they were extremely beautiful, another reason why I would never fit in with them.

"How are you holding up sweetie?" I turned and there was his mother, standing beautifully in all her glory.

"Fine Mrs. Cullen, thank you"

"Please, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Esme?" she asked softly.

"Sorry, I'll remember it the next time."

"Okay okay, come Bella." Alice took me away from her mother and placed me right next to _him. _And I felt anything but comfortable, like a fish drowning or something; they were all so familiar with each other, hugging, laughing and giving loving touches. And so the torture continued by taking thousands of photographs.

The stupid photographer telling me to smile, to hug everyone like one big happy family. And then everyone stepped aside, and there was just _him _and me, and the ass with the camera in front of us asking me to hug _him, _to put my arms around his neck, to kiss him, to close my eyes while he kissed my forehead, and a bunch of other stupid poses that just made me lose it. So I excused myself to go to the ladies room, and ran away from there as much as I dared to.

I didn't want to be around them or him for that matter.

I sighed. His whole family _was_ really nice, as much as they could be to a total stranger that just showed up one day to marry their son. And even though I didn't want to admit it, I felt left out. They didn't love me, they didn't even know me, I was just an outsider to their own little world, and I was not invited to join. And again, I wasn't even sure I wanted to.

Honestly, either they were playing dumb or they really didn't have any idea something was very wrong in this whole situation. I mean, were they so stupidly oblivious not to see what was happening? No matter what _he _could have said to them, they must have suspected something was off. What kind of a son would just hide his "girlfriend" for God know how many years and then all of the sudden shows up announcing he was going to get married?

Or, as everyone else tonight, they were just being nice. And in some level, very deep inside of me, I wanted to feel guilty about deceiving them. But I would have to deal with that later.

I turned around the corner of the room, made my way to the ladies room, and locked myself in there. _Almost over Bella, almost over. _I walked toward the porcelain sink and placed my hands on the edge. I needed to get my shit together before I could flip out. I raised my head and what I saw in the mirror made me gasp with surprise.

That wasn't me reflected there. I did look beautiful, but I also looked like the living hell.

My hair was done in a kind of old fashion way, styled on top of my head. My make up was simple and classic with some color on my cheeks, courtesy of some lady they sent to do it for me this morning. The jewelry I wore was breathtaking; my earrings were diamonds apparently and I wore a silver shiny heavy bracelet. And most importantly the now two rings that were held by my wedding finger.

"_Here, take this". He said as I was leaving his office the last time we met. He handed me a little velvet black box._

_I frowned. Was that a ring? Because I didn't want one._

"_What is it?" I still asked_

"_A ring"_

_Yep, got that right. "I don't need a ring", I murmured_

"_I know you don't need a ring, but its all part of this thing we're doing, so take it". He said like he was talking to a child._

"_I don't want it" I insisted, maybe I was being a child. But I didn't care, he could suck it._

"_I know you don't want it Isabella, you don't want any of this, but yet here you are, still doing it, so take the god damn ring" he raised his voice a little, he was definitely getting frustrated and annoyed. He took my hand and placed the ring onto my palm._

"_From now on wear it...please" he said that last word softly. _

"_Fine" I turned back and walked out of the room._

I couldn't believe I hadn't seen what I looked like before. The dress was really pretty too. God, a dress that I didn't even picked out, it was chosen for me; the option was given of course, but like everything else involving this wedding I had said no. And it didn't matter what my outfit would be for this monstrous occasion, it would still happen.

But what terrified me the most was the look on my face. I looked dead, tired and defeated. Those pictures were going to be fantastic, great.

I felt heavy and wanted to cry so much. As if that would solve my problems. I had to control this, it was done and there was nothing I could do about it anymore. I just had to move forward. The question here was, how?

I spent at least 10 minutes in there, just sitting staring off into space; thinking about every single thing that had transpired over the last few weeks. Dreading what would come after this, dreading what my life would become. I mean, was I supposed to just be miserable for the rest of my days? To be tied to a man I didn't love and who certainly didn't love me.

I was starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, I hadn't put much consideration into this.

_Well, too late now isn't it!_

_No, _It did _have_ a meaning, I knew it did. _This was for Charlie, this is for Charlie._

A loud knock on the door startled me.

"Isabella, Isabella, are you in there?" _He _was shouting and pounding on the door. Confused I got up and opened it, only to find a frantic looking Edward running his hand through his hair. He stepped forward, making me take a step back.

"Where the hell have you been?" he asked desperate.

"Um…in here?" I asked looking around.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in here, I thought you had left" he really did seemed nervous.

"Um, I didn't know I had to ask for permission to go to the ladies room" I hissed, I wasn't in the mood for this right now. And for that matter I didn't know someone would be looking for me, it wasn't like I knew anyone out there.

"God" the tugging on the hair was getting more frenzied "no, you don't have to ask for permission, but I thought you had left."

"Left? Left where?"

"Um…well" he seemed uncertain of all of the sudden "I thought you left _me._"

Oh!

See, I was stuck in this, for real; any chance I might have had of him letting me off the hook was banished.

"Well, I didn't. I came here for some air" I answered resigned. I walked back to the love seat at the corner of the room and sat down. He just stood there watching me, it was kind of unnerving.

"Are you, um… are you going back in there?" he was scratching the back of his neck now.

"I don't want to" I said finally. I think I had endured enough for one day and wasn't willing to keep doing it. And I was really tired.

"Okay…do you want to leave?" he said softly.

What? Was he going to leave all of his friends out there unattended?

"I think you have guests out there waiting for you"

"They're waiting for _us, _but I don't care about that, if you want to leave, we'll leave".

He said that with such conviction, that again, made me feel like what he was saying was real. But as of now, I'd take anything I could get.

"Okay"

"Okay"

-o-

That had been one of the worst experiences I'd had up until this point. And I was scared for what was to come.

I was sitting right back in the limo. He was sitting across from me, with his bow untied, he looked tired too. Honestly I had no idea how he managed to get me out of there without having to say goodbye to anyone.

He leaned his head back, sighed and closed his eyes, he even looked asleep. And I just stared at him. I was willing my mind to understand this man, to understand his actions, his words. But I came up blankly, he was really confusing. Even with the little information I had about Charlie's situation, and even after seeing the "file" that held all of the things my father had supposedly done, I didn't understand him.

Was I the only victim in this? Or was _he_ one too? I didn't know and I couldn't be sure I even cared. And I had to admit that besides marrying a man that not only I didn't love but also kind of resented, I was also marrying a complete stranger. I knew almost nothing about him.

But I had to give it to him, he had been nothing but polite to me until now. We're going to live in his apartment in Seattle until I found something that I liked, like he said. As if.

And he was letting me keep my job, which was a huge deal for me. I only hoped that continuing to write would help me get through this. I could live through my characters and my stories. I had gotten really lucky when I landed that job when I was just 19 years old, all I had to do was help a major publisher with some editing, and the pay wasn't so bad. And just a week ago I found out that they were allowing me to write my own stuff, not bad for a 22 year old. But those news were overshadowed by the other events in my life.

God, if Charlie would have known he'd been so happy for me, and maybe proud.

A tear slid down my cheek. The reality of what I'd done to Charlie just came crashing down, and I tried not to think about some other alternative to cut me loose from him, because I knew I'd found one. I also leaned my head against the seat and closed my eyes. I wished there were some other way for Charlie to be happy, safe and not to suffer, but I had to do what I did.

"_But baby, what are you talking about?", my dad asked looking desolate. He came home just as I had just finished packing all of my stuff. _

"_I'm sorry Charlie, but I can't live here anymore, I don't like it", I was really trying to hold it together, I had to make it believable, otherwise he wouldn't let me leave._

"_Fine baby, we'll move, anywhere you want to, we'll even go on vacation, anywhere, but please don't leave Bells."_

"_It's not about that Charlie; I just have to move on." My bags were by the door, I was all packed and ready to move into a lousy motel room. _

"_Bells, I won't let you do this, you know I love baby, don't leave like this…you gonna leave your old man all alone here? You're all I have left." I think he was begging now and his voice was getting thick with emotion. Oh Charlie!_

_God, I hated this, I absolutely loathed this. I hardened my face and my tone. This was it, Charlie for sure would hate me after this, but I had to do it._

"_No Charlie, you don't understand, not only do I have to move on from Forks…" I swallowed the lump in my throat "…I have to move on from you. I'm sorry Charlie, you're just not enough for me anymore." I was on the verge of tears, my eyes were watering and I had to look away so he wouldn't see me cry._

_He just stood there, looking heartbroken and miserable. My words had hit a spot always vulnerable for him. He always feared he wouldn't be able to fill the void my mother had left behind. Silly Charlie, he became the most important thing in my world, that's why I was doing this. And that's why I hated myself, for making his worst fears come true. _

"_Goodbye Charlie"_

_I turned around and bent down to pick my bags, all of my stuff were already loaded onto the truck. I opened the front door and almost ran to the side of the house where the truck was parked. I yanked open the door, got in and drove away._

_I only drove for like 5 minutes before the tears became too much and I couldn't see anything, I slowed down and parked by the side of the road. _

_Oh god, what had I done? I was losing my essence; I had hurt Charlie so much. The sobs were in full mode now, and it was getting harder to breathe. I opened the door and got off the truck, I walked to the passenger side of it. I leaned back against it and let the tremors take over my body, I was gasping for air, my throat was closing up, but I deserved this and much more. I was a terrible human being. _

_Charlie had been nothing but a loving dad throughout my entire life and this is how I was paying him. My legs gave out under me and I fell to the muddy ground. I curled up into myself and cried my eyes out._

_This is what I had become. I was reduced to a trembling dirty wet mess, lying on the side of the road mourning for her pathetic life. But I wouldn't allow Charlie to live with guilt above everything else. And if he really had known the truth he wouldn't have let me go through with it. He could move on now with his life, get married again, and live content and serene. My dad would not go to jail, that was the only comfort I could get right now. _

_I just hoped Charlie would give me the chance to explain everything someday, and maybe, just maybe, he would be able to forgive me._

_And with my face pressed onto the cold muddy asphalt I said the only words going through my mind at that moment._

"_I'm so sorry daddy", I whispered to no one. _

I opened my eyes and wiped away my tears, there was no point in reliving the past, it was done.

We were arriving at his apartment apparently. I looked up and saw him watching me with an indescribable look on his face; I thought he was sleeping, not watching me like some sort of intruder. And I got mad, really mad. Didn't he have enough for one day? Haven't I been through enough? He also wanted to be a witness to my misery?

"What?" I snapped.

He looked surprised at my harsh tone for a moment. He just shook his head and looked the other way. Okay, so that only made me get even angrier. All of the sudden he was too good for me? Well fuck him!

The limo went into some sort of an underground parking lot and came to a stop. He didn't extend his hand for me this time, just got off and walked away. Fine by me, I got off to, struggling with my fucking dress that just decided to get stuck on the door of the fucking car. Just what I needed right now.

I yanked on it and just saw it split at the bottom. Fine by me. I looked up and saw him waiting for me, holding the elevator door open. He looked annoyed and a little pissed. What the hell would he have to be pissed about? I got into the elevator as he pressed a bunch of buttons to get us upstairs.

"I'll give the code later" he said harshly.

"Whatever" I said dismissively. I didn't care about the stupid fucking code. Right now I was pissed and rising.

He gave me a piercing look and turned away. We arrived at the top floor and stepped out of the elevator; he started walking down the hall and stopped right in front of a door. He opened it, and just walked right into it without giving me a second look. Why was he pissed? It's not like he had any reason to be.

He went into a room and after a few minutes walked out again.

"I prepared a room for you; there is everything you'll need in there, so make yourself comfortable"

Anger was boiling inside me. Comfortable? Right!

"What, you're not gonna make me sleep in your bed?" I knew I was just picking for a fight. But right now I didn't care, I had just spent the worst hours of my life and I deserved some relief.

"What is your problem Isabella?" he said slowly. As if trying to remain calm.

"What is my problem? What is my problem?" I was raising my voice higher and higher. I stepped closer to him to get my point across. "YOU" I pushed my finger into his chest. "You are my fucking problem. Putting up with you and your shit."

I kept shoving my finger into his chest. Hard.

He grabbed my wrist and spoke lowly in a menacing voice. "I didn't force you to do this. I already said that, I don't know what else you expect me to do. I was hoping we could get along and that maybe everything…"

"Seriously?" I cut in. "Look at me, listen to you. I really don't know who told you this sort of things actually worked, but I expect nothing from you. You poor excuse of a…" just as I was about to slap him, he interrupted me by grabbing me by my upper arms and gripping me tightly.

"Listen to me, and listen carefully" he gripped harder when I made a move to get away. His face was just inches from mine, and he looked vivid, his green eyes darkened a shade and he was breathing hard through his nose.

"I didn't force you to do anything, and I'm fucking tired of repeating that, so get it through you little head. As far as you know I'm doing you and your fucking father a favor, so you will just have to deal with it." He shook me as if trying to make a point. "It's not my fucking fault that your father just goes around committing crimes every time he gets a chance."

"That doesn't…"

"You agreed to do this, you are bound to me now for as long as I fucking want it Isabella. And whether you like it or not, you are my wife now."

He let go of my arms and pushed me away from him, making me stagger back unsteadily. I just stood there in shock. He walked away and left me standing in the middle of the living room. I just heard his door slammed shut.

I wanted a fight right? _You got it Bella._

I didn't know what to feel, what to make of this. I got on his bad side, but deep down I knew it might not be the worst it could get. I simply didn't know if I wanted to see it. I didn't know if I wanted to push his buttons so hard to see where it would take him.

The only thing I did know was that I just had found out another thing about him. After all I got my answer to my earlier musings.

Edward Cullen was not a victim.


	5. Information, information

**Another one here. Thank you for being nice to me. Here's a little bit of information that will clear things up a bit.**

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

_TWO MONTHS EARLIER._

_I was sitting on the bed of the horrible motel room, flipping through the pages of the information he gave me to read. His life documented apparently. Pages and pages filled with unnecessary and unimportant information that honestly I didn't give a shit about._

_Generals._

_Name: Edward Antony Cullen_

_Birth date: June 20__th__ 1984_

_Birth place: Seattle, Washington _

_Parents: Carlisle and Esme Cullen _

_Siblings: Alice and Emmet Cullen._

_Employment._

_Company: Cullen & Masen Corporation._

_Current job position: CEO (__chief executive officer)_

_Seniority: 8 years as Executive assistant. 3 years in current position. _

_God, he made it all sound so clinical, so business like. Like it was my obligation to learn all this crap. We were meeting his parents today and supposedly I had to know everything I could about every single member of his family. At first I was really making an effort to put attention into all the stuff written there, but as I read more and more, it became a little ridiculous. Why did I need to know where he went to kinder garden? Or when he graduated from some weird camp made only for God knows who. And the craziness continued when he made up a story about how we met. That was a good one._

_Basically he was walking down the street from work to his place, and it started to rain. All of the sudden he looked down the street and saw a girl struggling with her broken heel. He went there to help her, introduced himself, gave her a ride and asked her out. And that's how they fell in love._

_Priceless. I laughed so hard with the absurdity of it al. I guess I was the damsel in distress in this story. How did he come up with something like that? He really needed to stop watching Mexican telenovelas. _

_But the thing that did call my attention was a category titled "Other information", and specially one single word that stood out among the others._

_Adopted._

_I held the papers in my hands for at least 5 minutes staring at that word. When Angela helped me look him up, she didn't mention anything about him being adopted. In fact I think that if the little piece of information would have popped up somewhere along the research, she would have mentioned something._

_I never would have guessed he was adopted. And I didn't know why that bit of information just made a little more human in my eyes. Whatever, I was getting all mushy again._

_I had been stuck in this freaking motel room all alone for the last two weeks and it was driving me crazy. I only went out for work and spent the day watching crapy TV. And just last night he came by to announce that I had to attend a family gathering since it was time for them to meet the "girlfriend". The wedding was set to happen two months from now. Incredibly fast if you ask me, but it seemed that was the only time we had left._

_I needed to go out ASAP, otherwise I'd surely go crazy. And more importantly having nothing to do left me with nothing but time to think, analyze, reconsider and examine every single part of my new found and not-so-good-but-there's-nothing-to-do-about-it life. There was not a single good feeling towards that man, let alone his family. I mean for me it was just unnecessary and completely ridiculous to go in there and pretend like I loved that man. I would never understand that stupid reason of "I owe it to my family" he gave me. I mean I was cutting my freaking family off, why couldn't he do the same? Call it man domination and I think in the end I'd end up sacrificing more in this than he would ever have to. But I guess that's what you get when your father has a nasty past. _

_Ugh, thinking like that would get me nowhere. I got up from the bed, went to the dresser and got my purse. At least maybe I could get something to eat. It was such a pretty lovely day even for Seattle, it shouldn't be wasted locked up watching TV._

_I stood in front a two way street. And it didn't seem like a big deal, but right now, for me it was. I had to decide which way to go. Left or right. Right or left. I was making a big fuss out of this, because it felt like such a simple thing to do, that I'd never take it for granted again. I got to make a decision on where to go. A decision that would dictate the course of the next three hours of my life. A decision that maybe, in a while I wouldn't be able to make. That maybe, it wouldn't be there the next time I was standing in front of a street. I turned sideways and took a good look at my options, on the left I could see an ice cream shop, on the right was doughnut place. Hard decision that was. Both were junk food in the end, so it wouldn't really matter if I chose one of them. So I decided for both. _

_I admired the city, the people going and coming, and it was nice. For a moment I almost forgot about everything. Almost. _

_I went into the ice cream shop first. It really wasn't that crowded, just a few people here and there. I ordered one scoop. Vanilla. Something simple, not complicated or hard to pick, yet still really good. I paid and went to sit down in one of the colorful little tables. I watched some kids on the little playground set outside. I wished everything were as simple as choosing which way to go on a boring day, or choosing a flavor for your ice cream, or playing outside with your friends. I'd never take any of that stuff for granted anymore. I guess you really don't know what you have until it's taken from you._

_I was interrupted from my musings when someone sat across from me at my table. It was a man, he had dark brown hair and this hazelnut beautiful eyes. He also had a vanilla scoop. He smiled at me and softly started speaking._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but you looked quite immersed in your thoughts."_

"_Yeah, I had a lot on my mind." Like you couldn't even know._

"_Nothing too bad I hope?" he asked._

_Yes. "No."_

"_I hope this doesn't bother you, me sitting here, trying to make conversation with a beautiful girl." Smooth and apparently a charmer, but still I couldn't help but blush. _

"_No, it's fine, it's actually good having someone to talk to." And he had the decency to ask._

"_Great" he had the biggest smile on his face; it reminded me one of those kids outside. "I'm Garret by the way." He extended his hand and I took it._

"_Hi Garret, I'm Bella."_

"_It's nice to meet you Bella, are you from around here?"_

_No. "I am now." It sadden me to think of all the lies I had said in the last month, I felt like my new life would be based on pure and perfect lies._

"_Good."_

_We continued making small conversation. He was from New York originally, but moved to Seattle a few years ago. He really was a nice person, and a little bit of a flirt. But it felt good to talk to someone, to interact with another human being who wasn't my soon-to-be-husband. I told him about growing up in Forks, about my job and about my passion for writing. But that was it, anything deeper than that would lead to awkward subjects. I told him about the doughnut shop at the other side of the street and he decided to join me._

_We walked side by side talking and him making me laugh of everything he could think of. We got to the doughnut shop and sat there for a while too. But it was getting late and I had to get back to the motel. He would be there for me soon. I excused myself and told Garret I had something to do and I couldn't get out of going. _

"_Oh, it's fine, don't worry" he stood up and extended his hand. "It was really nice to meet you Bella, I had a nice time."_

"_Yeah, me too. You may not believe it but you kind of brightened my day."_

"_Thanks…hey Bella...um, would you be willing to give me your phone number, maybe I could call you some day?" He looked really nervous._

_God, I would love to say yes, I wanted to, but I didn't see a point in it. It's not like we could go out or something like that. That part of my life was over and in sickened me. It made me extremely sad and maybe a little depressed, I couldn't think like that I had to stay positive or else I'd crumble._

_He must have seen my expression because his face fell. "Look Bella, if you don't want to it's okay, don't worry about it."_

"_No, it's not that Garret trust me, it's just…" I'm marrying someone I don't love and I even though I want to I don't think I could cheat "…my life is kind of complicated right now and…I don't know if I could be emotionally available any time soon, but I could really use a friend to talk to."_

_His face lit up again with the greatest smile ever. "Of course, I'd love to be your friend". So I gave him my number and said my goodbyes. I walked back to the hotel. I wasn't going to dwell on the what if's. I had made my decision and I had to stick to it._

_I arrived to the motel and saw his car parked outside of my room. He got off, slammed his door and walked right up to me._

"_Where the fuck have you been?" he looked furious._

"_What the hell is your problem dude? Relax."_

"_I asked you a question Isabella, we were supposed to go to my parents house a half hour ago."_

_Shit. I didn't realize it was that late. "I went out to grab a bite, Am I allowed to do that boss?" I was late, so what? Get over it psycho._

"_Fuck…just get ready please."_

"_Fine, since you ask so nicely." I walked towards my door and saw him walk behind me. I don't know what he was thinking but he wasn't going in there with me. So I went in and shut the door on his face. He could wait outside._

_We were sitting in his car, on our way to his parents' house. His mood hadn't improved since we left the motel. There was no music in his car, so it was pretty quiet in there. _

"_You read the papers I gave you?" he broke the silence._

"_Yep"_

"_All of them?"_

"_Yep"_

"_And do you remember at least something about them?" Nope. No wait, I remember the stupid ass story about how we met._

"_Yep"_

"_Don't you know another freaking word?"_

"_Yep" okay, I was just doing it to mess with him, if it got a rise out of him, fine by me._

"_Can you please be serious, this is important." He tried to calm his temper apparently, but the way he was gripping that poor steering wheel told me otherwise._

"_Yes I read them, all of them and I do remember some things, but not all of them." There was a lot of unimportant information in there so it was hard to remember all the crap._

"_Well you could've brought the paper with you, so you could review them." Okay, that was it._

"_Hey mister, do you know anything about me? I mean, here you are demanding that I ought to know your kinder garden teacher's name and I'm pretty sure you don't even know how old I am."_

"_22"_

_Oh. "What else?" I was curious now._

"_Where you went to school, your current job, and some other things that came up on the Chief's report."_

"_Whatever." I turned away and stared out the window._

_He didn't say anything else and I didn't expect him to. I guess the possibility of us dealing with each other like reasonable human beings went down the drain. Ten minutes later we arrived at his parents' mansion and went straight for the door._

_A petite female answered, she had the same color as his hair, which was weird, I thought he was adopted. Coincidence maybe._

"_Oh honey, it's so good to see you, come on in." she stood on her toes and gave him a hug._

"_Hi mom, I missed you. Look this is my fiancée Isabella. Isabella this is my mother."_

"_Oh dear" she turned to me and hugged me too. "It's really nice to finally meet you."_

"_Likewise Mrs. Cullen."_

"_Please dear, call me Esme." She got really close to me and whispered "don't worry, Edward told me all about your relationship and I want you to know that we all approve, it may be a little soon, but we're still happy about the news."_

"_Oh, okay." What could I say about that? I'd have to ask him what he said to them later. _

"_Come in, come in. Dinner's ready, and everyone was just waiting for you two."_

"_Isabella was running late." He turned my way and smirked. I glared at him. Fucker._

"_Oh, don't worry about it dear, come on, let's get straight to the dining room."_

_I don't know why it still surprised me, everything about this man up until this point said RICH. This house was beautiful, and they were beautiful. Introductions were made. His father was serious but polite; his brother was loud, funny and huge. His sister was the one to welcome me the most; she was even shorter than her mother, black hair and all and still had a spark that I couldn't describe. Their respective partners were another story. Alice's boyfriend was blond and looked the total opposite to her. As for Emmet's wife, well I didn't exist in her world. _

_We were sitting at the table, to my right was him, and to my left was Alice. They all were talking to each other, making small talk and sharing how their day went. Even him was chatty, a side that I hadn't seen. All in all it was an uneventful evening; they congratulated the happy couple on the wedding. And I found that he had told them I couldn't take care of the weddings details because of my job. Right. I didn't speak much, I didn't have much to speak about with a bunch of strangers, just smiled when I had to, answered when spoken to, and that was it. _

_We were on our way back to the motel when he spoke. "Do you want me to get you a hotel room?"_

_Huh? "I have a room already." _

"_No, you don't, that's not a room, that's a dump." Okay, now he really was pissing me off._

"_I like it, leave it alone." _

"_But what's to like, I mean…" I interrupted him, I had to draw a line here._

"_Look dude, again leave it alone, I don't want you to pay for anything, don't mess with anything else in my life, okay?" I asked harshly._

"_Fine." _

_THREE MONTHS EARLIER._

_I parked outside of her house; Angela had told me to meet her here right after work, that way she could fill me in on what she had found. _

_Even though it was a little cold outside, my hands were sweaty and maybe I was a little bit apprehensive. This is what I had been looking for, I should be pleased, but instead I was a little scared of what I might find about this mystery man. What was his connection to my father? Why was he in the house that day? What were they talking about so privately?_

_I hoped to have an answer to all those questions in a few minutes. I made my way to her door and knocked. _

"_Hi Bella, come in" she greeted me as she opened the door. "We should take this to my room okay?"_

"_Sure, Ang."_

_She closed her bedroom door behind me and went to her dresser to retrieve some papers._

"_Okay, so first you have to promise you won't show this to anyone, my dad doesn't know I was using his computer and you what could happen if he finds out."_

"_Of course, you don't have to worry." Angela's dad…well let's say he was an honest man, but sometimes he needed to resort to…different resources to fulfill his job. Apparently he owned some kind of software that worked like a data base, so you just had to put the name you wanted in there and wait for the information to appear._

"_And it's not much Bella, you know how it is sometimes."_

"_It's fine, whatever it is just give it to me." I was getting anxious. I just wanted to see what that man had to hide._

"_Okay." She handed me the papers and I began flipping through them. _

_I frowned. What? This was it? There had to be something more, most of this crap was useless. He worked for a construction company, and there were a bunch of projects financed by him. But that was it. No visible connection to my father, to my family, or even to the police station in Forks. This wasn't enough; it told me nothing about him. Maybe he was arrested when he was younger and decided to get back at my father? Was that possible? I didn't think so. Maybe my father owed him money, or shut down one of his projects. But those were just speculations on my part, I couldn't be sure of any of it._

_I realized I had put my hopes in this little information, and now that it wasn't even enough of what I thought it could be, I felt defeated. Angela must have seen the look on my face, because she sat down next to me on her bed._

"_What is so important about this that has you all worked up?" _

_I hated lying to my best friend, but somehow I felt the need to protect Charlie, especially against the unknown. "Nothing Ang, he's just…my dad's colleague and he was having some problems so I decided to try and help, that's all."_

"_Okay"_

_I don't think she believed me, but that was all I could offer. She jumped of the bed all of the sudden and went to her dresser again. "I forgot, I found something else, here take this" she gave me a piece of folded paper. "It was an address I found at the bottom of the report, I don't know if it will make any difference, but still."_

_I opened it and an address was scribbled in Angela's handwriting._

_1920 4__th__ Avenue. Seattle, Washington 98101. 30__th__ floor._

_This will have to do._

-o-

_Of all the things I thought I'd fine, this was not one of them._

_I had used my work as an excuse to leave the house and avoid Charlie wanting to come with me today. I was in Seattle for the day trying to find the address Angela had given me, and I had been going around in circles thinking the address must have been wrong, but there was apparently no such thing. That's how I found myself standing right in front of this huge fancy building called "Escala". Ostentatious if you ask me. _

_I walked in there and felt like a lamb lost in the woods. The room was some kind of a reception area and it did justice to the name. It really was a beautiful place, the marble floors were shiny and the décor was sort of modern. We definitely didn't have this stuff in Forks. If he actually did live or at least worked here, what would Charlie be doing hanging out with a person like this? Because let's face it, my dad and shiny floors? Not a good match. I stood there awkwardly I began looking around and out of the corned of my eye saw a couple walking down a hall at the end of the room; I decided to risk it and followed them at a reasonable distance. Wouldn't want them to think I was some kind of stalker and call the cops on me. Charlie would never let me live that down._

_They walked right into a set of elevators that were down the long corridor and somehow I managed to get in them right before the doors closed. The man standing at my left pushed the button for the 15__th__ floor and stepped back, giving me room to choose my floor. The 30__th__ would be. After a few seconds they stepped out and I was left alone with my thoughts. Crap! What was I going to say? Hi, I did some research on you and found your address and came to figure out what the hell is your problem with my father. Not likely. God Bella, what the hell is _your _problem? Lately I hadn't been thinking straight and acting on impulse, and prove of that was finding myself alone in an elevator on my way to meet probably some kind of a killer. _

_The elevator stopped and the shiny doors opened. I walked out and started walking down the hall that led to one huge single door with the number 25 on it. This was it, I was here in front of it and I had nothing to lose. I took a deep breath, raised my hand and knocked softly on the door. _

_Nothing. _

_I knocked again. _

_Nothing. _

_Maybe he wasn't here, or maybe this wasn't even the right place. I knocked again and started counting in my head, if he didn't open in like five seconds I'd leave. _

_And nothing. Nada. _

_Well I had tried at least. _

_I turned back and as I began walking back towards the elevator, I heard the door creak open, and a deep voice said: "Hi there I'm sorry I was just putting on some clothes, can I help you with…" he trailed off as soon as I turned and he saw my face. Acknowledgment crossed his features right before he looked at me blankly. __I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't know what to say. He was different than I remembered, and now that I got a good look at him I saw he looked younger and more relaxed, not like that day. _

"_Can I help you with something?" he asked._

"_Um…are…are you Edward Cullen?" I asked stupidly._

"_You know I am" he gave me some sort of a smirk. When I didn't answer he raised an eyebrow and continued "What can I do for you Ms. Swan?"_

_And apparently he also remembered me. Come on Bella, speak up._

_My voice came out hoarse and not brave as I intended "I was wondering if I could talk to-to you…um, about my, my dad." _

"_Oh" he looked surprised and maybe a little confused. _

"_I just have some questions, but if you're too busy I can just go…" I trailed off. _

"_No, it's fine I guess, come on in." he stepped aside to let me in._

_Now or never Bella, he didn't look like a killer, it couldn't hurt right? I looked at him and stepped inside._

_Wow, if I thought downstairs was beautiful, this place was magnificent. The walls were a deep brown chocolate; adorned with some paintings that even if I knew their name I'm sure I wasn't going to be able to pronounce it. He had the most amazing carpets covering the shiny hardwood floors. A fireplace, long flowy drapes and the weirdest looking light that came of out the ceiling in the strangest way. His living room was beautiful, and to top it off he had an amazing view of downtown Seattle. Yep, Charlie had nothing to do with someone like him._

"_Have a seat, please." He motioned to his couch. "I have to say, I'm really surprised to see you here." He dragged a chair from his dining table and sat across from me._

"_Um…yeah." Brilliant Bella._

_He was looking at me funny. It unnerved me; I couldn't look at him, I definitely wasn't comfortable._

"_So, you said you had questions…"_

"_Yeah." Apparently my tongue was tied, because I couldn't find it in me to just say the word. _

"_Yeah? Yeah. Is that the only word you know? I mean if you came here to waste my time then you might as well…"_

"_I want to know what were you doing in my house that day?" I said harshly._

_He smirked again and raised an eyebrow. "Found our tongue didn't we?" _

_Ass._

"_Are you gonna answer or not?" I was getting a bit frustrated; it was hard enough being here without having to put up with his shit._

"_Spicy. I went there to have a word with your dad." He shrugged._

"_About…"_

"_I don't think that's for me to tell Ms. Swan. Why don't you ask that father of yours?"_

"_I have a feeling he won't tell me, that's why I came here, to ask you." Please just tell me._

"_I'm not sure about that. I'm pretty positive your father won't approve of you knowing any of this and I'm also pretty positive he doesn't even know you're here." He was getting annoying and a little cocky._

"_Listen mystery man, I don't care what my father approves of or not, I don't care if he knows where I am, and I don't really care if you're a serial killer or whatever…" I was cut of by his laugh, he found this amusing, I didn't._

"_Serial killer? Really?" he kept on laughing and it was just irritating me._

"_Hey smarty pants…I know you posses the attention of a fly, but please try to focus here." _

"_Ouch, I'm hurt." _

_I took a deep breath; I really needed him to tell me something, anything._

"_Look, I'm sorry…but please tell me. What I heard the other day left me pretty upset. I know you're not his college like you said and I heard you talking about my dad dying and if you have a father you must understand where I'm coming from."_

_His face hardened and he lost his smirk. He just sat there staring at me, like if he was trying to decide whether to tell me or not. I tried to soften my face, being a brat would get me nowhere, and if he was really considering it I'd do anything I could. My subconscious was trying to tell me that his reluctance to spill the beans meant more than just me not knowing about this. "Please." I whispered again._

"_Are you sure you want to know this? It's not pretty and pink as all the stuff you're used to." I decided not to get offended by that last comment. _

"_Please. I need to know, if my dad's in some kind of trouble I want to be able to do anything I can." I said again._

_He just looked at me like I was some sort of an alien; I think he was trying to figure me out. After a while of him just sitting there and me eating my nails out, he abruptly stood up and left the room. Okay? Not the response I was waiting for. I had to come up with my next tactic; it was either begging some more or trying to beat the holy crap out of him. Right! _

_He suddenly walked back into the room holding some sort of blue folder. He tossed it on the seat next to me and went to his kitchen to retrieve something from the fridge. I picked up the folder and the first thing I noticed was my dad's name written on the cover._

_**Charles H. Swan**_

_R5697_

_I frowned. I opened the folder and started flipping through the pages. This felt like déjà vu all over again. Except this time the object of the investigation wasn't the man leaning against his kitchen counter…it was my dad. And apparently Mr. Weber's system needed a little bit updating; because this information _was _useful. My dad's whole life was reduced to fifty pages of information. Every single detail he'd done for the last fifteen years was here. My mother's name was here. _My _name was here. My heart was starting to beat faster and it was getting hot in here. I looked up to the man still leaning against that stupid counter with I'm sure was a horrified expression. He just stared back at me blankly. What the fuck was this? Maybe he was a serial killer after all. Maybe he wanted to kill my dad, what other explanation could there be? _

"_What the hell does this mean?" I stood from where I was just sitting and threw the folder back into the couch. "What the fuck do you want my father?" I raised my voice higher. "You listen to me son a bitch, you will leave us alone, do you understand?" I was on the edge now, I was sure I looked like an angry monster, but I didn't care about that right now. Fire was going through my veins, but at the back of my mind there was a little voice telling me just one word: Hypocrite._

_No, it wasn't the same. I had asked for that information to try to help my dad. It wasn't the same._

"_Easy tiger, it's not what you think" he said calmly._

"_It's not what I think? Then explain it to me please."_

"_Look at the back of the file, you'll find your answers there."_

_I narrowed my eyes at him and turned back towards the couch. I took it and went till the very end. I read and read and read, but it didn't make any sense. _

_Police reports from Chicago. Death certificates from several people. Closed investigations. Statements. And other documents that didn't make any sense to me. _

"_I don't understand any of this" I looked up at him confused._

"_It's all there Ms. Swan…your father murdered someone."_

**So maybe that answered a few questions. I hope you can see the subtle changes in Bella's personality.**

**If you could recommend a Beta available I'd love it. Review please!**


	6. Just business

**Another on here. Took my time didn't I?**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

**Enjoy!**

I woke up with a start.

Everything was dark and my eyes wouldn't adjust. I felt for the light on the bed side table and turned it on. I was in a strange room, not mine. And then I remembered everything that had happen today and felt the grief consume my entire body. I couldn't cry, I wasn't alone in this house so I had to be silent. That nightmare had been plaguing my mind for the last three days and it brought to the surface the most horrible feelings I could ever have imagined. I just couldn't remember what it was about. As much as I tried there was nothing on my mind to remember, there was just desperation, angst, sadness, longing and the most intense of them all…loss.

At least this time I didn't wake up crying. This past few nights were like that; there would be blackness in my mind, like if I were just sleeping and all of the sudden I was standing in the middle of my bed crying my eyes out with no memory whatsoever of what had just happened. I was actually familiar with this; as a child I suffered from this weird condition called "_Night terrors", _a sleep disorder that it seemed to cause some sort of inability to regain consciousness completely while awake. That scared the living shit out of my mom, but after some treatment I got over it.

It was back apparently, the only difference now was that I didn't have anyone with me to wake me up or to soothe me once I did. Still, I couldn't go back to sleep after that, the sensations were so strong that it was literally impossible for me to go back to sleep. I would have to do something about that, if he ever woke up and saw me like that…well, I didn't want to think about his reaction. I mean, I knew he wasn't a monster, but after last night I wouldn't risk it.

I cleaned the sweat on my forehead with the back of my hand and took a deep breath. I'd have to keep it together. This wasn't my house; I was just an unwanted guest here and I couldn't go around making drama all over again like last night. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat; crying would get me nowhere but it was all I wanted to do right now. I wiped my tears harshly.

I threw the covers from my body, got up and headed for the bathroom. I didn't turn the light on, I didn't want to see my reflection in the mirror, I already knew what it would say. I splashed some cold water on my face and continued to sob silently. Breathe Bella. I felt my body start to shake and headed for the toilet and emptied the little contents in my stomach. I hadn't been eating much so I was just heaving dry air. God, I hated this; my head hurt, my mouth felt like ass and I was panting harshly. I laid my cheek against the cold floor and continued to try and calm myself.

"… I'm doing you and your fucking father a favor…your father…committing crimes…" God I just kept replaying his words in my head over and over again. I shook my head slowly against the bathroom floor as if trying to get rid of that memory.

"…you are bound to me now for as long as I fucking want…you are my wife now."

No. God please stop this. I could still feel his hands gripping my arms harder and harder. I felt my stomach flip again and went to the toilet once more. I laid there for a while just breathing. I closed my eyes tightly as if trying to get rid of those memories. What a pair we were, fighting in the middle of the living room, just hours after we got married. I felt exhausted and drained but I knew I couldn't go back to sleep. I needed some fresh air, maybe I could go outside for a walk. Yeah, I needed that.

And lying here on the floor wasn't going to make things any better. I got up and brushed my teeth. As I made my way back into the bedroom, I remembered the only clothes I had with me were the ones I was wearing. Oh, and that stupid wedding dress on a pile on the floor. I guess my sweat pants and hoodie would have to do. All my things as well as my truck were still in the motel. A trip down there had to be made, I had to pack. I know I should have packed earlier, I guess I was just waiting to see how all of this would enfold, and it seemed deep down I hoped we wouldn't have to live together. I had nothing with me, I was lucky I even had the idea of packing something to get out of that dress, otherwise I'd still be stuck in it.

I slowly opened the door and went into the living room. Apparently I was too busy fighting him last night because I didn't notice the dozens and maybe hundreds of boxes gathered by the corner of the room. Great, wedding gifts. I decided to ignore them and went searching for a pen and paper. If he woke up I didn't want him to flip out and have me killed. I found one on the kitchen counter and just wrote "went for a run." He didn't deserved more from me right now.

I took a look around the apartment, it just seemed so lifeless; that crapy motel room had more life than this. I mean, it was a beautiful place, but it still lacked that something…that warmth that homes usually had. I walked toward the door, unlocked it and right before I opened it, the most awful sound in the word went off. Apparently he had an alarm system. Great, I was aiming for a stealth exit; maybe he'd go into work I wouldn't have to run into him. No such luck. I had to cover my ears to protect them from the loud noise. The door to his bedroom opened and he appeared looking disorientated and with an alarmed look on his face. His eyes landed on me and the opened and his face transformed into one of anger. He walked to where I was standing and right next to the door was the alarm control, he entered a code and the sound went away.

He took a step back, closed the door and glared at me, his fisted his hand at his sides and his mouth was set in a grim line. Crap, he looked really pissed, just what I needed.

I started to open my mouth and explained myself, but he raised one finger as if to shut me up.

"Are you running away or something?" he hissed.

"Of course not."

"Then would you mind explaining what were you doing?" I think he was trying to control himself so he wouldn't start yelling.

"I was going for a run." I said softly, I didn't have the strength to put a fight with him. Not this early, not after the way I woke up today. Hell, if he wanted to yell at me he could, I was way too tired to answer back.

"Do you think I'm that stupid? You were going for a run at 4 am?" he took a step closer to me and I instinctively took a step back.

"Yes, I couldn't sleep and I needed some fresh air, look…" I went to get the note from the kitchen counter and showed it to him. "I wasn't running away". He just took one glance at it and looked right back at me. His face seemed to soften a little and he took a deep breath. He ran a hand through his hair and went into the kitchen without another word. He opened the cabinets' doors as if looking for something. He pulled out a little box and set it aside. Next he opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. He then turned towards the stove oven and pulled out a small pot.

What was he doing? That was it? He was just gonna let it slide this like that? He answered my unspoken questions.

"You can't go out at this hour; it's not safe out there. If you really want some fresh air I have a balcony here. And I'm making you some tea, that way you could try and go back to sleep."

What?

"You don't have to do that, I'll make it myself if you want to."

"It's okay, I'll do it."

Wow. I just stood there in the middle of the living room staring at him. One moment he was pissed and didn't believe a word I said and the next he was making me tea. So I could try and get some sleep. I sat down on the couch carefully and watched him work. He poured the tea into a mug and brought it to me.

"Maybe this will help."

"Thank you." I took it from his hands and took a small sip. Hot.

"Um…so I'll leave the elevator and alarm codes so you won't have any kind of trouble with the apartment. I'll also leave my cell number and the office number as well… in case you have any problem you can call me."

Right. When did he become Mr. Good anyway? A mystery man he was, I didn't know him for long and it was extremely hard to figure him out.

"Okay" I whispered. "Um, if you want we could maybe, um talk about how this is going to work, I think it would be better for us to…" God, to what? Stay the hell away from each other as much as possible? "Well, to figure out each other's schedule so we won't have to run into one and other more than necessary."

That didn't sound good even to my own ears. His face hardened and he became stoic, and that was all it took to get him back into his weird mood. It was the truth though; I mean what did he expect? For us to become a family?

"Whatever" he said dismissively.

"I'm just trying to make this as easy as possible for both of us…" I trailed off. I had already tried to make this point before.

"Whatever." He almost barked the word out. He turned to his bedroom and slammed the door shut. I cringed. Great Bella. That's what you get for speaking your mind. But I did believe that was necessary, this was hard enough as it was, why put us both through more hardship than we had to endure already? Then maybe, just maybe, we could be a little less unhappy.

I sighed and went back into the bedroom. Guess I was stuck here for now. I wasn't planning on pissing him off anymore right now. I set the mug on the bedside table and flopped down on the bed. TV would have to do for now. I navigated through the channels like a thousand times and to my not-so-surprise there was nothing interesting at this hour. But I needed the noise otherwise I'd just feel too lonely. I sat there for hours maybe, trying to not think about anything in particular. A hard task to accomplish since I had entirely to much to think about. My life and what I was going to do with it now that I was a married woman. _Ugh_.

The thought of maybe taking some time off from work to deal with adjusting to my new life was now out of the question. I'd probably go mad with nothing to do. And let's face it I needed the money, because I certainly wasn't going to ask _him _to support me, I had at least that much dignity left. And there was something else to consider in all this. The living expenses. Was I going to pay rent? Utilities? Groceries? Those were expenses that I had to think about now. I mean I don't think he ever had to worry about how to survive financially, he had money but I didn't. That's why I wanted to talk things through, I would have to bring it up again. Great.

Sometime later I heard him moving around the apartment, turning lights on, opening and closing doors, probably getting ready to leave. But I didn't think this would be a good time to mention the subject again, he might still be mad and I didn't want to get to it now. Deep down I just knew I was stalling and waiting for him to leave so I could leave too. I tried to listen to what he was doing, but he didn't make much noise. Then, as I thought he was leaving, he came and stood outside my door for a few seconds. I could see his shadow through the bottom of my door. Was he going to knock or just burst in here demanding God knows what from me? I just sat there immobile, I tried really hard to breathe quietly, I wanted him to think I was sleeping, maybe that way he'd leave me alone.

And he did, the shadow was gone, but I didn't want to risk it, so I waited a few more minutes before I went out there. I peeked out the door and yep, he was gone. I grabbed my purse and just as I was making my way to the door, I remembered the alarm. Did he leave the codes he said he would? Maybe he decided not to and I would have to jump through the balcony to leave this place.

_Yes Bella, jump from the 30__th__ floor._

"Shit."

I started looking for the freaking codes, or at least his fucking cell phone number so I could call him. But then I'd have to explain why I needed the code and risk him saying no. God, this was even worst than having to ask my father for permission, at least Charlie had a right to deny it, _he _didn't. Not that I'd listen to him anyway, but it would avoid me the headache of having to set off the alarm again, and maybe the embarrassment if the police was called. _Find the codes Bella, find the codes. _I didn't have to look around for much, because he did keep his word and left a list with a bunch of numbers on it. The code to the elevator, to the alarm, to the parking garage, his cell number, his office number, his parents' number, his sister's number. There was some sort of small control remote and some keys. I almost laughed out loud, he was a freak apparently. And a mystery once again. What I didn't found amusing in the least was the fucking credit card laying there on the kitchen counter along with the security number to it.

Seriously? What did he expect me to do with this crap? Use it? Because I wouldn't. Never. I had my own money and it may not be much, but it was mine, and I didn't need him to support me in any way. Was it an ego thing? Did he need to feel superior than me? Fuck it.

_Maybe he's trying to be helpful. _Another part of my brain was telling me. But I didn't believe it, I refused to. He was still pissed remember? He definitely wasn't pissed he was just trying to rub it in my face.

I got the alarm code in and I was free it seemed. I did the same with the elevator and went towards the street. Fresh air finally.

I called work and told my boss the deal for the day, and as nice as ever she told me not to worry and to take the day off. That was one of the many perks about my job, having someone to stand by you when you need it the most.

I walked around for a few blocks and tried to relax. I would have to learn how to do it unless I wanted to die of a heart attack at 22. Finally I took a cab to the motel and as soon as I arrived I started packing. I had a lot of crap apparently, and this was going to take some time. Fortunately I hadn't unpacked some of the bigger boxes and they were still loaded in the truck. And this time it was my life the one reduced to a few boxes and bags. I dreaded ten times more packing from this place than I did when I packed to leave Charlie's house. I guess my mind knew where I was going this time, and it didn't like it.

All my life was stuck in this few boxes. My books, my music, my memories. Everything and nothing at the same time. There was nothing left at Charlie's, just like there was nothing left of me. Being in this place made me think of everything I had lost, and maybe a little bit of what I'd surely loose from now on. And like everything else these days I looked at it and couldn't understand it, couldn't concentrate on it, couldn't recognize it. But the sad thing was, I think this place felt more like home that his apartment would ever feel.

These mood swings were giving me a headache, I was jumping up and down all over the place, from angry, to pissed, to sad. It was driving me insane and since there was nothing left to do, I was blaming it all on him. As the day went on, I started getting mad for no reason at all it appeared. I was frustrated and piss and mad. He was doing this to me, he was starting to mess with my head, and I couldn't let that happen. But my anger was not directed only at him, but at the world, and me. Why? I didn't know anymore. I wasn't sure.

-o-

I was driving in circles around Escala, I was looking for a parking space and there _were_ a few spots available, I just didn't want to leave my truck parked where someone could just steal my stuff. And besides I didn't even know if I could start moving into the apartment, maybe he didn't want my crap there. This is why I wanted to talk to him, perhaps I had chosen the wrong words to tell him, but still, I needed to know what to.

I finally decided on a spot right in front of the main door. I made my way upstairs and when I finally made it to the door, I remembered I had no keys with me. How was I going to get in there? I remember there were some keys on the kitchen counter, were those it? _Fuck Bella! _I didn't think he was back from work already, but I decided to knock and try my luck.

And to my surprise he _was_ here. He opened and the first thing I noticed was his hair standing in all direction, as usual. He looked at me with a mix of surprise and confusion.

"Why are you knocking?" he asked.

I frowned. "Um… was I not supposed to?" Even that bothered him? God, what the hell?

"No, I mean, why didn't you take a set of keys? I left them right with the other things."

Because I was stupid, that's why I didn't take them, I was so busy with my fucking rant that I forgot. Besides I didn't know they were for me, for all I knew he had forgotten them.

"I don't know." What else could I say anyway? He stepped aside and let me in. He went to sit on the couch; there were some papers on the coffee table he picked them up and started to read them. He was working. Did he do that often?

"I know you used the codes because the alarm didn't activate, but you didn't take the credit card I left either." He was focusing on his papers and wasn't looking directly at me.

"I know." I was still standing in the middle of the room not knowing what to do, feeling like some stranger invading somebody else's house.

"Care to tell me why that is." He _was _looking at me now, he seemed calmed so I decided to take advantage of that and tried to answer as truthfully as possible.

"I didn't want to, I don't need it." Wow, so much for honesty. My speech skills were reduced to nothing when I was around him. It intimidated me, _he_ intimidated me. And actually scared me a little bit.

"You need to give me something more here, Isabella." He put his papers down. "The '_I don't know' _and_ 'I don't want to' _won't work here anymore. I thought about what you said this morning and you're right, we do need to talk about how this is going to work."

This is what I had been expecting all day long, for us to figure out how this was going to play out. Then why all of the sudden I felt nervous? Was he going to demand something that I just wasn't willing to do?

"Um…okay."

"Okay." He said. He scooted forward on the couch and started again. "Do you wanna sit down?" he motioned to the love seat in front of him. I considered this. It couldn't hurt right? It wasn't like he was asking me to sit right next to him, and besides the coffee table was between us just in case. I moved forward and sat there.

He took a deep breath and continued. "First of all and like I said, I gave some thought to what you said earlier and I agree, we do have to talk." He sighed. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not your enemy here, I only did what I thought was best for your father's wealth being."

I snorted. Sure.

He looked at me wide eyed and I could see he didn't appreciate the sound. He relaxed a bit and went on. "Anyway, I don't think there is any point in discussing our arrangement anymore. It's done and I think we need to work on the details." I wanted to roll my eyes at him.

Easy for him to say. "Fine, what do you have in mind?"

"I want you to feel comfortable here, this is your house now too Isabella. Take everything you need to make your life as easy as possible, I mean it."

Right. Was he kidding? Like that was just so _easy_. This wasn't my house and it was never going to be. Where was all of this coming from? I knew I had asked for this but this was not what I expected.

"Or maybe…" he continued. "Um… maybe you would like to get another house? I know I said you could choose one and I meant it, but if you wanna live here for a little while then we could do it, whatever you want it's fine."

Wow. He seemed really nervous about all of the stuff he was saying. He was twisting his hands on his lap and was looking down at the floor.

"Whatever. I don't really care where we live." I said finally. He stared at my face for a moment, maybe trying to figure the best way to approach this with me, I knew I wasn't making this easy.

"Fine, then we'll live here for a while until I figure out if we move out or not, is that okay?"

"Fine." I didn't care where I would serve my sentence.

"I think we should move all of your stuff in here, we could go to the motel tomorrow if you want…" he trailed off. I think he was asking if he could go with me. Getting my opinion in all of this. But instead of being grateful or thankful, I was just getting upset. He was acting so strange. There was a huge difference between being polite and being overly nice and it was making me nervous. And honestly it was making me want to cry.

_God Bella, would you rather him being a bastard to you? _Good point. _Cooperate_ _Bella, come on!_

"I already did that, I packed today."

He raised his eyes from the floor and turned to look at me with surprise in his eyes and frowned, he looked towards the room I slept in and then turned back at me. "I didn't see any of your stuff in here."

"They're not here, I left them in my truck, it's parked right out front. I just needed to know where to put them all." _I didn't know if you would make me put them in some dirty ass closet. And I didn't know if you were going to force me to sleep in your room. _I wanted to say, but I refrained myself. I didn't want to make this any more uncomfortable than it needed to be.

"Oh okay, I'll help you get them in here, let's go." He got up from the couch and made a move to leave, but I stopped him. We weren't finished.

"Look that can wait, I still have so many questions about this." He walked back to his part of the living room and sat down. He looked really eager, maybe he was seeing something in me after all that made him that way.

"Go ahead, please." He motioned with his hand. I looked at his face, he looked so…so…hopeful. His green eyes were telling me all of the things his words wouldn't. He was telling me he wanted to live this life, to have me as his wife a much as possible. Like this was some breakthrough we were having in our lives. And that only sadden me even more. Looking at his face like that made me want to cry more, because I realized in that moment that I had become a monster too. I resented the fact that maybe he could be happy about this, that maybe he could expect something from me that would never happen, when all I could feel was sorrow, loss…and hate.

I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. "How much money am I going to pay you every month? For living here I mean."

It was like I had slapped him right in the face, his eyes widened and he looked paler. I don't think he was expecting this. And I didn't think I had asked such a horrible question, but I guess he really felt that way given the expression on his face. He just sat there staring at me. I guess that little hope disappeared right away. And it sickened; I could feel the tears just waiting for a chance to be free, but I wouldn't let them. Not right now, not in front of him.

"I need to know how much money it will be. I don't think I could afford the rent on this place so if you could just tell me what my share will be…just so I can start saving up. I don't even know if this place is yours, so if you have a mortgage I need you to tell me. And I need to know what utilities I'll be paying." I just kept on and on, and he just stared at me, like I was speaking some foreign language. "And like I said this morning I need to know what your schedule is so that…"

"STOP" he yelled. I flinched from the sound. "Just fucking stop fucking talking." Shit, he was pissed again. I made him like that. That's what you get for talking Bella, him flipping out on you once again. I wonder how many times a day could I make him like that.

"Of all the fucking things I was expecting to listen from that little pretty mouth of yours, that wasn't one of them." I didn't think it was possible but his voice was getting louder and louder with each word he spoke. His nostrils were flared and he punched the couch with his fist. Deep down I knew this was coming, I saw it on his face before it happened, maybe this was some weird way to sabotage myself and always try to get my frustrations out by fighting him. But right now I didn't know any other way.

"What were you expecting from me then?" my voice was small, I doubted he could even hear me.

He sighed and ran his right hand trough his hair. He laughed humorlessly and answered. "I was maybe hoping that with time we could get along like normal human beings, that we could be friends even. I wasn't expecting for you to fucking made all of this into some fucking business deal."

My eyes widened. _What? _

I stood abruptly from where I was sitting. "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you seriously expect after all the shit you said that day, that I could just get pass the fact that you practically blackmailed me into marrying you? Seriously?" I was the one yelling now. "You must be fucking stupid to think that for even one minute I could see you as something different than the man that put a price to my father's life."

He stood up too and passed the coffee table and stood right in front of my face. "I did this for you and your father, I really meant well when…"

"It doesn't count. It doesn't fucking count that you meant well, any of this doesn't fucking count because the only choice you gave was to fucking marry you and tied me to a life I didn't want. I accepted, I know, but what else could I do. Just last night you made it perfectly clear that you were doing me a fucking favor, so don't expect me to treat you any other way than you absolutely deserve."

He blanched at my tone. God how dare he look offended?

"I…I…" he started to say, like trying to find the words to explain what he was feeling. But I didn't want to listen anymore.

"Don't, just don't." I walked to the door. I needed to get my stuff in here now before the sky opened and started to rain.

"Bella…" he whispered. I stopped in my place, but didn't turn around. I had never heard him use that name with me, I didn't even know he knew what I liked to be called.

"I know this could be different, if we tried we could make this more simple and easy." I heard him take a breath. "I feel desperate, I wanna make things at least a little bit better. I feel like we could maybe try to be civil to each other. I feel devastated."

I turned my head to look at him. I did see the truth on his eyes. And for the first time I felt like I was seeing into his soul, that for the first time he was showing me a piece of his heart. But I couldn't force myself to feel sympathy for him. I couldn't and I wouldn't. Maybe before I'd feel something different, but not now.

"Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve."

**There. Don't hate on Bella, try to understand her.**

**Next update probably in a week, or less. Review please.**


	7. Not family

**HI everyone, I'm back. Thank you all for being so nice to me.**

**Updates will be about a week apart. Sometimes less, I hope. Enjoy!**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

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I was sitting on the bedroom floor. I leaned back against the bed and sighed. I hated packing, but unpacking was the worst thing ever. I had managed to get all my stuff from my truck in here, with the resourceful help of my now new found friend Mr. Jones. He was the building's elderly manager and after he saw me struggling with some of the bigger boxes he offered his help. I really did need someone to help me with that, after all how much weight could I actually hold? I could barely hold myself up, let alone a bed side table I kind of stole from Charlie's.

"_Please dear, let me get that for you. A young girl as yourself shouldn't be doing all of this on her own". He said kindly. He took the box from my hands and placed them in some sort of cart, like the ones in the hotels._

"_Thank you so much."_

"_There's nothing to be thankful for, let me help you with the rest of your things."_

And that's how I found myself with all my crap scattered around the bedroom. Our exchange hadn't been the most talkative to happen in the world, but right now I'd take anything I could get on the friend department, even if that came from a 70 year old man. The awkward part was when he asked why I was moving into the building. I knew if I said I just got married yesterday, it would make Mr. Jones ask more questions that I wasn't ready to answer, not to him, not to anyone else. So I just went with "I'm starting a new life." I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, after all he was helping me move in, I just hoped that would be enough answer for him.

Not that I didn't have any volunteers to help me. After our fight, on one of my many trips to the bedroom carrying a huge box with books in it, _he_ offered to take it from me, and to carry my other stuff up here, but I passed, I didn't want anything from him. I wanted to feel as independent as I possibly could in this situation. And so I did it, I finished with all of it, it took me about two hours to have everything in this room. And now all there was to do was put some order in here. I didn't see him at all after that.

This bedroom was beautiful, I didn't have a chance to really admire it before, but still, like everything else in here, it felt cold. The walls were some kind of oyster color and the bedspread was some sort of shiny onyx tone. It was about the size of the top floor on Charlie's house, or maybe the size of three rooms in the motel. And yet it didn't have a lot of furniture in it. Maybe he used it as a guest room. The closets were empty, and there were a few dressers available. And if I'd ever been a guest here, I'd probably feel very welcomed. Except I wasn't a guest and I didn't feel welcomed. Tears starting to run down my face. I'd been avoiding to show any kind of emotion to appear strong and detached. But being here on the floor made me want to crumble and sob and cry my eyes out. I was getting tired of this, I've never been one to cry and now it seemed I cried every five fucking minutes. I opted for unpacking my clothes first and started putting them all on hangers in the closet and some others on the dresser.

After some time he came and knocked on my door. I wiped my tears and looked in the mirror. Shit. That was one of the downfalls of never crying, when I did my eyes got all puffy and my nose turned red. Great, just what I needed. I tried my best to look less like the crying martyr and more like the fucking angry wife. I went to the door and opened it. He was standing there looking kind of nervous, I guess I scared him a little after all. That thought made me feel a bit better. I blocked the entry to the bedroom, didn't want him coming in here.

What was it with him and all the staring? God, it unnerved me till no end. Why would he knock if he was just going to stand there?

"What?" I asked aggravated. He shifted from foot to foot. It was like he was preparing himself for a great battle.

"Um…I-I was thinking…um, maybe you'd like to…um, I have a spare parking space downstairs in the garage, maybe you'd like to park your truck there? Not that anyone would steal it out there, this is a safe neighborhood, it's just that sometimes it rains in the morning and you go to work and well you know…" he trailed off.

I certainly didn't see that one coming. I hated this, I hated him. I didn't know what he was trying to do, maybe he was trying to win me over but I didn't like it, I didn't want him to be _more _than he had to be, I didn't want him to make me like him. I knew I had to control this bitchy attitude but it was really hard to accomplish when all I wanted to do was hate him.

I tried to relax and answer as nicely as possible. "Thank you, I'll think about it." I already knew my answer and I had nothing to think about, but it was for the best to let him think I would.

"Oh okay, yeah okay, think about it." He was still standing there looking around. "Would you like me to help you unpack?" he asked.

I sighed. Didn't he see my answers coming already? I didn't want anything from him, I knew I had to make that perfectly clear.

"Really, it's fine, I don't need any help at all…with _anything_." Hope that was clear enough, otherwise I think a fight was coming our way, and two fights per day is more than I could ever handle.

"Fine" he turned and walked toward his own room. I closed my door and went to finish.

About three hours later I finally had finished putting everything away. I just needed to buy some lamps and maybe some candles. All of it was neatly placed and I was finally and officially moved in.

_Great! _

It was already dark out there and I was getting hungry. I couldn't go to the fridge and see if there was something to eat in there. It didn't feel right. I guess I had to go out and get something. I just dreaded going out there and running into him, but I guess I was going to have to get used to it. I grabbed my purse, took a deep breath and headed for the living room. He was sitting on the couch, reading again. He'd changed clothes apparently and looked more relaxed in jeans. He even looked younger like this, not so old and serious.

He noticed me standing there and looked up. "Are you going out?" he asked, he was staring at me from head to toe.

"Yes, I won't be long."

"Okay…um…" He wanted to say something, that was for sure, but he refrained himself. I didn't know what was to say. Maybe he wanted me to tell him where I was going or what I was going to do. I didn't have any intentions to tell him. He may be my _husband _but that was it. I took his silence as a confirmation. I turned and headed towards the hall. Right before I got outside I stopped in my place and turned my head to look at him.

The expression on his face took me off guard, not only because I couldn't put a name on it, but because there was so much emotion in his eyes that it scared me. I forced my eyes to focus on a spot on the couch next to him.

"Please consider what I said this afternoon…" I whispered. "About the money, I mean."

"I'll think about it." Yep, thought I'd get that answer, after all it was the same I had given him hours earlier, I just didn't know if it had the same meaning as mine.

I got outside and closed the door. I leaned against it and sighed. This was getting so hard and it was only day one. Most couples would be on their honeymoon right now, celebrating and loving each other till no end. Not like this, not like us, they weren't fighting about money and blackmail and stupid stuff that meant nothing and everything at the same time. Most couples were enjoying their new found life, not trying to figure out how to survive. We weren't most couples after all.

I made my way down the streets of the now chilly Seattle night. I was looking for something to eat, but ended up scaring my appetite away, I was getting a little nauseous actually, but was hoping the air would cool me down. And I couldn't go back up there, the less time I spent up there, the better.

I tried not to get so far away from the main building; after all I wasn't so familiar with this part of town. I found a small park and went to sit in a small bench and watched. Watched everything and everyone passing by. And it hurt. Everything hurt. That was the only thing I could focus on, literally. It all seemed to pass right in front of me, but my mind didn't know what it was, couldn't comprehend the meaning of what I was seeing. My mind only recognized the hurt and the pain.

But I had to get pass it. I had to deal with it and suck it up. The only thing was that I didn't want to do it alone. I really never needed a friend like I did at this moment.

-o-

ONE MONTH LATER

Bip. Bip. Bip.

Ugh, fucking alarm. I reach for it on the bed side table and turn it off.

It was getting harder for me to get some sleep. I'd been restless all night long, tossing and turning all over the bed. The nightmares were getting worst, and when I finally was able to get some sleep, the fucking alarm started ringing signaling it was time for me to get my ass up and go to work.

I turned on my back and stared at the ceiling. Every night I went to bed hoping and praying the next day would be better. Hoping to feel stronger, brighter, happier, just…alive. But it didn't happen. Every morning I woke up to the same feelings I had been carrying around for the past few months, I just didn't expect them to get worst.

I knew it was a process. The process of getting better, as people said. And it would be slow and I wasn't going to feel any better by the force of some freaking miracle, I knew the power of surfacing in all of this was in my hands. I just didn't have the strength to try. It was like being in the worst horrible nightmare anyone could ever imagine; there was something pulling me down and it wouldn't let go. And there was no one to wake me up. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I was falling into an abysm and I couldn't stop it.

I knew I was being a little pessimist and negative; some people had it worst than I did and it would do me no good to keep bitching, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help feel defeated. And what saddened me the most…I was getting depressed. Really depressed.

I sighed and got up. I went into the bathroom and got the shower running. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror, I had no desire to see what waited for me there. I threw my clothes on the floor and got into the shower. Such a big shower for just one person, useless.

When I was done I got changed, made the bed and did my hair. Routine. Just going trough the motions. After I was ready with all my stuff set, I braced myself for the inevitable and walked out there. He was standing in the stove with his back to me, preparing God knows what. I had finally figured out his work schedule and had managed to avoid him a little. I had seen him not more than fifteen times in the last month. Sometimes I even spent days without seeing him at all and that was fine by me. But sometimes he didn't stick to his hours and I finally ran into him, and every time we saw each other it only got worse and worse.

He turned around and found me standing there staring at him. He looked clean, fresh and specially bored and uninterested.

"Morning" I mumbled.

"Morning." He had just one plate on his hands and set it on the table. He was eating alone _again_. After days and days of him offering food and I _politely_ refusing to eat anything he made, he just stopped offering it. He sat down and started eating; he didn't look up from his food, so I knew that was the extent of our talk today. I looked away and headed for the door. I walked out of the building and felt like I could breathe again. I made my way into my truck and drove away.

I wasn't hungry anyway; it was a common thing these days. After that nasty fight we had a few days ago, I had lost my appetite completely.

_I finally made it into the elevator. I was so exhausted and tired, I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. It had been the longest day at work and after a few extra hours I gave up and decided to come back here. I made my way down the hall and right before I got to his apartment door, I remembered something. _

_Fuck! I forgot today I had to leave a check for him. He didn't say anything anymore about the money, and when I asked he just shook his head and left the room. I knew I should appreciate the fact that apparently he didn't want me to pay him for anything, but I didn't feel comfortable living off of him. So every Friday right before I went to work I left a check for him on the kitchen counter. But today I forgot to do it. I asked Mr. Jones if he could do me the favor of asking around the building to find out how much money people spent here. I almost fainted when I saw the number. There was no freaking way I could ever afford something like this place on my own. So I just wrote the amount I thought was reasonable, since he wasn't going to tell me how much. And also one that left me with some money to still be able to eat. And he said nothing about it, and when I came home and there was nothing on the counter, I assumed that was his way of being okay with it. _

_I used my keys this time and got in, I wanted to go straight to my room but he was kind of blocking my way. He was already here which was unusual on a Friday night so I just went into the kitchen to drink some water and to buy some time honestly. _

"_I know, I know Alice…yeah but…I really don't think…because…God Alice, would you let me speak?" he was talking on his cell phone, apparently with his sister. He finally moved from his place and I took my chance and made my way into my room, I closed the door and flopped face up on the bed with my legs hanging off the edge. _

_I even forgot about his family. I forgot that unlike my family they were still in touch with him. God, wrong train of thought. _

_I laid there for a few minutes before he came knocking on my door. What did he want now? I slowly got up and waited a few seconds to open the door. For a minute there I consider not opening it, but I knew that wouldn't work, it would only make me look like a brat. _

_He stood there running a hand through his hand, and even that gesture bothered me. Poor hair. _

"_We were invited to a family dinner in my mother's house and I think we have to go." he said in a rush._

_What? I couldn't deal with this now. I couldn't._

"_I don't wanna go" _

_He sighed. "What else is new Isabella…" he said exasperated. "But we have to, I've already said no enough times as it is and I don't want them to think something's strange here."_

"_Strange? Why would they think something's strange here?" I said sarcastically. I was being a bitch and I knew it, but I didn't want to deal with his crap or his family's crap for that matter. Maybe I was a brat after all._

"_Whatever…I already said yes, so you're coming, whether you want to or not." He turned to his bedroom and left me standing there and right before I was going to slam the door as hard as I dared he came back and put his hand in the middle to stop me from doing so._

"_I don't want you to be rude to them, they have done absolutely nothing to you…so behave" and with that he finally left._

_What the fuck? He was giving me orders now? Behave? It was one thing for me to think I was being a brat, but another thing entirely was for him to treat me like one. God, these moments made me hate him even more. _

_-o-_

_I sat in the passenger seat of his car, while he went to get some flowers to bring his mom, and apparently I had to deliver them to her…and with a smile on my face. _

_Great!_

_He came back and handed me a small bouquet of white lilies, they were quite beautiful actually. It confused me for a second. I mean it made me believe he really cared about his mother, and that wasn't an emotion I was familiar with when it came to him. It was obvious that his family meant a lot to him, since this charade was all for their benefit._

_He sped away and not a word was said. The whole drive I gazed out the window and watched the trees become just a green blur. _

"_I told my family we went on a honeymoon and that we just got back." he spoke after a few minutes._

_Seriously? I didn't know why it still surprised me. I wonder what else did he tell them?_

"_I said we went to Paris." I still gazed out the window. Wow, I had no intention of replying to that. What the fuck could I say? I love it honey? I wished we could have gone for real? Ugh!_

"_I'm just telling you so you'll know and they don't catch you off guard. They can be a little…insistent." _

_I rolled my eyes. I knew he couldn't just go to his family and say 'hey everyone I got married to the bitch here because I blackmailed her so that her father could be free and live'. But to keep up this fucking farce in front of them, it seemed ridiculous. _

"_You could at least answer me you know. Why it hurt you so much to say a few words a day in my presence?" he sounded frustrated. _

"_Okay, I heard you." I murmured. I still didn't look his way. _

"_You're such a child, did you know that?" he hissed. What the fuck was his problem? First he was trying to be my friend, then he got mad when I talked back, then he got mad when I didn't. And now he was insulting me. Make up your mind!_

"_Okay." I answered. I had nothing else to say._

"_Okay." He repeated exasperated._

_We arrived at his house and unlike last time were greeted by his father. He motioned us inside and gave his son a hug. They whispered some things I couldn't hear and then released each other. He then turned to me and smiled._

"_Hello Isabella, it's good to see you. How was France?"_

'_I wouldn't know' I wanted to say. "Great Mr. Cullen." He took my hand and led me to the living room where everyone else was sitting. _

"_Carlisle please." I just smiled awkwardly. Everyone greeted me warmly and I took that as my chance to give Esme the flowers, she loved them._

"_It's very sweet of you both." Actually it's very sweet of your son, but whatever. Alice approached me and tugged on my arm._

"_Come Bella, sit with us, you have to tell us all about Paris." She led me towards the couch where Emmett's wife was sitting. Alice practically sat me in the middle of them and I could actually feel the glare Rosalie was giving me._

"_So tell me, how was it?" she looked really exited and eager. I had only spent a few seconds with her and I could tell she was a force of nature. I wish she could share some of that with me._

"_It was great Alice, awesome." I didn't even believe it. I really tried to give her a genuine smile but I'm sure it came out as a grimace. _

"_Ugh." Rosalie said as she got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. I guess I wasn't her favorite person in the world. Well join the club sister, there's a line and it ain't short. _

"_Don't pay attention to her, Rosalie can be difficult in the beginning but once you get to know her she can be pretty nice." She was trying to defend her, I didn't blame her for it, she had every right to. In fact I didn't know why Alice was being so nice to me, she didn't know me, I was as much as a stranger to them as they were to me._

"_Okay"_

_Esme summoned everyone to the dining table and dinner began. This time wasn't that much different from the last. Everyone talked and smiled to each other with so much love and adoration, it made me want to throw up a little. And I didn't remember if that happen last time, but now I saw my 'husband' interact even more with his family. He didn't look exactly happy per se, but he didn't look miserable. He looked at peace, the frown on his forehead was gone and I could see a small smile playing around on his lips. Maybe he really missed them and being stuck in that apartment with me was making him miserable like it did me. But that was his choice, not mine, so I guess we were both stuck. I hadn't seen that side of him ever; I guess it just surprised me a little. We all finished our food and I helped Alice cleaned the table. Everyone else gathered in the huge living room as we stayed cleaning a bit. Alice didn't ask any more questions, she just kept talking and talking about how great Jasper was. I hummed and nodded in the right moments when necessary. We finished in the kitchen and went to join the others. I sat down next to Alice as everyone else was in front of us. _

"_Isabella, did you enjoy Paris? Carlisle took me there when we got married and it was magical." Esme was the first one to address me. And as soon as she spoke everyone on the room grew quiet._

"_Yes Mrs. Cullen, it was beautiful." I was getting kind of worried about the attention placed on me all of the sudden. I didn't want to screw anything up._

"_Tell me everything, where did Edward take you?" she sounded so interested. And I had to face it, the only thing I knew about France was about the Eiffel tower and that was about it. I was a small town girl, who read too many fucking romance novels and went to school and got good grades. Fucking novels didn't do me any good now._

"_Um…" I looked down and started twisting my hands in my lap._

"_You know mom, the usual places…" the hubby cut in and kind of saved my ass, or saved his own ass for that matter. He started telling everyone the places we visited, the museums we admired, the food we ate and some other shit I just didn't care about. He was a good liar, I had to give him credit for that. Better than I was anyway._

_I looked up and saw Rosalie watching me with an odd expression. Like if she was trying to see into my mind or something, and then she spoke._

"_So _Isabella_, I hear you write for a living, is that true?" _

_Odd look, odd question, what did that have to do with our 'honeymoon'?_

"_Um…yes, kind of…" _

"_And do you live off that?" I was getting confused, what was her point?_

"_I'm not sure I understand…"_

"_I mean does it pay well?" I frowned. What kind of question was that? Why did she care if I earned enough or not?_

_Emmett put a hand on hers and whispered something to her ear. She raised an eyebrow as if waiting._

"_I don't think that's any of your business actually." _

"_Well it is when you married my brother in law." She was getting aggravated about this._ _I took a deep breath, I had to stay calm otherwise hell would explode. I wasn't in the mood to put up with her shit. Everyone else just looked at us, but no one said a thing._

"I _married him, not you, so please…"_

"_Isabella, Rosalie, please, let's talk about something else." Esme interrupted me. She looked at us imploringly. I didn't dare to look at him._

"_No Esme, I think this needs to be said. I just think is way too convenient that they got married right after Edward got his inheritance." Okay, that was fucking it._

"_Listen Mrs. I'm-too-good-for-you, I have no obligation to explain myself to you or to anyone else for that matter, but I didn't know anything about what you just said. And for your information he doesn't give a single dollar and I haven't asked for it. So I recommend you to watch what you say next time, because I won't care if Carlisle and Esme are in the room and I won't be so polite about it."_

_I stood up quickly; I wasn't going to stand here anymore. I looked at Esme apologetic. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Cullen, goodnight…" I turned to the husband and he looked pissed. "I'll wait for you in the car." And I left._

_I got into the car and tried to control my anger. I actually behaved myself quite well, before I would have beaten her ass even if she was a foot taller than me. he took about fifteen minutes before he came into the car. He started the engine and sped away. I knew he was pissed, he was going 80 MPH and was gripping the steering wheel really hard._

_As soon as he parked in the underground garage, I made my way into the apartment and didn't wait for him. I went into my room and slammed the door closed. As soon as I sat on the bed he started pounding on the door, it looked like he was going to tear it down._

"_Open the fucking door Isabella." He was shouting through the door. God, I didn't want to deal with this now. "Open the fucking door or I swear to God I'll knock it down." Yeah, like that was gonna make me want to open it more._

"_What do you want? I don't want to talk to you." I was shouting now too. _

"_I don't care if you don't fucking want to talk. Open this fucking door NOW." He kept pounding on the door. God, it had never been like this, I was actually afraid of opening it and what I'd find on the other side. And it looked like he wasn't going to stop, so it seemed I had no other choice. I turned the lock and stepped back to the far corner; he opened it and came into the room. He looked vivid, his nostrils were flared and his eyes were wide, they locked on mine and strode towards me._

"_What the fuck were you thinking doing that?" I flinched from having his voice so close to me. _

"_Doing what? Defending myself? She practically called me a gold digger."_

"_I don't fucking care what she called you. She could have called you a fucking whore and you would have to just suck it up." Asshole._

_I raised my hand and slapped him right on the face. "Don't you fucking dare insult me, do you hear me?"_

_He looked surprised by my action. He grabbed my chin with his hand and squeezed. Hard. _

"_But it is okay for you to start fucking bitching in front of my mother? For you to insult my family as you wish. You are not a part of us get that through your fucking head." My chin started trembling, my neck was getting hot and I could feel the tears right on the edge of my eyes. But I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't give him that satisfaction._

"_I didn't bitch…" I whispered._

"_Listen to me, and listen carefully. I am sick and fucking tired of your fucking attitude. You're fucking stuck with me whether you want it or not, and you better start thanking me for every little thing I have NOT asked from you, because then you would really have a fucking reason to be a fucking bitch all the time." _

_He let go of my chin and walked away, he slammed my door and I dropped to the ground on the spot. And I started sobbing. I pulled and pulled at my hair, hard; trying to get rid of the desperation I felt. I was so frustrated. And angry and just…sad._

"_Fuck you Edward Cullen."_

A car honking startled me. The light had turned green. I sped forward and continued driving.

I really didn't know what I was expecting. For him to defend me just because I was his wife? Not likely Bella. Every single thing about this was wearing me out. The fights were _so_ bad, that afterwards they let my head hurting. I went through so many emotions in one day it was ridiculous. I knew what we were doing wasn't living. It was either not talking at all or fighting like crazy people, there wasn't a point in the middle. Sometimes I even thought about being nice to him, about being cordial and acting like a civil person. Maybe try to get along like human beings, some days I did want to…other days I didn't. And just wanted to hate his guts out. This situation was nothing but stressful and I was slowly burning out. Burning out of energy, of strength…of just me.

-o-

"Hey Bella, these are the lasts scripts of the day. You can go over them tomorrow, it's raining out there so you should head home now." Carmen handed me a bunch of folders and notes and stood just outside of my office.

"Okay, thank you, I'll get on it."

"Tomorrow Bella, I mean it." She said sternly. I think she knew I had been working overtime this past few weeks and tried to look after me.

"Okay Carmen."

"Okay then, see you tomorrow." She walked away and left. I was the last one at the office at this hour. I got extremely tired being here all day long, but I preferred spending my time here than at the apartment.

I left about an hour later. I didn't finish all the things I had to go through but I was tired and kind of hungry. I locked up the place and headed to my truck. Maybe I could stop by Taco Bell and order something. I really was getting hungry and that was new lately. It was pouring outside so I tried to cover myself with my purse and hurried down the street to where I had parked. I stopped dead in my tracks when I looked up.

"Fuck."

My truck was gone.

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Review please.


	8. Discoveries and false promises

**Hey everyone. I'm back.**

**Thank you all for beingo so nice. I hope you enjoy this one.**

**Remember, all the things Bella is feeling here, are because of what she's living. That's her way to react to everything around her. Nuff said.**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

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Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

It was just fucking gone.

I scanned the small parking lot again; maybe I had missed it before with all the rain and the darkness.

It wasn't here, that was for sure.

Maybe it was towed. Yeah that could be it. They tow cars all the time right?

But deep down I knew that wasn't the case. I hadn't parked anywhere I wasn't supposed to, and there weren't any parking meters around here or something else that could get it towed.

Maybe I forgot to bring it. Maybe I took a cab here. I was forgetting things lately, getting easily confused, so it wouldn't surprise me if I forgot that I left it back at Escala.

Fuck. What the hell was I thinking? Of course I came here in it. Was it stolen? For fuck's sake, who would steal that fucking piece of crap? I mean, I knew people were kind of desperate in this economy, but to steal a 1969 old rusty Chevy truck? How much money could they get from selling it? It still amazed me how some people could be so mean spirited. God, who could do this? I was on the edge of tears. I gripped my hair and closed my eyes.

_Focus Bella._

Right. I had to stop crying every time something happened to me; it would get me nowhere. I had figured out I didn't work well under pressure; my mind seemed to block whenever something wasn't easy or accessible. I seemed not to be able to advance in situations where my state of mind and heart would get involved and compromised. So many things took my calm away, that when worse things happened, my world crashed.

I had to stop thinking about that shit. I stood there in the rain all this time looking at that empty parking space. I was soaked and needed to move from here. I came back towards the office building and stood outside. I took out my cell phone and dialed the police's number.

Forty long minutes later a police car arrived. The police officer couldn't be less than fifty years old and he looked kind of annoyed. He turned off the engine on his car and when he got down I saw he was wearing some kind of raincoat.

Lucky.

He came up to me and started talking. "Hello m'am, did you called to report a theft?" he couldn't sound any more bored. I guess they were used to this by now.

"Yes."

"Okay…" he took out a report sheet from under his arm and started writing. "What is your full name?"

"Isabella Marie Sw..." I stopped mid sentence. I really hadn't even thought about what my new name would entail. I had just signed the papers to get it all over with.

"Isabella Marie Cullen." I whispered. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Hearing that name leave my lips was a hard thing to bear. It was like I was finally acknowledging my reality and all the consequences that came along with it. It was just a freaking name but it still felt like the change was more drastic than just a different name. Isabella Marie Swan was gone now, and in her place was…well me.

"Okay m'am. I'm going to take your statement and fill out this report, I advise you to be as clear and detailed as possible with your information."

And so an hour and a half later I had signed as many papers as he asked. I gave him all the details I could. I came here from work, spent the entire day in there, not even coming out for lunch and now I was standing here truck-less. They had all my information and they would do everything in their hands to find my old truck. His words, not mine. I doubted they would ever find it. Not witnesses, no clues, nothing whatsoever. The police officer left without a second glace in my direction and I just stood there wondering how the hell I could get home. I could take cab, but at this hour? I didn't know if it was safe enough. But at the same time I couldn't just stand here and wait for the angels to come and save me. And I had to take advantage of the fact that it was only drizzling now.

I started walking, heading towards some of the crowded streets. I was exhausted and sad. This sort of thing could happen to anyone, but since it happened to me it felt even more personal. Like someone was out to get me. I started to get really cold and the only thing going through my mind was to call someone to pick me up. Except I couldn't call anyone, not my father, not Angela, not _him._

I looked for a cab for about twenty minutes, the rain making it hard for some vehicles to drive around. By this time there was not a spot dry on me. The cab driver gave me a dirty look when he saw what I looked like. I guess I was going to get his seat wet.

The whole drive I spent it looking down at my lap. I didn't know if it was the worst or the best part, but I wasn't angry or pissed at whoever stole the truck. Maybe they needed it more than I did. I just felt miserable at this moment.

I was a trembling mess when I arrived at Escala, I paid the cab driver and made my way into the building. My shoes were squeaking against the fancy tile floors and I had never felt so out of place here. All of the sudden I heard a voice behind me.

"Ms. Bella, what happened? You're all wet." I turned around and found Mr. Jones looking at me with concern.

"Um…nothing just…car problems."

"Oh. Do you need any help?"

"No Mr. Jones, everything is fine now, thank you."

"Okay then, but if you ever need anything you can give me a call." His kindness made me nostalgic; he remained me of my grandfather.

"Thank you." I made my way down the hall and entered the elevator.

I had to come up with some sort of a plan. I definitely would have to get up even earlier to be able to catch the bus on time. Once I figured out the busses routes, of course. I didn't plan on spending on cabs every day; I'd be broke by the end of the week. And of course my biggest mistake of them all, I didn't have an insurance policy.

Charlie had given me crap about only two things regarding that truck. Buy new tires and get insurance. So yeah, they took my truck and my new tires. I guessed I would have to cut back on my expenses even more and maybe save to try and buy another car. Great.

I got to the 30th floor, and as soon as I made my way out of the elevator, I heard someone shouting and I think it was coming from the apartment. God, what now? I slowly got close to the door and listened.

"What the fuck are you doing Edward? What are you doing with this? Huh? Answer me."

Who was that in there? I didn't recognize the voice. There was a pause and I didn't hear anything, but I guessed someone answered because the other person kept shouting.

"What the fuck does that mean?" said the other person.

"It means I don't fucking know, that's what the fuck it means." I finally heard the hubby.

"You can't go around fucking with people's life's like that, it's not what…"

"What the fuck do you want from me Jasper? What do you want me to do, I can't undo it." Jasper? What was Alice's boyfriend doing here yelling at him?

"I want you to stop to think for a second about what you did, about the all the things you're fucking destroying, Edward." His voice took a less aggressive tone but it was still firm.

"It's not of your fucking business; nothing I do is of your fucking business, so you better…"

"She's looking into this you know, she suspects something's wrong and if she keeps looking it up she'll find the truth…"

She? What the hell were they talking about? Everything in this freaking family had to be some sort of a mystery? There was a pause, I didn't know if they said anything else, until I heard Jasper again.

"You've become a monster Edward…you're becoming just like him…" The next thing I heard was some sort of a crack and it seemed all hell broke loose. I heard things crashing and being thrown maybe. This was getting bad. I took out my keys and opened the door.

The first thing I saw was _him _almost straddling Jasper and throwing punches to his face.

"Shit." If they heard me come in they didn't show any sign of it. Next thing I knew the tables were being turned and Jasper was on top all of the sudden throwing the punches. That set me off, I dropped my stuff on the floor and made my way to them.

"Stop, please Jasper, stop." I begged. He just kept hitting and hitting him. I ran my hands through my hair. I was getting frantic, I had to do something. So I did the only thing a girl could do when guys fight. I grabbed Jasper by the back of his shirt and pulled.

"STOOOP. Jasper." God, it was like I wasn't even trying. He just kept hitting him. I was gasping for air, I had never done this and I was getting kind of scared. "Stop. Stop. Stop." Nothing. I wasn't even sure they heard me. I decided to risk it and placed my other hand on his head and pulled his hair. Hard. That got his attention, because as soon as he felt the tug, he ran his left elbow right into my cheek. I gasp and staggered back. I felt the sting of the blow and my knees gave out and I dropped to the floor.

I saw as Jasper was thrown across the living room floor and the hubby got on top of him again. He started hitting Jasper again and again. God, if they kept this up they were gonna end up killing each other. I got up and made my way to them again. I know, stupid of me. This time I pulled on Edward's shirt and actually managed to break them apart. I pushed on his chest as Jasper got up from his residence on the floor. I stood between them and held my hands out to the side as if to stop them.

"Just stop, please." I said shakily.

"Listen to me you piece of shit, if you ever, ever touch her again I'll kill you. Do you hear me? I don't care if my sister's fucking in love with you. Do you fucking understand?" I finally took a good look at him. He looked like crap, his lip was swollen and blood was dripping from it. He had a cut right above one of his eyebrow and his nostrils were flared. To give it to Jasper he did looked like a monster, I had never seen him like this; I mean he'd been mad at me, but nothing like right now. I also got a look at Jasper, who honestly looked like a truck had run him over, he looked way worse that his opponent. He started speaking and took a step forward.

"It was a fucking accident asshole, if you weren't so caught up with yourself…"

"Fuck you Jasper." He raised his arm to point at Jasper's face. They were getting closer to each other, and I had a feeling they were gonna start going at it again soon. I had to calm things down. Now. I took a deep breath, looked into his green flaring eyes and spoke.

"Edward…stop, please." I whispered. He was looking at Jasper, but as soon as he heard my voice he looked at my face. I tried to stay as calm as possible and convince him with my eyes that it was okay. To say he looked surprised would be an understatement. So many emotions ran through his face in a just a few seconds. Confusion, awe and above else, acknowledgment. He realized in that moment that since the wedding day, I hadn't said his name. I had purposely avoided to even think about his name. He immediately relaxed a little and his features softened, the frown wasn't completely gone from his face but at least he looked more like a person. He turned to look at Jasper and spoke.

"Get the fuck out." He said menacingly.

"Edward, you have got to…" he was interrupted again.

"Get the fuck out, I won't say it again. Leave." He hissed. I turned to Jasper and saw him looking at the man in front of him. He stood there for a while just staring. He blinked a few times and finally looked at me.

"I'm sorry Isabella." And with that he turned and left.

I took a shaky breath. Everything was coming back to me and I started trembling. From the cold, the adrenaline or the shock, I couldn't tell. My cheek started to hurt like hell. And my wet clothes were getting uncomfortable.

"Are…are you okay?" he whispered behind me.

I slowly turned to him. The blood from his brow started dripping on his face, and everything was getting swollen badly. As I made my way around him to get him some ice, he gently grabbed my arm and took a good look at me. He raised his hand and very softly with his knuckles he stroked the place Jasper had hit. It felt weird having him touch me like that.

"Does it hurt much?" he whispered. He was giving me the most intense look I had ever seen. I didn't know what his eyes were trying to tell me, and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out.

"I'm going to get some ice." I rasped. I freed myself from his hands and went into the kitchen. I took two wash clothes from the counter and filled each of them with some ice from the fridge, trying to make them into icepacks. He came back from his bathroom with an emergency kit. He sat on the couch with his head laid back and his eyes closed. I went to him and gave him one of the packs.

As I made my way to the loveseat in front of him he spoke. "Um…would you mind sitting here? I wanna make sure he didn't break anything." He looked really nervous when he said that.

I frowned. "How would you know that?" He was a business man; I doubted he knew anything about medical stuff.

He almost smiled. "My dad's a doctor remember? He taught me a thing or two about medicine."

Oh.

I didn't want to sit next to him, and I didn't want him to touch me. But the pain on my cheek was getting worse and it was expanding. And he was trying, I think. Maybe this was my opportunity to make things less crappy than they already were. And if I got really uncomfortable I could always get up and leave.

"Okay." He looked surprised; he was expecting me to say no, as always. I went to sit on the couch as far from him as I possibly could. All the time he didn't take his eyes off me. He scooted a little closer on the couch and raised his hand slowly as if trying to warn me he was gonna touch me. He started probing gently around my cheek and nose looking all business like. After a few minutes he dropped his hands and sighed

"Thankfully there's nothing broken. I think you'll just bruise a little, but you'll be fine." He said softly. "Just put some ice on it and it won't swell as badly. And apply this ointment gently, that way it will stop hurting sooner." He handed me some little tube with some cream. He grabbed the icepack from the coffee table and placed it on his lip.

"What…what about y-you? Does it hurt much? It looks terrible."

"I'm sure it looks worse than it is. I'll just clean it up and put some bandages on it." He grabbed the emergency kit and started working on himself. It looked like he'd done this before. For a stupid moment a stupid thought crossed through my mind. To help him. I mean, he couldn't really see what he was doing right? Maybe I could just hold a mirror for him to look in. God, what was I saying? I didn't know what came over me, but I refrained myself. It would do no good to either of us if I touched him.

"Why are your clothes wet?" he said as he applied more ice to his eyebrow.

God. I'd forgotten about that. "It's raining outside." He turned to look at me with an expression that said he didn't believe a word I had said, but decided not to say anything. I didn't want him to know about any of what had happened. I guessed there was nothing wrong with sharing things like that, but I didn't want him to know any more stuff than he already knew. I wanted to keep something to myself. Something he couldn't steal away. Even something so simple as my truck being gone.

"Why were you fighting with Jasper?" I asked back. I wanted to change the subject back to him.

He sighed and leaned back again. "It was nothing."

Right. That didn't look like nothing, but if he didn't want to tell me I couldn't force him. It wasn't like I was so ready to share information with him. He didn't owe me anything. But it kind of bothered me. I mean I got punched on the face because of his _nothing. _But what else could I do?

"I-I think I'm gonna head to the bedroom. I need to take a shower."

"Oh okay, yeah okay."

I got up from the couch and made my way into my room. I leaned against the door and try to keep my breathing regular. It wasn't every day where I got to see to man going at each other like animals. I got out of my dirty clothes and went into the bathroom to start the shower. I needed a bath before I got sick. I couldn't afford to be.

-o-

An hour later I was sitting on my bed combing my hair. I felt a little bit better and the pain had lessened a little. I would just have a huge bruise as a remainder. As I thought about everything that had taken place this evening panic began to rise in my head. Fuck. I had said his name.

Fuck. I had made a silent promise with myself. I would try to get as detached from this life as I possibly could. And that included him. That's why I reacted so badly when he suggested we should be friends. I didn't want to be his friend, I didn't want to be his anything. I had freaked out, I was afraid of what could happen, I was afraid Jasper would…what? Hurt him? What was it to me if he got hurt?

I didn't have an answer for that.

So I just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind to calm him down. His name. There was a soft knock on my door. I frowned. What now? I got up and opened the door slowly, best to get it over with. He stood there all patched up and clean.

"Um…are you busy? I was wondering if I could talk to you." Talk?

"I don't want to fight right now, I'm too tired and…"

"No, I'm not here to fight, I swear. I just want to talk to you about something." He rushed.

I sighed. "Okay"

I didn't want him to come into my room, so I made my way into the living room again. I sat down on the couch and brought my knees up to my chest. Thankfully he sat on the loveseat in front of me with his forearms on his thighs and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

Wow. Not what I was expecting at all. He stared at the floor when I didn't respond and continued. "I'm sorry for tonight, for the punch you got, for the things you probably heard, for…" he trailed off. I wasn't sure what he wanted to say, but I _was _sure I wasn't ready to hear it.

"It's okay, it's not like _you _punched me."

"I know, but still." He looked at me apologetic. "I'm sure it wasn't what you were expecting to see today." I shrugged.

He gazed at me intently and continued. "I-I also want-ted to as-ask you something." He stammered. It was weird seeing him like that. All those emotions were so different from what I was used to with him. They caught me off guard completely.

"I know you said you don't want to be friends, and I get and respect that. I do. I was just…thinking we…we…we could try and get along. Not friends of course, but at least be civil to one and other. Like you said one day, to try and make this easier on both of us…I-I, I'll promise…no I swear I'll try to do everything I can to…to get along with you. I'll try not to blow up like…" he stopped when he saw the face I made. "Well you know. I'll control it, I swear."

That was a lot of information to be this late. I didn't know what to say to that. _I'll think about it? _No, I had a feeling that would make matters worse. I actually didn't have an option here. I couldn't say no, things would go down the drain with that one. It may have been what I wanted at the beginning of all this. But it wasn't sure what I wanted now. All my heart knew this past few months since I met him was resentment, anger and sadness.

"Okay." I murmured. A small smile played on his lips. I decided to risk it, but I still had a lot of questions. What would civil entail?

"Okay. I want you to feel comfortable here. I don't want you eating take out. I cook and if you want to I could make something for you every morning."

"I'll think about it okay?"

He looked kind of rejected so I rushed to say. "Listen, there's still so much I have to get used to. This is all new to me, so don't expect me to be all happy and fluffy in a day." There, I was as truthful as I possibly could.

"Yeah, I get that…" he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and looked down.

"But I'll try." I murmured.

He looked up again and his face light up. Not like a morning Christmas smile, but it was still a good smile. A hopeful smile. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I needed to at least try.

"Okay, I'm going to bed now." I got up from the couch and just as I was about to get into the bedroom I remembered something I had been meaning to ask him since Jasper left. I turned on my spot and spoke. "Hey, when I tried to pull Jasper to get him off you…well I couldn't do it. But when I pulled on your shirt, you just gave in. I know I'm not that strong. Why did you stop?"

He stared at me intently before he looked down and started fiddling with his hands. "I…I…" he looked up at me and continued. "At first I didn't know you were here until I saw you pull him back and then I saw what he did to you and…I just snapped. It pissed me off, that's why I kept on hitting him…but…um, when you placed your hands on me…I just…well…I, kind of…reactedorsomething." He rushed on the last part. He was fumbling with his words, and again it was a part I wasn't used to seeing on him. I couldn't process his words right now so I saved them for examination later. I actually expected something simpler.

"Okay, good night." I closed my door and I swear I heard him through the door.

"Goodnight Bella."

-o-

It was freaking six o'clock in the morning and I was standing on the fucking bus stop so I could get to work on time.

This was ridiculous. Last night I had looked up the schedules and routes of each bus that could get me to work, and that's how I found myself here, freezing my ass off. It wasn't that it bothered me to get up so early, I was up anyway. The thing was that I was cold, hungry and sleepy. Since I left the apartment I hadn't stopped thinking about what had happened last night. What we talked about and what was agreed. What _I_ agreed on. If I wanted this thing to get anywhere near manageable I had to put something on my part.

Now there was where I had a problem. I didn't want to put anything anywhere. I didn't want to even try. My heart didn't have the strength to give him something that could make him somewhat less miserable. I was face to face again with the horrible reality. I was a monster. A selfish sick monster, because if I was going to be miserable, I wanted him to be too. Why would he get off so easily after all he'd said?

That's what my heart was saying and feeling. My head was saying otherwise.

I knew that wasn't a way to live. We would be even more miserable than we already were and I didn't have to strength to do that either. So I just agreed. I still didn't know if that was a good decision on my part. It was so hard for me to make any decision where I knew the outcome probably wouldn't be good. So hard to decide to do something that I knew would bring consequences but there was nothing left to do.

"_You have to prioritize baby."_ my mother said to me. I knew I did. What was the most important thing here? My pride or my wealth being? Deep in my mind I knew which was the option, but that didn't make me any more willing to take it.

Sometimes I wished someone could make these decisions for me.

I gasped. In that moment, with that thought I finally understood something that made my heart stop. It was there all along. All this time as I cried and pitied myself and my miserable luck, I finally understood what had been staring at me all along. In this fucked up reality of mine I had started to get to know myself. I guess it was true what people say: _you'll only know a person's heart when they're at their worst. _

I understood that I had never been independent, or strong or brave, as I wanted to believe or preach to me and everyone around me. I was someone dependent. I depended on what people thought of me and on external factors that made my mind completely shut down.

And that was a shock for me. What do you do when the foundations on which you've based your whole life on suddenly collapse? _I _was left feeling confused, hurt and lost. It seemed I was having some sort of life crisis. At 22.

I barely arrived at work in time and spent the whole day as a zombie. I had to get my shit together and I had to do it soon.

-o-

The ride back from work was even worse than this morning. It was raining again apparently I didn't do my research very well because somehow I ended up riding a different bus and on the other side of town. So it took me about three hours to get back to Escala. The good news was that I packed an umbrella today.

I went into the building and towards the elevators. Right before I reached it I saw a man walking out of it. I kept walking and just as I was about to get on it, he was standing right in front of me blocking my way. I raised my eyes to look at him. I didn't recognize him. He was tall and blond and had the weirdest look on his eyes.

"Evening Mrs. Cullen." He cocked his head to the side.

"Um…do I know you?" I asked nervously. How did he know my name?

"No, you don't…" he smirked. "But you will soon." Huh?

He got out of my way and left me standing there. That was weird. How did he know my name? Maybe he was a friend of _him. _Whatever.

I got to the top floor and made my way down the hall. As I approached the door I started to hear banging and crashing, it was worse than yesterday. Was he fighting again? What the hell? I opened the door and a gasp escaped me when I saw what was in there.

The whole apartment was destroyed. Everything. Lamps, chairs, vases, the couch was ruined, the plasma TV was on the floor.

"Oh my God." I whispered. I moved forward and scanned the apartment. I found _him _on his office apparently, I had never been in here. He was destroying everything in there. His papers, there was a laptop hanging off a chair, pictures were scattered all around the floor. He was throwing everything he could find, the muscles on his back were flexing from exertion and he was panting and cursing like I had ever heard anyone do it. I was starting to get scary. What the hell happened?

He turned as if looking for his next target and found me standing there. His face was unrecognizable; he didn't look like last night. Today his eyes were crazed and unfocused, his nostrils were flared and his fists opening and closing as if waiting to grab something. His eyes finally landed on me and he _had_ found his new target.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

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**So...everything is going to get just a little bit worse (focus on the little bit). Review please.**


	9. Not Bella

_**I'm back everyone.**_

_**I'm so so so sorry for taking so long. School got in the way. **_

_**This week was…rough to say the least. Thank you so much for being patient and for your awesome reviews. **_

_**I had a hard time writing this one. Why? Don't know, but I really hope you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer. Mrs Meyer owns it all.**_

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**Chapter 9**

"What…what are you doing?" I whispered.

"Where the FUCK have you been?" he snarled. He strode forward making me take a step back until my back was pressed against the wall.

"At work…you know that." His proximity was unnerving and uncomfortable.

"It's fucking past midnight and you're telling me you were at work? I'm not that stupid. You don't work that hard."

_What? _

"Listen, I don't know what your problem is and I…" He cut me off by slamming his fist into the wall right next to my head. I flinched from the punch and turned my head to the side.

"Shut up." He hissed. "Shut the hell up."

My breathing was incontrollable. I fought back the tears and closed my eyes. I could hear him breathing harshly. Then I felt his hand squeeze my chin hard.

"Open your eyes." He ordered. "Open them and fucking look at me." I tried to move away from his grasp but only managed to get him to squeeze harder.

I took a staggering breath and opened them. The look on his eyes made my stomach drop. The emotion there didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't put a name to it, let alone understand it. His eyes had darkened and there were wrinkles framing his forehead. I could see the cut he'd gotten yesterday, not as bad today as it was last night, but it was still there. The purple bruise around his cheek was prominent and there was a little bit of swelling, I doubted you could be able to see it from a distance. He looked old like this; he looked like the guy I had met that day inside my house. My eyes roamed over his face trying to find a reason for his behavior, trying to find something, trying to find my answers.

I didn't get any.

"I'm fucking tired of you going around this place as it pleases you, and I've put up with it. But I am done." He said slowly and menacingly. "I'm done with you. Do you understand?"

"I-I don't know w-what I did to…" Another punch on the wall interrupted me and I flinched again. I could actually feel the wall vibrating on my back. What the hell was going on here? Was I in some kind of weird universe? Tears started falling down my face and I looked down. I couldn't look at him like this. I thought we'd arrived to an agreement last night. I thought we could be better.

"I thought…" I voiced softly. He tightened his hand even more and pulled my chin up.

"You thought what?" he asked. "You thought what Isabella?"

What could I say? I thought it'd be different? I thought it'd be better? I thought _you_ would be better? No.

"You promised…" I rasped.

I was digging myself in, I knew it. But I didn't understand where all this was coming from. His expression was feral as he freed my face and stepped back. I could still feel his hand on my face, I'm sure he left indentations there and I felt each and every single one if his fingers still pressing. His back was to me and I could see his tense posture. He was running both hands through his hair and giving it hard pulls.

I, on the other hand didn't know what to do. I just stood there pressed against the wall afraid to move. Afraid to even make a sound, something that could set him off. I really didn't know what I was thinking. Even though we had only talked about this a few hours ago, I realized some deep buried part of me had finally taken a big breath of relief, of not having to worry about if I ran into him, or if we got into another argument. Some part of me let her guard down and now she was getting kicked…and good.

_See Bella?_

I had never been a person who trusted those around her. I didn't trust anyone. Period.

I knew people always would let you down sooner or later. I just didn't have faith on absolutely anything. And yet a part of me somehow had trusted he would keep his word and everything would change. Now it was back to slap me right in the face. I knew I was reluctant to accept his offer when he mentioned it and not even willing to try to work things out, but my subconscious had manage to betray me by pulling stunts like this one right here in just a few hours. I guess I couldn't even trust myself anymore.

That thought only managed to depress me even more and the tears began their way down my cheeks. I sniffed a couple of times trying not to make much noise, and apparently not succeeding at all, because as soon as he heard me, he snapped his head in my direction and glared at me.

"Why the fuck are you crying?" he hissed. When I didn't answer he strode towards me again and stood there looking down at me. "Hmm? I fucking asked you a question. Why the fuck are you crying? Your crying will get you nowhere." He grasped my chin again and placed his other hand against the wall.

I tried to stop. I really did. But the more he pressed on, the more difficult it became for me to stop sobbing. I looked down and tried to hold my breath, but I could still feel the tremors taking over my body. Why was I crying? I'm not sure I had an answer for that.

"W-what did I-I d-do?" I gasped.

He leaned his head back as if to study my face but his face remained the same. Anger. Hate.

"What did you do?" he raised an eyebrow as if that was the dumbest question in the world.

"You exist."

_What? Didn't see that one coming._

"I…I" I trailed off. I didn't know what to say. _I exist? _I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. He was speaking as if I had done something terribly wrong and I didn't understand what was different from last night.

"You what? You what Isabella?" he snarled. "I'm done with you. From now on things will change and I won't put up with any more of your shit. Do you understand?" When I didn't answer he grabbed my arm and shook me.

"Fucking answer me. Do you understand?"

I just nodded.

"Good."

He let go of me and went back to move things around on his office. I took that as my cue to leave and ran the hell out of there.

-o-

Even though today was my day off, I still got up from bed pretending I was going to work. I honestly had no choice, I mean how could I stand to be in this place another minute? Last night seemed so surreal, so impossible. It felt like it happened years ago, and I would actually feel like that if it weren't for the bruises framing my chin and the other ones adorning my upper arms.

I was standing in front of the mirror with just a towel covering my body. I had just finished showering and made the mistake of standing in front of the mirror to brush my hair. I had avoided looking at myself too much for far too long. I wasn't vain or anything like that and after all that had happened I didn't even want to try looking like a normal person.

So in my attempt to avoid _that Bella_ I had overlooked what was happening to me.

I looked horrible. If I was skinny on the wedding day…well I didn't know what I was today. I guess I had managed to hide it for all this time with the saggy clothes I wore, and never really noticed anything. But now I could see everything.

I let my towel drop to the floor and gasped softly. My eyes roamed over my body and I was surprised at what I found there. My bones were more visible now, more prominent, I wasn't a skeleton or anything like that, but the difference I saw there surprised me. The dark circles under my eyes were the least of my problems now; I didn't realize I had stopped eating so much, I wasn't particularly hungry, but to get to this point?

And then my eyes. I didn't recognize what I saw in them, I mean I saw myself reflected in there, but I didn't recognize the person staring back at me.

There were no words to describe this situation. I needed someone to tell me what the hell was I doing here with him? I didn't understand how my life had changed like this. I didn't know what I was anymore.

It was still pretty early so I tried to hurry and change so I could leave as soon as possible without having to run into him.

Today I decided to try the subway. I took me a while to figure that one out. And since I wasn't going into work I decided to let fate make that choice for me, so I got into the first train that arrived at the station and I' got off at the third stop it made.

And that's how I found myself in the hearth of Seattle. I found a cute little market called _Pike Place Market_. It was such a colorful and picturesque place and it would have been wonderful if I wasn't in such a foul mood, but I needed the air. I needed to breathe, clear my head and get away from that world that had been slowly sucking the life out of me. I started browsing through the many aisles. It was like a bath of freshness. Being here reminded me there was a life out there that didn't involved yelling, angry stares and hurtful words. Being here reminded me there was _hope_. I didn't want to dwell on it too much. It'd definitely bring me even more down.

I watched everyone here, doing their job, going around their business as if nothing happened. I guess it didn't for them. It was kind of fascinating how people interacted with each other. I'd actually forgotten what that was like and that brought weird feelings on. Being here among so many people talking and smiling and laughing only made me feel alone and depressed. I wrapped my arms around my waist and walked the other way. I needed somewhere a little more private and less crowded.

"Bella."

I stopped in my place and frowned. No one knew me here so it kind of took me by surprise. I slowly turned around and raised my eyebrows when I saw who was calling my name.

"Garret?"

"Hi." He answered.

Wow, I even forgot about him. He looked good, definitely taller than I remembered. Those big hazelnut eyes were looking back at me expectantly, but with a soft smile playing on his lips. I was actually surprised to see him, especially here.

"Oh my God, how are you?" I hurried to say when I realized I'd been staring at him.

"Good, really good…how about you?" he asked softly. Something about his tone made think I wasn't the only one who noticed the changes going on with me and that made me a bit uncomfortable.

"I…I'm good." I shifted nervously. I was afraid he could see right through me and my lies. It would be a shame for him to consider me a liar without knowing me first. "What are you doing here?" I asked trying to detour the conversation from that topic.

"I was buying some things I needed for my place." He smiled sheepishly as he held up a bag he was carrying as if to prove his point.

"Great." I stood there a few seconds in silence and it was starting to get a little uncomfortable.

"So it was really nice to see you Garret…" I trailed off. I didn't have to leave and actually I didn't even want to, but I didn't know what else to say.

"Bella…are you doing anything right now?"

"Um…No."

"Good…come on let's go, I'll buy you a coffee."

-o-

"Okay, so I thought you were an architect not an engineer."

He laughed. "Yeah, you're not the person making that confusion, but I am an engineer." He answered.

We were at a small coffee house a few blocks down from the pike market. It was a different place; definitely not what I was used to in Forks but it was lovely. It had a bohemian kind of feel with candles everywhere and the sweetest smell anyone could ever imagine; coffee and oranges. He ordered both of us some sort of herbal tea made of roses and honey, which tasted absolutely amazing, as he had said.

We talked about his job which I had mistaken for something else entirely and he was trying to show me the difference. We talked about everything and nothing in particular. He even apologized for not calling me all this time, claiming he'd been out of town searching for some new materials I understood nothing about for his work. And I found I was…more calmed, serene and…not so bad I guess. There was still that ache at the back of my heart, but I doubted that would leave anytime soon. Everything from the way he asked me here, the place…him, everything was refreshing. I even found myself smiling a little when he occasionally told some weird ass jokes that he only understood.

He in general was refreshing. All he talked about, the easiness he seemed to have around me. His face, his eyes didn't show any negative emotion towards me. _Not like the ones I had grown used to._

I listened to him telling stories and just analyzed his friendly demeanor towards me. I placed my elbows on the table and my chin rested on my hands. The movement caught his attention and I guessed he must have seen something there that had his eyes moving from my eyes to my chin with a look of concern.

_Shit, the bruises._

I tried to move my fingers enough to cover them but it was too late since he reached out and gently grabbed my hand and pulled it away from my face. He was studying me, that was for sure. His stare was intense and his eyes never left my face.

I just looked down. I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. Weak, broken and bruised, literally.

Fuck. Tears began pooling in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of him. That was something I had to do alone. I felt his hand come up to my chin and I instinctively shied away from him. It was just too close for comfort. But he kept on pressing and gently pulled my chin up to make me look at him.

"Hey…look at me." he said gently when I didn't look up.

I brought my eyes up and the look I saw there didn't even resemble the one I saw last night. This one was gentle, sweet and…concerned. I didn't see an ounce of pity. And it just made even sadder. It was incredible how a complete stranger, without even knowing who or what I was, could express his concern through his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Fine."

"Liar." He whispered.

"I'm f-fine, really."

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to…I just need to know that you're safe." My eyes widened at his tone. Was I that easy to read? He couldn't know anything about my life, but it felt like he did.

"And I want you to know that you can trust me."

I just nodded again. I looked out the window and noticed it was getting late. I had to leave now if I wanted to have a chance of getting early to the apartment.

"I have to go Garret, it's getting really late." I looked at him and he just smiled back at me.

"Okay, but remember what I said okay? I'll give you a call and we can hang out some other time, is that okay?

"Okay." I tried to smile a little.

"Good, I'll walk you out."

-o-

When I arrived at the apartment he wasn't there, which was a relief. I didn't have the strength to see him again. I made my way into my room and laid down on the bed. I was so tired; this week had been exhausting and draining. My eyes weren't closed for more than five minutes before I heard the main door slammed shut.

_Shit, he was here._

My body immediately reacted and started trembling. Just the thought of him being near me made me freak out. I heard his footsteps coming closer and then he knocked on my door. Loudly.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Maybe I could pretend I was asleep. Maybe I could avoid him at all. I mean, what did he want now? Was he going to make this _harass Bella _thing a nightly event? This was getting ridiculous.

Another pound on the door. My breathing picked up; I was getting scared and desperate. What did he want now?

"I know you're in there, you might as well open up." He didn't sound pissed or angry, but he sounded a bit annoyed.

And as the ever stupid that I was I got up from the bed and opened the door.

"I need to talk to you…now." He said coldly. He turned away and made his way to the living room. I followed him slowly and from a distance; he sat down on the couch and started flipping through his phone. I stood at least six feet away from him, I was preparing myself. If anything happened I thought I had a pretty good chance of making a run to the bedroom. That is if I didn't trip or anything like that.

"I need more money."

_What?_

"Excuse me?" I murmured. I thought I heard him say something about money but my brain was kind of slow to process anything in that matter.

"Are you deaf? I say I need more money." He still was looking at his phone and not meeting my eyes but his tone was harsh and cold.

"Um…I-I don't un-understand…"

He looked up from his phone and glared at me. He rolled his eyes and continued. "Are you stupid? I need more money than the one you're already giving me for living here."

_Oh!_

Of all the things I expected him to say…_that_ wasn't one of them. Money? Was he fucking kidding me? All he had was money. Why did he need any more than I already gave him?

"I…um…"

"Um…um…is that all you can say? God." He rolled his eyes again. "You wanted to arrange the living expenses? Well wish granted, here's the monthly amount…" he tossed a small post it onto the table. "What you're giving me is not even coming close to your share, so you have some catching up to do, and fast."

_Deep breaths Bella. Control yourself._

I got close enough to the table and snatched the paper away quickly. I unfolded it and my eyes widened at the amount. _What the fuck? _This was way over my limit. I didn't have this kind of money, let alone in a month. Why was he doing this?

"I don't have this kind of money…" I trailed off when he glared at me. He pursed his lips and stood up from the couch.

"You wanted this, remember that." He pointed his finger at me. God, he was acting like a bastard. A selfish bastard.

"Fine." I snapped. I turned away from him and right before I got close to my room I felt him grab my wrist and pull me back.

"Don't you ever raise your voice to me again. Do you understand? Or do I have to repeat myself again? He hissed.

_Don't cry Bella, don't cry._

I nodded.

I finally made it into the room and closed the door. I crumble to the floor and started sobbing. God, why was this happening? Money? Seriously? He was doing this just to mess with me. He was being vindictive and hurtful. He knew I didn't have any money, he knew I didn't make that amount and still be able to live properly, but he was asking for it…no, not asking, demanding it.

_This is what you wanted Bella. _

Some part of me whispered. No, this wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be independent and strong, but instead only managed to get myself into something I wouldn't be able to handle.

_This is where your big mouth got you._

No, no, no. God, please stop this, please.

"Daddy…" I whispered. I needed him. I needed him to make me strong again, to make me whole. I needed my mom and my grandparents and someone…someone who could just take all this away. I fell to the floor and pressed my cheek there. I laid there for God knows how long, just thinking and staring off into space.

I didn't know who I had become. This Bella wasn't me, this Bella wasn't who I wanted to be…I didn't like to be this Bella, but right now I didn't know how to be anything but her.

_**

* * *

**_

_**So…yeah.**_

_**About the rewiews. Some of you have mentioned the lack of them…I know, but trust me when I say that I thank each and every one of you for even taking the time to press that button and write something. They all mean so much to me, even if they're just to ask me to update. **_

_**I'm not a writer (as you may have noticed), I have no imagination whatsoever and my grammatical errors are horrible, but I need to tell this story and try to explain what's between the lines. I hope you feel the need to read it and if only one of you absolutely loves it…that's enough for me. Thanks! **_


	10. Moving pieces

**I'm back children!**

**Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

**Oh and Ms Jackson owns the quote.**

* * *

**Chapter 10. Moving pieces.**

_I actually laughed out loud. I think it was more of a nervous nearing hysterics kind of laugh. My dad killed someone? No, of course not. He was lying, he had to be, there was no other explanation for what he was saying._

"_That's not true." I challenged._

_He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms across his chest. "Believe whatever you want Ms. Swan, but those papers are not lying." The bastard had the audacity to smirk. He was really pissing me off._

"_You made this up…you're just trying to harm my father…"_

"_Keep telling yourself that. That file doesn't lie…read it all, there's even a statement signed for your father himself." He motioned to the file waiting there on the couch next to me. I stared at it for a long time. I mean, could he lie about something like this? Yes, he could. Could I live not knowing if what he was saying was a lie? No, I couldn't. _

_I took a deep breath and took it in my hands again. _

"_Page 68." He said from his place. I didn't listen, I had to this on my own terms, I had to examine every single thing in here, even if I didn't understand any of it. I flipped and flipped through each and every one of those pages. And the more I read, the more anxious I got. The ballistic reports, the police report, everything had my dad's name on it. And then a statement like he said; a statement that basically had my dad confessing he'd been at the crime scene, with the murder weapon._

_What the fuck? _

_My dad couldn't have done this. He couldn't; he was a good man, honest, and hard working. There had to be some kind of mistake._

_But it's all there Bella._

_No. No. No. _

_I shook my head in denial. NO. _

"_When…when did this happen-n?" I whispered with the file still in my hands. I looked up to him and saw him frowning. _

"_Ten years ago." He simply said._

_Wow. _

_To say I was in shock would be an understatement. I couldn't wrap my head around all this information. My mind couldn't process this kind of things. I always thought my father was the only one I could rely on. The only one who could keep his shit together even after my mom died. And now…I didn't know what to think. I sat there staring off into space just trying to understand everything I had learned in the past few minutes. _

"_Why didn't he go to jail back then?" I absently asked. _

"_He's the chief of police Ms. Swan, why do you think that is?" he arched an eyebrow, again. "He used his connections to get out of it, of course." _

"_But why are you after him now?" _

"_I am not the one who's after him…there are greater interests involved here that you would understand nothing about."_

_God he looked so…so…heartless. Like this was just his everyday business. Maybe it was. Whatever. I had much more important things to worry about than his demeanor regarding this situation. My dad had killed… _

"_Wait…who was it? Who died?" That hadn't crossed my mind up until this point._

_He looked slightly surprised by my question, like he wasn't expecting it. "I…I don't know who it was, they wouldn't say." He looked down at his hands and started fiddling with his fingers. Then something he said called my attention._

"_Who's they?"_

"_What?" he answered. He was out of his element with this, I could tell._

"_You said they wouldn't say…who wouldn't say?" I pressed._

"_Nobody…that's not important." He shook his head and turned away from me. I saw his back raising and falling. It was like he was speaking in riddles. He wouldn't give me any information and he wanted me know everything. Right._

"_What's gonna happen now…I heard you say he was…he could die, why?"_

"_It's complicated." I heard him say. No shit Sherlock!_

"_Damn it." I stood up from the couch and raised my voice. "Why did you decide to tell me all this and then keep me on the dark about what you decide?"_

_He turned back and glared at me. "Look, you were the one who came in here asking for information, so don't demand anything more from me…that's all you'll get, so deal with it." He spat. _

_God, he was hiding something, I knew it. I just had no idea on what level it affected my father. _

"_Please…" I whispered. "Please." I didn't know what I was begging for, but I didn't want my dad to die. _

_His expression softened for a minute and ran his hand through his hair giving it soft tugs. "What?" he answered. "What do you want me to do? I can't do anything."_

"_Yes-s you can. My dad said you could…please." _

_He looked indecisive, which gave me a little hope. "Please" I tried again._

_He took a deep breath and said "You don't understand…this is so complicated. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."_

"_I don't care…tell me please." _

_He turned again and I couldn't see his face anymore There was a long pause. I started breathing deeply, I had to get a grip on my emotions, but it was so hard to accomplish. Just when I was about to give my hopes up I heard him mumble slowly._

"_There is one way for you to help your father."_

_My eyes widened. "What is it?" I rushed._

_When he didn't answer I insisted, again. "Please, tell me."_

"_The only way for your father to be free…for your father to keep on living…" he trailed off. He still didn't turn around and I could tell by his posture that he seemed nervous, anxious and uncomfortable._

"_What…?"_

"_The only way… is for you to marry me…" _

_Asshole. _

"_Can you be serious please?" God, how could he joke with this now? _

"_I'm not kidding." He turned around. He leaned against the counter and crossed his legs and his arms. "I'm serious. If you want to avoid this for your father…that's your answer."_

_And I just sat there absorbing his words. I think some part of my brain had actually stopped working, because I heard the words being spoken but I didn't understand them. I saw his lips moving but I didn't hear what came out of them. _

"_Are you listening to me?" he said harshly. His tone startled me almost snapping me out of my trance._

"_What?"_

"_I said it's your choice. If you don't want to do this, then don't. I won't force you."_

_Seriously? He won't force me? That's good to know._

"_My choice?" my voice was incredulous. "My choice? It doesn't really feel like a choice."_

"_It is and…" _

"_Why that?" I interrupted. "Why marry you?"_

"_I already told you this is complicated. But it is what it is; if you do this your father will be fine." He hissed. His nostrils flared and took a step toward his door. He reached and opened it. "Thank you for coming Ms. Swan. Goodbye." _

-o-

"_Even now, years later, she felt a deep mind-numbing pain when she thought of her baby. The day of the funeral it had rained, and as she stood over the coffins of those she loved the most, she'd sworn that she'd never again let herself get close to anyone, because everyone she'd ever loved, except for her sister had died."_

God, this was depressing. I couldn't exactly indentify with this story in particular, but it was still too close for comfort.

I was at work reading over the many manuscripts Carmen had given me to edit. Some of them were really good. Others not so much.

The publisher house wasn't one of the biggest or most recognized on Seattle, but it didn't do so bad. I was doing what I loved and was content with it. At least I had this. It was my only possible escape and outlet, so I had to take advantage of it as much as I could.

They have been wonderful to accept me here and to give me the freedom I so desperately needed. Especially my boss, Carmen. Over the last few months she had been so understanding and comprehensive. First when I still lived in Forks and I had to drive back and forward everyday and sometimes the traffic was so horrible I just couldn't make it on time. And then when I got married. She didn't know the details of my marriage, but she understood something wasn't entirely right. She didn't ask questions and tried to look after me, so that was the most I could have asked of anyone.

I had just finished reading the last one for the day and I was preparing to leave when Carmen poked her head through my office door.

"Hi Bella, are you all set?"

"Yes, I'm just finishing here." I kept packing my things and when she didn't say anything else, I looked up and frowned. She looked worried, tired and concerned.

"Is everything alright Carmen?"

"Yes dear." She stepped forward. "There is one thing I wanted to talk to you about."

"Okay." I said slowly. She was making me anxious, this wasn't her usual self.

"There's nothing to worry about honey, it's just that we were summoned to a meeting tomorrow with the bosses, you know how that is."

I thought about what she said for a moment. And no, I actually didn't know how that was.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. It's just they caught me off guard, that's all. They'll probably want a last minute report or something like that." She tried smiling but it didn't reach her eyes. "No worries. It'll be fine."

_Okay? _

"What time?"

"Five."

"Fine, I'll be there."

As soon as I got my stuff together I was out of the door. And right before I crossed the street to the bus stop, my cell phone rang loudly. I looked at the screen and was surprised by the number I found.

"Garret?"

"_Hey Bella. How are you?"_

"Good. You?"

"_Great. You sound surprised to hear me."_

"Well, I am actually. I didn't really think you'd call me." And I really didn't, after last time with all the drama, I didn't think he'd want to have anything to do with me.

"_Ouch Bella, I'm wounded." _He joked.

"I'm kidding, what's up?"

"_Let me take you to dinner. I'll even pick you up and everything."_

_Shit. _Dinner?

_No Bella, you can't go._

Fuck. I really couldn't. It was still early, so I had plenty of time to get back to the apartment. But if I went with Garret, it would take me a lot longer to get back, and _he _wasn't supposed to return from work until later tonight, but I didn't know if I could risk it.

"Look Bella if you don't want to that's okay…" he said when I didn't answer.

Shit.

"No Garret, that's not it…" I rushed to say. I didn't want him to feel bad because of me. "I do want to go, but…" I trailed off.

"But…?"

_But what Bella? Are you going to lie? Again?_

"It's just that…I had some car problems, so…" I trailed off. That was as close to the truth as I could tell him right now.

"Don't worry about it. I'll pick you up and I'll drive you home. Where are you?"

-o-

Two hours later we were sitting on his car outside Escala. We had dinner at this Spanish restaurant that had a Mediterranean fell to it. I had never been to that part of Seattle and I honestly didn't know where he found those places. But let's face it, it wasn't like I went out everyday around town. Whatever, I wouldn't dwell on it now.

I had a good time. It was fun to be around him and distracting. Garret made me smile with the little things and momentarily made me forget about so much shit going through my life right now. He was like a breath of fresh air.

And he was actually surprised when I told him where I lived.

"Really, you live here? Wow."

"Yeah." I grimaced. _If you only knew. _

"It's a really nice place Bella."

"Yeah." I repeated. _"_Anyway, it was really good seeing you Garret. Thanks for dinner and the ride." I made a move to open the door, but he stopped me by placing his hand gently on my arm.

"Bella…" he whispered. I turned to look at him. He was watching me with an intense look. But it wasn't like the ones I was used to. This was different, it was new and foreign. And at the moment he leaned closer to me, I understood that look.

He wanted to kiss me and he was going to. His eyes moved from my lips to my eyes as if asking permission. And I just sat there trying to process what was happening. Didn't I tell him I couldn't do this? Was I sending some weird signals only he got?

"Garret, wait." I whispered. He shook his head as if to clear it and for a moment he looked apologetic and he turned away from me and gazed out the car window.

I felt guilty, not only for making him feel bad, but because some deep buried dark and twisted part of me wanted him to do it. Wanted him to keep going and for me not to have stopped him. But it was wrong; even though I was living practically in hell, I couldn't deliberately cheat on _him_. I may have been a bitch, but it wasn't on my nature to cheat, it didn't feel right. Not for _him, _but for me. I couldn't do this to myself, I couldn't become that person. Maybe I had lost everything that was my essence, but I wouldn't allow myself to let go of that too.

"I'm sorry Bella." I heard him say.

_No. "_No Garret, don't apologize. I'm the one who should be saying sorry here."

He whipped his head and frowned. "Why you?"

"Because I haven't been honest with you." I looked down at my hand resting on my lap. "I haven't told you something crucial about my life."

"What is it?"

Shit.

"Remember when I told you I wasn't emotionally available and wouldn't be for a while." When he didn't answer I continued. "Well, that's because…I'm married. I got married two months after I met you."

Silence was all that greeted me. I closed my eyes and squeezed them tight. It felt horrible saying those words out loud, but I had to say them anyway. And still he wasn't saying anything.

I looked up and saw him staring at me blankly. God, he must hate me.

"Garret, it's not what you think. I-I…it's complicated."

"How complicated?" he finally spoke.

"I-I don't…I never…he's not…" Shit, I was so nervous. I glanced at him and he was looking at me gently, not angry or annoyed as he should be. And then something on his eyes told me he got it. They told me he understands.

"Did he…did he do that to you? The bruises?" he asked gently.

God. What could I say? No Garret, I made them myself? Or yes, he squeezed me so hard that he even left indentations there? I just shook my head and grimaced. That was the only answer he was going to get.

"Like I said…it's complicated." He took my hand in his and brought it to his lap. He took a deep breath and spoke.

"Will you tell me about it? I need to know more about you Bella, you're a mystery to me."

_NO. "_Okay." I whispered.

And I told him. Not everything, of course. But at least he got the idea that love wasn't what drove me to get married. I tried to keep my version of everything as close to the truth as I possibly could. I didn't tell him all the arrangements or conditions on which it happened, but he knew that I didn't even get along with my husband, let alone love him. He didn't ask questions and when he tried to, he just closed his lips, sensing I wasn't going to answer.

Now it was getting late. In any minute _he _would be back, so I had to be up there. I said my goodbyes and he promised to call me again tomorrow to see if he would be picking me up. Right before I got off the car he leaned forward and kissed me gently on the cheek, lingering there for a few seconds. As soon as he stepped back I felt the heat come up to my face and I instinctively reached up and touched it. I knew I blushed like crazy, but it had been so long since my body had that reaction, that it took me by surprise.

"Goodbye Garret."

"Bye Bella." He whispered.

The apartment was completely alone. The things he destroyed were still on the floor where he left them. Everything here was a mess, the only thing still standing was the couch.

I wondered if he ever thought of cleaning this shit up.

_Maybe he's gonna make you do it Bella._

No.

God, the negative thoughts had left my mind for almost the entire afternoon, but now in this place, looking at all his stuff, they all came back to slap me in the face. I had forgotten my reality, my obligations to this man, my burden. I even forgot about that stupid money. Which I still had absolutely no idea how I was going to pay him. I wanted to save enough money to buy at least a decent car, but now that was out of the question.

Maybe I could tell him to lay off for a bit? Or maybe I could convince him to rethink the amount and leave it at what I was already giving him? No, I didn't think so. He'd probably end up hitting me straight on.

This place was depressing. It reminded me of all the things I had lost, including myself. And it was even worst, having been out with someone who actually took the time to be nice to me. The difference was immense; I knew I should be making comparisons, the thing with Garret could never move forward, but still, give the girl some love, and she'll want more.

I was so distracted with my thoughts; I didn't hear the keys jiggling and the door being pushed open. He bumped into me and unfortunately I fell to the ground. Luckily I didn't fell on something broken or anything like that. I glanced up at him and saw him glaring at me. Great.

"Are you just gonna stay down there? Or are you planning on getting up this month?" he spat.

Seriously? He just came back and it seemed my only presence bothered him.

_That's what you get for standing there like a moron._

I slowly got up from the floor, watching not to fall down again. He went into the kitchen and started moving stuff around. I didn't say a word and when I was about to leave he spoke.

"We're moving."

_WHAT? NO, NO, NO._

"What?" I choked out.

"WE. ARE. MOVING." He said angrily. "Do I have to repeat myself every fucking time with you? GOD."

"But…but we can't move…" he snapped his head in my direction and continued to glare at me. Those words did it and he strode forward and stood right in front of me. God, not again.

"Really?" he growled. "Do you really wanna go there? Don't fucking mess with me Isabella." He brought his hand up and pushed my head back with his index finger. "If I fucking wanna go to fucking hell, you'll come with me, got it?"

"This place is closer to my job…" I whispered.

"I don't fucking care, that's not my fucking problem." He stepped back and raised his eyebrows as if daring me to challenge him.

"Please…what do you get by…"

"Get?" he interrupted me. "I get nothing from you, from this. You're useless. To me, to everyone."

"I won't move from here."

_Shit Bella. What are you doing? _

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"I-I won't m-move from here." I repeated shakily.

_Stop it Bella._

He got close to me again and grabbed my ponytail. Shit, he looked beyond pissed. Tears started spilling from my eyes; from the sting of the tug or from this whole situation, I didn't know. He brought my face close to his and started again.

"Listen to me…you will do as I say, do you hear me?" when I didn't answer, he tugged again and I whimpered. "DO YOU HEAR ME?"

I couldn't nod, so I whispered a shaky _yes. _He let go of me and disappeared from the room.

I ran towards my bedroom as fast as I could. I thanked whoever was up there that allowed my door to still stand after all he'd destroyed. I locked the door and sat down on the bed.

I didn't understand why this hurt so much. I didn't understand why all the things he said made me react this way. I didn't understand why I let him do this to me.

I was fine this morning. But now…I was barely surviving.

Everything hurt.

My head hurt.

My body hurt.

My heart hurt. God please stop this, please. I can't take it anymore. I can't hear any more shit coming from his mouth.

All the things he said made me nauseous. The power his words had to break something in me was unbelievable, he didn't even have to lie, just telling the truth was enough to evoke this kind of reaction from me.

The lump on my throat was becoming a permanent resident. My heart was losing faith, losing its voice. I needed someone to save me, from the emptiness, from the darkness…from everything.

I was gasping for air. I was so tired of crying, but this feeling wouldn't go away.

-o-

I don't know how long I just sat there, but after a while I couldn't see the lights through the bottom of my door and since I couldn't sleep like this, I decided to go for a glass of water. I needed it, I needed to calm down. I peeked through my door and there was no sight of him. I slowly made my way to the kitchen and was able to find a plastic cup still complete. The water felt like heaven on my throat, all the crying will do that to you.

I set it back down and just as I was making my way to my bedroom, I noticed the balcony door was open. I frowned. I didn't see it open when I got here, so he must have gone out there and forgot to close it. I walked over there and as I got close I heard a noise.

What was that? I approached it slowly and my eyes grew wide at what I found.

There, on the cold balcony floor, with beer bottles by his side, was _him_.

He was crying. Not like just a few tears running down his face, but actually crying and sobbing. My eyes immediately filled with tears. Not because I felt pity for him, but because I had never heard or seen anyone cry like that. He cried like he was in pain. Real pain, no bullshit. He yanked and pulled at his hair till no end. He was banging his head on the wall harshly and all he kept saying was _no, no, no._

And for the first time, since I met this man, I wanted to go to him. I wanted to comfort him, to take it all away, to make it better. And I almost did. I came this close to stepping through that glass door and sitting there with him.

But then I remembered what he said tonight, and what he said the other nights, and I made myself leave. I couldn't comfort the person who was making my life a living hell. The only thing I could do was to feel sorry for myself, and cry till darkness took me away.

-o-

Just like he said, the next day Garret called me really early in the morning and asked if I needed a ride. I was going to deny, given what happened last night, but I got a feeling he wouldn't take no for an answer. So he picked me up from Escala and drove me to work, with the promise of being there when I got off.

We were waiting in the conference room. Today was the meeting Carmen had said. Apparently some of the staff in our department had been called in, not all of them of course. I hoped she wasn't as nervous as she was yesterday, but something about her posture told me otherwise. Her leg was bouncing up and down, her fingers were strumming against the wooden table and she looked tired. Was I missing something here? Maybe she had information I didn't?

"What's going on? Why are you so nervous?" I whispered.

"They never call us for this kind of meeting on such a short notice, that's what I find odd." She answered not looking at me.

Oh.

"Is that a bad thing?"

Right before she could answer, the executive directors walked in. Three elegant and distinguished men who never mingled with the ones below them took a seat in their big fancy executive chairs. They greeted us briefly and started talking.

Maybe if I had been more involved with the company I would have understood some of what they were saying, but since I didn't…well I understood nothing. I just dedicated myself to my work and that was it. I had absolutely no intention of dealing with people who thought they were better than everyone else, just because of their social and business status. In my opinion they lacked humanity. But since I got promoted only a few weeks ago, I kept my opinions to myself.

"So in that note…" one of them said. "The editing department will have to reduce its size."

Huh?

"What does that mean?" Carmen asked.

"I'm sorry, but you are not longer working on this company…we have to let you go."

_Shit. _

_

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**Ooooh, poor Bella.**

**So…I recently decided something.**

**I decided I'm like Edward and just like him, I'm not above blackmailing…so, the more you review, the faster I'll update, okay? (Evil, I know).**


	11. Silence, silence, silence

_**Here it is.**_

_**So... a few things.**_

_**Edward did not make Bella loose her job. That was just fate, if you wanna call it that.**_

_**Also, Edward ****obviously**** has his reasons for acting the way he does, and some of you guessed that part right (Not that I'm defending him, but still).**_

_**And thank you so much for your reviews, they're amazing and they give me the encouragement I need when I need it the most. **_

_**Nuff said.**_

_**Disclaimer. Stephanie Meyer owns it all. **_

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Chapter 11. Silence, silence, silence.

I sat at bench on the park across the street from my former job, watching people come and go. Watching everyone live their life as they should. Like I should be doing, except I wasn't.

I had been staring at a dark spot on the wet concrete for a really long time. After I heard those words, the ones who ended with my job, salary and the little dignity I had left, I just stood up, gathered my things up and left. I knew there was nothing left to do. I knew how those companies worked, and if they weren't even allowing Carmen to keep her job, after all those years and effort…well, let's just say I didn't have any chances.

I was trying to come up with something so horrific that I could have done to the universe to deserve this. I mean, I knew lately I had been bitching my ass off, but to lose my car, my job…myself, in the last few weeks, was just incomprehensible to me.

I was aware people lost their jobs all the time and they still managed to emerge from all of it. But at this moment, it seemed so hard for me to be able to accomplish that.

I was moving to God knows where. I didn't know where he would decide to take me and I barely knew this city; I had just settled with knowing the routes from home to my job and the way back, and that was it. I had some money saved which would be enough for now, but not forever. And I knew at any moment he would ask me for the money and I wouldn't be able to give it to him… that was that would be a fight I looked forward to. And since I didn't know if we were moving to a mansion or to something simpler, I would have to wait to see what he had to say.

Could I deal with anything else? What was next? I didn't even want to think about it. I just wanted to crumble and I wanted it to stop.

-o-

Eleven days later all my things were packed, again. I almost felt like a nomad with all the moving around.

And not a single word was said between _him _and me. Not one. If he wanted to give me an order; because that's what he did, he ordered, not asked, he would leave a freaking post it on the kitchen counter telling me what to do. If I had to pack all my crap; If I had to wait for the moving truck, he would make sure I knew it. But he didn't say a word in my way. Maybe this was his new torture tactic, ignoring me completely.

But I'd pick the silence over the yelling every day of the week. I was just afraid of letting my guard down and that he would be able to take me by surprise; like the calm before the storm.

I was waiting for the moving truck to come back; this would be their last trip. All of his things were already _there _apparently; mine were the only one left. And of course, I had to ask the drivers for a ride, since he didn't even had the decency to tell me where the new place was.

Every single minute since that day at the office, I had spent it looking for a job, looking for anything. I knew it had only been a little more than a week since I got fired, and people spent months without one, but I was getting desperate. All I did now was rethink everything I had ever done; my mind was filled with absurd thoughts than only increased as time went on, and also with all the things _he _had said. If I didn't believe any of the words he said before, now…I wasn't so sure. I felt useless, unaccomplished and...a failure.

It got to the point where all the worrying didn't let me sleep. The little sleep I managed to get before, it was no gone and replaced only with despair.

And of course, the money. If I didn't have to pay "rent" I wouldn't even have to worry about anything.

It took the moving truck 45 minutes to get to this part of town. Which I had absolutely no idea where it was, but I had been given directions by the friendly movers, so I hoped I could manage to get here on my own.

It was a nice neighborhood, at least from what I could see. And our house was the last one at the end of the street. It didn't look like the suburbs, but it sure as hell felt like it.

It was a house, not a big one, but still. On the outside it looked…_not special? _I didn't have any other words to describe it. It definitely wasn't my dream house, and I didn't expect it to be.

I got down from the moving truck and glanced around. I could see his car parked in the garage, which meant he was already here. Great.

The house had a long path that led to some stairs that led to the main door, and to the sides there was supposed to be some sort of garden. It wasn't however, there was only yellow and dry grass, that apparently no one had bothered to water.

It was a two storey building with not so many windows, which seemed to be covered by some kind of blinds. I could see the cracks on the paint and some wooden pieces falling down from the ceiling. It was definitely an old house. And if I had any doubts about his motives to move here, they were now gone. He had done this on purpose; I mean what rich little boy would trade his five million dollar condo for _this? _Even if it was destroyed, I'd bet this house could be even worse on the inside. He was just being his new self with this.

I guess if I was living already in hell…might as well have the place to go along with it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the movers bringing my stuff in. I would have to go in there soon, but to do what? Clean? Unpack my things? I didn't have the strength to do it anymore.

Walking up the stairs I could just see the inside. I made it through the door and glanced around.

I sighed. He _was_ doing this to punish me, I knew it for sure. The house had high ceilings, but no light whatsoever; the wooden floors looked old and stained from time and dust. A long hallway led to the living room and to my right was a fireplace that looked like it hadn't been touched in years. Above it I could see the faint marks of a painting, or maybe a photograph, who knew? There was almost no furniture in here, expect for the ones that made it through his rant. And I had a feeling he wouldn't be buying new ones any time soon. I kept moving forward, trying to explore slowly and silently and I came across the kitchen, which wasn't so bad, but it definitely had some work to be done. The whole house lacked light and some fresh air.

I could only imagine what my room would look like. Maybe I wouldn't even have a room, maybe I'd sleep on the basement.

"Mrs. Cullen?" One of the movers said behind me.

I cringed when I heard people calling me that. I wasn't Isabella Cullen in my head. I turned around and answered anyway. "Yes."

"We're all done here. Mr. Cullen said to tell you the room on the second floor at the end of the hall was yours."

_Oh. _

So he kept on with the silent treatment. He sent them to tell me that.

"Okay…thanks." I whispered.

"Do you need anything else?" he asked. His partner had already walked out the door. I guess you only need two movers when the only things you have are boxes and not furniture.

"No, that's all. Thank you for the ride though."

"No problem. Good day." And with that he walked out the door.

I stood there alone, looking at what was supposed to be my new _home_. And I wanted to cry; I mean, it wasn't so bad it couldn't be fixed, but that required money I couldn't afford to spend, and I knew he wasn't going to do it. And the rest of the day he didn't come out from where he was hiding. I gave up exploring after I saw the condition the backyard was in and I went into my bedroom. It was just as dark as the rest of the house, but fortunately all the stuff from my old room were already here.

I grabbed an old shirt from one of the boxes and used it as a cleaning cloth. I opened the one solitary window in there and cleaned around the edges. I cleaned every surface in that room, readjusted furniture, folded, moved and moved everything I could find in there. At least if I was gonna live in this room, might as well make it livable.

-o-

As the days went on the silence in this house was eating me alive. But I preferred it that way; I wouldn't have the yelling back for anything in the world.

Sometimes we would cross paths and he would just look into my eyes. He knew I was there and he chose to ignore me. I couldn't believe this was my life now. This is what I had gotten myself into. That's what you get for marrying a stranger.

And the more he ignored me, the more I watched him. I started noticing things I hadn't before. Like his hair color was really strange; I couldn't define it or describe it…it just was. I noticed his eyes really did seem lifeless, kind of like my own. He was a workaholic, a neat freak and from what he had said once, he could cook. But everything continued like that…in silence.

The only distraction I got was Garret. He tried calling me every day, and when he offered to pick me up from work, I reluctantly had to tell him I had lost it. He immediately offered to help me, but I declined. I would try to do this on my own.

Today he was picking me up. I was going with him for some materials he needed for an oncoming project. I told him to pick me up a few blocks from the house. I knew I wasn't doing anything bad, or something that would make me have to hid, but I also knew _he_ wouldn't see it like that.

"Hey gorgeous…how are you today?" he asked softly when I got into his car after we left the store and he got everything he needed. He hadn't brought the subject up the whole time we were in there, and I was grateful for that. maybe he was trying to give some sense of normalcy.

"Um…fine."

"You sure? How's it going in there?" he continued. He started stroking my cheek softly.

"It's fine Garret…he's ignoring me now."

It felt weird talking to someone about this. It felt weird having someone touching me and comforting me like he was doing now.

"He hasn't touched you again, has he?" he asked tightly.

"No Garret, he hasn't done it again. Like I said he's ignoring me."

"I think that's good, isn't it?" he dropped his hand from my cheek and placed it right on top of my knee.

"I…I hope so."

"Bella." He turned in his seat and spoke seriously. "I want you to promise me…if something happens again, you'll call me immediately."

"Garret…I don't want to get you involved in this, it might…"

"Please…promise me." he whispered intensely.

I thought about it for a minute. If things got any worse, could I call him and get him involved? I didn't know.

"Please Bella, just promise me." he insisted.

"Fine…I promise."

-o-

When I got back, he was waiting for me, sitting in the one couch that adorned the living room. He looked up and stared at me.

"We're going to a family party today…get ready…now." He ordered.

Seriously? Again? But I think I knew better than to make any protests at this point. I turned around and headed for my room. And when I was about to climb up the stairs I heard him speak.

"You better behave, I won't put up with your shit this time. Got it?" he said harshly.

"Got it."

An hour later we arrived at a beautiful country house outside of town. I could only imagine his parents owned this and so many properties more. It seemed to be a huge property, filled with gardens and flowers everywhere. There was a fountain and a couple of tables adorned with white and yellow tablecloths meant only for the _family_. They really went out of their way just for a family weekend. My family weekends consisted on me, my dad, and grandparents on the living room watching TV and eating steak. Not _this._

His family greeted us warmly, and some of them looked at me with concern on their eyes. I knew what they were seeing; they were seeing me lifeless and tired and depressed. _If _they did notice all of that, they didn't say a word, call it being polite, nice or…something else.

_He_ left my side right away and headed straight for the bar. Apparently he was drinking today, because every time I glanced at him I saw him with a new and different bottle. I hadn't seen him drunk yet, and I wasn't sure I was looking forward to experiencing that when we got back to the house.

After a while of just sitting on one of the tables listening to Esme chat with Alice, she left claiming she had some snacks to finish preparing.

"So…how are you?" said Alice with concern all over her face. _Great_.

"Um…"

"Hi girls" I was interrupted by Rosalie. Thank God.

She came to our table and sat down. She looked as beautiful as ever; she looked at me from head to toe, inspecting me it seemed. I had a feeling if everyone had kept their opinions to themselves about me, she wouldn't.

"Isabella, you look…well, you're here which is more than I can say."

"Rosalie, stop." Alice interfered.

"What Alice, I'm just stating the obvious." She turned her attention to her. I didn't wanna cause any problems between them.

"Well stop it."

"No Alice, I think this needs to be said." She turned her eyes on me again. "You look…bad Isabella, are you sick or something?" She raised an eyebrow and continued. "because I would think that with all the money my brother in law has…well, you would have done something about your flaws." She waved her hand at me as if to make her point.

"Rosalie…" Alice hissed.

I couldn't deal with this anymore. That woman had something against me and maybe a few weeks ago I had some strength left to fight her, but now…not so much. I got up from the table, went inside into the kitchen and asked Esme where the ladies room was in this place; she pointed in the right direction and I took off.

I had a little trouble finding it, but in the end I managed to get in there. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt disgusted at my reflection. I did look worse; I looked thin, almost too thin. And I saw exactly what she was talking about, I felt her words had hit home and they could actually be true. I took a deep breath, splashed some cold water on my face tried to relax. Thinking about those things right now would get me nowhere.

I left the bathroom walking slowly. Just as I was about to go down the stairs, I heard Alice talking. She was with someone else, and when I heard my name being called I couldn't help getting closer to where the murmurs were coming from. After I heard the other voice I realized she was with _him. _They were in some sort of studio and from where I was standing I only had a partial view of Alice.

"Edward." She hissed. "What the hell is going on here?"

"I don't know what you're talking…" he said tiredly.

"The fuck you don't." She interrupted him. "I'm your fucking sister Edward, and you will fucking tell me what is going on here."

He sighed. "What do you want me to tell you Alice…I don't even know myself."

"Why is she like this Edward? Why has she lost so much weight? Have you not seen that, because I doubt you haven't." he half whispered half yelled. "I understand new couples fight all the time, but somehow I really doubt that's your case."

All I heard was silence. I couldn't see what he was doing; all I could see was Alice's profile. Her face was severe and stern and after he didn't answer, she flipped out. She started pushing against his chest over and over. I could see the effort it was taking on her; her face was flushed, she was breathing hard and she wouldn't stop. I didn't know what she was trying to accomplish by doing this. In any case, wasn't I supposed to be the one lashing out on him? I just didn't understand this situation.

And then I saw his hands grab her wrists gently, only intending to stop her, not hurt her.

"Don't Alice…please." He whispered.

"Don't fucking what Edward?" she yelled. "Don't fucking reprimand my older brother for neglecting his wife? Don't fucking demand to know what the fuck are you doing to both of you lives? Don't fucking tell you that just like Jasper said, you're becoming like fucking HIM?"

"STOP." He yelled. But she didn't flinch; it was like she was just expecting this response from him. Maybe that was her point all along, to push him, to break him into telling her.

"Because that's what you are Edward…you are just like him." She went on.

"STOP." He yelled again. "What the fuck do you want me to tell you? That I married her knowing she couldn't love me? That I married her expecting her to do it? That we are both dying from something we're not responsible for? That I fucking regret every single fucking second of this fucking life? Is that what you want me to tell you? Because it's fucking true, Alice."

He let go of her hands and she just stood there looking at him blankly. I couldn't tell if she was surprised by what she just heard or if she was relieved.

She took a deep breath and continued. "Do you have feelings for her Edward?"

_Of course not._ I knew it, he knew it.

And that's why his whispered response took the breath out of me.

"_Yes."_

_What?_

_

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_

**So…next update. I don't know when it'****ll be, I'm leaving town for a few days, but it'll probably take more than a week for sure. **

_**Until next time. Review.**_


	12. Out of Control

_**OMG Finally!**_

_**I'm back everyone. Sorry for the delay…stuff happened.**_

_**Okay, so… I have a feeling you're gonna hate everyone in this chapter. Hope you don't though. Some things are just getting out of hand.**_

_**Thanks to frau-sorge for the thread. Make sure to check it out.**_

_**Disclaimer. Stephanie Meyer owns it all.**_

_**Oh, and the quote belongs to its respective author.**_

_**

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**_

_**Chapter 12. Out of control.**_

"_Do you have feelings for her Edward?"_

"_Yes." _

_Yes. Yes. Yes._

That word swirled around in my head a million miles per hour. Echoing like it was the only thing existing at that moment.

_What?_

I kept repeating their exchange over and over in my head. I just couldn't have heard right; my hearing must have been off, because I just couldn't believe what he'd said.

I stood there immobilized; I could see them still talking but I couldn't hear any other words whatsoever. Not after that. I tried reasoning with my mind, tried to convince myself everything I had just heard was not true. It didn't work.

And in that moment…I panicked. I panicked for everything and for nothing at the same time. I panicked because this was unbelievable; I panicked because I didn't know what to do.

_Run Bella…_

And that's exactly what I did.

I ran.

I ran down those stairs as quietly as possible, trying to avoid getting caught.

I ran through that backyard and out of that house. I tried to leave without anyone noticing me, but on my way out I got glimpses of some of their faces. I could see Jasper's confused stare. Emmet's weird charismatic smile at its best, not at all aware of me; and Rosalie…she looked…apologetic? Ashamed? I didn't have time to put a name to the emotions that went through her face as soon as she saw me.

None of them tried to stop me though. I couldn't guess whether they didn't know something was wrong with me, or they just didn't care enough to do it.

When I was out of sight, I sped my stride as fast as I dared, until I was left panting so hard from exertion. After a few minutes of running I decided to hide among some trees on the side of the road; it was the middle of nowhere anyway, and I was sure if he…_when_ he noticed my absence there was a big chance he would come looking for me, and right now I didn't want to be found, I wasn't ready to face that.

I didn't realized I was crying until I bend at the waist, placed my hand on my knees and saw the tears forming a little dark spot on the dirt.

I just couldn't deal with this anymore. This was way over me, and I didn't know how to handle it. Everyday there was something new, something setting me back, breaking me even more. All this time I thought there couldn't be nothing left of me inside to damage, but everyday _he _made sure to break every single little part of me that was still left. I didn't know why this affected me so much.

"_Do you have feelings for her Edward?"_

"_Yes." _

What the hell was he thinking? Was this another one of his sick jokes? Did he see me standing there eavesdropping and decided to play with me? Or did he just mean he felt something entirely different that what I was imagining?

_Really Bella?_

No. No.

What the hell was his problem? I was so confused; my mind didn't know what to make of this. Everything hurt, everything, and I didn't even know why anymore.

I walked and walked until my feet hurt and I couldn't go on anymore. And after a few moments, I started thinking clearly. I was actually in the middle of some road, covered in dirt with high heels on. I could see the highway on the distance, but it was too long of a walk, mostly if I were to be doing it amongst the trees hiding. And once I got there, what?

_God Bella, you're so stupid._

Did I really think I could go far on foot? Well, in my defense I wasn't really thinking.

I couldn't go back there, that was for sure. I didn't know what waited for me. If he had already noticed I was gone, he'd be pissed and a confrontation was sure to happen; and if he hadn't noticed and I showed up back like this…well, the outcome would be the same. But I had to do something, I couldn't just stay here.

I took my phone out of my purse and stared at it, debating.

A couple of weeks ago, I knew the only option I would ever have in this situation would be to just go back to that house or to wait for him to find me here. But now…I felt a little hope in knowing I had a secretly third choice I could maybe, just maybe count on. I dialed the number and waited.

"Hi beautiful." He answered on the second ring.

I sighed in relief.

"Hi Garret."

-o-

It took Garret a while to find me. I wasn't familiar with the area, and couldn't explain really well where I was, it took longer for him to get here. After I had called him and explained the situation I was currently in, the only answer I got from him was _"Where are you?"_

All the time I was waiting, I saw _his _car passing by at least ten times through the road. Apparently it took him more than an hour for him to notice my absence. He was going back and forward like crazy and I was almost sure he was looking for me. My phone kept ringing and ringing, but I just let it go to voice mail. I was being childish and immature…and a little cruel if I really thought about it, but I refused to deal with him like this.

Garret parked right in front of the spot where I was hiding in the trees. I glanced around making sure nobody saw me and climbed in.

"Hey…" he whispered. He looked expectant almost. As if waiting for me to spill my guts out.

"Hi…drive, I'll tell you later."

He took me to his place. It was a small apartment downtown…but it felt like a home. As soon as I walked in, I knew it was his, it reflected his personality and that spark that I liked so much about him. The walls were filled with pictures that I now knew were of his family and many friends back home. The fireplace looked freshly used and there were plates all over his kitchen. It was a beautiful place.

"You have a lovely home Garret." I said as I sat down on one of his couches. He was standing in the kitchen getting me a glass of water and some wet towels to clean myself up.

"Thank you beautiful." He said with his back to me. Even though he didn't say it looking at me, I could feel myself blushing at his compliment.

He came back and sat down next to me. He handed me the glass of water and ordered me to drink it.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

I nodded. The water felt amazing in my throat; I hadn't realized I was that thirsty.

"What happened?"

"It's just…I-I…I heard him talking to his sister about…about…me."

"What did he say?" he asked gently. He took my hand and squeezed it as if trying to reassure me.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "He said he had feelings for me." I said finally. "I know it sounds so stupid and I'm probably overreacting…" I rushed to say. "And now that I say it out loud realized I did overreacted and I shouldn't have run away from there, but I couldn't face him with all his family there and…"

"Bella..."

"Yes?" I turned to look at him quickly when he said my name. His eyes were giving me a smoldering look and he squeezed my hand again.

"Breathe."

_Oh. _

"Sorry. I'm a mess." I said apologetically.

"Don't apologize beautiful…you said he has feeling for you?"

"That's what he told his sister…actually his sister asked him and he said yes."

"And how do you feel about that?"

_Million dollar question._

"I don't know." I answered. "I…I…how am I supposed to feel about it? I don't believe it of course, it's absolutely incomprehensible to me and if he _was_ telling her the truth…I can't process it. Assuming he _liked _me…" I said those words reluctantly. "…how can you treat someone like he treats me? That's why I don't believe any of it." I was nearing hysterics and I knew it. "And why would he like me? He doesn't even know me at all…"

"I know why he would like you Bella." He interrupted me.

"What?"

"It doesn't surprise me he has feelings for you Bella."

_Huh?_

"It doesn't?"

"Of course not. You're…"

He was interrupted by my phone ringing again. I looked at the screen and wasn't surprised to find his number there.

Garret sighed.

"Maybe I should take you home…I think it would be worse for you if you keep avoiding him."

_Oh_

"Okay."

-o-

My phone kept ringing all the way back to the house. And again…I just let it go to voicemail.

As soon as I got there, all the reasons why I ran in the first place started coming back to me. His car was parked outside, so there was no way for me to go unnoticed again.

"Call me if anything happens, okay?"

"Of course Garret, thank you."

"Don't mention it…and Bella I'm here for you…always."

I got off his car and made my way to the door.

I walked slowly. I dreaded what I was about to do; but some part of my mind told me it was time for me to start facing things and not just run away. I had to make that promise to myself, if I wanted to move forward I would have to face things as they came.

I opened the door and the first thing that met me was my _husband_, sitting on the only couch on the living room, holding a glass of scotch on his hand with a half empty bottle of the same poison in front of him. He didn't look up when I entered; he just sat there staring at the glass on his hand.

I considered going straight to my room but when he looked up, the look on his face told me I shouldn't even try to move.

There were so many emotions in there, which wasn't new. Every time I looked at him I became even more afraid of those lonely eyes. Of what they hid inside. Anger, pain, I didn't know anymore. But now…I was terrified.

He'd been drinking, a lot. He stood up and placed the glass in front of him. He took a few steps and glared at me.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

I should be used to the shouting by now, but I still flinched.

"I FUCKING ASKED YOU A QUESTION. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

I recoiled from him and tried to take a few steps backwards, but he stopped me by grabbing my arm and yanking me to him.

"Why the fuck did you leave Isabella? Why? What the hell is your fucking problem, are you so fucking stupid that you would just provoke me like that?"

"Let go of me." I whispered.

"Answer me." He hissed. "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE?"

"I had to get out of there." My voice was small and trembling.

"WHY? Are you so fucking rude that you would just leave whenever you feel like doing it?"

"Stop yelling." I whispered. "I can hear perfectly fine."

"THIS IS MY FUCKING HOUSE AND I WILL YELL AT YOU IF I WANT TO."

Fuck it.

I pulled my arm free from his grasp, went around him and strode up the stairs to my room. I could practically feel him chasing after me, and as soon as I was about to close the door, his arm got in the way and prevented me from doing it.

"What do you want Edward?" I whimpered. He was scaring the shit out of me. I went into the far wall of my bedroom, trying to get away from him.

"Who do you think you are leaving like that, making me search all over for you?"

"I fucking heard you okay? I heard what you said to Alice." I hissed.

He just stood there, looking at me blankly. I definitely surprised him; he wasn't expecting that. Good. All color left his face and he looked almost sick.

I took that as my chance to speak.

"It wasn't true right? I mean, there's no way you could ever think there would be…"

"What?" he rasped. "A chance? An opportunity?"

"I…I don't love you. I don't have feelings for you." I said finally.

His face started transforming from a blank page to one of angry in a second. He approached me and in a second he pressed his lips to mine harshly and started kissing me. I could feel the alcohol on his breath and I knew he was just acting on impulse. His hands on my waist were insistent, so I placed mine on his chest and pushed, hard.

He staggered back and looked heated, confused and disorientated.

"Don't fucking touch me again." I hissed. "I don't love you, and I'll never will…and neither do you."

He looked stricken, like I had just slapped him. I left the room and went down the stairs. This time I didn't feel him behind me, I just heard his voice.

"I'll fucking make you love me Isabella…I will." He yelled after me.

And even though I had tried to promise myself I wouldn't do it. I ran…again.

-o-

_I'll fucking make you love me Isabella._

God, no.

It was raining outside. And there was only one place I could go right now.

I stood outside his door, looking like a drowned cat, I'm sure. I was sobbing so hard it was getting harder to breathe. He opened the door and looked surprised to see me there.

"Bella? What happened?"

"I-I…w-we f-fought-t."

"God baby, come in, come in." He led me to the couch and immediately disappeared to another room. Seconds later, he came back with a bunch of towels and placed one of them on my back and started rubbing his hand up and down my arms.

"What happened sweetheart?"

"We fought again…and he…" I trailed off.

_Are you really going to tell him Bella?_

"Did he touch you again?" he hissed.

I nodded. That was the most I could tell him. I couldn't give him details about any of what had happened. I didn't know why I felt I had to hide this from him…protect it.

He stood abruptly from his place and started pacing back and forward.

"Fuck Bella…stupid son of a bitch. I swear I'll kill him Bella, just say the word and I'll kill him." he was furious, I hadn't seen him like this before.

"No…just leave it alone. It's not worth it, please." He rushed to say, the last thing I needed was more problems of any kind. "I…I just need someone to talk to."

His expression softened and he came back to sit next to me. He grabbed my hands and gave a reassuring smile.

"Talk…I'll listen."

And so I started.

"I just can't deal with this anymore; I can't deal with _him _anymore. This isn't a way to live; he's breaking us both and I just wished it would stop; I wished we could try and be normal, or just leave each other alone once and for all. I don't like hypocrisy; I don't like to pretend everything's fine when it's not. I don't like him taking me to his family expecting me to act like if I truly loved him." _Or not just act. _"Every time something else happens it's like a punch to my stomach."

All the while he just looked at me with no judgment whatsoever in his eyes. I took a deep breath and went on.

"I'm trying to find myself in all of this; I don't know who I am anymore Garret. I don't know who this person is. I have been trying to stay independent but I can't, especially not now after losing my job. How am I supposed to pay him rent when I don't even have an income?"

"Wait, what? Rent? What rent?"

"When we first got married I offered to pay for my part of the living expenses, and he declined every time I mentioned it, but when his whole demeanor changed he asked for it, and now I lost my job I just…"

"He asked for money?" he asked incredulously after I trailed off.

"It's fine, I offered."

"No it's not fine, you only offered because you're stubborn. God Bella, I hate him."

"Don't. I was the one who brought up the money thing…"

"Why are you defending him?" he accused me.

"I'm not…it's just…I don't want you getting involved in all this." I lied.

"Why don't you tell him what you just told me Bella?"

"Because…because I can't Garret. I don't even know him and I honestly don't want to. I…I…it's better for me to just hide everything, it's like…if I speak to him, if I let him know what's really going on with everything I feel, I give him permission to hurt me, I give him the weapons to finish me off. I'd become vulnerable and he would just take advantage of that."

I was crying uncontrollably. He got close to me and hugged me to his chest.

"I'm sorry baby…I'm so sorry you're going through this." He whispered. "If I could take it all away…if you'd let me take it all away I would in a second."

He started rocking me gently. "Shh, it's okay baby, you're safe, you're safe." He repeated over and over. I leaned back to look at his face, and he wiped my tears with his thumbs.

He was so close. And it occurred to me I never really noticed him. Not closely. He was really handsome; you could get lost in those hazelnut eyes and that smile could charm you to death. He stroked my cheek and then I saw him lean in closer to me. His eyes moved to my mouth and I saw his tongue dart out to moist his lips. He raised his hand and placed it at the back of my head, and even though I knew what was coming next, I didn't stop him. And this time, h wasn't about to ask for permission.

And then I felt his lips pressed softly to mine. He kissed me softly, sweetly, as it trying to show me everything would be fine, not like the one I had before. But still, it didn't feel any better. I didn't feel better doing this. For a second I thought I _could_ do it, I thought maybe with someone else it would all feel better…but I only managed to get even more confused than I was when I left the house.

His kiss started out gently but then transformed into something more. He grew intense and demanding; he laid us down on his couch and kept on kissing me. The hand at the back of my neck moved to my hip and the other one went to the small of my back pulling me to him. He pushed my legs apart with his knee and placed himself between them. He pressed and pressed and gave more, and all the while I just laid there…confused. Did I want him to kiss me like this? Once I may have said yes…now, I didn't know. He started grinding his hips softly into me and that's when I got my answer.

I moved from his unrelenting lips so I could speak. "Garret…stop." I gasped. He didn't listen. He just continued kissing my neck.

"Stop, please." I said firmly.

He finally stopped and quickly moved off me, as If being shocked out of some trance he was in. I sat up slowly and watched him look away from me.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

"No, it's okay…look at me please." He turned back and looked embarrassed.

"Just…give me some time to think, okay?"

"Of course." He looked down. "Um…I have to make a few calls to work, make yourself comfortable, okay?"

I nodded as he stood up and disappeared from my sight.

God, what was happening here? I liked Garret, but I wasn't sure I liked him like that. And even if I did, I couldn't let things progress. I might hate my _husband, _but I wasn't a cheater.

And deep down, I could feel it, just waiting to boil and come out to the surface, confusing me even more…the guilt. I felt guilty for kissing Garret, I felt guilty for all the things I had said today, to both of them. I felt disgusting and awful. And I didn't need something else to confuse me. I really did need to think things through…and I had to talk to the person who really needed it. I sighed, leaned my head back on the couch, closed my eyes, and I let unconsciousness take over me.

-o-

It was almost midnight when I came back to the house. Garret let me sleep more than I should have, but at least I got some rest. I still didn't know how things would progress between us. I only hoped I wouldn't lose a good friend.

After this afternoon, the last thing I wanted to do was to get back to this house and look at him.

I really hoped he would be asleep, but before I could get to the front door, he yanked it open and pulled me inside. He threw me against the wall and started yelling.

"You stupid WHORE."

"What?" my voice trembled.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" he yelled.

Seriously? This couldn't be happening.

"What are you talking about?"

"WHAT? THIS IS WHAT."

He shoved a piece of paper into my hands. I unfolded it with shaky hands and read it.

_While you're yelling at her…there's a man wishing to whisper in her ear. _

_While you humiliate her, offend her, insult her…there's a man wishing to worship her._

_While you make her cry…there's a man stealing smiles from her. _

_While you're manhandling her…there's a man wishing he could make love to her._

Fuck.

Garret.

* * *

_**Bella has to get her shit together!**_

_**I hope next chapter will answer some of your questions… we'll see.**_

_**Like I said in the beginning, I expect I can update at least once a week, hopefully on Sundays, if everything turns out alright.**_

_**Let me know what you think. Till next time.**_


	13. Falling apart

**I began writing this chapter thinking it would end somewhat nicely…I changed my mind.**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 13. Falling apart.**

I stared at the piece of paper in my hands. My heart was pounding on my ears, my hands became sweaty and the breath was knocked out of me.

_What was this?_

I read the words over and over. What was the point in sending something like this? To have me killed? No one knew about this situation except for Garret. Why would he do this? I didn't realize his attentions towards me had reached this point.

_While you're manhandling her…there's a man wishing he could make love to her._

God, no.

"I swear…t-this isn't w-what y-you t-think." I stammered.

"It isn't what I think? It isn't?" he snarled. "Oh well, that makes me feel so much fucking better."

"It's not." I whispered.

"Do you really expect me to believe you?" he spat. "Do you really think I could fucking believe you after all the lies you've told?"

"I'm not lying." I pressed my back even further into the wall. I didn't want to give him any chance of getting physical again.

"Really? Okay, tell me…where's your fucking truck? Huh?"

Oh.

He noticed.

_Of course he noticed, stupid._

"See…it's been lie after fucking lie with you."

"I haven't been lying." I hissed. "There's things I haven't told you…but it's because I don't fucking know you. You're a complete stranger to me."

"I'm a complete FUCKING stranger because that was your fucking choice…not mine."

"Seriously?" I asked. "How is it possible you could e-ever think t-that I could talk to y-you when all you do is…is…" I trailed off. I realized thinking about everything he did was entirely different than saying it out loud. And I hated my voice sounded the way it did. I wanted to sound strong and like I wasn't scared, but I couldn't do it.

"All I do is what? Fucking what, Isabella?" he growled. "Fucking answer me." He went on when I didn't say something. He grabbed my chin _again_ and squeezed his hand on me.

"How the fuck do you want me to react, when you FUCKING do things like this?" he tore the paper from my hands harshly and shoved it in my face. I tried to recoil from him but there was nowhere to go.

"You fucking agreed to this marriage and now…now you…" he trailed off. A hunted look crossed his face for a moment, it was like something stopped him from finishing. And when he looked at me like that…like he was also in pain…it was when my stupid naïve heart felt bad for him. When my heart thought maybe, just maybe he was suffering from this too.

But then I remembered the hand gripping me tightly and forgot about that.

"Don't kid yourself…you knew why I married you, so don't expect any great promises from me…I married you because of my father…that's the reason why I am with you."

And again he looked wounded, but just for a second, right before he recovered. He moved so we were eye to eye and glared at me. "Who the fuck is he?" he insisted.

"No one."

He punched the wall _again _with his fist while the other hand tightened its hold on me. "Who the FUCK is he?" he was seething, furious.

"No one." I repeated.

"I believed you were a lot of things, but I never believed you were a fucking WHORE."

_That's it._

I placed my hands on his chest, gathered all the strength I could and pushed him away from me. I was the one who was pissed now.

"Don't you ever fucking touch me again do you hear me?" I yelled. "Don't you ever again call me like that, do you understand? "

My breathing was harsh and he just looked at me with an indescribable look on his face. And then he stunned me when he clapped his hands and grinned menacingly.

"Good Isabella, good…your true colors are coming out now." He said. "I'm glad you decided to stop being the fucking victim and speak."

"Fuck you Edward."

'No, fuck you…or at least it's what it says in here." He sneered. "You're a fucking whore. And I will say it as many times as I fucking want."

"Shut up…shut up." I hissed. "We're just friends, there's nothing…"

I was cut off when he strode forward and stood in front of me again. "So there _is _someone?" He raised his hand almost as if to slap me, but he stopped himself; his nostrils flared and he actually growled. "You're just like your fucking father…you're evil, deceitful and a heartless bitch." He spat.

And I snapped.

I brought my hand up and I was the one who slapped him…hard. He looked shocked and surprised, but above else he looked even more pissed if that was possible.

"Get out." He said menacingly. "Get the fuck out of my house."

"Do you think you can just…"

"GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE."

His voice startled me. I knew if I stayed a second longer I would regret it, so I left. Except this time I wasn't running, I was being pushed away, and I couldn't really blame him. I knew what that note looked like and as much as I could try to fix it, I knew it would be almost impossible. I walked out of that house and tried to get away as far as I could. I walked and walked until I couldn't anymore.

I could still feel the sting in my hand, but above else the sting in my heart.

I felt alone and sad and desperate. I felt uncertain and confused, like a lost lamb. I couldn't go back to that house, maybe he never wanted me there again, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

I felt disgusted and dependent. I felt disappointed and remorseful. I finally had let myself to trust Garret and this is what happened. I was angry at him and myself. I may have bitched like crazy or complained and complained but I didn't need someone to save me. I didn't need a hero.

But I couldn't really face him. I had allowed this situation to happen. I had allowed someone else to walk right over everything I had ever trusted and this was the result. But I couldn't blame Garret for all my misfortunes; I was the only one to blame here.

I don't know how long I walked but when I finally noticed my surroundings I realized I didn't know where I was. I was lost, just as I felt. I browsed around looking for everything and nothing in particular. I walked aimlessly around the streets, noticing the colors, the objects, the people…looked nameless to me.

It was like I had a million things to think about…but my brain didn't want to process them, didn't want to figure them out. And even if wanted I wouldn't be able to do it.

It was exhausting to be here. I was being consumed by life itself. I could hardly remember who I was before that wedding, and that hurt even more.

-o-

Somehow I ended up near Escala. I sat on a bench on the park right across the street. This was the only place in Seattle I was the most familiar with. I didn't recognize anyone passing by, but at least I knew my surroundings. I was glad I had brought my purse with me, otherwise I might have to spend the night here.

And I allowed myself to think about everything.

About all the things that could happen in just one day. I didn't know if I still had a friend in Garret, but right now I didn't want to talk to him, I couldn't understand his motivations. I didn't know if I even had a place to live in anymore. I had never seen Edward act so violently; I'd seen him throw punches, yell, push, pull and whatnot, but I'd never seen his face so utterly…disgusted. Every time I closed my eyes I could see that look, haunting me.

But that note got me thinking; was I really one of those women who didn't notice they were being abused? I knew what he'd done and maybe some of the reasons behind those actions, but my mind couldn't come up with the concept of an abusive relationship because…well, this wasn't even a relationship to me.

Being here reminded me I had nothing to look forward to. My life had been revolving around one person I absolutely loathed and I just kept going under.

I needed to find a motel room, it was getting dark and I was cold. I got up from the bench and out of the corner of my eye I saw a patch of blonde hair. It looked like that guy I saw at the apartment a few weeks ago, but I wasn't sure. I tried to get closer but was distracted when I heard my name from the other side of the park.

"Bells?"

I stopped in my tracks when I heard the familiar voice. My head whipped around and a huge smile tore across my face when I saw who was standing there.

"Angela?"

My eyes grew wide. I hadn't seen her in so long, it was refreshing. She was the only part of my _life _I couldn't be nervous about. I missed her. It was like her face reminded me of who I once was.

I stepped closer and pulled her to me tightly.

"Oh my god Angela…I missed you so much."

"Hey Bells. I missed you too." She rasped. She stepped back and gave a confused look.

"You're skinny."

I grimaced. I knew I was. "Yeah…wait, what are you doing here?" I asked. "How did you know where I was?" I frowned. No one knew about my new self imposed life. No one knew where I even lived.

"I…I…Charlie told me." she whispered.

_Charlie? Charlie knew where I was?_

"My dad told you?"

"He said I could find you in this building."

"Here?"

She nodded.

And in that moment I took a good look at my old friend. She looked tired, pale with dark circles around her eyes and…sad. Did Angela know what happened? Did Charlie know what happened? Had my dad sent her here? Maybe he'd ask her to come here and talk some sense into me?

"Why?"

"I didn't have your phone number…so I just came here instead."

"What happened?"

She looked away from me, anywhere just to avoid my eyes. I could see tears brimming in her eyes and her lips trembled.

"Ang, what's going on?" she was starting to worry me. Had something happened?

"I'm sorry Bella." She said so quietly I almost couldn't hear her. I was starting to get scared and panic was surfacing deep in my stomach.

"What happened?"

She shook her head softly. "I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry about what Angela?" I grabbed her arms and shook her lightly. But as soon as I did it I let her go, I dropped my arms quickly and took a deep breath. This was messing with my head. "Sorry about what? Tell me." I said again trying to qualm my temper, but I had a feeling something wasn't right.

"It's your dad." She whispered again. She looked up and the look on her face made me shiver.

"What about my dad?" I rasped with a knot in my throat.

"He died Belly."

* * *

**Super short chapter. Next one will be longer.**

**Update? Maybe on Sunday. **

**Till next time.**


	14. From beyond and more

**So Bella…she's a mess in here. Hope it won't be too confusing. Some things are real for her…some aren't. **

**Enjoy.**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 14. From beyond and more.**

Everything was a blur after that.

So many things happened. Some of them I remembered, some of them I didn't. Some days I was numb, others…not so much.

"_What?" I rasped. _

_No, no, no, no._

"_No, it's not true. Tell me it's a lie, Angela." I grabbed her upper arms and shook her again. "Fucking tell me it's not true Ang."_

"_I'm sorry."_

_No, no, no, no, no. __Daddy._

I remember my knees hurt from when I dropped to the ground after Angela had uttered those words. That's when things became fuzzy. I can only remember bits of everything that happened. One moment I was laying on that cold concrete sidewalk, and the next I was on some random bed facing the wall.

My mind kept replaying all the events that led to this moment. I wondered if I could have done something to stop it, I knew if I thought about it well enough, I'd get my answer. All of it played in my head like a broken record, some of them on slow motion, others as fast and brief as a lighting. I was left praying for tomorrow to be just a memory, for my tomorrow to become the past. And maybe, just maybe my yesterday wouldn't be anything but a memory. I wanted the past, the present and the future to erase themselves from my skin. They didn't.

"_Tell me how it happened." _

"_Belly, I don't think you…"_

"_Tell me."_

"_He…he died in a car accident yesterday."_

_Car accident? Another one? Seriously? _

"_Why didn't you tell me right away?"_

"_I couldn't call you…so I came here. You don't have to worry about anything Belly, we'll take care of everything. Do you want me to call your grandparents?"_

"_Sure." I turned my head away and closed my eyes._

-o-

My grandparents along with Angela had taken care of the funeral for me. I was in no condition to do it on my own. I didn't even know what to do.

_I decided to burry my father in his birth place, next to my mother. I always thought the best way to 'live' after you die, would be in the place you always called home, and for my dad, that was Forks. Cremation wasn't ever an option for me. Not that I ever gave it much thought to burying my dad, but I decided that was the best thing to do. I wasn't so sure anymore. I had never seen something so gruesome and morbid as my father inside a box, being practically pushed into the ground, having people pour dirt and concrete all over him and above else…having to witness it all._

_I didn't remember my mom's funeral being like this. I knew I had cried but I didn't have any memory of this part. Maybe Charlie had protected me from that too. _

_My grandparents' tried comforting me, Edward's family tried to comfort me…I didn't want it. I wanted to be alone, not surrounded by all those people who knew nothing about my father or about me for that matter. _

I don't remember if I cried or not. I must have, or at least I hope I did. Things came and went, and I didn't know what they were. I don't remember driving to Forks, but I don't remember sleeping either. I remember someone had to give me a chair to sit on at the graveyard. I remember someone placed a hand on my shoulder. I didn't move, I didn't have the strength.

I remember a prayer, a song and…I don't know.

I remember faces, bodies and shapes. I remember the rain and the clouds covering the sun. Above else I remember the casket, the flowers above it and the silence when he went into the ground.

Morbid.

-o-

"Angela." I called.

Nothing.

"Angela, where are you?"

"I'm here Belly…you're fine."

I was laying face down on a bed…but I didn't know this bed. It didn't feel comfortable. I felt clammy and sleepy.

"Where am I?"

"You're at your house."

I tried to lift myself with my arms but failed miserably. "At Forks?"

"No, you're in Seattle…at Edward's."

Oh.

"Why?"

"Because this is your house Bella." I hadn't noticed he was there until he spoke. I looked up and saw him walking into the bedroom with a tray of food on his hands.

"You threw me away, remember?"

Silence.

"This is your house Bella." He said again. I turned away and pretended to sleep.

-o-

_I always hated these things. Why people gathered in the deceased's house to honor whatever they were honoring, was beyond my imagination. _

_I was sitting on the couch I had shared so many things with Charlie…and now it was surrounded by strange people that looked at me with…pity. I had barely gone through the experience at the graveyard and I'd had enough. I slowly got up and without a word tried to go upstairs unnoticed. _

_And it seemed like fate wanted me to eavesdrop on every conversation on the world, because as I was passing through the kitchen I saw _him _and Esme._

_She looked really pissed. I could see where Edward got his temper from. Even though she was more than a feet smaller than him, she looked like she was in charge. I doubted anyone could hear them clearly, they were speaking in hushed tones._

"_Would you mind telling me what is going on here Edward?" _

"_Not now mom, please." _

"_Please you Edward, what are you doing?"_

"_It's complicated."_

"_I bet it's complicated. Why did you lie about her last name?"_

_No answer._

"_Tell me Edward, because I don't understand, what are you doing with Isabella __**Swan**__?"_

_Swan? He lied about my last name? _

"_Mom…" _

_Sigh. _

"_Please…I…I have to go to her, I don't wanna leave her alone…please let's not do this now."_

"_Fine. We will talk about this later Anthony."_

_I turned and left upstairs._

-o-

_There were so many things happening, so many things being said…reality was becoming blurry. Reality was becoming hard to distinguish…hard to separate._

_I didn't know what was happening. Darkness came and went slowly every few seconds, blinding me; I was starting to worry. I didn't like it. And then my brain caught up with my body and I realized I was just blinking. I closed my eyes again._

_And sometimes mumbled words haunted my restless nights. Swirling around in the air, in my head…outside, I didn't know where, but I still heard them._

"_What have you been doing to her?" _

"_We have been killing ourselves, that's what."_

_And sometimes they weren't mumbles, but shouting and yelling till no end. And I tried to listen, to comprehend but I was drowning and swirling in a revolving cycle with no end. _

"_WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" _

_Edward? There was no answer._

"_Get the fuck out NOW."_

"_I just came to give you a warning…stop it or you'll regret it."_

"_GET THE FUCK OUT. I DON'T WANT YOU HERE."_

_And then it would stop, and all there was left was silence and me and my confused thoughts. __But at the end of the day everything went away and loneliness was the only thing that came when everyone else left._

-o-

_I didn't know if I was dreaming or just plain crazy but I remember being held and it felt…nice. I had wanted to be left alone all this time, I couldn't deal with anyone's presence, let alone touch, but now…arms were around me and I welcomed them. I snuggled closer to those arms and took a deep breath. I looked up and saw Edward's face. _

_Yep, definitely dreaming. _

_I should have been bothered with these kinds of dreams, but I wasn't. It was just that after all…a dream. _

"_Are you awake?" he asked._

_I nodded. _

"_How do you feel?"_

_I nodded again. He chuckled._

"_You're not talking anymore?"_

"_Don't be mean to me anymore, please."_

_Silence. I really liked dream Edward, at least more than the real one. This one didn't yell. _

"_Okay. I promise."_

"_Good." I sighed and closed my eyes._

-o-

I was laying on my stomach, my face was turned sideways and my arms were limp at my side. I didn't know how long I was like this, not much made sense anymore. I heard a mumbled voice behind my door. I blinked. I could see a shadow behind my door. He was out there.

"Where is she…" I heard from the other side. "What happened…FUCK…I'll be right there…no…I have to see my sister…I don't know, I think she'll be okay…she hasn't moved…I know."

Then the light came. Blinding me. I could see his dark jeans and black shoes. I tried to close my eyes, but even that hurt. I saw movement and then I could see his face leveled with mine.

"Why haven't you eaten?" he asked softly, but it still resonated loudly in the silence of the room.

I didn't answer. He sighed.

"Please baby, eat something…please." He rasped. His voice sounded broken…hurt. I didn't need this right now. I turned my head to the other side.

I heard him move again and then he mumbled. "I…I…Alice is in the hospital…I have to go see her. Do you want to come?"

Silence.

"I won't take long, I have my cell with me, in case you…I'll be right back." There was a click and the light was gone.

Alice? Hospital? My brain knew the words, the meaning, but couldn't make the connection. I breathed and closed my eyes.

-o-

"_Don't touch me." I hissed. "Leave me alone."_

"_Please Bella…just…" he trailed off when I glared at him. _

"_Don't call me Bella." I said. "I've always been Isabella to you, so keep it that way."_

"_Can we just…please, for now, let's not fight."_

_No answer. _

"_Please eat something, you can't do this." He whispered. "You can't keep going like this."_

"_I've been doing it since I married you."_

_His face fell, but didn't transform into anger._

"_Believe me, if it's in my power I'll make it change."_

"_Right."_

"_Please…I…I…let me help you. I feel horrible."_

"_You feel horrible? Good."_

"_Bella…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything."_

"_Fuck off."_

"_Bella, please…I'm sorry."_

_I got up and left. _

-o-

I didn't keep track of time. It wasn't until Angela said she had to go back to Forks that I realized it had been almost a month since Charlie's death, which was a shock to me. Where had I been this last month? I knew they had given me some medication to sleep, since I wasn't doing it, but I didn't think it'd affect me like this. She said I haven't been sleeping since that day at Escala, but that's all I felt I was doing. It was like I finally opened my eyes and took a look at what was around me. I was back at Edward's place, why? I didn't know. Didn't he kick me out?

"Belly…I have to get going."

"Wait…I'll come with you." I rushed to say.

"What? Why?"

"I have to go home." I said. And being the coward that I was, I went with her.

And now I sat outside Charlie's room trying to come up with the courage I needed to go in there.

The minute I walked into the house anxiety took over me. I had never felt that way being here. This was always home to me. I thought you created a home with memories, both good and bad…but now I realized that wasn't true. Home was where your loved ones were…and since Charlie wasn't here, this wasn't my home anymore.

The house looked cold…haunted even.

I came in here hoping to find some peace…some forgiveness…I found none. I came in here hoping I could come back and restart my life over again…a fresh start.

And then the house slapped me right on the face, calling me stupid. It screamed of hate, rejection…and guilt.

A guilt that wouldn't let me live, not here, not anywhere. How could I have left things like that with Charlie? How could I have said all those horrible things?

_Not only do I have to move on from Forks…I have to move on from you… you're just not enough for me anymore._

God. I'm a horrible person. A horrible daughter. I could still remember his face, his broken expression as I said those words and now…I didn't even have a chance to apologize. A chance to tell him all those things I said were a lie, a chance to tell him how much I really loved him, that I did it all for him and that it had been useless.

Could I sell it? Could I sell the house I was born in? The house that witnessed my parents' love? I didn't know. But for now I had to go into that room and face it.

I took a few staggering breaths, got up from the floor and opened the door in one quick motion.

I gasped.

How long ago was I in here? Everything felt familiar but at the same time strange. All these things breathed his essence, his being. It all reminded me of him. I walked forward and lightly ran my fingertips over some of his things. His clothes, his boots, even his TV smelled like him. And then I saw a little mark on the desk signaling I had began crying. Being here was too painful, now more than ever I realized I couldn't live here anymore.

"I'm so sorry Charlie."

I turned to leave when I noticed a folded paper on top of the dresser that said _Bella. _I frowned. I took the paper in my hands and opened it.

_Dear Bells:_

_God, I don't know why Im even writing this. It ain't like you gonna read it any time soon. And hell…Im not good with words either but this is what I'd tell you if I had you right in front of me._

_What the hell were you thinkin kiddo? You think I wouldn't found out what you did? Im a freaking police officer Bells, with contacts and shit (sorry for the swearing) and you had to know I'd found out eventually. It was a shock hearing my daughter married someone out of the blue. You have some explaining to do._

_What you did was really stupid and careless and reckless and did I mention stupid? _

_But I cant really blame you for what you did. Im mad as hell at you and you will hear from me sometime but still I know why you did it. _

_You always been kind and giving like your mom and Im eternally grateful you thought you owe me this but you didn't have to do it. And if I known you were gonna do that I would have grounded you for life do you hear me?_

_And just like your mom I know you and I know your gonna be blaming yourself for the things you said that day. Don't bells…I now know why you said them and I know you didn't mean them and you know what? even if you did I would forgive you anyway. A parent always forgives anything._

_Im not gonna let you live with my past Bells, Im gonna fix this I promise you that and when I do I'll deal with you and that "husband" of yours._

_I know him from a while back and Im even more pissed at him that Im at you and he will hear from me I assure you that, but I know his family and I know that even with all the things that happened in the past…he should be a good man…for his sake. _

_I promise I'll fix it honey. And then you can come back._

_Love Charlie._

* * *

**Any errors you might find in the letter are intentional…I didn't know how to write in Charlie's POV.**

**I will try to update before Tuesday, if not…well I think it'll be more than a week. I'm leaving town again so…**

**Review please.**


	15. Never alone

**I'm back. **

**So sorry for the delay (hides under desk) …Vegas was great.**

**Enjoy.**

**Mrs. Cullen owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 15. Never alone.**

After I read that letter I sat there immobilized trying to gather my thoughts.

And for a while they were just…blank.

It was amazing to me how quickly things could change. One minute there was this certainty at the back of my mind that told me, even though I hadn't seen him in such a long time, Charlie was just there, and the next minute he was just…gone.

My brain hadn't made the full connection yet. It was like this past month didn't count for anything and I had just started grieving.

I moved from my place and blinked a few times taking in my surroundings. I got on my knees, crawled to the far corner of the room and placed my cheek against the old wooden floor. I could feel the tears rolling down my face but didn't have the strength to wipe them away. From this point there wasn't much on my range of vision. I could see the dirty drapes barely caressing the floor by the window. I always told Charlie, above else you had to clean after yourself and your stuff. I guess he didn't do it.

I could see his nightstand with nothing much on it. I smiled a little at that. It was so Charlie…nothing on the top, everything on the inside.

And then the smile left my face as soon as my eyes landed underneath his bed. The floor was filled with dust balls that for sure could be potentially dangerous to someone's health, but what caught my eye was the pair of dirty old reading glasses just laying there mocking me.

They had been prescribed by his regular doctor, saying he needed them to read that awful newspaper and to watch TV. He never did. Never. They were bent at a weird angle. And they reminded me of him.

"_Dad please, you've got to start wearing these." I said exasperated when I found his reading glasses on top of the washing machine. _

_He just shook his head. _

_I sighed. "Seriously Charlie, some day you're just gonna go blind."_

"_Looking forward to seeing that." he mumbled and changed the channel on the TV._

Another wave of big fat tears came and slapped me right on the face.

This was unbearable. I felt alone. All the time…in this house. In this room. I was still expecting to wake up from this nightmare and have my dad yell at me for not getting up early and missing work. I was still expecting for him to burst through that door and hug me. That wasn't going to happen and I had to accept my reality.

I had to get out of this room. I got up from the floor and barely made it to my own.

I was exhausted.

I wanted to disappear.

I couldn't.

Every time I closed my eyes I saw him. I saw his face…angry, then happy, then sad and heartbroken. I saw myself uttering those horrible words over and over again. I saw my mother's face, Edward's face…everything in a flash.

It made me nauseous, literally.

The only strength I had left was used by trying to make into the bathroom. Apparently I was pouring out everything I had kept hidden inside for the last month, physically and mentally. It was like my body was trying to clean itself up from all the things I had conjured up lately…it was taking everything out, making me hysterical and leaving me empty, all at the same time.

I raised myself from the bathroom floor. I stood by the sink and splashed my face with some cold water…and in a really long time I looked up and watched myself in the mirror in front of me. I didn't know what I was expecting to see, but it didn't surprise me.

I took inventory of everything.

My barely there arms.

My none existing brown eyes.

My dirty ugly hair.

A few bruises here and there. I don't remember getting them.

How did I get here?

It was my body way of saying: _screw you Bella. For everything. _

I knew this was bad. I could feel it…and I could feel my body not responding the way I wanted to. Had I become so infected and contaminated that it had gotten to this point?

And the worst part was…I didn't know if I wanted to fix it.

Right now I had bigger things to think about besides what I looked like. I wondered…Could I have done it differently? Was there a small possibility I could have just avoided Charlie all that pain?

Did the fact that Charlie knew…_something,_ made things okay? He said he understood and that he forgave me, but did that mean I could forgive myself?

I didn't know the extent of Charlie's knowledge about my current situation, but somehow I doubted that made things right. What did he know exactly? How long ago did he found out? Those were answers I would never get. That thought made me curl up in a ball and sob.

Again.

-o-

I feel asleep on the bathroom floor.

The light was still coming in through the small window, so I couldn't guess what time it was. I blinked a few times to clear my foggy eyes.

I frowned. My head hurt. I brought my hand up to rub my temple…the movement hurt.

I felt dirty and sticky. I wanted a shower, and at the same time…I didn't.

I braced my weak arms against the dirty floor and pushed. I was shaking slightly but I managed to peel myself from here.

I sat at the bed facing the window. I let the sun warm my cold skin. But all too soon the light became too much and I closed the drapes. I went back to bed and closed my eyes.

I could hear my cell vibrating on the nightstand. I should have left it somewhere else, or not have brought it at all. I was in no mood to talk to anyone, so I just let it go to voice mail.

It kept ringing.

I reached for it to check who was calling. 21 missed calls and one voice message. Great.

Three were from Angela.

Five from Garret.

Eleven from Edward.

And the last two…_unknown number._

Right.

I decided to listen to the voice mail.

The unfamiliar voice that met my ears belonged to a man. He said to be my father's lawyer and to contact him as soon as I could to discuss the terms of Charlie's will.

Lawyer? Charlie's will? What the hell? I didn't even know Charlie had a lawyer, let alone a will.

Oh, and he was sorry for my loss.

Right.

I took a deep breath and finally tried to gather the strength I needed to take a shower. I stood under the spray until the water turned cold. And even then I remained inside.

I got clean clothes and felt a little bit better. Lighter.

But still shaking.

Thousands of thoughts kept swirling around in my head. It was really confusing. Not knowing what to do, where to go, how to deal with this.

I went down the stairs and took a look around.

This place was mess.

Not in the dirty disorganized kind of mess, just…wrong. This wasn't my house, it wasn't my home anymore. It was just…something. This wasn't the place I had lived throughout my entire life.

There was a knock on the door bringing me out of my musings.

I frowned. I didn't want to deal with someone right now. And for a minute I considered not opening the door…that was until I heard Angela call my name. I opened it and there I found my best friend, holding a brown paper bag on one hand and on the other…coffee.

"Hey Belly. I brought you lunch." She said cautiously. I wonder if she thought I would flip out or something. I couldn't really blame her.

"Hey Ang, come in." I tried smiling softly.

Ten minutes later we were sitting on my father's kitchen. Apparently Angela thought I was a two hundred pound man, because the amount of food she brought with her was mind blowing.

_Or maybe she just thinks you haven't been eating these past few months._

Right.

She claimed to have brought it for the both of us, but I didn't really see her touch anything, much like me. I wasn't trying to starve myself or anything like that, I just wasn't hungry. And to be perfectly honest…I didn't care if I did starve.

"Hey Ang…" I said absently moving my food around.

"Hmm?" she was distracted, or at least she tried to act that way. It seemed the new paper today was very interesting.

"Would you…can you tell me what happened? I mean…um…since you told me about Charlie?"

She looked up and stared at me blankly.

"I…I really don't remember much…no, actually I remember a lot of things…I just don't know if they happened or not."

"Um…what do you want to know?"

"Everything? Tell me what I missed."

And tell me she did.

Apparently I fainted right after she told me that day, that's why I didn't remember anything after that. She somehow managed to get me into her car when my cell phone rang.

It was Edward.

"And since your…dad…" she said quietly. "…had told me some details of why you left…I answered and told him what I had just told you. He gave me directions and _ordered _me to get you to his house."

"That's why I woke up there."

"Yes." She nodded. "He was really freaked out Belly…when I got there he didn't even let me turn off the engine, before he yanked the door open and carried you inside."

She placed her hands on the table and started fiddling with her fingers. She wouldn't look at me.

"After he got you in bed…he went crazy bombarding me with questions…"

"What did he ask?"

She sighed. "He asked where I found you; how I found you, if you were okay…he asked how Charlie died…all the time checking on you…he wouldn't take his eyes off you Belly."

_Huh?_

"He seemed just concerned at first…just waiting for you to wake up…and then you did."

She still wouldn't look at me.

"You…you looked so…" he trailed off. Tears were brimming in her eyes. I raised my hand, placed it on top of hers and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Go on." I whispered.

"You looked dead Belly. I'm sorry I know I shouldn't say that, but you did…you were numb; you were just…not there." She was crying now. "Sometim-mes at nigh-t you…you w-would…" she trailed off.

_God._

I was trying to hold it together. I didn't want to cry anymore.

"That's when he really lost it." She took a deep breath. "It was like he was…lost, literally. He didn't know what to do or say to you. Sometimes when he was around either you wanted him to be there or you would just tell him to fuck off…he wanted to take care of everything, but your grandparents had already taken care of most of the things by phone and they were arriving the next day."

"Yeah, I remember that."

"On the…memorial service…he…he stood always by your side – at least when you let him – he really did tried to make things easier on you Belly…"

I frowned. She was talking about someone foreign to me.

"Right after the funeral he decided it would be best if you went back to Seattle. I tried to argue - I was even going to ask for your opinion - but when I suggested it, I got death glares from him and some members of his family. He wouldn't leave your side. I stayed in that house until just a few days ago, but not one night did I spend it with you. He wouldn't let me. _He_ was the one that stayed with you every night. At first he slept on the floor…but when you started having nightmares he moved to bed…to hold you.

"I don't remember having nightmares." I whispered.

"Well you did." She stated. "He called his father to check on you, but he was out of town. A few days later he managed to get you that sleeping pill I told you about and you started getting groggy and confused… he wanted to drive you to the hospital. He was frantic, he seemed so concerned Bella, blaming himself for giving you that…he hardly slept at all, and the only time he left your side was to shower and get you some food."

_What?_

She sighed.

"He tried so hard to get you to eat. Every single time he tried and tried. You wouldn't eat of course." She looked at me with a mixture of raw concern and desperation. "A few days later, I confronted him. Charlie didn't give me the details of your marriage, but I knew it was bad." Her voice started trembling and she avoided my eyes. Again.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Ang…I didn't tell anyone."

She sniffed. "I know and I understand, it's just that it hurt to know you were having a rough time. All in you own."

_Oh Angela._

I pulled her arm to me and gave her a tight hug. "I'm okay."

"No you're not Bella." She whispered. "Just look at yourself. I was so scared; I had never seen you like that."

I sighed.

"Come on." I let go of her and smiled softly. "Tell me more."

She looked like she wanted to protest.

She didn't.

"Like I said…I confronted him. Called him on his bullshit, and demanded to know what the hell was going on. I got myself into that state really, all I could do was thinking about the situation you were living…that house…" she shuddered. "…and he told me…a lot of things Bella, but…I…I'm not sure that's for me to say. I know you're my friend and I should spill my guts out to you, but he said some things _he _has to say, not me."

"He has to say them?"

"Yes, he said he was planning on talking to you as soon as you were okay."

_Oh. _

I shook my head. "Okay, keep going."

"Right. So a week after the funeral, there was a knock on the door. I was laying next to you when he went to get the door. The next thing I knew there was shouting and yelling coming from downstairs."

"Yeah…I remember some of that."

"Well, I didn't get much of it. I think Edward found something that guy didn't appreciate or something like that and he was…I don't know, like I said I didn't understand much of it. But I think Edward pissed someone off, badly. And someone pissed him off too."

_Weird. _

"Did you know if that guy was someone from his family?" I asked.

"No, I don't think he was. His family just called, they never showed up."

_Oh. _

We sat there for a while. Angela looking at me and I was just trying to process everything.

"What's going on with you?" she whispered. "I'm concerned…and I'm sure if Charlie saw you, he would be too."

_Ouch. Low blow._

But she was right. "I know Ang, just…I'll tell you, I will…just give me some time, please…right now I'm…I can't." I whispered.

She squeezed my hand and gave me a watery smile. "Okay."

Two lectures later about how I should try to eat more, she left with the promise to check up on me the next day. Even when I said I didn't want any company, having Angela here reminded me of what a friend meant. And right now I dreaded being alone. But she had her own life to live, and she'd done enough postponing it for a month on my account.

Angela gave me a lot of information to process. If my head was a mess before she came in here, now…it was a disaster. It was hard to think with some much new information, but at the same time I didn't know a single thing…about anything.

I just knew…I need to pick myself up from the hole I dug myself into.

-o-

I spent the next three hours trying to come up with a plan to fix my life.

I wasn't making any progress.

I sighed and got up from my permanent residence in the couch. I made my way to the stairs and just as I stepped on the first step the door bell rang.

"Hey Ang, I thought you weren't coming until…" I trailed off as soon as I opened the door and saw who was standing there.

_Edward's mother._

"Umm…Mrs. Cullen? What are you doing here?" I asked confused. I looked around waiting to see someone with her. She was alone.

"Hi Isabella…and please call me Esme." She said. "I feel so much older when you say it like that."

"Okay Esme." I said tentatively. What was she doing here? She was the last person I ever expect to see here. God, this woman was gorgeous. She had to be way over her forties, but she looked so much younger. She smiled kindly at me and took my hand.

"Can we talk honey?"

_About?_

"Um…yeah, sure. Come in."

I stepped aside to let her in. And as she did, I noticed how inadequate she looked here. Actually, how inadequate my house was for someone like her. But she didn't seem to notice. She went into my living room and looked around for a second.

For what? I wasn't sure.

"This is a beautiful home."

Maybe she noticed something I didn't. I only saw old paper wall and worn out couches, maybe she saw the beauty in it.

"Thank you."

"How are you, sweetheart?" she asked softly.

_Horrible._

"Good, I'm okay."

She looked at me and smiled knowingly. "Please, take a seat."

And she did. She sat there in all her glory, looking like some sort of a goddess dressed in fancy designer clothes, while I was wearing my old sweat pants and shirt. She moved her purse to the side, placed her hands on her lap and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." She said.

_Huh?_

"What?"

"I'm sorry sweetheart. For everything."

"I…I don't understand."

"I'm sorry for kidding myself Isabella…I'm sorry for not welcoming you into our family as you deserved; I'm sorry for allowing Edward to keep you from us."

"I still don't understand, Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme." She whispered.

I flushed. "Esme."

"When Edward first came to us and announced he was getting married…I was so happy." She took a shaky breath and continued. "Edward is adopted, I'm not sure if you know that, but you do now. And life wasn't easy for him…I won't tell you that story; it's just not mine to tell. But he had a rough beginning…he suffered a lot honey, and…that hurts more than he will ever know. He was always a withdrawn child, a loner. Never showing interest in anything besides work…so when he came to us and said he was engaged…you can imagine my surprise, but above anything else I was content. And that is why I ignored the fact that he was announcing he was getting married with someone we didn't know, someone who didn't know us."

"When you have a kid, even if it's not yours by birth, you love them as if they were. You try to make their life as easy as possible. You try, in Edward's case, to erase all the damage someone could have done before you…but there's always so much you can do…" Tears were brimming in her eyes and her eyes were solitude itself. She looked so much like Edward right now.

"And I'm sorry I never questioned him…I'm sorry I didn't take the time to get to know you before that wedding. I heard…I don't know the extent of the things the happened, and I'm not asking for explanations or details, but I know enough to see something's wrong…and to want to talk to you about it."

She took a shaky breath as if trying to compose herself.

"It's fine Esme."

What else could I say?

"It's the bravest thing my dear, to smile when the heart is crying, when the heart is miserable…and that is what you have been doing so far." She stroked my cheek lovingly. "You see honey, l_ife is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain." She said. "I am so proud of you Isabella…right now, after what happened to your father, I can see just how strong you are…" she trailed off._

_"But _I can see it in his eyes…I can see it in _your_ eyes…you're both suffering, and that's not what parents want for their children. You are only as sick as your secrets honey" she said thoughtfully. "The things that you hide are the things that destroy you…they will eat you alive." She sighed sadly. "And unfortunately that is what has been happening to Edward."

"Why are you telling me this now?" I asked.

"Edward _is _a good man, I know it…but sometimes he lets his past dictate his actions. I'm in no way trying to justify whatever behavior my son may have had towards you, but I just want you to know that's not him. I talked to him and…he's a mess." Her voice trembled. "He has told me so much, but at the same time so little for me to be able to understand him. Trust me, as the mother of an adult man, I have done the most I can to talk some sense into him…he says he want to change. Change what? I don't know. But he said he will, and as my soon I have to give him the benefit of the doubt."

I wanted to raise an eyebrow at her, but that would have been rude.

"But you don't have to if you don't want to." She whispered. A part of me told me she wanted me to do just that.

She moved to grab something from her purse.

She showed me a picture of her son. And old picture from a year back from the date at the bottom.

I gasped.

He looked so different from now. He looked heavier, taller, stronger…happier. There were no dark circles around his eyes and he didn't have that haunted look I was so used to.

I never met that Edward.

Since the fist day I saw him he looked like he did now.

Broken.

Angry.

Helpless.

"He's so…" I trailed off.

"Different?"

"Handsome." I blurted out.

She laughed lightly. "I know, he got that from his father."

I smiled.

"I want you to have this as a reminder of all the things I told you today. I want you to look at this picture and really see the man my son is…not this person he's become. I want you to remember why you married him and why you are here right now. I want you to remember we all change and we all make mistakes, but also we all have strength…and that if you – for some reason – decide it's not worth to keep trying to hold your marriage, you will do it because it's the best thing for you, and you will come out of it as a winner."

"Okay." I whispered. I was speechless.

"Okay then, remember…we are here for you. Anything you need, just let us know, you're a part of the family."

"Okay." I nodded.

"I stole enough of your time already. I'll leave now." She stood up from the couch.

"Wait, Esme…um…I think…um…I heard you talk to Edward…about my last name…does that mean something to you? That I'm a Swan?"

She seemed surprised by my question. I took her off guard. Then she composed herself.

"Yes dear…we knew your father from a long time ago, so…we lost him too." She stepped closer and kissed my cheek softly. "Goodbye honey, I love you."

And with that she left.

-o-

Today had been exhausting. Both Angela and Mrs. Cullen had given me a lot of information to process. Some I asked for…some I didn't.

Right now it got to a point where I didn't wake up content…I woke up nervous, anxious and confused.

I wasn't happy.

Not with Edward, not with the life I was living…not with myself.

The fact was…I realized I always thought I needed someone to make me happy, to make me whole. I counted on different things to keep forward. And when that someone was out of the picture I crumbled. First my mother...now Charlie. It was a pattern that did me no good whatsoever.

My life was built on weak foundations.

It wasn't wrong for me to create a life around those who loved me. But eventually all there was left was just…me.

And somewhere along the road…that would have to be enough.

Esme's visit put it all in perspective for me. Not only did I see her as someone I could trust…I also saw her as a loving mother, maybe not by birth, but a mother nonetheless. She cared for her child, for his actions…and in some level, I was sure now - as I unwillingly became a part of her family - she cared for me too.

If she had just showed up like she did and told me the things she did…I wouldn't have believe her at all, but with the things Angela said…doubt had been planted in my head.

Even if Edward did have the intention of changing things as she had said. Could I ever forgive him for all those things? All those words? I didn't think there was any point in keeping this marriage going. The sole purpose was to keep Charlie alive, and now…

I didn't think I owed him anything. Not anymore.

_You don't. Why try?_

Because it was time for me to grow up.

It's so hard to notice your own mistakes, especially when no one is pointing them out to you. Throughout this process, I realized I was spoiled. My parents had raised me so protectively, I practically lived in my own bubble…and then came Edward and destroyed every single thing I ever believed in.

There were days when I thought he even destroyed me, and sometimes I still thought that…but today I realized that, besides letting him get to me like that, I was also somewhat responsible for all of this.

My mother taught me better than that. She taught me strength and braveness. She didn't teach me to be a coward and to avoid things at its best.

The question here was, had I become so used to Edward's manhandling that somewhere along the way my brain saw it as something normal?

I hoped not.

And the bigger question became, was this relationship one of those you couldn't escape even if you did wanted to?

I also hoped not. I wasn't going to allow that.

Had I overlook all the sings? When he said all those things…I just decided to hide them in the back of my closet and sealed the door shut, instead of trying to face things forward.

I married that man and now I had to face the consequences. I had to face him. And if I didn't try, we would never talk…and if we never talked I could never know how this story would end.

I knew I could never love him. I was sure he didn't love me, but at least I could try and talk to him.

I cried for so many things, I mourned for so many people. Without realizing it was always there. Esme basically showed up and told me: you were never alone, you've always had yourself.

This wasn't about him anymore…it was about me now. And I had to wonder…when do you say enough is enough?

-o-

I stood outside his house for more than an hour.

After my little pep talk I decided to grab my balls and put them in my purse. I took a bus back to Seattle and decided to deal with the house back in Forks later.

One thing at the time.

And I had put off the _thing _inside that house long enough. I arrived here with all the courage in the world, but now…I wasn't so sure. I suddenly got nervous. There were a lot of things that could go wrong.

What was I going to say to him?

_Hey, I'm back…goodbye?_

I didn't think so.

What if he got all aggressive again and demanded I stay in that house until the end of my time? I wasn't so sure I could handle that either. Both his mother and Angela had given me the impression he was a totally different man than I knew. The man they described…well, he was a stranger to me. The things he said and did when I wasn't there – or at least aware – were so uncharacteristically him.

Shit. I didn't think this through well enough.

I had decided to try and talk to him but I didn't decide what I was going to talk to him about. But I had to do it anyway, I took a deep breath, rounded my shoulders, brought my chin up high and took a step forward.

The front door opening stopped me in my tracks.

It was him.

He was distracted, he hadn't seen me. He locked the front door, turned around and looked up. To say he was surprised would be an understatement. His eyes were wide and he stood motionless for a while. I could see so many emotions running through his eyes, but above them all, I could see…fear.

I frowned. I thought he would be pissed or angry like his usual self. But now…there was a vulnerability there that left me speechless.

And then he moved.

Slowly at first. Like he was afraid I would run on the first chance I'd get. He sped his stride and walked faster towards where I was standing, stepped right in front of me and crushed me to him. Tightly. He brought his hands up to hold my head to his chest.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." He whispered. "I thought you I would never see you again."

_Oh._

He let go of me, but just enough to take a look at my face.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

_No. _

"C-can w-we talk-k?"

* * *

**Review please.**


	16. Intruder Part one

_**I'm back.**_

_**Things are changing. Slowly, but they are.**_

_**Thank you for all your comments…I love them.**_

_**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**_

* * *

**Chapter 16. Intruder. Part one.**

God, this was hard.

Every single fiber of my being kept telling me just one single thing.

_Leave._

_Run._

_Leave._

I had to fight every instinct I had to bolt out that door. But I couldn't listen to it. I had decided to talk to him…and I would do it. Even if it was at the expense of my sanity.

As soon as he released me from his embrace, he almost dragged me inside. I was sitting on a love seat in the living room. And the minute I walked in here I noticed the difference. To any other person it would be imperceptible, to me…well, I saw it.

He had bought another couch and a few chairs to sit on. It wasn't the warmest and nicest house you could ever see, but it wasn't as _bad_ as before.

He was in the kitchen getting me a glass of water I had politely refused when he offered. He didn't listen.

I took a deep breath and wiped my sweaty hands against my jeans. I was nervous, really nervous. It was that time in your life when you knew you had to something, but you dreaded doing it.

He came back into the room and looked almost relieved to see me there. I guess he was really afraid I wouldn't come back. He handed me the glass and sat right next to me. I shifted uncomfortably…it was weird having him so close: even if we were a few inches apart from each other…it felt so much closer.

"How's Alice?" I whispered.

"Fine." He said tightly. "Did you drive here?"

I frowned. Talk about a change in subject. "Um…no, I thought you-you knew what happened to my truck?"

He went quiet for a moment right before he continued. "Since I didn't see it here since we moved…I assumed you just sold it or something like that."

I chuckled humorlessly. Sold it? Right. "No, I didn't sell it."

"What happened then?" he asked, turning in my direction.

I looked straight forward. "It was stolen."

I winced when he stood up from the couch abruptly. "WHAT?"

Shit.

Memories came back rushing through my head. Yelling…grabbing…words…flaring eyes…more grabbing…words. They all came quickly and hit me like a ton of bricks.

Shit.

I squeezed my eyes shut, brought my hands to my hair and shook my head softly.

"Bella…what is it?" he asked, he sounded concerned, but I couldn't really tell. Then I felt him near me, holding my hand and stroking my cheek. "Bella? It's okay…open your eyes, please."

I took a staggering breath and opened them slowly. He was kneeling on the floor right in front of me. His eyes held nothing but concern and…something else I couldn't figure out.

"Are you okay? What just happened?" he whispered.

I nodded and looked down. "Sorry…just…forget it."

"No, please…tell me." he said intensely.

"It's nothing…I just…don't want to fight…please." I said barely audible. I wasn't sure he heard me.

He placed his hand under my chin and pulled up gently. He looked hurt and desolated. He looked remorseful and haunted. He looked sad.

"You…you thought I was fighting?"

"Um…well…I thought you were mad about…the truck…" I said. "Please, I don't wanna fight, please…I had…there's…so much has happened, I just can't…" I rushed.

"Hey…" he whispered. "I'm not fighting…we're not fighting. We're just talking, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay…but I am mad about your truck."

_Oh?_

"Who would do that? God." He ran his hand trough his hand. "It's incredible how some people just go around taking what people have worked so hard for." He said exasperated. "You should have told me."

And that made me snap.

Seriously?

I laughed histerically. "Should have told you? Should have told you?" I said indignantly. "When? When you were yelling at me all the time? When you made me move into this house without a days notice? When you were too busy harassing me about that stupid note?"

_Shit Bella, calm the fuck down._

He seemed shocked by my outburst. He looked at me and leaned back to rest on his heels. He took a shaky breath and rubbed his hands up and down his jeans.

"Shit…I'm sorry…I…" I trailed off when he shook his head.

"No, it's fine. I deserve it…I deserve more." He said quietly. "I know I have no right to…to ask anything from you…I just…just want you to give me a chance…to explain…to make…" he took a deep breath, as if trying to come up with the nerve to finish. "…to make everything alright Bella, to earn your forgiveness."

Wow.

Of all the things I expected to hear, this was the last one. We got to this point way too fast and I needed time to prepare myself. I came in here thinking I hadn't put much thought into what I would say to him, as long as I stood my ground, everything would be fine, no matter what his answer would be. I expected him to start yelling again, or expected him to put up some walls, or even a fight. But this…I wasn't ready for.

But he was practically saying he wanted me to forgive him…to forgive everything he ever said and did. But there were so many questions with no answer whatsoever, so many things to work out, to resolve.

_Tell him._

"Look…there are so many things that have changed…everything is different now…I'm different now."

"I know, but…given everything that's happened…would you give me a chance? To _try _and make it okay?" he pleaded.

I felt there was so much more to what he was asking…I felt uncertain. But there was no way to know unless I talked to him…really _talked_ to him.

And then all of the sudden his phone rang.

He ignored it. He kept staring at me, willing me to answer him.

The phone kept ringing.

"You s-should answer t-that." I whispered, looking away.

A sigh escaped his mouth and he stood from his position. He shook his head as if to clear it and took his phone out of his pocket.

"What?" he snapped.

And when he heard the answer from the other side of the phone his expression changed entirely. His face hardened entirely and he ran his free hand through his hair.

"I can't right now." He hissed, looking at me cautiously. "Listen to me, I can't right now, I'll do it later...Fine." He snapped and hung up.

I saw his back rise and fall several times before he put both his hands on his hair.

"Is everything okay?" I asked curious, and he turned and looked at me as if he completely forgot I was still here.

"I-I…um…" he said struggling for words. "I…have to go…I…I have to take care of something." He said nervous, looking everywhere else but me now.

"Oh."

"Yeah…um…" he kept yanking at his hair. "Look…I'm sorry to leave like this…but…I have to go, it's important…" he trailed off and finally made eye contact with me. He kneeled down again and took my hand in his. "Don't…don't leave please…please, just…don't. We have to talk, okay? Don't leave please."

I blinked slowly. It was weird seeing him like this. One minute he was soft and warm, then he changed to intense and then back to soft. So many emotions…it was hard to keep up.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Promise?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Okay." He said, stroked my cheek gently, stood up and left.

And I was alone once again. In this lonely and cold house…and of course my mind immediately started racing again. I knew I had to stop over thinking everything and focus on what I came here to do.

I looked around, trying to remember what it was like being here. I didn't spend much time in this house, but I could remember everything that had transpired here. Most of it was bad…actually, all of it was. But I couldn't dwell on it. I had made a vow to keep going and not let my past set me back.

The question here became, was Edward a part of my past? Or just my present? Was he setting me back or pushing me forward to my future? I didn't have the answers to those questions and I didn't think I would any time soon.

Did _he_ have them?

I frowned. I wouldn't allow myself to go down that road. Even if it killed me, I would make those decisions on my own. But it was so hard to make a decision when you knew the outcome wouldn't always be the best for you.

I stood up from the couch and made my way upstairs. My room was the same as I remembered, or as I had left it. This place definitely didn't bring me good memories. It all came back to me in a flash and I had to steel myself against a wall to support my week legs. And from what happened earlier when he raised his voice…well, it seemed all the things that had happened between us had really done a number on me.

I had to keep it together. This wasn't healthy and I had to realize that.

However, _this_ Edward surprised me. The one who met me at the door and showed some vulnerability…well, I hadn't seen this side of him.

But I couldn't get my hopes up. I had been the first witness to his anger…right now he might be calm and sweet, tomorrow…I didn't know. But as long as he was willing to listen, I'd talk.

But what was I going to say to him if I didn't even know what I wanted? Maybe I came here too fast? Maybe I needed to figure this out better before I tried anything like this?

_Stop second guessing yourself._

Right, I knew this. I had to stop trying to sabotage myself here. I would talk to him. And basically I only saw two options available.

One was to leave him, leave everything about this life and start over…from scratch. I would find my own place, find a job and get started. I was young, I could do it…but it scared the shit out of me. I didn't even have a job right now. What if I never found something? It was scary.

And option number two – and I wasn't even sure it could be considered one – was to stay with him? But on what terms? As a married fake couple? Or as two individuals that could potentially become friends? Or at least civil to each other?

God, I was only managing to confuse myself even further. I shook my head and went back downstairs. I definitely had to talk to him, because deep down I knew he wasn't the only one at fault here. I had done and said hurtful things to him.

Could this be fixed?

And I wondered…would things had been different if we there hadn't been a third party meddling in?

And then Garret popped up in my head. I had to go see him. I was planning on waiting until I talked to Edward, but now it seemed better to get an explanation from Garret first. This was something else I had to deal with…and the faster the better. With my recent train of thought, I was so anxious to get rid of all the things that were harmful to me. This was one of them. I took my purse and walked outside.

-o-

I took the bus to get near downtown. I would walk the rest of the way.

What Garret did…was that such a horrible thing? Or did he do me a favor?

I didn't think it was a favor. That little note - or the things inside - had made Edward react so badly…and that was only prejudicial to me.

Why was the reason behind that action? All those questions could only be answered by him.

I knocked on his door twice.

He opened the door quickly. His eyes widened as soon as he saw me. He definitely was surprised to see me here. He looked the same, some stubble adorned his face, but other than that he looked exactly the same.

"Hello Garret."

"Oh my god, Bella…" he looked shocked. "I have been trying to call you like crazy." He rushed. He stepped forward and hugged me to him.

"Yeah, sorry." I mumbled with my arms at my sides.

"Where have you been? I went to your house, but…well, you weren't there."

"Yeah." I said as he released me and held me at arm's length.

"Come in, please." He stepped aside to give me some room. He guided me to his couch and practically sat me down on it. "How are you? God, it's so good to see you. I got so worried when you didn't answer my calls. Where have you been?" he asked confused.

Right.

I was the one confused here. He acted like nothing had happened. It seemed he didn't have any remorse about doing what he did. I frowned. If I wanted to talk to him I had to start by explaining why I disappeared for over a month with no explanation at all, and then I would get to business.

"Um…I…my…my father…he passed away." I whispered.

"Oh my God, honey…" his forehead creased with concern. He hugged me again and stroked my back for a while. "How are you holding on?"

"I'm…working on it." I murmured.

"I'm here for you baby, always." He said softly. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you call me and let me know?"

"I-I wasn't…I couldn't even think straight, let alone call anyone." I really didn't want to talk about this right now. I extracted myself from his embrace and looked at him straight in the eye.

"I have to talk to you…about the note." I search for some kind of recognition in his face. "Did you write it?"

I sighed. "I did write it."

Wow. I expected him to at least deny it. But no, he went out and admitted it, just like that.

"Why would you write something like that?"

"It's the truth." He simply stated.

"But why Garret, why did you do it? I trusted you and then…" he interrupted me when he stood abruptly from the couch.

"Because that was the only way I saw for you to leave him." He growled.

_What?_

"What are you talking about?"

"I did that, knowing he would totally flip out and take it out on you…and then you would realize what a monster he is and you would leave him." he said with his back to me, moving his arms in exasperation.

I couldn't believe this. He had done this on purpose. He planned this.

"Oh my God, are you listening to yourself? What the hell is your problem?" I snapped. "Did you know the problem you caused me? Did you know he kicked me out of his house?"

"He did?" he turned back to look at me. "Good, that was the point."

I rose from my seat too. "The point? The point?" I was mad now. "The point was to leave me homeless? To have me go through that, when you know how he reacts?"

"No, the point was for you to leave him, just that."

"But what is it to you Garret if I fucking leave him or not?"

"Because I fucking love you, that's why."

My eyes widened in surprise. _What the hell?_ When he noticed the expression on my face he stepped forward and began speaking in a rush.

"Listen to me…I love you, I have for a while now…we can be together and every single thing you have been enduring so far will end. I promise."

I shook my head. "I can't do this…I can't."

He stepped forward until he was standing right in front of me, grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. "Why not Bella, why not?

I looked up and his torn face broke my heart. "Because I don't believe in love…" I said as I stroked his cheek with my other hand. "…and that isn't your fault."

"But you can Bella, with me you can. Why don't you just leave him?" he pleaded. "Come here with me, you will have everything you need, you will want for nothing."

"Garret I…I…"

"Shh…it's okay…you-you don't have to decide anything right now. I know it's a lot to take in, but at least think about it, okay?"

"Garret, you're my friend." I whispered.

"I know Bella…but give me a chance…please."

I stayed silent of a while not knowing what to say. I could see his expression…he was anxious and nervous, just…expecting, waiting. But I didn't have an answer for him, no right now.

"Stay here." he blurted out.

"I can't stay here." I reasoned.

"Yes, yes you can." He said intensely. "Where else would you stay?"

"I-I think I'm going back to Forks…it's the best place for me right now." Right.

"But Bella…"

I cut him off. "No, please don't insist."

"Okay…but promise me we will talk later, when you think about everything I just told you…please."

I nodded softly.

"Okay." He kissed my cheek and let go of my hand.

I left his house feeling…I didn't know what I was feeling. I just hopped I hadn't lost a friend.

Had I really been so oblivious to everything around me? It seemed that way. It wasn't just a few things apparently I had missed to notice, right now they were more.

And I had to wonder…was it involuntary? Or intentional? Was I trying to block everything out? Continuing living inside my shell?

I didn't know that either.

-o-

Honestly I was done for today. I wanted to leave and curl up and sleep, even if it was still early. But the new me had made a promise and as much as I hated that I had to keep it.

I walked back to Edward's slowly, with no rush whatsoever. It wasn't that I was trying to delay facing him again, but I got to thinking…all this time, even before I got married, I had spent my time rushing through life…rushing through emotions, through everything.

But with my new revelation…with Charlie's death…I realized I had to enjoy every single moment I had, with everyone.

Even with myself.

And if I just had a few friends left…I would enjoy it as much as I could. I had to stop pretending, I had to stop being a brat, I had to stop being a victim. A victim in my self-created hell.

And even something as insignificant as walking slowly…well, now it felt like a milestone for me. It wasn't so much the act itself, it was what it represented. And it made me smile; it made me feel just a little bit better.

I could do this. I could…well at least I could try.

It didn't take me long to get back to the house. I walked up the porch stairs and I frowned when I saw the door slightly open. Did he come back already? I had closed it and when I looked around I didn't see the Volvo in the driveway.

I pushed the door open and walked slowly inside. Everything seemed normal. Maybe I did forget to lock up.

Something in my head should have warned me about this. But I was almost high on my new found meaning on life that it didn't.

"Hello Isabella."

I gasped. I didn't recognize that voice. I whipped my head as soon as I heard my name and then…everything went black.

* * *

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	17. Intruder Part two

_**Hey children. **_

_**Another one here.**_

_**A few things first. Thank you so much for all your comments, I love them.**_

_**Thanks to Catherine and Abigail. I know I'm a pain in the ass. Thank you for helping me out.**_

_**And last…some of you are not so happy with the length of the chapters…believe me, I wish they were longer too, but sometimes that's just not possible. Some of them will be longer, and others, like this one, well...they won't. **_

_**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

* * *

**Chapter 17. Intruder. Part two.**

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I stormed out that house pissed off. Or at least I waited until I was out of her sight to unleash my anger; she couldn't see me like this. I got into my car and drove away.

That fucker was getting on my fucking nerves. This had to end. Soon.

I had been pestering in that couch for about three days, when I couldn't take it anymore. I got my keys and decided to drive around for a while. Trying to clear my head. The last twenty times hadn't worked, I hoped this one did. Or at least that was what I had been telling myself.

And to my surprise, as soon as I opened the door, I saw her standing there in all her glory…it took my breath away.

I was so relieved I couldn't hold it in and ran to her like a fucking little girl who hadn't seen her mommy for a week. But I didn't care; it was so good having her in my arms…so good to hold her.

After that horrible day when I came back from work and got a message from Angela, I thought this was it. She said she finally had to leave and Bella was going with her. I actually thought I would never see her again, I thought she wouldn't come back. Ever.

I knew I could go to Forks and look for her. I wanted to, but I shouldn't. That was a place I was going to respect even if it was the last thing I ever did. That was what I could still give her. After every fucking thing I ever did to her…this I would respect.

And after all of that, she still sat in my fucking ugly living room and listened to me. I didn't know if I was truly getting through her or not. I just had to try; I knew if it came to someone else, they would just slap me in the face and tell me to fuck off. But she wasn't someone else.

And then that fucking stupid phone call ruined every progress I had gained in just an hour.

"_What?" I snapped._

"_I need you to meet me, now." He said. I could feel my face hardening the minute I heard his voice. I turned my back on Bella…nothing good would come out if she found out. _

"_I can't right now." I hissed. _

"_I don't fucking care if you can't…you fucking will, end of story." _

"_Listen to me, I can't right now, I'll do it later." _

"_YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME CULLEN…either you come here right now, or there will be fucking consequences, you know I'm not fucking around, you know it." He said menacingly, I could hear his words and the meaning behind them. I may have not been willing to listen to them then…but now I knew I had to._

"_Fine." I snapped and hung up._

Asshole.

I hated doing this. I hated being trapped in this web of lies and not being able to get out, to be free. I had to be at his fucking mercy and it bothered me till no end. I had to do something about it, I couldn't let this continue any longer. I arrived to the place he always told me to meet him. I parked the car and waited inside. And as always, my mind immediately went back to Bella. I smiled. I was glad she was back. She looked good, she was still really thin, but she seemed better. Healthier. More alive.

And yet I was here in my car waiting for someone else.

Shit.

That fucker was getting on my fucking nerves. I waited for about two hours expecting him to get here. He didn't.

I was fucking pissed. I could have been talking to Bella right now…but no, I was here waiting for that fucker to arrive. Why did he demand to see me with such a rush if he was just gonna leave me here waiting for him?

I didn't understand his behavior. It was all so cryptic. He played and played with me and I just allowed it. I had to find a way out of this...now.

And then another thought popped into my head. I started the engine and drove away.

_Alice. _

-o-

I walked in slowly to her room and let out a sigh of relief when I saw she was still sleeping. She was here…she was fine. My dad being the good doctor that he was, had kept her here to _heal. _Alice just wanted to be up again, she said she felt useless. God, I still remembered how awful I felt when I got into that hospital.

_I got there as soon as I could. When I walked into the hospital I could see the whole family there, except for my mom. _

"_Jasper…Jasper where is she?" I asked. "What the fuck happened?"_

"_I don't fucking know…" he ran his hand through his hair roughly. He looked like hell, literally. "I just…I got a call from the police saying she was in here…" he rushed. "Someone attacked her." He growled. "Someone fucking put his hands on her."_

"_Is she alright?" _

"_Your dad said she will be fine. Your mom's in there with her too. They won't fucking let me in." he growled again and started pacing through the waiting room. _

_Fuck. _

I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts. There was absolutely no point in reliving that, she was fine, I knew that now. She started when she felt her bed shift with my weight. "He dumbass." She rasped. I chuckled softly. Even after all that happened to her…she was still my obnoxious little sister.

"Hey, evil spawn." I answered. She sat up and lightly smacked my arm.

"Ass." I laughed harder. "Shut up. What are you doing here anyway?" she flopped back down on the bed.

"Nothing…was in the neighborhood." I said curtly. Shit, I was really bad at lying…to Alice anyway.

"Pfff…" she huffed. "And I'm stupid now, it seems." She said not looking at me. She was admiring her new manicured nails.

"Fine, I came here to check on you." I said kind of defeated.

"That's more like it." She sat back up. "Good, because I'm going mad here."

"It doesn't look like it…all you do is sleep."

"Fuck you." She said in a sweet voice. "What else can I do? I'm stuck in this freaking house all day. Dad won't let me leave the house and mom…" she trailed off when she mentioned my mom.

"Please Alice, don't stop yourself. Everything's fine."

"Are you two still not talking?" she whispered.

"I _am _talking to her…she's the one that's still pissed at me."

She sighed. "It will pass…just give her time Edward."

"I don't wanna talk about it Alice."

"But you have to…you have to tell me what the whole deal was about…"

And then a soft knock on the door interrupted her. The door opened and Jasper appeared behind it. Alice's face lit up like Christmas morning and immediately her attention was otherwise engaged. I took that as my cue and left the room. She was fine and safe here and that was all that mattered.

On the way back home I thought about what Alice had said. I knew my mom was pissed and she had every right to be, but – even if I didn't admit it – it still hurt me.

"_What the hell are you doing Edward?" she hissed. "I really don't think you would just forget to mention you were marrying Mr. Swan's daughter."_

"_I didn't forget mom." _

"_Then why didn't you tell us something?" she stepped forward and placed her hand on her hips. "Were you expecting us to never find out? So I ask you again Edward Anthony Cullen, what the hell are you doing here?" she raised her voice even more. I had never heard my mom curse so much in so little time. She was really pissed. _

"_I don't know mom." I whispered. _

"_You will have to do better than that Edward." _

"_I don't know…I don't…"_

"_Well try, Edward." She said firmly. "How long have you known her?"_

_When I didn't answer she continued. "You just met her right?" she took my silence as a yes. "My God Edward, I swear to God if you're doing anything to hurt that girl, I will…"_

The car honking behind me brought me out of my musings. Her words that day had hit a deep nerve inside me. it still surprised me how easily she could see right through me. I sighed and sped forward.

-o-

I was fucking exhausted. I wanted to sleep, I wanted to eat…but above all, I wanted to see her. I tried to make my _trip _as short as possible, but it still took me a few hours. And all for what? For nothing. I tried to work out his behavior on my mind. I knew something wasn't right, I just could figure out what that was.

I was tired.

And deep down, there was another feeling swirling around in my mind. It took me I while to recognized it, but I think I was feeling…hope.

I was hopeful.

I knew that if I begged and crawled and begged some more…she might be able to open up and listen to what I had to say. Today I had made a decision; I was going to tell her, everything. I was going to spill my fucking guts out to her and expect her to not run away from me. Yeah, it was a freaking long shot, but I had to take it. This was killing me…and I was killing her.

God, talking to my sister made me so dramatic. I finally parked in the driveway and turned off the ignition. I made my way to the front door and stood there for a few minutes. I hoped she was still there. It was a lot to hope for, but I had to have faith. And even if she wasn't, I'd wait for her. She promised. And I may have not known her that well, but I knew she was loyal and kept her words.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

My eyes grew wide when I saw the condition my new house was in. The few chairs I had bought during Angela's stay were completely destroyed. The coffee table at the center of the room had only two legs left. The mess I had made back at my apartment wasn't even close to this. Everything was destroyed now. Most of the furniture was upside down. The little things I did have that made this house less morbid were now torn to pieces.

Shit. Did Bella do this? That was the first thought that came into my mind. I couldn't believe it.

Was this her way of letting her frustrations out? Or to get back at me? This was unbelievable. But deep down, I understood. I wasn't mad. I didn't think I could be mad anymore. I was just hurt. Not hurt that she would be able to do this, but hurt in the sense that I knew I had caused this reaction from her. Hurt, because I had created feelings so horrible inside her, that she felt she had to do this.

"Bella?" I called cautiously.

No answer.

I sighed and moved around the living room avoiding some of the furniture on the floor. And then as I made my way to the kitchen, something caught my eye. Her purse rested on the couch and all of her things were scattered on the floor.

I frowned.

That was weird. Some of them were even torn to pieces. Something wasn't right here. My hand reached out to grab her purse and there - next to her driver's license - was a small little drop of blood.

I could feel all the color leave my face. I wanted to vomit. I was nauseous and my hands started sweating. And if I didn't calm the fuck down I would start fucking hyperventilating.

"Bella?" I called again, louder.

Still no answer.

"Baby, are you here?" What the hell happened here? Shit, shit.

I panicked.

Was she here? Who did this? I started moving around the house, looking for clear spaces for me to move and when something came across my path I would get pissed and shoved it away. Contributing to the disaster. I became frantic and desperate.

"BELLA?"

The kitchen, the dirty old back yard and the guest room were empty. Maybe she just wasn't here. Maybe she left before…before…Yeah, that was probably it. Maybe someone just got in here and tried to rob me or something. At least that was what I had been telling myself for the last twenty seconds. I had made myself hysteric for nothing. She was fine, she was. But as I tried to convince myself of the impossible, I stumbled across more blood…more disaster.

"Fuck."

If she wasn't here…where was she? Before I could freak about that answer, I walked into the last room I hadn't looked for her…my bedroom. There was absolutely no reason for her to be here…but there…lying on my bedroom floor…was my beautiful-stubborn-crazy-complicated wife. Cold, pale and drained.

I felt a sob leave my throat.

Her body was bent at a weird angle and there was blood smeared all over her face. I felt the sting in my eyes and all the air left my lungs. I took my steps carefully towards her. I kneeled slowly beside her body and gently placed my ear next to her lips. She was still breathing.

And I didn't even think. I picked her up in my arms and ran downstairs as fast as I could. I managed to get her inside the car on the back seat and got in myself. _She's still breathing. _

I took my cell phone out and with shaky fingers I dialed the only number I could think of right now.

"Dad." I cried when he answered on the third ring. I was back to the hyperventilating thing.

"Edward, what's going on? Are you okay?" his voice sounded concerned as soon as he heard me.

'It's-it's Bella, dad." I choked out.

"Okay Edward, calm down. Where are you?"

"I-I'm on m-my way t-to t-the ho-hospital-l. Are y-you ther-re?" I stammered, my nerves were getting out of control.

"Yes, I'm here. What happened to her?" he asked calmly.

"I-I don't-don't…"

"Okay, it's okay…we'll deal with it as soon as you get here. Just stay calm, okay?"

Like that could be so easy.

"Edward? Answer me." he said firmly.

"Yes. Yes."

"Okay. Is she awake?"

"No."

There was a long pause. I thought I had lost the call right before e spoke again. "Is she breathing?"

"YES, SHE IS." I snapped. Fuck. I was really starting to lose it. I had to stay calm or neither of us would get to the hospital on time.

"S-sorry…I…"

"No, it's fine, just calm down okay? I will be waiting for you here."

And then I hung up.

As soon as I parked the car outside of the emergency room I could see my dad waiting there for me along with three other people.

I hadn't even opened my door when my dad took Bella out of the car and placed her in a gurney. And then he was off.

I followed behind him. They were taking her down a long hallway. There was so much noise, so much movement. Everything and everyone around me was speaking and shouting. But I couldn't hear anything; I could focus on just one thing. _Her. _

She had to be fine, she just had to be. I could see her face. She was still pale and she looked cold. "Dad…dad." I called. I caught up to him in the hallway and looked back and forward between him and Bella.

"She-she…she must-t b-be c-c-cold dad…I…" My dad placed a hand on my shoulder. He was trying to center me. "I'll take care of her. I promise."

They continued down the hall…and then she disappeared behind those doors.

* * *

**Next chapter? Don't know…soon.**

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	18. Aftershocks

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* * *

Chapter 18. Aftershocks.

I felt heavy.

Drowsy.

Groggy.

My eyes wouldn't open. My arms wouldn't lift. My lips wouldn't move...as much as I wanted to.

They had a medical term for this right? Or was it just a creation of the superstitious culture nowadays? I didn't know, but it had a name…something about a dead man right? For the life of me I couldn't remember what it was. I had heard it happened during sleep, but I didn't feel like I was sleeping right now. I was aware of…well my thoughts at least and that feeling that came with sleep was eluding me right now.

I didn't feel peaceful. I didn't feel rested. I felt anything but that.

But then again, I didn't know much right now.

It was like being pulled down, actually it was like being pushed down to the ground and not being able to stand up. Something or someone was holding you back and not letting you be free. And I did try…I did at first, but it was too tiring. I had never felt more exhausted and right now I wanted to let it consume me, I wanted to give up, I wanted to drown in it.

-o-

This was confusing. I remembered not feeling anything a while back – I wasn't sure how long ago that was – but now everything was alive and sparkling like a hot wire.

I wanted to drown instead of feeling like this.

Right now, I felt pain. Everywhere. Before, I felt numb, and now…I felt everything. Everywhere. Some places throbbed, others pounded, others just…hurt.

I could hear some of what happened around me, at least in hushed tones. Nothing to clear to distinguish, but it was there, swirling around in the back of my head like a freaking constant buzzing that wouldn't shut up. I tried to listen carefully, to make an effort to pay attention, but again, I was too exhausted and went back under.

-o-

Slowly.

Slowly, I felt the light coming in through towards my eyes. Just a soft line first, then a shimmering huge dot clouding my eyes. Bigger and bigger. When it became too much, the light would disappear or I would just close my eyes, I could tell the difference now. I knew when my eyes were open and when they would close. I knew when I was breathing smoothly and when I was gasping for air. Awareness came back to me and with that the pain.

I was hoping that part was only some sort of hallucination. That my mind had come up with a coping mechanism for…whatever. But it wasn't, it felt so real I couldn't have made it up.

I finally managed to open my eyes fully. The light didn't bother me so much, since it wasn't the sunshine. I could see the dulled city lights through the window at the top of the room. The light I did get to see clearly was the one coming in through the bottom of the door.

Where was I? I kept trying to remember…something, but even that was exhausting. And besides, my hair was on my face. I tried to bring my hand up to my forehead to move it to the side, but then it was pulled back by something.

I hissed. Shit. It hurt.

I looked at the back of my hand and found a small tube connected there. Great. I finally looked around; it seemed I was in a hospital room. No other place could be this cold and this lifeless, in the clean and new kind of way, of course. I took inventory of the room, the machines, the chair on the corner of the room, some flowers on top of a little table next to me and finally…the man sleeping next to me, clutching my hand like it was the last life vest on the boat.

My eyes landed on his bronze copper hair and I just stared at it. I didn't know if it was the pain I felt in my head, but right now, his hair…well, it looked beautiful to me. The little light that did come through that window, reflected on his hair, making it seem like there were endless waves of bronze everywhere.

Yep, something definitely wrong with me.

I tried to shake my head lightly, but that seemed to only make it worse. What the hell happened?

I snapped my head in the direction of the door as soon as it opened. Edward's dad – Dr. Cullen – came marching through the door. He was holding some sort of a chart on his hands and as soon as he noticed I was awake, he started walking towards me. He moved to my side and turned on a little bedside lamp. He looked down on me with concern and worry. "Hey honey." He whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"My head…" I rasped. My throat felt awful.

"It's okay." He moved something behind me and the bed moved a little forward, leaving me in a more sitting position. He reached for something on the little table and handed me a glass. "Here, take this. Slowly."

And I took small sips. God, it was heaven. I looked up at him and smiled softly. "Thank you."

"No problem." He quietly dragged a chair from the other side of the room and sat next to me. "Now, how are you feeling?"

"Umm…my head…it hurts." I whispered. "Actually everything hurts."

"I know. I gave you some pain killers and other things to bring the swelling down. You've been out for a while now, you scared us to death." He said softly.

_Oh._

He didn't say anything else, just started examining me. Probing and touching. Taking inventory of much it hurt. Watching my face intently for any signs of distress. I looked away. For some reason his gaze was making me anxious, making me feel like he was expecting something from me. Instead, I looked at the man sleeping next to me. I could only see his profile; his nose was pressed against the mattress, his hand holding mine. I leaned my head back against the pillow and just watched Edward. Only wincing when he touched something that hurt. Everything hurt.

"He's been here the whole time." He whispered. "He's never left your side."

I just stared at him.

"Okay Isabella, I was just checking to see if everything was still the same." He said softly. I turned back to look at him and he continued. "There was no internal bleeding, thank God, but you do have three broken ribs, we took care of that, but you will have some discomfort for the next few weeks."

_Discomfort? Right._

"You also have bruises on your body and a small laceration on your forehead…" he trailed off, looking at me carefully. He sighed, "But with the right amount of care you will be fine, honey."

"What happened?"

He frowned. "Don't you remember?"

_No. _

I shook my head softly. His eyes were worried, I could see concern around the edges and he ran a hand through his head. He looked so much like Edward right now. He looked tired and apprehensive.

"What…?" I was interrupted by a start next to me. I turned to see and it was at Edward… he seemed disorientated, looking around for a minute, before his eyes landed on his father, then on me.

"Oh my God." He breathed. "You're awake. You're awake." He said over and over, sounding so relieved, kissing the palm he was holding on his hand. "God Bella, I'm so glad…I was so worried. How-how are you feeling?"

Just as I was about to speak Dr. Cullen interrupted. "She doesn't remember Edward." I turned to look at him and he was giving Edward this weird look, as is he was trying to convey something I was allowed to know.

"Oh." Was all he said, giving me a blank stare. My head hurt even more from looking back and forward between them. I finally gave up and looked straight ahead. Some sort of silent agreement went down between the two of them, because Dr. Cullen excused himself from the room.

"I'll be right outside. Call me if you need anything, don't talk too much, okay?"

I nodded. I watched him walk away from the room before turning back slowly to Edward. Apparently he hadn't taken his eyes off me. He was looking at me intently, carefully. Watching me as if I might break.

"A-are y-you okay?" he breathed. He wasn't moving, he was just looking at me. I considered just nodding, but I didn't feel okay. I felt far from it. I shook my head twice.

"What happened?"

He looked torn and confused. "We don't have to talk about that now, just rest please."

"Tell me what happened, please. You can't expect me to just…let this go." I murmured still looking away from him.

I heard him sigh. "We'll talk later okay? Maybe when you're feeling better and well?" he asked avoiding my eyes. "But now you should rest, try and relax." I turned my head to the other side sensing he wasn't going to tell me anything. "Look, Alice brought you those, she said you were going to love them." he said pointing to the little table beside my bed. I knew he was trying to distract me from my previous question. I raised my eyes and looked at said flowers. I had noticed them when I first woke up, they were beautiful but my mind couldn't focus on them now. "She said the only thing that made her feel better when she was attacked were flowers. She said it reminded her of life and love and colors and some weird random things that only my sister could come up with. So what did she do? She made my mom buy her even more flowers than she already had in her room. I swear that room seemed more like some sort of garden than a hospital room. She wanted to bring you so much flowers but I just wouldn't allow it…"

He ranted on, he seemed really nervous. I had never heard him talk so fast and so much in such a short period of time. He was definitely trying to distract me…but the only thing I heard from his speech was the word _attacked. _I didn't know Alice had been attacked. I turned my head back to look at him and frowned. and when he saw my eyes, he realized his mistake apparently.

And in that moment, everything came back to me.

And Edward knew. He knew the moment I inhaled sharply that I remembered. His eyes widened and he tried to hold on to my hand, but I wouldn't have any of that. I yanked my hand back as hard as I could and clutched it to my chest.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He whispered hurriedly.

It wasn't okay. Memories as clear as this moment. Flashing, making me dizzy. Invading my mind like an intruder. Swimming in my head, refusing to leave, planting themselves deep down and shocking my entire body. They were blocking everything around me, I couldn't focus on anything but those memories. Brown eyes. Dark hair. Screaming. Kicking. Punching. Everything all at once. Knife. Blood. Crazed eyes. Hate, so much hate. And it was too much.

My body started shuddering, tremors were rocking through me at a fast pace. I heard this weird sounding noise, it sounded like someone was having difficulty breathing. For a minute I thought it was Edward, but it wasn't. It was me. I could hear my throat gasping for air, but there wasn't so much I could do.

I could hear the heart monitor beeping rapidly, the noise was too annoying for me right now. I felt dizzy and weird and not me.

"Bella…honey, answer me. You're okay, you're fine." He said. "DAAAAD. Dad, get in here, now."

Carlisle must have come into the room because I started hearing his voice. Dulled, quiet, distant. "It's okay honey, just calm down, deep breaths." He soothed. He laid the bed back down and started barking orders quickly. My eyes were swimming all over the room. There were more people here, nurses everywhere…and Edward behind all of them, looking at me straight in the eye. Terrified, like a lost little boy. I couldn't stand it, so I closed them. I saw fear in him and I was already feeling afraid…more that I could take.

I was hot. I felt hot. I was sweating. My lungs burned with the effort of trying to get air in them. My chest felt tight, like something was pressing into it. And then I could see his face sneering at me, literally shoving his foot into my chest. I remember it hurt, the air left my lungs at that time…just like now. I felt like I was reliving the whole thing over again. I could still hear myself gasping for air and I tried to yell or scream or anything I could do to make someone help me.

But I couldn't. I could only be a witness to everything surrounding me.

"Edward, calm down."

"No, no, no. Bella, please…please." Was his agonized plea.

"Edward you're only making her more nervous, calm down." I could hear Carlisle trying to talk some sense into his son. "Dammit Edward… get him out of here. NOW."

"NO, NO. BELLAAA."

"Get him out and keep him there." He said sternly.

"Shh, it's okay Isabella, don't cry." He whispered. Was I crying? I couldn't tell. "Can you open your eyes for me? Can you hear me?" I could, I just wasn't sure how to answer. "I am going to give you something to calm down, okay? You will feel much better. It's okay Isabella, everything will be okay."

Everyone kept saying that. _Everything it's okay. _It wasn't okay. I wasn't okay. I felt fingers gently lift my arm from its resting place, probing, testing, looking…and then a light pinch in the crook of my arm.

It took a few seconds but slowly the craziness faded away, the madness and desperation disappeared. My body wasn't so hectic anymore, my heart slowed down inside my chest…but I could still feel the pain; I could still see and feel everything that had happened…I just couldn't act on it now. I couldn't move much, I was immobilized by whatever they had given me. The only difference now was that I my body couldn't express its anxiousness anymore.

And I felt the tears streaking down my face to the sides. No one wiped them away.

-o-

The released me two days after that. Dr. Cullen said I _should _be fine, as long as I took the bunch of pills he gave me. He said I only had a _mild _panic attack but that having Edward react the way he did made me more nervous. He gave his son such a stern look, even I wanted to cringe away from him.

Edward was nowhere to be seen after that. He said he had some arrangements to do, checking me out and everything.

They wheeled me out of that damn hospital like I was some type of disabled person. I argued, but no one listened. Edward was waiting for me at the front desk ready to take my chair and lead me outside. The Volvo was parked right outside the sliding doors. As I slowly got up from the wheel chair I realized why they didn't let me walk by myself. Even though they had given me tons of meds, I could still feel every single little thing my body had endured.

The ride on the car was totally silent. No more than a word had transpired between the two of us. I just didn't know what to say to him, I didn't even know what to say to myself. After that horrible episode back in the hospital…I felt oddly calm. There was no huge need to talk everything out, let alone with him. It freaked me out though; I was afraid it was only a matter of minutes before I snapped the fuck out.

I didn't know where he was taking me. I just wished with all my heart that it wasn't that house again. I didn't think I could stand to be in that place anymore. I closed my eyes and tried my best to avoid remembering all of that. The throbbing in my body was enough of a reminder. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the cool window glass. I tried so hard to think about something else. I thought about Charlie…I smiled a little, at least he taught me well, otherwise I wouldn't be alive right now; I knew I had to call Charlie's lawyer, there was something he wanted to discuss and I had no idea what that was; and most of all…I had no job. I was currently unemployed, which meant I was running out of money…

_Oh shit. _

I sat up quickly when something popped into my head. I opened my eyes and stared at Edward. "What about the hospital bill?" I whispered. I couldn't afford that now. Shit. Shit.

He frowned and turned slightly to look at me. "What about it?"

"Um…well…um…are they going to send it…or something?"

"No, that's already taken care of." He said still frowning.

"How?"

"What do you mean how?"

"Who paid for it?"

His frowned deepened. He turned to look at me fully and shook his head lightly. "Why does that matter?"

"Because it does." I rasped. "Who paid for it?"

He didn't answer, he just went back to look at the road. I was about to ask again when we arrived at a very fancy hotel. I sighed in relief; he parked the car out front and gave the keys to the valet. He ran to my side of the car and opened the door for me. He tried to carry me inside, but I refused.

Apparently he was known around here, because as soon as we walked into the lobby, everyone greeted him…and me for that matter. We were Mr. and Mrs. Cullen here. He brushed everyone away, ignoring them as he placed his arm around my back leading the way softly. He offered to get me a wheel chair but I wouldn't have any of that, so he choose to walk by my side. He walked slowly toward the fancy chrome looking elevators. We got to the room and it was some sort of a suite; as far as I could tell it was huge and pretty, but that was all I could see. I immediately looked for the bedroom and found it. I went to the window and closed the drapes. Darkness enveloped the room and made feel a little bit calmer. I went to the bed, flopped down and let unconsciousness take me under.

-o-

Time went by. I don't know how much of it, but I could feel it passing by. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him. I saw his hands. His arms choking me. His legs kicking me. Every fucking time I closed my eyes, I relived everything a thousand times more. And because of that I tried to avoid sleeping at all, but some of the medicines made me really sleepy and sometimes I couldn't fight it. Most nights I woke up sobbing into my hands. At least I didn't scream this time, but it still felt like something was sucking the life out of me.

Edward remained there. On the background. Where I asked him to. He came and went, dying to serve me, to give me everything I could possibly want.

I didn't want anything.

_He_ did though. He wanted to be next to me, to help me. That much I could tell but I would let him…I didn't want any help. Everything became some sort of a struggle for the next few days. He kept pushing and pushing as I quickly retreated into myself.

"_Back the fuck up Edward." I sneered his name hoping to get my message across when he offered to take me to the bathroom…for the third time today. He was doing an excellent job at pissing me off. _

"_Bella please, I just want to help you."_

"_NO. " God, even the tone of his voice irritated me even more. "No fucking please, back the fuck off. NOW. And don't fucking call me Bella…I'm fucking Isabella to you, remember? I already told you once, keep it that way."_

"_Bella…"_

"_NO…NO…I fucking hate you…leave me the fuck alone." I turned my back on him, went into my room and slammed the door shut._

That wasn't the last thing I said to him. I was being a bitch and I knew it. Maybe this was my way of snapping, of letting it all out.

Days later I looked at myself in the mirror and instantly regretted it, I was used to looking all weird and skinny, but now…every bruise I saw on my face, on my neck, on my arms, everywhere…it reminded me of that night. I wanted to smash that fucking mirror with my fist…but I knew I wasn't strong enough. I just covered it with a towel and left the room to occupy my permanent spot on the bed.

Just when I had made the effort to move forward, something like this happened. I had to be strong, I had to. Charlie and Rene had taught me better than that. I couldn't be that person anymore. I had to change, I had to make amends…this couldn't set me back, I wouldn't let it.

And I had to start with the person in the next room. I knew the damage I was inflicting, maybe it wasn't big or meaningful…but I could see it. As I watched his face every time I cursed at him, I could see the pain clearly on his face, I could see how much my words hurt him. And above else, I realized this wasn't his fault. He hadn't done this to me. He hadn't broken my ribs or made the nasty cut above my eyebrow. And I was so thankful in this moment for being here…being somewhere that didn't bring me bad memories. And that was his doing.

I threw the covers from my body, put on some slippers and walked out of my room. I padded softly through the suite, trying to find him. He wasn't in the living room or in the kitchen. I went to his room and peeked my head inside. He wasn't there either.

This place was huge, I hadn't noticed it before.

_You were too busy with yourself to notice._

Right. It was really beautiful, with high ceilings, wooden floors and the most amazing carpets adorning the rooms. There was a small fireplace giving the whole room a warm vibe. And on top of that, were at least three dozens of flowers…all kind of flowers. They gave the whole place a sweet and tangy smell. The kitchen was stocked with food that would probably go to waste if neither of us ate it.

I resumed my search and finally found him sitting behind a shiny glossy desk in a room at the end of the hall. "I need to talk to you." I whispered, I didn't want to startle him. I walked into the small office located on the other side of the suite. He looked up from some papers he had on the desk and watched me intently. He seemed so hopeful for a moment, it broke my heart. It was like this was what he was waiting for…for me to utter the most insignificant and simple words to him.

He nodded quickly. "Okay."

He led me back to the living room and sat down on the couch in front of me.

"I'm…I'm sorry." I whispered. I looked down at my hands on my lap unwilling to make eye contact with him.

"Sorry?" he asked. "Sorry for what?"

"Um…for how I've been acting these past few days…" I peeked at him from under my lashes. His face was relaxed, his expression open and inviting. "I know my behavior hasn't been…I know I have been treating you…you don't deserve any of my anger." I finished softly.

I heard him sigh. "I deserve it."

I looked up quickly and frowned. "No one deserves that."

His face morphed into one of pain. "You didn't deserve it…and yet you endured it."

_Oh._

He rose from his place and walked the few steps between us. He kneeled down in front of me and took my hand gently in his. "Is this okay?" he asked referring to my hand.

"Yes."

"How are you feeling?" he said softly. "Are you okay? Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. "I…I just have…so…so much to…"

"I know, I know." He stepped in. "We have so much to talk about, I know that now…but there is something I would like to say before anything else, if you're ready. Is that okay?" he said. He was asking me, really asking me…giving me the choice, if I didn't want to listen to him, I could refuse, his eyes told me that much.

I nodded once.

He took a deep breath and started. "I'm sorry I treated you that way. All this time. I don't know if I've said this enough, but I am. Before we talk about anything else I would like you to know how much I regret treating you the way I did. I know you must hate me and I don't deserve anything from you, but…I'm sorry."

I was surprised he decided to start here. I thought he was going to ask me about…I shook my head. "I don't hate you." I said softly. It was the truth, I didn't.

His gaze softened and he continued. "I do, I hate myself so much, you have no idea. All that time…I felt possessed, I felt…not me. I was so mad…for everything. I was so frustrated. I…I know what I did was incredibly wrong Isabella…I never should have asked you to marry me…I never should have put you in that place…to make that decision, and that is something I will never forgive myself. Every single fucking day of my life I have to live and relive and remember every fucking word I said to you. I can only imagine what you have been through." He said intensely. "I'm so so sorry."

I could see tears brimming in his eyes, he was being honest, he was speaking from the heart. He meant it.

"What changed? I thought…you said we could…I thought things would get better, but you only…they were worse."

"I know…I'm sorry…the day after we agreed on being nice to each other…that night, someone came into the apartment. It was late and I thought it was you…but of course it wasn't…" he trailed off. "After he left, my world turned upside down; there were so many things I didn't understand until that point. What he said to me that day destroyed everything I had believed in my entire life. And I took it out on you. I shouldn't have…"

"But why me?" I growled. "Who was he? What did he say that was so horrible you had to take it out on me?"

He looked down to his hand holding mine. He stood motionless for a while before he took a deep breath. "He told me…he said…Chief Swan…Charlie…he…he killed my dad Bella."

* * *

_**Reviews are better than the truth.**_

_**Until next time. **_


	19. His side

_**I'm back children.**_

_**I know a lot of you want to see these two make up and kiss, like right now. Not gonna happen, sorry.**_

_**We are moving forward…just slowly.**_

_**Mrs. Meyer owns it all. **_

_**Enjoy. **_

* * *

**Chapter 19. His side.**

No, no, no.

Not this, please.

"Who…who told you that?" I barely whispered.

"No one important." I heard his voice beside me.

_No one important._

_No one important._

I stared out the huge window beside me for a while, not seeing anything in particular, just trying to process his words. I felt his eyes on me as I slowly got on my feet with a great effort, my legs barely holding me up. I took a step forward, moving along the expanse living room, into my room and closed the door behind me.

He didn't try to stop me. He knew there was no point in doing so.

_He's lying. He must me._

I sat on the bed and felt the tears rolling down my face. I kept repeating that over and over in my head. I wanted to believe it…I just didn't know if I could. This had to be another one of his lies…another one of his tricks to hurt me…to make me even more miserable than I already was. But deep down I knew it wasn't the case. Even if he was trying to hurt me…it explained a lot.

I remembered Charlie's letter…how at that time I couldn't make up my mind about. I knew Charlie was aware of what had happened, but I didn't know to what extent.

_...Im eternally grateful you thought you owe me this but you didn't have to do it…Im not gonna let you live with my past… Im gonna fix this I promise you that…_

Was he admitting something in there? Was there more behind those words? Did he kill his father? I knew my father had murdered someone…that was the reason I was in this position today…but Edward's father? It seemed incredible. There were so many questions left unanswered.

_They're not gonna answer themselves._

I wiped the tears from my face harshly. Here I was again…avoiding my problems, just like before. With a new found determination and a lot of panic settling deep in my stomach, I stood from the bed and opened the door, ready to get everything I needed from him. I walked outside and into the living room; Edward sat just where he was when I first left.

My hands were shaking as I approached him from behind. "Are you referring to your…birth father?"

He turned his whole body in my direction as he ran a hand through his hair. Trepidation was the dominant emotion framing his face. He was afraid I would run out the door.

I almost did.

He nodded. "Yes."

I walked back to the couch I was sitting on before; I flopped down and brought my legs up to my chest.

"Are…are you sure about-t what you just said?"

"I…I'm not sure about anything anymore…I haven't been in a long time…but…everything matched…when I gave you that file months ago…I didn't see it, it was right there in front of me, but I never figured it out. All the details, the dates, places…everything matched." He went on, he didn't need me to ask anything else; it seemed he knew exactly what he wanted to say.

"That was one of the worst days of my life…that day when I found out…" He trailed off and took a deep breath trying to compose himself. "You see, I never had a good relationship with my birth father…my mom died when I was really young…and…my dad took over me…except he didn't know how…he was…_abusive_ to say the least." He said the word with disgust. "That was the only way he knew how to raise me. I remember him perfectly fine. I remember too much for my own good."

_That's what Esme said._

"I remember…it was his birthday and I tried to give him something homemade – since I didn't have any more to buy something – and I was looking around the cabinets on my kitchen and I remember I _had _to grab something from the back and I couldn't reach it, so I decided to move everything to the side…there was a pack of cigarettes on the front and when I was moving stuff around, the pack fell of the cabinet into the sink that was filled with dirty water…I didn't think I was such a big deal…but what did I know? I was only seven." He chuckled humorlessly. "Anyway…he came home and he had been drinking…" he stopped talking and looked at the ground for a while.

In that moment I could see everything he ever endured. I saw the hurt he had been put through…and for some unknown reason, I felt bad for him. No, I didn't feel bad…I felt horrible. I felt his pain and anguish…I wanted to take it away.

"He nearly killed me. I was in a hospital for about a month."

I gasped softly. _Oh my God…how would do that to their son? And only seven. Oh my God, Edward._

"Esme found me…she's my mother's sister. She took me in, she gave me everything I ever needed…including love. She tried to get rid of my demons, of everything my father had ever done to me. Emmet and Alice never treated me differently, they welcomed me as their new brother and it was…good, it was great. They all saved me just before it was too late." He took a deep breath. "I didn't remember my mother…I still don't. Carlisle always tried to make sure I at least remembered her name. He said Esme looks so much like her." He said with a light chuckle. "They have shown me pictures, and the resemblance is amazing, but still…"

There was a long silence. I was afraid he'd finished talking so I pitched in. "What is her name?" I murmured.

"Elizabeth."

"I bet she was beautiful."

He didn't look up when he answered. "She was."

"How…how old were you…when they took you in?" I whispered.

"I was eight."

_Oh._

"And for some sick reason, I thought he was the only link I had left to that life." He went on. "Why I wanted to hold onto something like that? I still don't know. I keep thinking is because of my mother…I so desperately wanted to remember her…that was the only explanation I could ever come up with…I have a perfect family now, they love me and accept me…and as much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn't, I was only a kid when this happened." He laid his head on the couch and closed his eyes. "I spent so many years away from him; never knowing his whereabouts…so when I found out that…he died…it was devastating. I blamed myself for not being a good enough soon, for nor making him love me like he did my mom." His voice shook with emotion and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

_Oh Edward._

"That's why I reacted the way I did that day…I lost myself. Every time I saw you…I saw Charlie…I saw everything." he stood abruptly from the couch and went to stand in front of the window.

"It enraged me…I was so fucking mad and frustrated…I was hurt." He turned to look at me with a haunted expression. "I knew I couldn't do anything about it anymore and having you there next to me, made all more real, more disturbing, more…painful." His shoulders slumped and a tear rolled down his face. "And I know that isn't your fault…you are not responsible for your father's actions…" he said. "You endured every single demon I have been carrying…but at that time I had made up my mind…I decided to cling to the last thing I had left of my father…and his house was one of them. That fucking awful house I took you to…that was the house I had lived in when I was a kid."

_Oh God._

"I thought you did that to punish me." I whispered.

"I became a monster Isabella…and I dragged you with me. I knew it was a horrible thing to do…making you live there, but after I had trashed the apartment…it seemed fitting. I was so confused, I wanted to make you hurt like I was, but I hated myself for it…And then I got that horrible note."

_Shit._

"You see…every time I felt powerless when I was around you. Like I said, I was so confused. I wanted to hate you; I wanted to make you miserable…"

"You did." I cut him off.

"I know." Another tear. "But that note…it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me… I didn't even give you a chance to explain…I…I do have feelings for you." He said looking down again. "But I wouldn't blame you if that note were true."

"It wasn't."

He looked up surprised by my answer, so I continued. "He's just a friend…I already talked to him about it."

He nodded and went back to the couch.

"Everyone tried to tell me. The way they did it wasn't so good, since it only made me even more pissed. It wasn't until my mom came into the picture…that I _truly_ realized what I had been doing to you…the damage I had been inflicting. She…she talked some sense into me…I guess that's what mothers do…" he chuckled lightly. "She told me they all knew your parents…which was a shock to me. She made sure to remind me of everything I had endured with my birth father…and that basically I was doing the same to you." He whispered that last part. "And it killed me…I felt so guilty, so disgusted with myself. I'll never know your pain Isabella…but I can try and make up for it. I will apologize as many times as I have to. I will do everything in my power to make it right. I'm sorry."

Nothing was said after that. I knew he was expecting to hear something from me, but what could I say? _I forgive you? _I wasn't sure I could. So we just sat there for a while, both of us lost in our thoughts.

It was me who broke the silence after a couple of minutes. "So…did…did y-you know ab-bout that? Did you know Ch-Charlie had done t-that? Is that why you forced me to marry you? Is that it?"

"No Be-Isabella…I didn't know that, I swear."

"Then why did you…I don't understand."

"I told you in the beginning…I…thought that was the only way to keep Charlie alive…I truly believed your father's life was in danger. It wasn't blackmail…and I didn't know…I never knew it was about my father. I was given that file…I was given orders…"

"Orders? Who have you orders?"

"I can't tell you that."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I slapped my hands against my knees loudly. "I am done with all your bullshit, tell me the fucking truth."

He looked taken back by my outburst. We had been talking so calmly up until now, but I was done with this.

"There are more people involved in this Isabella…I was sent to warn Charlie…to make him realize that everything he'd done wouldn't go unnoticed, that's when you heard us talking in your house…I knew he had killed someone…that much they told me…that is all I know."

"Who was it? Tell me."

He must have seen some sort of emotion on my face because he answered me. "His name is James. He just told me I had to talk to Charlie about that. He's the one who told me to go to Charlie in the first place."

"Buy why? Who is he?"

"I don't know."

"Why marrying me would keep Charlie alive?"

"I don't know."

"Do you expect me to just accept the things you're telling me? To just take that as your answer?"

"It's all I have…I'm sorry." He said determined. I could see the resolve on his face. I wasn't going to get any more answers from him.

I sighed and stood up. I needed to walk, I knew in my condition it would be painful, but I couldn't think straight in here. I needed some fresh air.

He refused; he didn't want me to go of course, he said it was too dangerous. And I knew it was, but I still got changed and went downstairs, promising to stay within his range of vision, which meant he would be watching me the entire time.

-o-

I only made it across the street before my ribs started throbbing. I decided I couldn't risk it and sat at a bench on the small little park in front of the hotel. I knew if Dr. Cullen saw me right now, he would have a fit. But I needed this, I needed to think clearly.

All this time I had learned a lot about my family, their past…about myself. I knew now that this was reality, not what I had been living before. If anything this made me grow up. Or so I thought.

The only constant emotion I had these days was confusion. This was way over my head. I needed help.

_God, I wish you were here Charlie._

He could clear everything up. I didn't know why I never asked him in the first place, I just should have confronted him from the very beginning; maybe we all could have avoided this from the very start.

_And Charlie would still be alive Bella? Is that where you're getting?_

Shit. What was done was done and there was nothing to do about it. The only thing that mattered was the present and who the fuck had messed with my father.

Somebody else was involved in this? Who was it? What if it was Edward? I didn't know if I could trust him. Not that I ever trusted him, but now…I kind of…feared him. He said someone ordered him to go to Charlie…I had to wonder, was he a victim like I originally thought? Or was he behind all this?

Those were questions I wasn't sure I wanted to answer.

-o-

I sat in here until the sky became a lovely shade of pink and my mind was even more confused than when I got here. There were so many things I had to do, so many thing to figure out, to solve. Being just some sort of spectator in my life wasn't an option anymore.

There _was_ just one thing I knew I had to do now.

The first thing I saw when I walked into that lobby was Edward waiting there for me, sitting on a small couch in the main area of the hotel. He was holding his head in his hands, tapping his foot against the marble floors. As soon as he heard the sliding doors open, he snapped his gaze up and looked straight at me. Relief was the only emotion I allowed myself to recognize in his face; I wouldn't analyze the rest of them. He quickly got up and made his way to me. Not a word was said, he knew I needed this, I needed to think, to process…to decide.

His eyes were cautious as he studied every inch of my face. I couldn't help but feel a little self conscious; I wasn't used to him looking at me like that. He placed his arm around me and led me carefully to the elevators.

"I told you should have stayed here." he whispered once we were in the suite. "You look so tired."

"I know…" was all I said as I sat down on the couch. I winced when something in my side hurt. Shit, I really should have stayed here.

"I'm gonna go get your meds." He turned and made his way to my room.

"No." I stopped him. "We have to talk…stay." I murmured. He looked back at me surprised; he took a deep breath and came near the couch I was sitting on. He took a seat in front of me…the coffee table in the middle of the room was the only thing between us. The space was needed apparently, just this a few hours ago he was right in my face and now…he was putting up some walls.

Good.

He rubbed his hands up and down his jeans, a clear sign to his nervousness…that much I could tell. His expression told me he had so many more things to say still, which was unbelievable given the amount of information he had given me today.

I, on the other hand, didn't know where to start. I knew where this conversation would end…the why and the how were something I was currently having problems with.

"I have so much to say…"

He nodded acknowledging my struggle. "I know…go on."

"I…thought a lot…about everything. I don't need to tell you what, because you lived this with me, you endured all of this with me too. I _understand_ why you acted the way you did, I do…really…but it doesn't make it okay Edward…"

"I know it doesn't." He whispered intensely.

"You put me through hell…" I swallowed. It was getting harder to talk; I could feel the tears just waiting for an opportunity to be released but I sucked it up. "You have been through hell too, I know that…we have put each other through so much, it's killing us both, that's why I…I don't see the point in keep doing this…"

"I agree with you, I know we could try and work everything out if we just…"

"No." I interrupted him. "We _can't _try. There is just no way. There's nothing between us to amend…you can't fix something that never existed…our marriage was never supposed to exist."

"What are you saying Bella?" he asked. His voice shook with emotion as well as mine. God, this was harder than I thought it would. I had repeated the words over and over in my head and they sounded good in there, but now it was different. Having him in front of me with those intense emerald eyes, willing mine to spell their secrets, trying to say all the words his lips couldn't…it was so hard. I took a staggering breath and steeled myself to utter the words that would probably alter both of our futures.

"I want a divorce, Edward."

* * *

_**Wanna kill me yet?**_

_**Just hang in there.**_

_**One last thing…don't believe everything you read...just saying. (hides under desk)**_

_**Review please. **_


	20. No point left

_**I'm back. Is there anyone still out there?**_

_**I know I took forever, I needed to regroup. Hope you guys can stick with me through this.**_

_**Thank you so much for all your support. I love reading every single thought about these two.**_

_**I planned on having this chapter end all lovey dovey…it took a life of its own and ended differently. **_

_**Some highlights in case you forgot where we are: Charlie died. Bella got attacked. She found out Charlie killed Edward's dad. She asked for a divorce. **_

_**Nuff said, let's continue, shall we?**_

_**Mrs. Meyer owns twilight. I own these two.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

* * *

**Chapter 20. No point left.**

This was my life now.

You would think that after some time going through the same motions, I would get used to this, grow accustomed to this lifestyle…but somehow sitting on a luxurious hotel suite, sore, hurting everywhere, tired, surrounded by dozens of flower arrangements, in front of my fake husband asking for a divorce…seemed impossible, even to me.

My mom would have been so proud.

It had taken so much to utter those simple words. It shouldn't be so hard if I thought about it. I had been complaining like a bitch for the past six months about my fake marriage, that ultimately the only thing that could give me peace of mind would be a way to get rid of this crap.

It didn't.

If I was scared when I agreed to marry him, now…I was even more scared. I couldn't understand it.

I was still sitting right in front of him, rubbing my hands against my knees over and over just waiting for him to say something. It felt like an eternity passed by and not a word was said between us. I stared at him. He stared right back at me. I tried examining his face, looking for something, for a sign that would indicate what he thought. Nothing. His face a perfect mask of…nothing. I couldn't tell what he was thinking; he didn't look angry, surprised or even upset. His face told me absolutely nothing. I wasn't entirely sure what his reaction would be. I wasn't entirely sure what _I_ wanted his reaction to be. But this wasn't it.

"No." was his final response. With that he got up without another word in my direction and left the room.

_What?_

My mouth dropped in shock. I was left there stunned. He didn't even…he just…wow. I thought he might want to talk about it, since it was what we had been doing for the last few hours. But no, he just got up and left, not even stopping to hear my answer. Not even taking the time to consider it. Like there wasn't even anything else to say. But in my mind were still so many questions unanswered. So many things to work out. I mean, Charlie wasn't even here anymore…why keep going?

I started breathing heavily, I couldn't believe this. I knew what I had just asked wasn't so simple but there was absolutely no point on keeping this charade up. What if he made this totally impossible for me? I couldn't…I couldn't be like this for the rest of my life.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

_Relax Bella. Talk to him._

Right.

Talking.

Remember it.

Even if I had to fight with everything I had in me not to bolt through that door, I would face him. And now it seemed the roles had somewhat turned around completely. I was the one desperate to talk it out and he was the one running away at the first sign of trouble. I made my way to his room and stood in the doorway, not sure going inside was the smartest thing to do. He gave me no indication as to what was going through his mind, so I was nervous about this. I found him moving around the room, looking for papers, moving his stuff around…looking busy. Was he even taking what I had said seriously?

"What do you mean no?" I asked softly. I knew I had to treat this subject carefully. I couldn't get all worked up about it, let alone make him upset.

"That's what I meant…no." He didn't even turn when he heard my voice, just went about his business like nothing happened.

I sighed. He was going to make this harder than it needed to be. "We need to talk about this, I…"

"No." he said again.

"Edward…I'm not asking…I'm telling you." I said firmly.

That finally got him to stop his motions. He turned and looked straight at me as he sat down on the edge of his bed. His shoulders slumped and he hung his head. There wasn't an ounce of surprise in his features, or even shock. There was just…acceptance? I hoped it was that, otherwise this would get ugly.

"Look, Ed-" I stopped myself before I had a chance to finish. Lately I had been saying his name in my head, but not much in front of him. " …listen we have to…"

"Don't…don't stop yourself please." He cut in. "You _can _call me Edward…please."

I sighed. "I want a divorce, Edward." I said. "There is no reason for us to be together anymore."

"There is." He answered running both hands through his hair. "Of course there is."

"And what is it? Because I don't think there is."

He stood up from the bed and walked towards me until he stood so close our chests were almost touching. His proximity made me anxious. My breathing sped up and my cheeks felt hot. He brought his hand and cupped my cheek gently.

"You." he whispered. "You are the reason."

_Huh?_

"What?" I murmured.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't consider it…I'm just saying not right now. Everything is happening all at once. You were just released from the hospital…you have to heal. And I…I…"

A loud knock on the door interrupted him. _Great. There's always an interruption when we're discussing this shit._

He ran a hand through that wild hair of his and a sigh escaped him. His breath tickled my face in the weirdest way possible. "We _will _talk about this later, I promise." He whispered.

I nodded as he walked around me and went to get the door.

Every single word that left his lips was so confusing. I felt he kept so much from me…and maybe he did, maybe in some level he was like me. Full of swirling thoughts and mixed emotions. And he wouldn't let anything out…not in front of me, anyway.

I sat on his bed slowly, feeling the bed shift lightly with my weight and looked around. I had never been in here. This place had fancy hotel room written all over it, but there was still some details that made it so…him. A couple of shirts were folded neatly on top of the couch by the window. A few bottles of some sort of shaving lotion were on the dresser in front of me; a pair of shoes stocked in the corner of the room by the window; a few books stacked one on top of the other on the small coffee table in front of the couch. And of course…the smell. It was all over the place. The air, the bed and now it was on me.

I breathed in deeply.

Intoxicating.

It was mesmerizing. Everything combined…I felt like maybe, just maybe this was some sort of a doorway to all his secrets. That if I looked close enough, I could begin to solve the mystery that was this man.

Hypnotizing, really.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. The pills were really starting to mess with my head. I was enthralled by a room? Really Bella?

_Stupid. _

I needed to focus. I tried to replay the earlier moments. It hadn't gone as bad as I thought it could. That made me feel a little bit better. At least there was the promise of further discussing this. It wasn't a done deal.

I heard some mumbling and my name being mentioned. I frowned as I made my way to the edge of his bedroom door and peeked outside. There wasn't so much I could see, since the hallway leading to the living room was the only thing in sight. But I could hear their voices.

His family was here. All of his family, from what I could tell.

I walked a few steps slowly trying to…I didn't know what I was trying. I felt like a stalker, intruding in some private moment trying to avoid getting caught spying. As I finally approached the living room without being noticed I saw everyone up close.

_Yep, everyone was here…including Rosalie._

Edward was talking to his parents, while his sister was looking around like a kid waiting to get some price. I didn't know they were coming and by the look of his face I realized he didn't either.

"Oh my God, Isabella." I heard someone squeal.

_Shit. Unnoticed, huh?_

Before I knew what was happening I felt two skinny short arms wrap around my middle tightly. I hissed lightly when I felt the constant pain in my ribs aggravate.

"Alice." Edward snapped at his sister, which made her drop her arms to the side and give an apologetic smile.

"Sorry." She whispered. I breathed deeply, trying to recover from my previous attack. I shook my head dismissing her apologies. She took that as an opportunity to grab my hand and led me out of the hallway. Dr. Cullen and Alice were the only ones standing besides Edward, everyone else was laying comfortably on the couch. As soon as I walked into the living room I got nervous. Immediately all their eyes on me, almost burning through my skin. It unnerved me. Some of their eyes said more than words ever could.

Emmet apparently found something very funny because he was smiling like a fool. Jasper sat next to him, looking oddly calm. Dr. Cullen gave me a warm smile…and Rosalie…she was looking everywhere else but me.

Mrs. Cullen…Esme, stood up as soon as she saw me and gave a barely there hug. "Hi sweetheart, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"I was just telling everyone how tired you have been these last few days, how you need to rest." Edward murmured.

"Oh."

"And I was just telling him…" Alice said poking Edward in the chest with her finger. "…how we haven't seen you guys in a while and wanted to stop by. Come on, at least let us make you dinner, Edward. Let's all eat something…you both need it." She whispered that last part softly.

"I don't know Alice." He said exasperated. "I still have some work left to be done for tomorrow and Isabella is not doing so great."

"Okay then, go inside the office and we'll take Isabella out to eat."

"Alice." Esme warned.

"What mom? She _has_ to eat."

"We're not leaving your brother here alone."

"Why not? Didn't you hear he has to work?"

"Alice." Esme warned again. She huffed, crossed her arms and went to sit between Jasper and Emmet on the couch; she looked like a small little girl who just had been refused the doll she wanted from the toy store. I wanted to laugh but stopped myself…it would do no good right now…and besides my ribs would hurt.

"Look…we don't want to impose; we'll just leave, okay? I bet Isabella is extremely exhausted." Esme said turning to Edward. "We just wanted to make sure you two were alright. We hadn't heard from you since you left the hospital."

"You're not imposing." I said. "You can stay…if that's okay with Edward?" I asked turning to him. He was stunned apparently, I guess he expected the bitch in me to come out and play like the other times we had been with his family.

He nodded softly looking at me. "It's okay."

"Yeesss." Alice stood up from the couch and clapped her hands together. "Okay, let's get this on, shall we?" she said so business like. It was hard keeping up with Alice. She was like a little tornado just waiting to take everything and everyone with her. "Do you have food in this place brother? Do they even allow you to eat in here? Cuz let's face it, it may be really pretty but your apartment was so much better."

"Yes Alice, there is everything you need in the fridge."

"Good." She answered smugly. "Hey…what happen to your apartment? Did you sell it?"

I snapped my head in Edward's direction when I heard Alice's question. I had no idea what he had said about not living there anymore. It immediately caught my attention.

"Yeah Alice, I sold it." He said diverting his eyes from everyone. He was a horrible actor, he started shifting from foot to foot and gave his hair the tugs of its life.

"Hey…let's go make something to eat, okay? I'm starving." I lied. My appetite hadn't improved much these days but I felt he was getting close to being the spot light in the room and it didn't seem fair for him to explain something so…so…private. Even if it was just to explain how he had wrecked his entire place in just a few hours.

And he saw right through me. I saw it in his eyes and in the way he looked at me…he almost seemed grateful.

"Yes, please. Go woman, make me something to eat." Emmett said pointing at Rosalie, who very discretely flipped him off. Effectively changing the awkward subject.

The guys stayed behind due to Emmett's doing, claiming there was this huge football game on the huge plasma screen and they all were forced to see it. So basically the girls would be stuck cooking and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. It was pretty much being stuck in a closed space surrounded with three very beautiful and intimidating women.

They all headed into the kitchen with me following them right behind. It took nothing for them to start opening and closing the fridge and cabinets searching for the essentials. I offered to help but I got stuck making lemonade. Something simple, as Alice had said. She and Esme kept talking and talking, sometimes to each other, other times to me, while Rosalie stayed in one side of the kitchen peeling and slicing a few vegetables. There wasn't much interaction from her part, only nodding and humming when Alice or Esme asked her something in particular.

They were determined to go all the way out, apparently Cullen women didn't do things in small doses. And why cooking instead of ordering in was? It beyond my comprehension.

Once the amazing dinner was ready, we all sat down on the huge dining table in the room next to the kitchen.

I had made up my mind before and decided to try some of the food in front of me. I couldn't remember when was the last time I actually ate a whole meal, but I was willing to try today. Besides, being here with all of them acting so carefree and warm…it was different. This time everything felt different. Diner with his family wasn't as awful as I remembered. It was…nice. The last few times I met them it was so far from what we were having here that it took me by surprise.

Was it because now I felt they weren't expecting something from me? Or because now _I _was the one who felt like I didn't have to pretend anymore? Had they changed? Or was it me? Probably my attitude before kept me from seeing the true Cullen family. Or maybe, after my talk with Esme they were trying harder to include me…it felt that way.

It was good. Refreshing.

But also extremely sad.

Looking at his family sitting here, his siblings so attuned to each other, laughing, telling stories. His parents warm and loving with sparkling eyes and huge smiles on their faces; even Rosalie looks relaxed and not so vicious as she looked the last time we addressed each other. They were all just being a family…it made me miss my own so much. We were exactly like this. We cooked and had dinner together at least every weekend when my parent's schedules would allow it. I remember my mom and dad bickering like an old couple that argued about everything but at the end one of them would just apologize and they made up and kissed. It was extremely amusing to me, watching them interact, watching them love each other.

That's what I saw in Carlisle and Esme. Even if my parent's relationship was completely different than what Edward's parents had, I could still see the resemblance, the unconditional love they shared for the other person and for their children and their loved ones. I was still working on figuring out if I fit into that category.

I excused myself from the table and stood up slowly, trying not to call any unwanted attention to me. I tried to pull it together as I made my way into the kitchen. I rested both of my hands against the counter top and breathed in deeply. I missed Charlie. I still couldn't wrap my mind about the fact that I would never see him again.

"Hey." I heard his smooth voice behind me. "Are you okay? I could tell them to leave."

I turned around quickly and shook my head twice. "It's okay…I just…I…it's fine."

"What's going on?" he asked softly as he stepped right in front of me.

"Not-thing."

"Come on, tell me…please."

"It's nothing really, I just…being here with you and everyone…reminded me of my father…my mother…I missed them."

He cupped my face in both of his hands and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. "I am so sorry. I wish I could…"

"Hey guys, what is…" Esme came into the kitchen, effectively ending what he was about to say, he immediately dropped his hands and stepped back quickly.

"Is everything aright in here?" she asked glancing between Edward and me.

"Yes, we were just talking mom." Edward said softly.

"Oh…I just came to get desert." Her eyes were still on us. Inspecting, analyzing.

Shit. Shit. By the look on her face I knew she didn't buy what Edward had just said. I didn't want her to think…

_Think what Bella? That you are married and show affection to one and other?_

Yeah, that.

"Edward." Suddenly his father called from the other room. "Someone is at the door for you."

There was a beat of silence before he spoke again. "I…I'm gonna go get that." he said awkwardly. "Excuse me." with that he turned around and left.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked once his son was out of sight.

"Yes, we were just talking really."

"Okay…if you ever need someone to talk to…you know I'm here for you, right honey?"

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen. Thank you."

"Okay then, let's go out there." She smiled softly, took the desert from the counter and gently moved forward guiding me outside. "And it's Esme, not Mrs. Cullen."

Everyone gathered in the living room again. Esme placed the dish she was holding on the table and went to join the rest of them. "Where is Edward, Carlisle?" she asked as she sat next to him.

"Someone was at the door for him." He said distractedly. "He said he had to go downstairs for a while."

I frowned. I hadn't made the connection when I first heard Carlisle calling for Edward, but now…there was something off. Maybe it could have been someone from the hotel staff and I was making myself crazy, but for some reason that thought didn't placate me. I had never met a single friend of his, other than his family, and for some reason it made me uneasy.

"Um…I…I'm gonna go with him, okay?" I murmured.

I didn't get a real response from anyone in the room, only than a few nods here and there. That TV show must have been really interesting.

All the way to the elevator I kept telling myself I was crazy, I mean why did I even care if anyone visited Edward? He was free to do with his life as he pleased, just as I was asking to do with my own. But as much as I tried to convince myself I was acting like a lunatic, there was something in the back of my mind telling me I had to seek him out.

When I got off the elevator and into the lobby, he was nowhere to be found. I looked around the expanse room but I couldn't see him. I walked a few steps towards the main doors and finally spotted him outside.

He was standing on the sidewalk and seemed really aggravated. He was with that blond guy I had seen in his apartment a few months ago.

"I am fucking done with your shit…" he growled. "WE ARE DONE."

"We'll see about that." the blond said menacingly and walked away.

_What the hell? Why is Edward with him?_

I moved closer, not really knowing what I was doing here. I should have just walked away, but instead I called for him. "Edward." I whispered afraid of what his reaction would be when he noticed I was here. He turned around quickly and seemed shocked to see me standing there.

"A-are y-you okay?"

He ran a hand through his hand, obviously frustrated. "I'm fine…what-what are you doing here?"

"I…I don't know." I whispered.

"Did…did you see him? Do you recognize him?" he said with a frown on his face, pointing to the path the blond took.

'Um…I saw him once…coming out of your apartment? Why?" It came out more as a question than anything else. I expected him to correct me or to explain further, but he just sighed and went inside and sat on one of the lobby couches.

"Did you come here to talk about the divorce?"

_Oh. _

_No actually, I didn't. _

"I don't want to Isabella." He said without giving me the chance to answer his previous question. I sat beside him and looked at the floor. I couldn't believe we were doing this in the middle of the hotel lobby. But if he brought it up, I refused to prolong this anymore.

"Edward…it's the more reasonable option. That way you can be with someone else. We each can take our own way…"

"I don't want to…" he sighed. "Can we just wait?" he pleaded with me. "Let's just see what happens, we could…"

"What's the point Edward?" I interrupted him. "I don't see why we should be together anymore. Whether we like it or not, we have to face it. We are…we're in an abusive situation, we had…"

"Is that how you see it?" it was his time to interrupt me. "I was abusing you?"

I had no answer to that. What did he want me to say? He knew it, I knew it. There was no point in kidding ourselves.

"I'm so sorry." He said when I didn't answer.

I ignored his apology and continued "I…I did some things too. I said hurtful things out of spite. At the beginning, and even just a few days ago…I said things to hurt you. I _also_ wanted to hurt you, you weren't the only one. We both did so much damage to each other, look where it got us."

"I know."

"My mother used to say…you become what you do…if you do something long enough you'll become it…and I…I won't let this get out of hand…there is no point Edward…you didn't turned me into the better version of me…and I couldn't bring out all the good in you either."

"Bella…I know what happened was horrible, but I really think…"

He kept talking but I stopped listening when a thought suddenly popped into my head. How could I been so stupid and not see it right away?

"Wait…" I gasped. "That guy…the blond one…he…he's the gut that…that left-t y-you're ap-partment t-that night." I rasped. "Oh my God…is that J-James? He's the one who t-told y-you ab-bout Charlie, isn't he?"

He said nothing. He didn't need to. His silence was all I needed to confirm my doubts.

"Why are you involved with someone like that?" I growled.

"I am not the one involved…Charlie was." He snarled at me. I raised my eyes to look at him. It didn't surprise me anymore. And since he wasn't willing to give me anymore answers, I stood up from the couch we were sitting on. "I don't care anymore. I have no fucking clue the mess you two made or even why you did it…but I am not letting _anyone_ mess with my life anymore, not ever again." I snapped. I'm out of this…for good."

"I am not giving you a divorce Isabella…I am not." He said finally.

"It's not your choice Edward, I already made up my mind, as soon as I get better…I'm going back to Forks."

* * *

_**No cliffhanger this time.**_

_**Leave me your thoughts. **_

_**Till next time.**_


	21. Breaking ties Changing titles

**I'm here again kids.**

**I took a while with this one because…well I'm in Cabo and the sun is shining and there's a cute bartender bringing over some...right, let's continue. ;)**

**A lot of confrontations in this chapter. Edward just doesn't wanna let go. Mmmh, I wonder why?**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 21. Breaking ties. Changing titles.**

Isabella. Isabella. Isabella.

That was all I fucking heard as I walked away from the main lobby. It was my own fucking fault if I thought about it. I had asked –no, demanded– that he referred to me as Isabella. And it wasn't that I had a particular grudge against my name, it was just that...well, even if I hated to admit it, there was some part of me who absolutely loathed the way that name sounded on his lips. It sounded so impersonal, so distant.

_Just like you wanted it, Bella. Remember?_

"Would you please wait?" He asked as he caught up to me. I stopped walking and raised my eyes to look at him. He looked desperate, frantic. God, he made me feel so guilty sometimes. Like I just killed his puppy. "What, Edward?" I replied with a sigh. "What do you want?"

"It's just...you...you can't leave."

"Yes, I can."

"Isabella, please...look I know if you would just let me explain, I think you would change your mind-"

"Explain? What more is there to explain? We already talked about-"

"I know we have…but if we manage to talk things through, we could come to the conclusion that maybe...us staying together wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"Fuck Edward, don't you realize what you're saying?" I raised my voice in frustration. "I feel like we have been over this a million times. We are completely strangers; there is no reason for us to be together when all we do is make our lives miserable."

"I fucking have feelings for you, okay?" He yelled throwing his hands up in the air. "I don't know how many fucking times I have told you this, but you just seem to want to make as if I never said anything. That's why I don't want you to leave, okay? Because I thought that maybe-"

"You thought? You thought what, Edward? You thought that maybe I could fucking forget all the things you ever said to me? All the times you called me useless? All those times when your will was all that mattered? All those times when you fucking grabbed my arms and squezeed until you left bruises?" I yelled pushing on his chest with my hands. "Or maybe you thought I could forget how you lied to me? How you forced me to move into that horrible house..."

"You said you understood..." He said softly. So softly he looked like that lost boy I had seen so many times before.

"Don't get confused, Edward. There is a big fucking difference between understanding and forgetting...and believe me, there is not a single fucking thing in the last six months that I have managed to forget."

"I am so sorry."

"I know you're fucking sorry, but sorry doesn't erase the past, it doesn't change what happened." I murmured, somewhat amazed at how yet again, we had ended up fighting. "And I know you have _mentioned_ a couple of times...how you...what you..." I said nervously. God, why did I get so uncomfortable all of the sudden? "Well, that you...um...care about me." I'm sure I must have made some weird face when I said that word but it was all I could come up with.

_But I don't believe it, that's why I act like I if you never said anything. _I wanted to add.

"I do...I do care and not just that, I-"

"But..." I interrupted him. I wasn't ready to hear the end of that phrase. "_If that_ is true...I don't...I don't understand how you were able to treat me they way you did, if you'd really care about me. I just don't. We should...we should just end this _arrangement_."

"What is she talking about, Edward?"

We both turned when we heard a voice next to us.

Rosalie. Shit.

In all the heat of the argument I didn't notice her heels clicking on the floor. And now there she stood, arms crossed over her chest, her blond hair styled in a beautiful bun, just looking as glorious as ever with a frown on her face. She may have been talking to him but her eyes were on me. Her _glare_ was on me.

"Nothing, Rosalie." Edward answered, no really paying attention to what she said. He turned again to look at me. He was dismissing her.

"That didn't sound like nothing." She pressed on.

"This doesn't concern you Rosalie, please stay out of it." He said exasperated seeming to just notice she was still here.

"It doesn't concern me?" She asked. She was practically having a conversation with him but her eyes -her stare- didn't leave my face for one second. "Of course it does. It does when it's ruining my family."

_What?_

"Back off, Rosalie." He warned.

"No Edward, I may have kept quiet before, because it is your life but I'm done."

_Quiet? _

"What the hell is it to you, anyway? Just fucking leave." He growled with so much venom that it actually surprised me, which was saying something at this point.

"No…if the others aren't brave enough to say something, I'll do it…"

"Rosalie." He barked.

"I fucking told you from the beginning, Edward. But you wouldn't listen. What arrangement is she talking about? Are you paying her money or something?" she sneered. "It wouldn't surprise me."

Okay, that was it.

"I will not allow you to talk to her like that-"

"Fuck you Rosalie." I interrupted him. "You don't know me and you never will, so just stay the fuck out of this. You have your own life...fucking live it." With that I walked away as soon as possible from the room. I was becoming such a drama queen with his family, it was ridiculous. But I was done trying to pretend something that just wasn't. He followed behind me, gently. Only getting close when I would struggle to keep forward. He remained in the distance, in the background. At least for the short ride.

And he left her behind.

"I'm sorry about that…I promise I didn't know she would do that…" I only gave him a few nods as a confirmation that I had heard him. I couldn't say anything else.

As soon as we walked into the room, reality kicked in again. His family was just so peaceful and fun. They were all laughing and smiling, totally oblivious to both of our inner struggle. Rosalie never came back into the suite. Edward made up some lame excuse for her absence and said nothing more. They all said goodbye with some much love and adoration in their eyes, it was hard to digest. In that moment I felt like the biggest conniving and horrible person in the world. They left the suite with promises of returning soon. I had a strong feeling this was the last time I would ever see them.

-o-

A whole week passed since our 'big talk'. Edward hadn't brought up the subject again, which was refreshing. I needed some time to think. To breathe.

And I did. I tried to come up with a game plan. I was unemployed so I had to do something about that, money could only last so long. Not that I was spending any, he didn't let me, but still I had to get a job if I wanted to leave.

There was no other available option but to move back to Forks. I had a better chance to find a job there in my current condition. And I had to start packing. _Again. _Apparently he managed to bring all my stuff from the old house. How he did it? I had no idea. But I was grateful for that.

And there were times when my mind would play tricks on me and leave to a place I did not want to visit. I lately found I had…certain feelings towards him that didn't involve rage, anger or misery. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. It seemed I had changed more in the last six months than I ever did in my entire life.

And here was the part I didn't understand. The part inside that just wasn't…me. It was so weird. When it was just the two of us…whether it was fighting or simply talking, I had learned to deal with him, to deal with the situation and I could face him now. I stood on my own and even though I wasn't sure he would try to do it again, I knew I wouldn't let him bring me down the way he did before.

But when it came to dealing with the outside world…there was this weird, sick and twisted part of me that felt the need to…defend him…defend me, defend whatever it was we had, to keep our…whatever…private.

That was what had happened with Rosalie. Her attitude really didn't surprise me, I could expect that from her now, but the fact that she was meddling in our business, in our lives -if you could call it that– made me snap.

And then there was Edward. The way he acted this time was completely unexpected and different. The last time I had some sort of confrontation with Rosalie, he totally snapped at me. Now…it seemed he tried to defend _me. _

_Just like you were trying to defend him._

And with drowning myself more and more trying to find an explanation to something that maybe wasn't made to explain…came other things…

For the first time I started observing his actions, observing him…I examined every single thing he did, every detail, every move when he wasn't watching…and it was fascinating. I became enthralled in his daily routine. By the way his body moved. By the way his arms flexed when he put on his shirt when he thought I wasn't looking. By the way his lips moved when he said something so soft in my direction I could barely hear him.

I looked down at my lap with a frown. I was holding the prescribed medication his father had given me in my hand and stared at it for a long time. Yep, I had to look for the sides effects this crap may cause. I was hallucinating for real. First the fucking room…now his lips? Something wasn't right. I raised my arm as far as I could without it becoming too painful and tossed the bottle to the other side of the room. They landed beneath a chair and rolled to the corner of the room. Good.

Fucking pills.

I could live with some pain.

-o-

"Where are you going?"

Shit.

"Out."

"Out where, Isabella? You're still recovering; you shouldn't go out like that."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not, just please go back to bed."

"Edward, stop it okay?" I snapped. "I have to go to Forks. I have to figure…" His look made me stop mid sentence. He looked so alarmed. In panic, even.

"Why are you still caught up in that idea?" he murmured.

"What idea?"

"That you…you wanna leave."

"I was serious before Edward. I _am _leaving. I'm moving back to Forks."

He looked at me for a second not saying anything. Just watching, analyzing. Then he turned and walked away.

-o-

I don't know when or even how, but he seemed to have made amends with the fact that I was leaving. Whether it was the packing or something else, it seemed to settle something inside him. Or maybe it was resignation, I wasn't sure. Either way he didn't try to convince me to stay anymore.

"Isabella…I…wanted to…never mind." He said one day as I was packing my books.

I frowned. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"Um…do you think…could…can you tell me about that day? Um…when you were…" he didn't finish what he was about to say. I didn't need him to; I already knew the end of those words. My body immediately locked up, froze in my spot and my breathing became heavy.

He strode towards me and cupped my face gently. "It's okay…" he whispered just mere inches from my face. "You don't have to tell me what happened…I just…do you remember him? Did you see his face?"

I shut my eyes closed. What a stupid question, his face was all I saw and remembered for the last few days. It was attached to my bare memories, inked to my eyelids.

_He doesn't know that Bella._

I nodded slowly. I felt his thumbs caressing my cheeks slowly and carefully. "Can you describe him for me?"

"Why?" I rasped.

"For the police report, in case they want to ask you the same question."

I opened my eyes in alarm. "No, no, no. No police, please…I can't…" I shook my head repeatedly. "I don't want…no…"

"Shh…okay…it's okay…" he whispered as he hugged me to his chest. "We won't go if you don't want to…I just wanted to leave that choice open for you…shh, it's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to…"

"Black." I blurted out.

"What?"

"Black…his e-eyes w-were blac-ck…h-his hair wa-as b-b-black…" I gasped.

"Don't say anything else…it's okay, I won't do anything you don't want me to."

"Okay."

-o-

"At least let me drive you there." He said frustrated.

"No…I can get there by my own, thank you."

"God." He groaned running his hand through his hair. "Why do you have to be like that?"

"Like what?"

"So stubborn."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"I can get there by myself. Angela has offered to help me. I just…could you save my things for a while? At least until I figure out how to get them back to Forks?" I asked uncertain. I didn't really think he would burn them or something, but well, you never knew anymore.

"Don't worry…I...I'll make sure you get them." He murmured.

"Okay." And that argument was over right there.

I made my way downstairs, the cab was already parked right outside. He kept his distance behind me and made no move to do anything.

I shifted uncomfortably.

This was it. I was leaving. Leaving him. Leaving everything behind.

How do you say goodbye to someone like him? How do you say goodbye to your fake husband? How could I…I…I didn't even know what to feel anymore. But I didn't have to worry about that too much. He came closer and hugged me to him, almost burying himself in my hair.

"I'll see you later, okay?"

There. He made it all so easy.

I just nodded and got into the cab.

-o-

I arrived into that house sometime later. As soon as I opened the door I began to question if this was a good idea or not.

There was just one word that rang loud and clear inside my head.

_Alone._

If I thought about how this was the worst time to be alone in a house, I would go mad. So I didn't. I mean, I had a few neighbors, but no one too close nearby.

I shook my head to clear it. _God Bella, you just got here, relax._

I dropped my bag on the floor and made my way into the living room. The light on the answering machine caught my eye. I had a few voice messages. Four from Charlie's lawyer. Mr. Stevens.

Shit. I had postponed this for so long, I couldn't do it anymore. I wrote down the address he left in one of his messages, grabbed my purse and walked out the door.

The address was on the other side of town. I had definitely seen this building, but never really noticed up close. I walked in there and took a look at my surroundings. It was modest, but so office like. Definitely a lawyer's office.

"Good morning, may I help you?" Asked the receptionist from the small bar at the front of the room.

"Um…I…I'm looking for Mr. Stevens?"

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Um…no."

"Well, Mr. Stevens is now on-"

"Lauren, I'm going to head out to the-" An old man walked out of an office behind the receptionist. He stopped abruptly when he saw me. His eyes raked over my face several times before settling on my eyes.

"Ms. Swan." He stated. Wait…he knew me? I tried to remember his face from somewhere, but I came up blank. I couldn't remember ever meeting him.

"Yes."

"Lauren, make all the arrangements to move my appointment please, I have thing to deal with Ms. Swan."

"But I thought you were heading-"

"It's fine Lauren. Please come in Ms. Swan." He motioned to an office in the corner of the room and opened the door for me to get in. "I am so glad you finally came to see me. We have so much to talk about."

"We do?"

"Yes, of course. But please, have a seat." He motioned to the chair in front of his desk.

"Let me begin saying how deeply I'm sorry for your lost."

I took a deep breath and nodded in appreciation. "Thank you."

"Mr. Swan…Charlie, was an old friend of mine. You may not know this, but your father and I had a good relationship. He hated lawyers of course, but he made an exception with me, I guess."

_Oh!_

"But anyway…first of all and the most important thing we have to discuss is the house Ms. Swan. You have to tell me if you plan on keeping it, that way I could start to make the proper arrangements-"

"Wait…what? What do you mean?" I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

"Didn't Mr. Swan talk to you about this?"

I shook my head.

"There must be some misunderstanding here." He frowned. "I apologize, I was under the impression you already knew all this. You see, Mr. Swan became very…_vocal _and_ precise _about the future of that house. I don't know if you know this, but that house was under your grandfather's name. Mr. Thomas Dwayer –Renee's father– was the prime owner of that house. Apparently when your parents got married, they were going through a rough time and your grandfather decided to help them out. He gave them that house as a gift. And I guess that as time went by, neither of your parents made the correct change of title to that house."

"How do you know all of this?" _I _didn't even know it.

"Charlie told me."

_Oh._

"You see, if anything ever happened to any of them, since they were the temporary owners, you would have no real legal assurance. And Charlie knew this, so when Renee passed away, he tried to change the little to that house. I do not know the exact reason why that wasn't done, but whatever it was it made Charlie stay calmed and went on living like that. But now…well, Charlie was a smart man Ms. Swan –as you must know it– and he…well, he insisted that house remained under your name. The house is totally yours."

"What?"

"As you hear it, Ms. Swan. Charlie made sure you were taken care of. Just a few weeks before he passed away, he came marching through that door, demanding to make alterations to his will and of course dragging Renee's father by the arm to sing some papers the old man had absolutely no idea about." He chuckled. "I'm guessing he knew that if anything happened to him, with you being gone, that house would probably be lost."

"Gone?"

"Yeah…well…" he suddenly became very nervous. "He mentioned that you…weren't _available _at the moment."

_Oh. _

And right there I had my answer.

I was keeping that house. No matter what.

-o-

Over the last hour I learned all the new things I now apparently owned. Starting with the house. There was also some sort of a trust fund he had started when I was a younger. A couple of banking accounts, both his and Renee's.

Charlie left it all to me.

And I was floored by that.

And also confused.

He had said Charlie had waited almost all my life and did nothing to fix his house situation. But all of the sudden he had the urge to change that house's title? And to put it under my name? Especially when I had left the way I did? It all seemed so convenient.

I had to talk to grandpa.

I also learned he could be my divorce lawyer and he would do it for free. As a gift to Charlie as he had said it, even though I insisted I could pay him. He had asked me if there was anything that Edward owned that I wanted. Anything at all I could possibly fight him for in the divorce.

I shook my head. There was absolutely nothing material I could ever want from him.

This made everything a lot easier, as he said. He would have the papers ready for me the day after tomorrow. All I had to do was _try _to convince Edward to sign them and that would be all.

Yep, piece of cake.

When I asked what would happen if he'd refuse, he made a face and just said: "It could get complicated."

_Right._

So that -and finding a new job- would be my task for the next few days. It wasn't enough to ask for a divorce, or even getting Edward to accept the fact that my word was definite, now I had to convince him to give it to me willingly.

Shit.

And that's when the phone calls started.

The first time, I tried dialing that number about ten times before I finally had the balls to stick to it and talk to him. He answered at the second ring and sounded so excited to hear my voice. I had a feeling that was about to change.

"How are you? Are you okay? Do you need anything? I could-"

"I'm fine Edward, really."

"Good."

"I wanted to talk to you…" I trailed off.

"Okay, tell me."

"I just…I talked to my dad's lawyer. I…" my voice trembled. "I have everything set up…I just need you to…"

"Set up? What?"

"Um…the…d-d-divorce pap-pers. I just need your…signature."

Then the live went dead.

I didn't know if I was relieved or scared to death. I couldn't decide if that conversation had gone well…or just plain horrible. On one hand he didn't yell, which was saying something. On the other…he said absolutely nothing.

And that wasn't the first time he hung up on me. There were other times when he didn't even answer his phone.

Complicated, indeed.

-o-

I opened my eyes to yet another day. I woke up slowly in what had been my bed for so many years. The dulled light was coming in through my window, not bright enough to warm me.

Another cloudy day. Go figure.

I remained in the bed longer than necessary not feeling entirely well. That's how it had been for the last few days. I got up from bed and made my daily routine, knowing the motions like the palm of my hand…I was just waiting for the day to pass.

I was waiting for my life to pass.

It seemed my brain was determined to count every single minute of the day. They went by so slowly I thought I would lose my mind sometimes. Others…I didn't even notice.

I had come to the conclusion I was just…existing. Again.

This divorce thing was really exhausting. I worried every single day. I dreaded when the time to pick up the phone came, I knew I had to call yet again, not knowing what kind of answer I would get from him now.

Besides I was getting divorced at 22? It wasn't what you would call every girl's dream.

I was loading the dishwasher when I heard a soft knock on the door. I frowned. For all I knew no one knew I was here besides Angela and I had just seen her this morning, so it seemed weird having someone at the door. As I approached it, memories came flooding back to me. I was alone now. I could easily be a target again. What if _he _came back? What if he knew where I lived and…

_Stop Bella. Snap out of it._

Right, yeah. I couldn't be afraid of opening the freaking door in my own freaking house. I took a deep breath and steeled myself.

What I found there took the breath out of me.

_Edward._

I actually thought I wouldn't hear from him for a while after our last phone call. Let alone see him.

"Hi." He mumbled.

"Hi…thanks for coming." I merely whispered. I stepped aside and gave him room to walk in. He looked…awful, to say the least.

And I felt bad for it.

I wasn't sure if I was the cause for his misery –because you could tell he was miserable– but I hoped I wasn't. I examined him. He looked clean and neat as always. His eyes were what gave him away. They looked…empty. He never looked at me. He just stood in the hallway with his hands tucked into his pockets and stared at the floor.

"Um…I…" Shit. Why was I so nervous? I had been wishing for this for so long, you'd think I could at least do it with my head held high. I couldn't. I thought that when the time came I could be strong and confident, but now…

"Where are they?" He brought me out of my musings. His voice sounded so dead. So detached.

I didn't need to ask what he was talking about. His face told me everything I needed to know and more. He was here to give the one and only thing I could ever really want from him. I nodded toward the table where the papers were laying neatly organized just ready for him to sign.

He walked and sat down on one of the chairs. He stared at them for a long time. I don't think he was actually seeing them, he was just…there.

It could have been hours, or just minutes, but it seemed to go on forever. I had absolutely no idea what was going through his head. I was still shocked to see him here.

Did he see I had already signed them? Would he be pissed about it? Did he just came in here to read them and called his lawyers?

Before I could go mad wondering, he finally moved. He reluctantly raised the pen on the table with his right hand and very slowly signed on top of his name. It felt as if everything was in slow motion. I could see him draw the elegant lines of his signature. And then…there was no hesitation whatsoever.

_What is he thinking?_

He finally finished and let the pen drop to the floor, remained still for a heartbeat, then he stood up and walked out of my house.

And just like that –with a twist of his hand and not a word more in my direction– after six months of being married to a total stranger…it was done.

Everything was in silence after that.

Everything…but the door closing softly behind him.

Everything…but the soft purr of his engine as he drove away.

Everything…but my heart pounding on my ears.

Everything…but my ragged breathing clouding the space around me.

I had managed to get what I wanted, what I so thoroughly thought about and desired for all this time. I was now a free woman. Free to do as I pleased. Free to mourn my father in peace. Free to laugh, cry, live…love.

When we signed those papers, we sealed our fates. We were done. He was out of my life. For good.

Finally.

_Right?_

* * *

_**As always, let me know what you think.**_

_**Till next time.**_


	22. Sightseeing

**Hi everyone.**

**I have to admit I was a little afraid to even open the file containing this chapter…it took me a while to get my shit together and didn't wanna screw it up… but here it is.**

**Let's get on with it, shall we?**

**A/N at the end.**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 22. Sightseeing. **

"Hey Bella, I also need you to organize the order that's coming in tomorrow." Charlotte kept rambling on from the back of the store. She was moving stuff around like a lunatic. It would be funny if she wasn't running late. "The delivery guy will come in around noon…I already talked to him and told him your situation and he kindly agreed to explain everything to you. He will show you where to sign everything and how to fill out the forms for the next order. He'll leave the books in the back and all you have to do is put them in their place as I showed you yesterday."

"Okay." I answered for the third time.

"And don't forget to lock up when you leave; I know I don't have to tell you that but still…and remember I left all my numbers in the back in case of an emergency, hopefully you won't need any of them but there's no harm in being cautious…"

"Charlotte…" I called. "Breathe." She turned to look at me and seemed to snap out of it taking a big gulp of air.

"It's okay, I think I got everything you've been showing me. You can trust me, if I need something I won't hesitate to call you."

She smiled softly seeming a little calmer. "Are you sure you'll be alright alone for a few days? I hate leaving you like this."

"It's okay, don't worry. Thanks for trusting me though."

"Stop it, Bella." she said pointedly. "Thank _you _for being so willing to help me out. I fully trust you." She sighed and finally gathered all her belongings. She grabbed her purse from the counter, approached me and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you again."

"Bye, have a good trip."

"Bye, take care. And don't get too wild." She called when she walked out the door.

It still took me a while to get used to Charlotte and her nonstop ramblings. She had such a lively personality that sometimes became too overwhelming for me, but it was nice anyway.

She reminded me of…

I shook my head before I had a chance to finish that thought. A trip down memory lane wasn't good for me right now.

I had things to do.

I went over the list Charlotte had given me a couple of times more, making sure I wouldn't forget anything. Most of the things on the list were already taken care of by Charlotte herself, but I still had to check they were completely done.

That was Charlotte…giving me work she had already done herself. That was how she had become the owner of a small library in the heart of Seattle at age twenty nine…and how she also had become my new boss.

That was one little ray of sunshine my life was having. I had managed to finally find a job. Though it wasn't a simple task to accomplish.

Finding a job in Forks wasn't as easy as I thought it would. It seemed everyone in town was in desperate need of a job and no spots were left available. I had been offered a couple of small jobs here and there and I would have been happy to oblige, but they only lasted so long.

Nothing permanent.

Every place had been visited. Every office, store or market had been checked and seen. Yep, that's why I ended working in Seattle instead of Forks in the first place.

So I had to expand my search and started looking for something else here.

I had started just two weeks ago.

It wasn't much, it was just a small book store.

I was walking down the streets just wandering around, when I saw the little add stuck to the front window of the store. I walked in and that's how I found myself in here today. For now I would only be cleaning shelves and organizing books, but I'd do it gladly with a smile on my face. I couldn't complain about the hours or the pay, because I knew some people didn't even have anything to put on the table, and right now I had the opportunity to provide for myself, something not everyone could do; which made me appreciate everything I had.

And it was the first time I was doing it on my own.

Before, even though I was working, I still had my dad to help me out. Not that I asked him to, but that was Charlie. He used to pay for everything. When the truck needed fixing, he took care of that. Whatever it was that came up, he always rose to the occasion without giving it a second thought. And he proved that every time…even after he was no longer here with me.

The money he had left could help –could really help, like a lot- but I wasn't willing to touch that any time soon. I didn't even want to think about it in depth. There would be a time for that later on.

Right now I had to concentrate on leaving the store as ready as it could ever be. Charlotte would be gone for two weeks and I would be completely alone. She was getting married to her long time boyfriend and going on a romantic honeymoon through the Caribbean.

I still wondered if she hired me just out of rush or actually needed the extra help after her return. I had once voiced my concerns and got waved off and she ignored the subject for the rest of the day.

I took that as a good sign.

And even if I hated to admit and would never do it in front of her…I was scared shitless. I mean, I knew I shouldn't be. I had worked before and at tasks more elaborated that what I did right now, but I couldn't screw this up. It wasn't my first job. But it was my first since…everything that happened.

There were moments when I still doubted myself, moments when some ideas crept up my mind and made me doubt everything I ever knew. Sometimes I felt I wasn't good enough. That somehow I would end up messing everything up.

Again.

But I was working on it. I was trying, at least. My reality just became a little screwed up once in a while.

A little over a month had passed since that day in my house. Well actually forty seven days…almost forty eight, but I wasn't counting or anything like that.

_I started pacing back and forward in my kitchen. Biting my nails and almost yanking my hair out._

_Edward had left two hours ago according to the clock on the counter. And since the minute he stepped out of this house -out of my life- something triggered in me. _

_What was it? I was still looking for that answer. _

_I waited for the calm to come. For that feeling of easiness to surround me and leave me breathless and fulfilled at the same time. _

_It never came. There was only confusion. And above all…doubt._

_I didn't understand. I had made up my mind the moment I knew I had to marry him. Even if it wasn't conscious, I knew somehow I would end up leaving him. I knew I was going to divorce him some day I had to…that thought alone drove me forward. _

_So I didn't understand…why did I feel like this?_

_Like I had just done something wrong._

I had to remind myself everyday that I had made the right choice. That this was the best way to get better, the best way for me. There couldn't be anything more.

Even if my mind said something else.

I had looked for that moment throughout the entire marriage, and now that it was here, all there was to do was to move forward. Except that I still felt like I was waiting for something. Waiting for my life to begin…without realizing it had already started.

Two hours later, the small bell at the top at the door rang, indicating someone had come in. I dropped the papers I was holding and made my way to the counter, only to find who had come through the door.

"Hi, Bella." Garret beamed.

I smiled. "Hey Garret."

"You almost done here?"

"Yep, just let me get my things and we'll be on our way."

"Hurry up, lazy." He said with a smirk on his face. I just rolled my eyes and turned back around.

He had called me about a week after I returned to Forks, claiming he had grown tired of waiting for my call and finally decided to pick up the phone and call me once and for all.

At first I was a little reluctant to keep in touch with him, to continue whatever it was we used to have. But he kept on insisting. I made it perfectly clear I was in no state of mind to date anyone right now. He said he was just happy I was letting him stay near me. He was happy being my friend.

I was just grateful for the distraction. And I hoped I wasn't getting myself involved into something that would backfire on me.

"So, I found this cute little restaurant on the other side of town. I think you'll really like this one." He yelled from the counter.

"Riiight, Garret. Just like the last one, right?" I called from the back.

"Hey, that wasn't my fault, okay? How was I supposed to know that awful _thing _would taste like shit? Besides, you ordered it, not me."

"Whatever…if you hadn't dragged me there, I would have never had the chance to order something that disgusting." I called while organizing my stuff and grabbing my coat from the closet and turning off the lights.

"So, it's all my fault now, isn't it?"

I came back to the front of the store, stood in front of him and with a serious look on my face, I nodded. He just cracked up.

"Whatever you makes you feel better, Bella. Come on let's go."

-o-

When we left the restaurant, it was still early so I gave in when he invited me over to his place for some coffee. We ended up at his couch watching some old chick flick he kept insulting till no end. I, on the other hand, couldn't stop laughing at his rants.

We laughed and talked and laughed some more. He was easy like that. Everything with Garret was easy. Comfortable.

But deep down, I knew.

And not that I was an expert in relationships, I had only had one single boyfriend in my life –since my marriage didn't count as real- but I knew something was missing. Even if I took my time like he'd asked. Even if I got to know him better…I knew that thing you see in movies, that thing you can't put your finger on, that thing you need to make things work…just wasn't there.

Sometime later, when I finally glanced at the clock it indicated it was way past the decent hour to return to Forks.

"Shit. Shit." I said as I stood up and went to gather my things. "I have to go…damn it, it's so late."

"Relax Bella, you can stay here if you want, no problem." He said from the couch.

"No, I can't." I said as I put my coat on.

"Just stay Bella, it's too late already, there's no point in you leaving at this hour."

"I can't Garret…I can't stay here." I was afraid he would misunderstand. He'd said things were fine like this, but I wasn't sure if he would change his mind.

"Don't be silly, Bella. You can stay here and you'll leave in the morning or if you want I can drive you there. But it's dark outside and I don't want you walking around like a lost Bambi."

"Hey-"

"Shut it, Bella. You know I'm right. Come on, just say yes." He _was _right. There was absolutely no point in leaving at this hour. After some small consideration, I nodded shyly and took my coat off.

"Besides I wasn't driving you there at this hour, so…"

I giggled as I sat down on the couch again. I couldn't say things weren't at least a little bit weird, but at least we were talking to each other.

-o-

"Alright, Charlotte."

"_Just do it, Bella. It's Friday, okay? Just enjoy your weekend."_

"Okay, I'll do it."

"_Promise me, Bella. I swear I'll have someone go down there and inform me."_

"I promise. I'll close right now."

"_You better. Have a nice weekend darling."_

"You too, bye."

With that I hung up.

I chuckled softly. I guessed I had to obey my bosses' orders. She wanted me to close early on a Friday afternoon and go home early. Which was great for me. I could go home with some light on the sky.

I was grateful for that.

I finished what was still left doing, turned the lights off, locked the back door and grabbed my purse. Putting my coat on, I closed the front door. I turned and walked a few blocks towards the bus station. And just as I was getting ready to buy my ticket, I raised my eyes to look across the street…and the unthinkable happened.

I stopped dead in my tracks, froze on my spot.

I'm sure I even forgot to breathe at one point.

I ran into Edward. He was just there.

_What were the chances?_

I didn't actually run into him, since he didn't particularly see me, but I saw him so that counts. He was standing outside a restaurant in front of the bus stop. He had his hands inside his pockets and was glancing from side to side. He looked like he was waiting for something.

_Maybe his car? _

It was…so weird. Watching him from a distance, watching how he looked in the outside world…just weird. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks…well, more than a couple of weeks. I hadn't seen him since that day in my house.

He looked…good. He looked…handsome, even. He seemed taller than I remember. He also looked different.

His demeanor looked different, even from a distance. The way he stood…even with his hands inside his pockets, he looked…more confident. So sure of himself.

I was still trying to recover from the shock, when I saw someone walking up to him. At first I thought it was just a stranger, but when she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, I knew it was way more than that.

And the worst thing…he hugged her back. Tightly. He placed both of his arms around her and I could see the squeeze he gave her.

And I knew they weren't just friends.

I knew it.

I could tell from the time the hug lasted. It wasn't just a friendly hug, or an I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever kind of hug. That hug spoke volumes. It said more than it should. I could tell they were glad to see each other, but there was more. They finally released each other and went into the restaurant, disappearing from my sight.

I stood there looking at the spot where he had been standing just seconds ago. With someone else.

_Whatever._

I shook my head and turned around. He was out of my life. Why the fuck should I care if he was involved with someone?

_Whatever._

I felt absolutely nothing for him. For all I cared he could go and kiss his ass. Or hers for that matter.

As I got on the bus I noticed there was an add at the front of it. Screaming at me with giant red letters.

_Absence makes the heart grow fonder._

I rolled my eyes and looked outside the window.

And since I had a long way to go till my next destination, I started thinking. There were a million emotions running through my head, but there were only two of them I fully recognized.

The first…anger.

What the fuck was that stupid blond doing with him? God, he had been divorced for less than two months and he was already with someone else?

Maybe he was already with her before you got divorced. Which made me even angrier.

And then…sadness.

I saw absolutely nothing of the man I once knew…that thought alone depressed me.

He looked so changed.

I knew the kind of man Edward could be. I had been told by his mother. I had even seen glimpses of him during the time we were together, but it saddened me to think that I had been responsible for the man he became when he was with me. It saddened me that I didn't get to see that part of him…and that I was the only one to blame for that.

I had been bottling this divorce thing up inside me. Trying too hard to hide everything, but now seeing him, was like a trigger. It brought back the confusion.

I had promised myself so much to just move on, to continue… but his words were so hard to forget. Everything that happened was so hard to forget.

_He _was so hard to forget.

* * *

**JPOV. **

Fucking asshole.

I pulled out a bag out ice out of the fucking freezer and place it over my fucking eye before slamming the door shut. I went over to the sink and spat the fucking blood still left on my mouth.

That fucking asshole really did it this time.

The fucking nerves that fucking Cullen had to come to my fucking house and pull shit like that. I never thought I would get to see that side of him. I mean yeah, he had put up a fight in the beginning and everything but nothing like this. I didn't know if his anger would be good or bad to our plan. He had been doing every single thing I fucking asked of him -well, almost everything- but now…he became unpredictable. So many times I heard him say he was fucking done and he was fucking this and fucking that, it became boring. I didn't believe him anymore.

Actually, I never did.

I knew from the very first moment I saw him…he was a pussy. Pure weak ass pussy. A simple fucking mama's boy who had every single thing he ever wanted just by snapping his fingers at everyone else. I could see it all over his fucking moronic face. Then I confirmed I was right when he would throw all those empty words in my direction.

All words, no action. Just pure empty threats.

I admit it was hard getting him to act as I pleased, but eventually I managed to do it. People can do so many things with the right _incentive_. And that's exactly what I gave him.

A fucking big incentive.

_His sister._

But now I saw something in his face that threw me off guard. Not that I was fucking scared of that piece of shit, but I could tell he was serious now. Not like before. Not empty. He meant every word he said and I didn't know what that entailed.

Besides, I had to hand it to him. He could throw a punch.

He just didn't know I could throw it better…and harder…and more painful and right where it would hurt him the most. That fucker didn't really know who I was and what I was capable of doing.

And I had just found out what hurt him the most.

That fucking hot brunette.

If I thought correctly -and of course I did- the reason behind his little rant was that brunette. It had to be. There was no other explanation.

If I could just find the way to…

My thoughts were interrupted by another asshole walking in through the door. Laurent just walked in the room like he fucking owned it.

Like he hadn't been missing for the last few days.

"Hey bro." The bitch said tossing his keys on the table.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I stood up from the couch. "I have been trying to contact you for days."

"I was trying to keep low." He said lamely. God, he pissed me off so badly sometimes.

"Keep low? Keep low?" I marched to him and pushed him into the wall. "I don't need you to fucking keep low, I need you to fucking be here when you're needed."

"Dude, I didn't know if the police would be involved, I didn't want to risk it."

"The police? The fucking police? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? Did you do something to her?" I said with another shove. The brunette was the first thing that came into my mind. That would explain a lot of things.

"I…I…"

"YOU WHAT?"

"I was in the house doing what you told me…they both left and I thought I would be alone for a while…" he trailed off, looking at the ground. "Then she walked in…I wasn't gonna do anything but then the bitch snapped at me…she fucking fought back and I had to…"

"Those weren't the fucking orders I gave you."

"I know, but I had to do something."

I was torn between being glad about what he did to the brunette or being pissed…after all that was the reason I was wearing a beautiful fucking bruised mask on my face. I didn't dislike the fact that the bitch got what she deserved, but I had no idea what this asshole in front of me had done exactly.

"Well, you didn't do a very good job."

"Wait…how did you know I did that?"

"Because he came in here, that's fucking why genius." And also because I guessed.

"He…came?"

"Yes, as you heard it asshole." I growled. "He fucking came in here, yelling some weird shit and started throwing punches at me."

"He hit you?"

"No asshole, I hit myself." I barked. "Of course he fucking hit me, look at my fucking face…but that pussy didn't know what he was dealing with. I pulled out this baby and he backed the fuck off." I said palming the .45 I had on my waist.

"Now if you don't mind telling me…how the fuck did he know it was you? Huh?" I snarled. "Answer me bitch!"

"I don't know…"

"You don't know?" Another shove. "How did he know it was you? Did he see you walking out?"

"I don't fucking know."

"Well, since this is your fucking mess you're gonna help me clean it up. I had to change my fucking plan, cuz apparently that fucker had no intention on keeping his fucking promise and you fucking this up isn't helping."

"Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe he never intended on keeping his word? That he lied to us from the beginning?"

"Of course it fucking has." I barked at him raising my hand to his neck and grabbed him to get my point across. "But for his fucking sake and _ours_, he better not fuck with this anymore."

"Let go." He gasped trying to break free out of my grasp. I finally released him and he dropped to the floor. Pussy.

"You gotta have another plan, man." He rasped.

This asshole was right about that. If that fucking Cullen wanted to live in peace he had to keep his word. If he wanted to live at all he wouldn't wanna mess with me. Apparently all the fucking warnings I had given him hadn't been enough for him.

All I knew is that I had to act fast. Really fast.

And that brought me right back to the brunette. She was the only answer. The weak link and that shit.

It had been a while since I saw her anywhere near him. I did some research and as far as I knew they weren't together anymore. She wasn't living with him, that's as far as I had figure out until this point. And of course _asking _Cullen was out of the question. I didn't know what really happened.

No specific details were provided by my sources.

I guess all there was left to do was go after Cullen. I mean, why even bother looking for her? I almost got everything I wanted from the bitch.

_Almost._

The fucking cop was dead and she was the only one left in the Swan family. So I guess I could just leave her alone. I could. But I wouldn't.

That fucking brunette had been practically burned into my brain refusing to just get the fuck out.

Stupid bitch.

She was a beautiful thing if you looked closely. Well, not closely, just looked. She was a hot little thing and I couldn't wait to fuck her and hear her scream my name…or just hear her begging me to stop. Either way was fine by me.

But I never considered acting on it before today. That fucker was always there. I had to give it to him…he always protected her from me. I didn't think he ever noticed but it was no secret around here that I had the hots for his wife.

So, to let go a piece of ass like that? Stupid.

But I knew this was for the best. She would be fucking living alone and we could finally finish what we had started. I just had to figure out where she was living. She wasn't with Cullen anymore, so I had no idea where she went. Of course it would have been easier to just have them both together, but this was just fine.

Better than fine.

At least, if I find her…well, actually _when_ I find her –because it was only a matter of time- she won't have any way to fight me off. He won't be there to protect her or saver her from me or whatever the fuck I decide to do.

At the end Cullen's stupid ass mistake was for my advantage.

My mind had been made up.

A lot of time had passed.

A lot of opportunities had been given.

It was time to get this shit over with.

* * *

**Thank you so much for your patience and your kind words, they mean so much to me, especially in times like this one in particular.**

**I am so sorry for any errors you found on the last chapter (and probably in this one too), I have a hard time catching them sometimes. I apologize. **

**I want you all to know I read each and every one of your reviews and believe it or not I take them into consideration. **

**That's why I have decided to change the course of this story. So that means the end is near.**

**I'm still trying to figure it out. After all, this story is for you. Thanks for sticking with me.**

**As always let me know what you think. **

**Till next time.**


	23. Familiar faces

**Sorry for the wait…something always gets in the way.**

**A few things first.**

**In case of any doubt…that was James in the last chapter. Jasper has no grudge against Bella. And for those of you wondering about the timeline… JPOV took place a day after Bella saw Edward.**

**This takes place a week after that.**

**I did say the end was coming…I just wasn't referring to just one chapter or two left, so chill everyone.**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 23. Familiar faces.**

"You have to eat, Bella."

"I don't have to anything."

"Come on, are you really acting like that right now?"

"Yes."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"You're a brat."

"Whatever."

"I'm coming over in a while, okay? And I'm bringing food…you better take a shower lazy."

"Oh, shut…"

I trailed off as I heard the line die. Stupid Garret.

Things were getting better between us. As far as the meaning of better could go. There were still moments where I would catch him with the weirdest look on his face…and it was directed o me. Sometimes he would linger just a little longer when he kissed me goodbye.

I knew I was playing with fire and I dreaded the day it would all come and slap me in the face, but for right now we only had each other. And it would be unfair if I alienated him from my life just because every other day his hugs lasted longer than they should.

So I tried to avoid those moments. After all, I craved the distraction.

The distraction from not having my dad around. From trying to get my life together.

And above all and the one I hated to admit, even to myself.

A distraction from Edward.

For the past week all I could think about was Edward. Since that day I saw him on the street, I just couldn't get him out of my head. I wondered what he'd been up to for the last month. How was he doing? How was his family doing? And of course, what was he doing with that blonde?

That was the question that had been eating me up. Was it possible that he'd already found someone? I really had absolutely no doubt that he could actually find someone who could really love him and give him everything he deserved and I did wish him that, because he truly was a good man. I knew that now. We only had horrible circumstances surrounding us that made us horrible people.

Then why did that the fact that he could be with someone else bothered me? I tried reasoning with myself, I knew I couldn't actually have feelings for him. For God's sake, I didn't even know the guy.

So…what was this?

I had come to terms with myself and finally accepted the fact that I did find him attractive. I couldn't deny that…but I also couldn't be that shallow to just like him for his looks.

Whatever this was…confused me.

I did a lot of research on Stockholm's syndrome. Everything that popped up seemed too drastic and not at all what I was expecting. I spent a couple of hours in front of the computer, until I realized I was being way too stupid for my own good and went downstairs.

Garret arrived an hour later, baring a box of what I could only make out as movies. Old movies. "Seriously, dude? Where's the food?" I said pointing to his hands.

"Oh, I thought you weren't hungry?" he asked as he set the movies down on the coffee table. Yep, old movies. His favorites.

"Well, I am now."

"Well…_that_ is not my fault." He said as he sat down on the couch, took my hand and dragged me with him.

"It is."

"Shut it, Bella. We're ordering in. The food will be here in about fifteen seconds."

"Fifteen? Whatever, I won't be hungry by then."

"Then don't eat."

Just as I was about to make my witty come back, the door bell rang.

"Food's here." I glared at him.

"I'll get it…" he stood up from the couch. "Since you're too lazy to even get up anyway." He murmured the last part, just to get a rise out of me, I'm sure.

"Shut up, dumbass."

He just laughed and disappeared from the room. I returned my sight to the screen in front of me trying to act as nonchalant as I could. I heard some mumbling coming from the door and a few seconds later I heard a loud noise, then saw Garret stumble backwards clutching his face. I quickly rose from the couch and when I was about to make my way to where he barely stood, two men walked in right behind him.

I immediately recognized them. Both of them.

One was the face I had seen multiple times. In the apartment. The park. The hotel.

James.

The second…the guy in Edward's place. The attacker.

_No, no, no._

"What…?" I rasped.

At the sound of my voice they both turned to face me. James made a hand gesture to the scumbag behind him and he immediately started beating Garret up.

"Hey there." James said looking in my direction.

"No, please." I gasped.

"Shh, it's okay honey. Nothing _too _bad will happen to him…if he behaves. As for you…well, let's just say I can't promise the same."

_Shit._

"I have been looking for you everywhere." He continued. "I do not like to wait…at all. And you kept me waiting a long time."

On the back, I saw Garret trying to get back up. Scumbag kicked him again. And again. I don't know how many times. James moved to where I stood. He took slow deliberate steps, watching my face intently. Watching for anything that would indicate I could make a run for it.

That wasn't happening. I was immobile.

Fear paralyzed everything in me, keeping me from moving at all.

I had absolutely no idea what they were doing here, but it didn't take a genius to figure it out. Everything about him screamed anger, disgust and something else I couldn't put my finger on. He circled around me several times like a predator, right before stopping behind me. I, on the other hand, was still unable to move an inch.

Scumbag stayed back keeping an eye on Garret…but still watching me like a sick bastard.

I didn't know what disturbed me the most. James' disgusting breathing on my neck or the scumbag's eyes on me.

"You're really stupid, sweetheart." He breathed in my ear. "I thought you would move someplace different…farther away…at least more creative, not return to your father's house."

"Stupid, stupid."

"Please…"

"Please what bitch?" he said pulling my hair harshly, making me cry out. "Please make this as quickly as possible? Or maybe make it slow and painfully delicious so you can enjoy it properly? Because I know I will enjoy it…I will enjoy _you." _He said nuzzling my neck. "I have been waiting a long time for this and I'm not about to wait any longer. Come on, we have a long way to go. Let's go." He said pushing my back so I would move forward.

I didn't.

"Fucking move, whore." He finally took me by the arm and dragged me towards the door. I tried to struggle. I did, but I had no strength left. Scumbag moved Garret away from the entrance and practically dumped him a few feet away.

"Garret." I barely whispered. He laid on the ground, facing the floor. I had no idea how badly he was injured. The only thing I saw were his shallow breaths.

"You better not make any noise, honey." He said pointing the gun to my temple as we went down the stairs with scumbag behind us. "Fucking hold her." He told him. "And don't fucking mess it up. I'll take care of the van." He let go of my arm and pushed me in his direction, giving the scumbag the opportunity to put his arms around me from behind. James walked to the side of the yard and started opening and closing doors, looking for something.

"Hi sweetheart." Scumbag breathed in, smelling my hair. "You remember me? I could never forget you."

I turned away from his face. "Let me go."

"Sure…right now? Or maybe-"

He was cut off by a grunt coming from the front of the house.

Everything happened so fast.

Garret barely tackled James to the ground. They fell together. They started punching each other.

I realized Garret wouldn't hold much longer, so I had to make a decision.

_You can do this, Bella. You're a police officer's daughter._

So I fought.

With all I had.

I screamed and kicked and trashed around in the scumbag's arms until my body was spent and fatigue was threatening to win me over. I even bit him at some point. I think I managed to do some damage to him. He cursed and called me a bitch more times than I could remember, but I still fought.

I fought him for all the times he kicked me back then. For all the times he kicked Garret in there today. I fought until his arm around my arms gave out and I managed to break free from his grasp.

And then a gun went off.

I froze.

A couple of seconds went by…they felt like forever.

I turned around and saw Garret fall to the ground.

Blood was pouring out from somewhere in his body.

I heard someone screaming.

I tried to go to him but was held back by something. By someone.

Now James had me trapped to his disgusting body by my waist.

"Laurent…fucking move. NOW." He barked.

We started moving. He was dragging me again.

I realized I was crying now. "No. Garret." I sobbed. "Garret. Answer me."

"Shut up, bitch." He barked slapping me in the face. I felt the sting combined with the tears burn my cheeks.

"That's what will happen to you, if you don't keep quiet. Do you hear me?" He barked grabbing my chin and making me look at him. "Get the fuck in there. And shut the fuck up."

He pushed me inside and put something over my head.

The last thing I saw was Garret bleeding and looking in my direction.

**EPOV.**

"Dad just please do this for me." I sighed into the phone. "I know it's a lot to ask, but I wouldn't even mention it if I knew it wasn't possible."

I said for what felt like the tenth time staring at the computer in front of me, reading everything I had learned…over again.

I knew I was asking a lot from him, especially when he knew absolutely nothing about what was going on right now, but it was for the best. I wouldn't risk it anymore. Not again.

"Son, you have to tell me what's going on. You can't just expect me to take them away without further explaining yourself."

I ran my hands through my hair again. He was right. I knew it. But I also knew that if he got so much as a glimpse of what I was planning on doing, he wouldn't let me go through with it.

So I had to come up with something to tell him.

I just didn't know what that was.

"Okay, Dad. Meet me for lunch. I'll explain everything."

I gave him the directions for a small coffee shop downtown, grabbed my keys and made my way there. I had to organize my thoughts. Fast.

I had just learned so much more than I ever intended to.

It shocked me…the extent someone could go to just to hurt other people. How cruel and vicious and incredibly heartless one person could be. And that was what James had done. From the very beginning he managed to get me involved in his web of lies, with the only purpose of hurting me, hurting my family. Hurting Bella.

I didn't know if I was that stupid not to notice the signs, but it seemed they were always there.

So I took it as a personal goal to learn everything I could about him.

It took asking a few personal favors and a lot of patience, but I finally managed to get the help I needed. From a professional.

I was referred to an agent that specialized in some kind of not-so-legal _researching, _as Paul -one of my associates on the firm and also one of my dearest friends- had said. At first I thought that idea was totally crazy and beyond stupid, but after giving it some thought, I knew I had nothing to lose. If everything Paul said about this _agent_ was true…I could actually gain something.

It seemed this person was silent, fast and effective…and also reluctant to meet me and do what I wanted.

The job I was asking for was…delicate, since it wasn't really legal.

I just wanted to get as much information as I could on that fucking bastard. And eventually use it against him.

We never had direct communication, only through Paul for several days. And to my surprise, when we finally met, it turned out it was a long time friend.

So any worries I had were evaporated immediately and I knew I could stay calm.

Until I found out what I was looking for.

The information was sent to my personal e-mail. It contained extreme details about all the shit that bastard did. After a few heated meetings with the person that provided the information…I found everything I needed to know. And so much more. It still amazed me the extent of people's evilness. Everything was linked to him. The more I learned the more horrified I became.

But I had asked for it. I looked for it. I even demanded to know. Everything.

And apparently I couldn't deal with the truth. It was so much more than I could handle and I just…reacted and without thinking about it, I went looking for that asshole.

I acted impulsively and drove to the address I had been given. There was not a single doubt in my mind as I made my way to the front of the house where he lived. I pounded on the door several times and as soon as he opened and I saw him…I snapped and started hitting him as hard as I could. I watched surprise fill his face…then anger. I heard stuff breaking and some grunting. If it was him or me, I wasn't sure.

So I kept hitting him.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that if I just kept going a little bit more…everything would go away. This would end…and so would his life. I knew if I kept hitting him the way I was doing…I could kill him.

That thought didn't bother me at all.

I think it took only a second for me to make that decision. The anger took over my body and I went into autopilot…I was a man on a mission. I was going to go through with it.

Until he pulled out his gun.

I'm not sure if that was for the best or not. I didn't know if it was fear or just the reality of the situation, but I snapped back into reality and stopped. Sense came back into me. And now that I thought about it, I realized it wasn't fear…I just wasn't gonna make this easy for him. If he wanted to take me down, he would have to work for it. I wasn't gonna hand myself to him that easily.

Not like I had done with everything else.

I took the gun out from the glove compartment and stared at it for a few minutes. I bought it that same day. If a gun was gonna stop me from getting to him…I had found a way to fix that.

I knew doing this alone was stupid and senseless, but I couldn't bring anyone else into this mess.

The worst part about all of it was that _I_ had allowed him to get to where he was right now…to mess with everything and everyone I ever loved. I allowed him to get to my family, to play with both Bella and I since the start. To change my life just to get the revenge he so desperately claimed he needed.

At the end I had no one to blame but myself.

I was done. It had to stop.

Like he had said so many times, I really had no idea who I was dealing with.

I didn't before.

I did now.

And that was a good thing.

-o-

I arrived at the coffer place a few minutes later. I parked the car outside and took a deep breath. My dad's car was parked a few spaces away. I got out and walked slowly to the front door. I dreaded doing this. I knew that anything I could actually tell him would be a lie. I psyched myself into staying calmed and finally walked in through the door. I immediately spotted him.

"Edward."

He greeted me and stood up as I approached the table where he was sitting. He gave me a hug and as he pulled back to look at me, I took the opportunity and looked at his face. He looked as elegant as ever, but still managing to keep it simple. I knew my mother had something to do with it, he just couldn't do it alone.

He had small wrinkles on his forehead. He developed them a few years ago when Alice started dating Jasper and he wasn't so happy about it. But when he was happy and relaxed, you couldn't even see them. Now…he looked so much older than ever. I knew I had put them there now. I was responsible for those marks on his forehead today. He was worried. I hated it.

It had been a while since I last saw him. They knew something had been going on with Bella, since they had been asking about her and didn't really get a clear answer. I only told them we were taking some time to think things through.

_Time…right._

"Hey, Dad."

He sat down on the chair in front of me and took a deep breath. "Are you gonna tell me what's going on?"

Right to the point. No messing around, like always. "If I ask you to trust me, would you?" I asked.

"Edward. I trust you. I do. But what do you expect me to tell your mother or your sister when I tell them I have to take them out of town for God knows how long? And with no explanation at all."

"Okay…I know what I'm asking dad and…" I trailed off. For a moment I wanted to tell him the truth. But I stopped myself. "It's not as bad as it seems dad, really."

"It's not as bad, Edward? Then what is it?"

I ran my hands through my hair and just heard the lies come right out of my lips.

"Nothing dad…it's just…just a business I did with some foreign investors that went south. As you know I do a background check on all the companies that are interested in investing with us, but the information I had requested wouldn't be available until a few days after they had to leave. So I decided to take the chance and overlook the background check just this once. They came in last week and we were ready to finalize everything, until I get a call from one of my sources and they told me they found something off."

"About…?" he asked.

"I found they had been involved in illegal bullshit. They sold the same property to several different investors a few years ago, so I immediately backed up."

"Okay, I get that…and I'm sorry for your business…but what does this have to do with us, Edward?"

Here was the part I had to treat carefully. I couldn't make him suspicious; otherwise he wouldn't take the family away. I had to tell him something he would buy. Something that would justify why they _had _to leave town for a few days.

"They're persistent, dad. They have been going nonstop to the suite at the hotel. They have been going to the company and calling like fifty times a day. I know what they have to say…and I'm not interested."

"So you think they would go to the house? Is that what you're trying to say?"

"I don't think so…but I don't wanna take any chances. I know that if some weirdo shows up at the house _insisting_ on talking to me, Alice would totally freak out." I pretended to chuckle a bit. I'm sure it came out as a rough cough, but it was all I could manage. "Just take them away, dad. Tell them you're not feeling too good and you need some fresh air. Or tell them you miss being a family…I don't know dad, whatever you feel is right. I just need a few days to make this better. I'll get rid of them, I promise. Like I said, it's no big deal. I just don't want them to bother you guys."

"You had me worried for a while there." He said looking at me intently. "I thought something was seriously wrong."

"I know…I'm sorry. I'm just pissed I have to deal with stuff like this with the entire work I have to do lately."

He seemed to consider it for a moment. And after a few minutes, it seemed I had mastered the art of lying, because he nodded firmly. He believed everything I said. I hated lying to him. To everyone.

But there was no choice. I had two days to make this better, to fix everything. I had to…otherwise I would have to tell them the truth.

We finished talking and I walked him out to his car. Just as he was about to get in, he turned to see me and seemed to hesitate for a moment.

"Edward…I hate asking when I know you are reluctant to share information with us and we have tried to respect your privacy but…how are you? How are things with you and Bella?"

I sighed. If they only knew there was no me and Bella anymore. "We…I…I'm taking care of it, dad."

"Okay." He said putting his hand on my shoulder. "If there's anything you ever need, we are here for you, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks."

-o-

I said goodbye to him a few minutes later. I claimed I had work to do. And I did…I had to get everything ready to go set the plan in motion.

As I made my way to my hotel room, my cell phone rang. _Unknown number._

I usually made it a rule not to answer a number I didn't recognize…but for some reason I answered anyway.

"Hello?"

"Well hello, Mr. Cullen. How are you this fine evening?" someone sneered from the other end.

_James._

"What the fuck do you want asshole?" I spat, immediately reacting to sound of his voice. My blood boiled instantly my whole body locked up.

"Tsk, tsk…that is no way to talk to someone who's just being nice, Edward. Why don't you try that again?"

"Fuck you." I barked. What the fuck did he want? A million scenarios ran through my head but none of them made sense.

"Listen…I have something you want…I have something very important to you right here next to me…"

I frowned. What the hell was he talking about? "What the fuck are you saying?"

"Well, let's just say I have one little person right here next to me that could have you begging on your knees in a matter of seconds…"

He was lying. Dad would have said something if someone in the family was missing. "Fuck you, James. I don't fucking believe you anymore, I have no reason to. I'm done with your bullshit, I-"

A horrifying scream interrupted my rant and pierced through my ears.

_Oh God._

I knew who that was. I could recognize that voice miles away. I heard it every night in my dreams…I had it memorized. It was burned in my memory. All I could make out were a few words…she was screaming, begging someone to stop.

But it was enough to know it was her.

_Bella._

_Oh God._

And then I heard her soft gasp from the other side of the phone. "Ed-edward…"

My world collapsed.

"Please…" I rasped. "Please, stop."

"What was that tough boy? I thought I heard you begging? Was that it? Hmmm…I'm not sure, I know she can take so much more."

"Leave her the fuck alone, do you hear me?" I yelled into the speaker.

"You want her tough guy? Come and get her."

* * *

_**Leave me your thoughts. **_

_**Till next time.**_


	24. Choices

**Another one children.**

**It took too long…I know. I just have been reading waaaay too much.**

**I really don't know exactly how many chapters are left...I don't wanna give a number and then not stick to it. So be patient, please.**

**Violence in this chapter...read carefully. **

**You have been warned.**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 24. Choices.**

Breathe in.

_Breathe out._

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_In._

_Out._

I laid on the back of the van with my hands tied and something covering my head, which made it harder for me to get any air in. And it could also be the fact that I was being dragged away by a pair of psychos.

_Oh, God._

As soon as the van moved and we left my house, James came in the back where he had me and started tying my hands behind me. So tight. He kept muttering senseless words in rushed tones that I couldn't understand. Not that I wanted to. I tried tuning him out. Then he would stop and toss me around a couple of times. If it was to get me even more nervous than I already was, it was working. But he always made sure to brush his filthy hands all over my breasts, my legs, my butt.

I felt disgusted.

_Oh,__God._

He tied something over my mouth to keep me quiet. He whispered how beautiful I was, how much he couldn't wait to get his hands on me…and so many other things, I couldn't even listen to them.

He never removed the fabric covering my head.

He finally picked me up and threw me in what I assumed was the back of the van, given the small room I had to move.

I felt my leg bent at a weird angle.

It hurt.

And then he was gone.

_In. _

_Out._

I tried thinking all the things Edward had said about James. I tried recalling every conversation and every situation where I now knew he was involved.

"_There are more people involved in this Isabella…I was sent to warn Charlie…to make him realize that everything he'd done wouldn't go unnoticed."_

"_Why are you involved with someone like that?"_

"_I am not the one involved…Charlie was."_

"_His name is James…he told me I had to talk to Charlie about that... he's the one who told me to go to Charlie in the first place."_

I tried to grasp for something that would help me understand, something about him…about anything.

I couldn't.

My mind was too messed up and jumbled to be able to think anything besides the gut wrenching fear I felt all over my body. I could feel the tremors overtaking me completely. As much as I told myself to be strong, to be brave, to remember everything Charlie had ever told me, I couldn't do it. I couldn't concentrate.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to scream.

I was afraid.

There was not a single coherent thought running through my head. Only images of what that bastard could do…were spiraling in and out of my mind. If there was something I had learned from Charlie's job - even though he never was willing to show me - was that death was not the worst thing it could be done to a person. Death was not the worst thing they could do to me.

And that made me panic even more.

_Oh, God._

The reality of what was happening came crashing down on me.

_Oh, God. Oh, God. Help me._

_Stop it, Bella._

_In. _

_Out._

A lot of people that are forced to face something way beyond their control or maybe encountering a life altering experience can say one thing for sure: their lives flashed before their eyes.

Mine didn't.

Instead, it was the truth the one that made an appearance. I knew now how foolish I had been, how blinded by my own misery I became and decided not to pay attention to what was going on around me. I understood at that moment that something had been very wrong from the beginning; I had just been too blind to see it.

Why was James always there? I had seen him several times over these few months, but I never really given it much thought. Was Edward involved, too? God, I really hoped not. Because even when I was alone, I still remember times when I would see that face. That dirty blonde hair.

My thoughts were interrupted when the van came to a sudden stop. I heard doors slamming shut and others open.

"Had a nice ride, baby?" I heard his voice come near me and out of instinct, fear and pure stupidity, I made the snap decision to throw my legs in the air and kicked until I met resistance. And when I did, I kept kicking as hard as I could. He grunted and cursed and I felt him trying to grab my legs and get me to stop, but I just kept on going. I knew it was a futile attempt, but I had to try.

Suddenly I felt movement behind me, the fabric was yanked from my head and then I was being pulled back my hair. Hard. So hard I felt to the ground and hit my back. There was nothing left for me to do but cry out.

"Shut up, bitch." Laurent said as he delivered a kick on my side. "Stop fucking around."

_Shit._

I tried to keep quiet, but it was getting harder to accomplish. I could already feel tears rolling down my face and I hated myself for it. I had a feeling this is what they wanted. To see me crumble, on the ground, crying in pain. I was still gasping for air when they both grabbed me by the arms and picked me up, dragging me somewhere else. They led me to an opened door and pulled me though it. I had no idea where we were, or how long we were driving. All I could see was a huge old storage room and that's where we were headed. They tossed me into a chair and made work of tying my legs and arms to it.

"Go get everything set up." James barked at Laurent when they were finished. The scumbag left and disappeared out of my sight.

"We shouldn't waste any more time, my dear Bella." he said mockingly, bringing my attention back to him. "I have waited long enough for this moment, I'm not about to prolong it any more than I have to. Let's get started, shall we?"

He moved around the room. I think he was checking everything was closed, until he stopped in front of an old dresser. He started opening and closing several drawers, taking out a few items and placing them on top.

"You see Bella." he continued. "Before we get started…I have a couple of questions, if that's alright with you?" he asked as he turned around.

I cringed when I saw his face. It shocked me. I wasn't sure if I hadn't seen it clearly before, but now it looked horrible. His eyes were almost glazed over…he looked like a maniac.

"Do you know why you're here, Bella?"

Silence.

"ANSWER ME."

I flinched from the sound and shook my head.

"Mmmm…that is such a complicated question to answer. But don't worry, we'll get to it eventually." He began rolling his sleeves up his arms as he continued. "Next. Why did you go back to your father's house? I mean seriously, you had to know I would come looking for you eventually, didn't you?"

I took a shaky breath and shook my head again.

"No, what?" he snapped.

"I…I-I h-had n-n-no id-dea you w-were…" I trailed off too nervous to continue.

"That I what, Isabella? Answer me. What?" he snapped.

"T-that you w-were looking f-for me-e."

He stood in silence for a while, watching me intently, until he out of nowhere cracked up and started laughing. "Wow. I had no idea Edward kept you in the dark about this. Wow."

Apparently he did.

"Amazing. But don't worry, you'll know everything in a while…" he said as he stepped right next to me. "And maybe when you find the whole truth, you'll thank me for it." He slowly took out his tongue and licked a line from my chin to my temple. "Because believe me honey, you have so many things to thank me for." I saw his hands raise and he placed them right over my breasts squeezing them harshly.

I just closed my eyes and tried to think about something else. About something happy and good and not miserable and disgusting as this moment was.

"Mmmm…" He hummed, smelling my hair. "You are delicious…and that is just your skin. I wonder how _other_ parts of you will taste. I can't wait to fuck the shit out of you, honey. I can't wait to hear you begging me."

_God, please help me._

I was gasping for air now. After what felt like forever, he finally released me and walked right back to the dresser.

_In. _

_Out._

I tried to stay calm and not panic so badly, but when I looked back to see what he was doing, I realized he had a long knife in his hand, so the staying calm would have to wait. "And now…about your little stunt back there. Bad, bad Bella."

-o-

I lost count on how many times he ran the knife along the length of my forearms, just before he pressed hard enough to break skin.

I whimpered every time. At least at the beginning, but when he saw I was trying to play brave – which was stupid, by the way- he pressed harder, pushed deeper, stayed longer…until there was nothing left for me to do but cry out in pain…in agony…desperation…everything.

"I have to say I'm impressed with you, baby." He said as he placed the knife back on the dresser. "You have endured so much…and trying to be brave…impressing."

"Stop, please." I murmured.

_Please stop. Stop. Stop._

"What was that honey?"

"Stop."

"You want me to stop? But we're only getting started."

"Stop." I repeated over and over.

"Don't you worry…I already got impatient and bored…the best is yet to come." He turned around and started calling for Laurent. The scumbag came in from the back and walked toward James.

"Grab the knife…I'll give you the signal." Scumbag did what he was told and moved right next to me. I tried to move away from him as far as I could, but he just placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Now Bella, let's give your lovely Edward a call, shall we?" James said.

"No, don't." I gasped. Not Edward.

But he had already taken his phone out. He wiped his bloody hands with a cloth and started dialing something there. A couple of seconds went by before he spoke. "Well hello, Mr. Cullen. How are you this fine evening?"

_Shit._

_No, no._

_Edward…don't._

_Please._

"Tsk, tsk…that is no way to talk to someone who's just being nice, Edward. Why don't you try again?...Listen…I have something you want…I have something very important to you right here next to me…" he said looking at me. Sick bastard. "Well, let's just say I have one little person right here next to me that could have you begging on your knees in a matter of seconds…"

James waved to Laurent. I had no idea what that meant, or what they were trying to pull…until I felt the knife cur right through my arm again.

Pain.

So much pain.

"STOP. STOP. PLEASE." I cried. "STOOOP."

I trashed.

I begged.

I cried.

It wouldn't stop.

I realized at that moment James had been taking it easy on me…because Laurent wasn't. He pressed and pressed and twisted the knife so hard I thought I'd passed out from the pain. James waved again and Laurent stopped. I was left gasping and I kept murmuring things over and over…I just had no idea what they were. The pain barely gave me time to think. I only heard what James kept saying on the phone.

"What was that tough boy? I thought I heard you begging? Was that it? Hmmm…I'm not sure, I know she can take so much more…"

Asshole.

Bastard.

"You want her tough guy? Come and get her." He snapped the phone shut and threw it on the dresser.

"He is a smug fucker, you know that right?" he said trying to control his anger. "He thinks he's so smart and powerful…I'll show him honey. We will take that fucking attitude right from him."

I felt Laurent moved from behind me and went back to where he was before. James took a deep breath and continued. "Well, your husband is about to get here, we should make you pretty for him, right?"

-o-

I now laid on the floor.

Gasping for air.

Trying not to pass out.

The chair I had been strapped in moved back from the impact of his blows on me and it fell to the floor.

Taking me along with it.

They had mercifully stopped with the knife…only to continue on hitting me. I can't even remember how many times his fist connected with some part of my body. He murmured all the while. Claiming he had to get me _pretty_for when Edward arrived.

Sick fuck.

I just wanted him to stop.

I wanted to die.

And even still…all I could see right now…was him.

_Edward._

_I wanna see you._

_I wanna see your face._

I had never wanted something so badly like I did at this moment.

_Please, please don't come here._

I prayed and prayed for him not to get here. If this is what we had in store…I didn't want him to be here. Even after all that had happened…all that was said and done…I couldn't wish Edward something so horrible and painful as what I was living now.

_Please don't come, Edward._

_Please don't. Don't come here. Don't come here. Don't. _

-o-

I woke up suddenly.

Gasping for air.

My cheek was still pressed against the dirty floor.

My arm was getting numb.

The room was spinning.

I could hear movement.

I was alone in that room for God knows how long.

It seemed I had passed out and I was grateful for it. At least it didn't hurt while I was out of it.

I stared at the space in front of me.

I saw nothing.

Not a window. Not a door in sigh. Absolutely nothing to help me.

I tired wiggling around. Trying to make room for hands to be free. But it hurt too much.

My eyes focused on something moving in front of me. Someone was walking. Getting near me. Then my world moved and it seemed I was being picked up from the floor and placed upright.

My head was spinning.

I tried to focus. I knew I had to. For some reason I had to.

Then someone came into view.

James.

He was slapping my face to get me to focus. "Come on Bella, wake the fuck up. You have a visitor." He chuckled sarcastically. I was too tired and drowsy to pay any attention to his bullshit, but when he stepped aside…I saw what he meant.

My eyes adjusted and landed on the person in front of me.

_Oh, God._

He was ten feet away.

Tied to a chair. Like me.

_Edward. _

I let out a sob.

_No, no, no._

I understood at that moment…Edward had nothing to do with it. He wasn't involved. He looked beaten and had some blood running down his face…but…but he tried to look so strong, to hold his own and…

"Isabella." He whispered.

Laurent was behind Edward in an instant. He yanked his head back by his hair and pressed the gun against his temple. "What the fuck did I tell you? Shut the fuck up…or she goes."

He kept quiet. But…his eyes…they…they told me…his eyes said so much…

_I'm here now._

_We'll get through this._

I shook my head slowly from side to side. He didn't have any reason to be here. He…he couldn't be here. It was me they wanted, wasn't it? James said he looked for me…well, here I was. Why did Edward have to be here?

James stepped in front of me, effectively blocking my view. He crouched down and placed his hands on either side of me.

"I'm gonna have some mercy on you guys…I'm not gonna make you wait any longer honey…here's the thing…you my dearest Bella, have a choice to make. It's really easy I f you think about it, I don't think you need to give it much thought, but this is gonna be your way out of here. How does that sound? Good?" he said nodding. "Piece of cake…you or Edward, honey. Simple as that."

_What?_

"Only one of you can make it out of here alive…" he leaned in so that there were only a few inches between us. "And if you chose yourself, it's okay." He whispered. "Don't worry, he doesn't have to know your pick, we'll just get you out and let him in here to die. I won't tell him anything sweetheart, you have my word."

_What the hell was he talking about?_

"Just tell me, what's it gonna be? You or dear Edward?

_What? _

_Sick. Sick._

I shook my head again. I…refused to so this.

When he saw me shaking my head he grabbed my chin and made me look at him. "Listen…if you don't choose…you'll both die, so…you better pick one, Bella." He said harshly.

_God, help me._

Even in this fucked up reality I was living, I knew there was not even a choice to be made.

In that moment so many emotions became clear to me and I finally opened my eyes. I raised my head, looked at Edward and felt everything I had been experiencing come into focus. I realized what Edward had become…to me. I _saw_ the men sitting in front of me. I saw the good soul he had. I saw everything I had tried so hard to avoid.

I had never made a decision that easily…it surprised me. It wasn't even an option. I didn't even think about it.

_I guess you're growing up, Bella._

Too bad I understood too late.

So I finally whispered "Him."

James looked taken aback by my answer. He looked like I had just slapped him. He looked mad. Vivid. he paced back and forward for a couple of seconds. It took a while before he composed himself and spoke again. "You choose to save him instead of you? Really honey?" he asked with fake amazement. "That's your choice?"

I stayed silent. There wasn't anything else I could say.

Seconds later, I felt the sting of his hand on my cheek as he slapped me again. "Answer me, bitch. When I fucking tell you something, you will answer me. Got it?"

I heard Edward growl.

I slowly nodded.

"Good. Let's try it again. That is your final choice?"

"Ye-es." I gasped.

He smirked. "Well, I wasn't expecting anything less from you." He stood up from the floor and circled a couple of times around me. As soon as he was out of my sight, my eyes immediately returned to the front. To Edward. Even in his beat up state, I could see him watching out for James' every move, watching him like a hawk. When he saw him walk away his eyes returned to me. I knew he was trying to be strong, to give me some kind of peace.

But I could see through that facade.

He looked exhausted.

Concerned.

Worried.

I tried to give him the most reassuring look I could. I tried to convey with my eyes everything I couldn't say right now. Everything I never said since the beginning.

_I'm sorry._

_I forgive you. Can you forgive me?_

_It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay._

_I do care about you. A lot._

_I'm sorry._

James finally stopped behind me and I felt him crouch down so that he was at my level. His breath washed over my neck and I felt him whisper so softly, almost tenderly.

"But he's gonna die anyway."

* * *

**Teaser on the forum in a few days. **

**Be sure to check it out.**

**I had been living under a rock until a couple of days ago. I just found this awesome fic and I just have one word for it…incredible.**

**It's called 'Our Yellow house'. If you're like me and haven't read it, go and do it.**

**If you already knew about it…why the hell didn't you tell me?**

**Leave me some love. I'm addicted to it.**

**Till next time.**


	25. The truth

**I wanna take the time and thank you all so much for all your amazing reviews. You have no idea how much I enjoy reading them. You guys are the reason I keep writing.**

**So…this is it. **

**Almost everything you have ever wondered about…will be answered in this chapter.**

**Almost.**

**WARNING.**

**This chapter contains some violence and a few sexual situations.**

**We deal with some delicate issues here. **

**You have been warned.**

**Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 25. The truth.**

One inch.

A few feet back.

Circled around the chair a few times.

Lined in.

Back in her face.

Behind her.

Every moved he made. I saw it.

I had been counting and monitoring every fucking time James moved around Bella. Every time he got near her, my breath hitched. I watched his hands…to see if he had anything that would hurt her, but when he physically put his hands on her, not using anything else…I saw red. It was stupid of me to think it would actually do any good to watch him.

To watch her.

But I couldn't take my eyes away from her. I couldn't.

He leaned in again and whispered something in her ear. Too low for me to hear, but whatever it was must have been bad because I saw and heard sobs rip through her chest and made their way up.

_Sick bastard._

_Breathe Bella._

_Please._

It tore my heart to see her like that. If I thought that everything I had gone through before was bad…this was absolutely horrible.

This was a nightmare. It had to be.

_As soon as he hung up the phone I dialed his number again. And again, and again. I had to get to her no matter what._

_No answer._

"_Fuuuck." _

_I called about twenty times…with no answer at all. _

_Shit, shit, shit._

_I looked around the empty hallway…trying to…I don't know what I was trying to find…answers…meaning…solutions…my mind was a jumbled mess. I tried controlling my breathing…I had to think of something So I just ran. Through the hallway, down the elevator and into the lobby. Staying here wouldn't do any good. I finally got to my car and drove away from the parking lot with no idea where I was headed. I tried to think of something. Anything. If he wanted me to go to him, he would definitely call me, I knew it, only God knew what he had up his sleeve. The question was…what was I going to do when that happened? How could I deal with this? I had absolutely no doubt I had to go to her. I…I…I just had to go to her._

_Shit._

_Bella._

_My eyes were starting to sting and I knew that if I let myself think about her…I'd lose it. I couldn't allow that to happen...now more than ever I had to keep my shit together. For her._

_Bella._

_I tried calling Emmett. _

_I wasn't sure why, but I had to cover my grounds, I had to cover as much as I could with the little information I had. All this time I tried to keep my family in the dark about everything that was going on…and now I knew things got so much worse…but I wasn't so stupid to think I could go there without some sort of help… I also knew James wasn't so stupid to let me call the police…or someone else that may help me. _

_But the call went straight to voice mail._

_Shit._

_I tried calling dad._

_No answer either._

_I slapped my hands against the steering wheel in frustration. "FUCK." I growled into the empty car. I had to reach them before they left town. If dad was gonna keep his promise –and I knew he would- he'd take them away tonight. Where? I had no idea. But for some reason I had to reach them. Anyone. At least I had to tell someone I could potentially be gone…and if something happened to me…they had to look for Bella. _

_Because I would make sure she got safe and sound out of this. Somehow I would do it. _

_My phone rang…it wasn't a call…it was a text message…from an unknown number._

_**No calling the cops lover boy…or she goes. Promise. **_

"_Dammit."_

_I knew the police was out of the question. I tried calling him again. I tried calling this new number. Fucking voice mail. I slapped my hands on the steering wheel again. What the hell was he trying to do? Playing mind tricks? _

_I tried calling dad again. No answer…again. I let it go to voice mail and risked leaving a message for him. I only hoped he would hear it sooner rather than later. _

"_Dad…it's me…I…I…shit…I lied today dad…about the business gone bad…something's else is happening…I'm in trouble dad, we're in trouble…I'm in too deep here…they have Bella…I have to go get her…I'm sorry. I…I…I'm sorry, dad. Just, I don't know where I'm going…I shouldn't involve you in this. But if anything happens, I…I'd want you to know. No one knows about this except for Paul…he knows everything in details…" I took a staggering breath and continued. "I love you guys…so much…thank you for everything you have done for me…tell mom I love her-"_

_I was cut off when I saw a car coming my way. I was too distracted to notice it on time…but I felt it slam right into the passenger seat. I think I hit my head. The last thing I remember was my door opening and being pulled out by my arms. "Hello, Edward. Let's take you to your wife, shall we?" Someone said. _

Maybe I wasn't that distracted.

So when I opened my eyes and saw I had been strapped to a chair in the middle of some sort of storage, I knew it was planned. My mind was fuzzy, my head was spinning, but when I managed to focus enough…my world crumbled. Bella. She laid there…on the floor. At first I thought she…I thought…I couldn't even say the words. I only prayed they weren't true. Then he pulled her up and I finally saw her face. I saw what he had been doing to her. I saw her broken. Her arm was bleeding. Her face was swollen. Her tears were running down her face to her chin.

The sob that ripped through her chest when she knew I was here was painful. My heart broke in so many pieces at that moment.

_Oh baby, I am so sorry._

This was my worst nightmare come true.

His movement caught my eye again. He straightened his pose and spoke directly to me. "Edward…I'm curious about something." He said with fake interest. "You see…I just recently found out that miss Bella here…has been kept out of the loop for too long. She has absolutely no idea why she's here. I think you just _forgot_to mention certain things, isn't Edward?"

It was a rhetorical question, of course. He didn't wait for me to answer. "But don't you worry my dearest Bella." he said looking back at her. "I'm gonna tell you everything you need to know…and more."

_What?_

"And I'm gonna tell you some things too, Edward. I think you'll find them very…" he trailed off as if looking for the right word to say. "Enlightening."

He moved away from Bella and sat on top of a dresser located to the side. He seemed to take a moment to…do whatever the fuck he was planning to do. I took that as a chance. I looked around for windows…doors…whatever I could find that could potentially be our way out of here.

Or at least…Bella's way out of here.

In front of me there was absolutely nothing to go on…expect a high window on top of the wall behind Bella, but that would be hard to reach. The only way out of here –that I could think of at the moment- would be the main door, but I didn't know where that was.

And then there was the matter of the asshole behind me…and the guns, of course.

"Let's start from the beginning, okay?" James finally spoke. "I wanna know how the hell did you agreed to marry him my dear?" he asked Bella. "Because when he told me he was gonna marry you…I have to say I was a little surprised."

Bella turned her eyes to look at me and I saw…shock. Then…hurt?

_Shit, it's not what you think Bella._

"What honey? You didn't know your dear Edward told me about the news? Well, he did. You see Bella…my dear Edward here…" he said motioning to me. "…was _chosen_ to fulfill a very delicate task…that task was…well he had to hurt your daddy honey." He said, earning a gasp from Bella. "He had to make sure your daddy…mmmm…how should I put it? Well he had to make sure your daddy suffered as much as possible."

My eyes were on Bella the entire time.

_I'm sorry._

"At first he said no, of course. As a man of good principals, he totally refused. But after a little…_motivation_…he came through." He got down from the dresser, went to Bella again talked in her ear loud enough for me to hear. "I told him that…if he didn't do as told…I was gonna kill his _whole_family…after I killed you and Charlie, of course."

Another gut wrenching sob.

More tears being spilled.

_Breathe baby._

"I even had to send a little _gift_to his sister in law…I had to do everything to make him realize I was serious. And he _reluctantly_agreed." He said circling around Bella's chair. "At first…all he had to do was deliver a message to your dear daddy. But as time went on…I realized I needed more from him…I kind of…needed to check his loyalty to me. So I…_asked_him to take the next step…and that was to hurt you, honey." He said leaning down to lick her face.

_Sick fuck._

"And that's when dear Edward came up with the idea of marrying you. At first I was offended he could think of me that stupid…but when he said he found no other way to hurt Charlie…than to hurt his daughter…his most precious gift…I saw reason. And besides I doubted you would ever agree to marry him…but you did honey."

Bella's eyes found mine again. I could see confusion written all over her face.

_Look at me, please._

_See the truth in my eyes._

"So in the end, Edward's idea turned out great…until it didn't. As time went on…I started doubting Mr. Cullen's word, Bella. Nothing was happening…nothing at all…and I was getting impatient. I got really upset, Bella." he said yanking her head back by her hair. "I felt like Edward here, lied to me. What was the point in marrying you…if he wasn't gonna hurt you…really hurt you. So I had to spice things up a bit." He chuckled viciously. "I went and told him the real reason why I was asking such a hard work from him." He said with fake empathy. "I told him that you dear daddy…killed his dear daddy."

When Bella didn't seem surprised by the news and only recoiled from his proximity, he continued. "Oh, she already knows this? This is good. Let's find out what else did you tell her, alright Edward?" he asked me. "Why did you do it, Edward? Why did you marry my dear Bella?"

Seeming he wasn't gonna get an answer from me, he motioned with his head to the asshole behind me. Seconds later, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck.

"Answer fucker."

_Shit._

"I did it for her." I rasped.

_To protect you, Bella._

"Mmmh…yeah, I thought so." James said with no surprise at all. "So you can imagine my outrage, dear Bella. Your husband here, lied to me. The fucker lied to me…" he said yanking her head back again. This time she whimpered from the pain.

"Leave her alone." I growled.

Another blow to the head.

Fuck.

"So I decided to take the matter into my own hands…after all I had waited long enough." He finally moved away from her and went to sit on the dresser again. He folded his arms across his chest, gave a quick glance in my direction and continued talking to Bella.

"Tragic death Charlie had, right?"

NO.

_Was he…? Was he gonna tell her everything?_

James had Bella's attention now.

"Did he tell you he figured it out? Did Edward tell you he found out? He's a smart boy that one…he knew something was wrong with your father's dead. So he went and messed with something he wasn't supposed to…he knew your daddy didn't die in a car accident my dear Bella…"

"SHUT UP." I yelled.

"Did he lie to you? Did he not tell you the truth?" he continued ignoring me. "I found it odd that he would do that when all he wanted all along was to look out for _you_." He spat the last few words as if they had burned him. He got down from the dresser again and stood beside Bella in an instant. He leaned in to her ear and said the words very slowly and deliberately.

"_I_ _killed __your __father, __Bella._"

_God, no._

A gasp. Whimpers. Then sobs after sobs left her chest. I could see the tremors covering her body. Confusion, hurt, sadness, despair. She looked at me for confirmation.

_I'm sorry, baby._

She hung her head and continued to cry.

"I'm gonna kill you James." I barked moving in my restrains. I didn't care if they continued to hit me every time I opened my mouth. I couldn't let them hurt her anymore like that. "Bella…breathe please." It was the first time I addresser her directly since I got here. She just shook her head repeatedly, flinching away from James.

"Shut up, Cullen." James snapped. "I did that to his sister you know." He continued assaulting Bella with his words. "He started investigating his death…I told him to stop, but he just wouldn't listen…so I had to…teach him a lesson. He leaned in, moved Bella's hair from the way and continued. "I enjoyed doing that to his sister, you know? She was a screamer…not as much as you, of course, but still…"

Bella continued to cry, but when she heard those words she snapped her head up in my direction, asking…asking so many things.

I had no answers for her right now.

Not like this.

I don't know how many hours passed. Or how many hours he kept us in that place. Talking and talking. Nonstop. And every second that passed away, I became even more concerned for Bella. She was still bleeding. Specially from her arm. She looked paler, weaker and so tired. James on the other hand…he seemed he was losing his mind. He became more frantic, less stable and that worried me to no end. He kept on overwhelming her with every fucking crap he did…even as mundane as watching her leave for work. Or waiting for her return. How he had ordered Laurent –the guy behind me- to go to my house that horrible day to give me a _warning_, but when he found Bella there, he decided to leave a _direct_message in my house. He said she was lucky she defended herself, otherwise Laurent would have killed her right there.

_What did you go through, Bella? _

_I'm so sorry._

I thought again. Like that was gonna do any good. And of course was the fact he was still in the house when I arrived. The fucker behind me just laughed.

_I'm gonna kill them both. I swear._

And then I found out a few things _I_didn't even know. He stole her truck. He had something to do with almost every single thing that had been happening on Bella's life. I even found something not even the report I was given included.

The actual truth. Or at least what James claimed really happened.

"Your fucking father didn't only killed Edward senior…he also had something to do with my father's death, how about that?"

Bella turned to me for confirmation. I shook my head slowly. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"That fucking bastard…Charlie Swan…he fucking murdered my father too Bella. He was the only responsible for my father's death. And I have fucking hated your father with all my being for so long. So you can imagine the joy and happiness I felt when I finally put my hands on Charlie…when he begged for his life…when he looked me in the eye and told me that he had a daughter to look out for…" he crouched down in front of Bella and continued torturing her. "He really regretted everything he did, he really did.

"That's why I decided to bring Edward into this. I mean, how could be more fitted? He also had a grudge against Charlie…he was just the perfect guy for the job."

Bella wasn't looking at me anymore. She was looking somewhere else, but I had no idea what she was seeing.

_Come __on, __Bella. __Look __at __me._

She didn't. God, this was unbearable. I was ready to beg. "James…just let her go, please. I'll stay here…do whatever you want with me, but let her go."

"SHUT UP." He yelled. "LAURENT."

Another blow to the head.

"So tell me Bella…how do you feel about all of this? I mean, if I were you I would hate the pig sitting right there." He said pointing his finger to me. "I'd feel disgusted with him…" he slowly snaked his arm around her collarbone and squeezed her breast. "If I were you I would choose me."

"You're a sick fuck, James. Don't touch her." I snarled.

Another blow.

I didn't care and I continued. "Let her fucking go."

He let Bella go and strode toward me. "Shut the fuck up." He pointed the gun right to my head. "Shut the fuck up."

"Do it James…shoot it…shoot me, but let her go."

He was breathing harshly and his face deformed to one of anger. Just as he was about to speak, Bella whispered from behind. "Don't…please." That seemed to snap him out of his trance. He quickly moved the gun away from my face and stalked toward Bella. "Tell me honey, have you made your choice? Cause I know you chose him earlier, but you are allowed to change you mind...you have to. Are you gonna stay with me?"

"F-fuc-ck y-you." Bella gasped.

He grabbed her hair and yanked back. "Seriously? That's how you wanna play?" he snapped. "Cuz I'll fucking play it Isabella, I swear I will."

"Let her go." I growled and immediately felt the pain increase in my ribs.

_Shit. _

I knew if I looked up I would see her eyes telling me to calm down…but I just couldn't…I couldn't stay here and let him treat her like that. He moved right to her side and started untying her hands and legs. He slapped her one more time right before he grabbed her by the arms and dragged her away from the room.

_No._

"What are you doing James?" I asked uncertainly. "What are you doing?" I repeated anxiously.

At least there in front of me I knew where she was and unfortunately I knew what he was telling here…and doing to her…even if I was powerless to stop him, I knew she was here.

And there was hope.

But as I watched him take her away out of my sight…hope was slowly leaving my side.

_No._

They disappeared from the room and everything was quiet for a while. It unnerved me. Shit. I had to do something. Where was he taking her? No, no. Bella. I tried to move in the chair and got another blow to the head. I had to think. If I tried to take the bastard behind me, I could get shot…and that wouldn't be good to Bella. If he shot me, I wouldn't be able to get to her.

Right?

Well I had to try something. Fuck it.

Just as I was about to move…I heard her.

"NO. STOOOP. STOOOOP, PLEASE. NOOOOO."

_No._

* * *

**BPOV.**

_Bella, breathe please._

I repeated his words in my head. I closed my eyes and saw his face looking back at me. That's all I had left. I knew that when James reached his destination…it would be it for me. He was so far gone in his own little world, I doubted anything else I could say could help.

Besides I was too tired to go on. If he was gonna kill me right now…I'd take it. Edward could fight for himself and get out of here. I could see he was so focused on me, that he wasn't gonna try and get away. Not without me.

Well, now he could.

I only regretted not telling him everything I felt. How sorry I was.

But when I saw what James was planning on doing, a part of me woke up. He took me inside a filthy room and threw me on a folding bed in the corner.

Shit.

So when I saw him starting to undo his belt, I lost it. "NO. STOOOP. STOOOOP, PLEASE. NOOOOO." No, please. No that. I couldn't handle that. I tried to get up from the bed but was pushed down harshly by his hands.

"That's right…you know what's coming, don't you?" he got on the bed and hovered above me with his legs on either side of me. He leaned in so close he was almost touching my nose and whispered. "Don't worry honey…I'm gonna make it good for you."

"Noo, please." I tried to fight him through my tears, but I felt like I wasn't making any progress. He only held my hands down with one of his.

"That's right sweetheart…beg me." He said viciously. His disgusting breath washed over my face, right before he moved his free hand to my shirt and started grabbing my breasts again.

_God, no._

"NOOO. BELLA. BELLA." I heard Edward yell from the other room. That only made me cry even harder.

"What do you think honey? Do you think we should bring Edward in here and make him watch? Make him watch us? If I can't make you scream my name in front of him…at least you can beg me to stop, how 'bout that?" he said as he ripped my shirt open exposing my breasts to him.

"NOOO. Don't touch me."

"Come on baby, I know you like me. You like it rough don't you? Yeah…you do."

He laid his whole body against mine and pressed into me, effectively pinning down my legs with his weight. His free hand went to his pants and he started removing them. He freed himself from his jeans and tossed them aside, remaining only in his underwear.

I decided to risk it. I managed to get one of my hands free from his hold and scratched his face with my fingernails so hard that I drew blood. He growled and before I had a chance to do anything else…he punched me. And then he slammed my head a couple of times against the wall to the side. Hard enough to make me dizzy and not strong enough to fight him anymore.

I stopped moving all together and just laid there on the bed. Just…breathing. It hurt. Everything hurt. I tried to move, but my body wouldn't give. I was too weak. When he started kissing my neck I moved my head to the side and looked at the opposite wall. I prayed that I could struggle just a little bit more, just so he could hit me again and knock me unconscious.

Cause if this was really gonna happen…I didn't wanna be awake for it. For any of it. If he was gonna go through with it…I prayed that after…he could have some mercy and just…end me.

But I wasn't strong enough. I felt too weak.

_Fight, Bella._

The voice inside me yelled. But I had no strength left. How could I?

I could still hear Edward yelling in the background.

_Oh, __Edward._

_Don't. Don't worry. Don't suffer._

James broke his hold on my hands and let them rest on top of my hand. He immediately made a move to remove my pants. All the while groping me and touching me.

I closed my eyes.

I felt his hand at the button of my jeans and felt him remove them completely.

His hands ghosted over my bare legs.

I guessed he removed his underwear because I could feel him against me.

I whimpered.

He spread my legs open and settled between them. "Hold on tight baby, this is gonna be wild." He chuckled in my ear.

I felt a tear spill and roll down my cheek to my ear.

He fisted my panties in his hands.

I whimpered again.

And just as he was about to rip them…I heard gunshots. Lots of them.

I gasped.

Edward.

No.

I felt James immediately move away from me. "FUCK." I heard some rustling and I guess he put his clothes back on. He left me alone in that room and went outside.

I tried to get up but my head wouldn't stop spinning.

I heard shouting and yelling.

More gunshots.

Edward.

_Oh, God no._

"JAMES." I heard a voice I didn't recognize yell.

"DO IT."

"Help him."

"Where is it?"

_They're gonna kill him. Edward!_

A lot of movement was happening in the other room. What was happening out there? I tried again to get up. This time I managed to at least raise my head. And then…all of the sudden, Edward came into the room. He was alive. He was standing. But…he was bleeding. His chest…he was bleeding.

He looked at me. He was barely holding it together.

"Bella." he whispered before he crumbled on the floor.

* * *

**There you go. That was hard. **

**James is a sick fuck. His version is lacking a few details. We'll get to them soon.**

**Teaser on the forum in a few days. The link's on my profile.**

**Leave me some love, will ya? **

**Till next time.**


	26. Vulnerable Circumstances

**Disclaimer. I own absolutely nothing related to Twilight.**

**Is anyone still out there? ****I'm not giving you any excuses…I'm sorry for the delay.**

**Let's remember where we left off, okay? **

**Bella married Edward to protect Charlie. She thought she was being blackmailed by him. They both went through hell with each other. Charlie died. Bella got attacked. They got divorced. Bella moved back to Forks. She got 'taken' by James. Garret got shot in the process. James and Laurent took Bella to a storage house of some sort. They tortured Bella. They got Edward in there too. The truth was sort of spilled. James was about to rape Bella when hell broke loose. Edward got shot. **

**And that's where we are right now. Lets' continue, shall we? **

* * *

**Chapter 26. Vulnerable circumstances. **

"Isabella." A gentle voice whispered my name. "Isabella…honey, please wake up."

I felt a hand on my back. Rubbing softly. Patting gently. In the deeps of my mind there was something telling me it was important for me to listen to the voice. I had to wake up. I couldn't be sleeping right now. I couldn't afford to sleep. There was something…something I had to do. I just couldn't remember what it was. Yet, in my in and out of consciousness state, I couldn't shake that feeling.

I groggily opened my eyes. The light shone through blinding me for a moment. The smells were familiar but at the same time I couldn't figure out what they were exactly or where it was that they belonged. As my eyesight focused…I was met with…a white sheet? I frowned. For a minute I almost forgot where I was…then I looked at my left hand places a few inches away from my face and noticed I was holding somebody else's hand.

And everything came back.

Edward.

The hospital.

James.

Oh, God.

My eyes frantically roamed over his face. Looking…trying to find anything…something…different. His eyes were still closed with dark circles hanging from below. His hair was pulled back. His forehead had a small cut that still looked the same. His nose was slightly bruised. His left cheek was swollen…so were his lips. His bottom one specially. As much as I looked and searched…nothing was different. Nothing had improved. He looked exactly the same as he did when I first saw him in here. In this bed.

I knew he had to heal…and that was going to take time, I knew it. But how long had it been since he last opened his eyes? Since I had those green orbs looking back at me?

The last time was when he walked into that horrible room…right before he crumbled to the floor.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to get rid of those memories. It was over. We weren't there anymore…we were here…safe. A movement to my right made me look up. I was met with those caramel eyes that had greeted me when I first woke up here. She was staring back at me softly. Warmly. But I could still see the undeniable tension. Her tiredness. The now present concern for her son.

"I…I'm sorry…I think I fell asleep and…"

"Shh…don't even say anything…you're tired, sweetie. You shouldn't put too much strain on your body Isabella…you have to rest too."

"No."

"Honey…"

"I'm not leaving him. I'm not." I said with as much conviction as I could muster. It was getting harder by the second. My arm was starting to burn again and my head was pounding its way out of this building. But that was nothing compared to the man laying here on this bed.

"You're only going to make yourself worse…you are not fully recovered." She argued. But I had made up my mind. I wasn't leaving his side until…until…

"Please, Mrs. Cullen. I'm not going anywhere…I know you understand this…I know you won't leave his side either." I almost begged. She sighed and gave me a resigned look. I knew I had her there.

"Okay, then. Looks like we're both in here for the long run." She said as she placed her purse on the couch behind her.

"Um…actually Mrs. Cullen…would you mind getting me some water? Or some ice chips? My throat is feeling kind of weird." I hated doing this to her. I knew she would never refuse, it wasn't in her nature and I knew she would hate to leave her son…but I needed some time alone with him. And she looked like she needed the distraction.

"Of course." She said with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. She slowly made her way to the door of the private room before turning around one last time and opened her lips as if to say something.

Her eyes said it all. I knew what was on her mind. She said it all with that one look. "Don't worry…I'll take care of him. If anything changes, I'll call Dr. Cullen."

She nodded a few times and then she was out the door.

I immediately turned back to him and took a deep breath. There was so much I needed to say and I knew I was a coward for telling him while he was unconscious…but I had to. I brought his hand between both of mine, raised it to my lips and kissed it softly.

"I'm sorry…I am so sorry for all of this." I began as I felt tears make a presence in my eyes and for once I allowed them to come without some sort of a fight. "You have no idea how sorry I am. If I could take back everything that has happened, I would do it without a second thought. It's my fault you're stuck in this bed. It's my fault you got shot. It's my fault…I'm sorry, Edward.

I know you're probably gonna hate me once you wake up…I can feel it. I know you will. And if you tell me to go to hell and burn there and leave you alone for as long as you live…I…I'll d-do it-t…I w-will, I p-prom-mise…but please…you…you h-have t-to wake up…please, Edward. You have to." I was fully crying now. "Your mom has been so worried. She's trying to be strong, she's trying to hang in there for all of our sakes…but I know she's dying inside…I can see it…you have to wake up, please…for her…" I wanted to say _for me _too, but I refrained myself. Today wasn't the time. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, still not letting go of the grip I had on his hand. "You have to know I don't blame you for anything. I have no idea what happened back there…and I have so many questions…but I…I don't blame you, if that matters."

My head was really pounding now, probably from the crying. I tried to get my breathing under control…I had to get this out. "Please w-wake up, Ed-d-dward…please…please…wake up…wake up…"

I trailed off as I heard the door open. I wiped my cheeks again and took a deep breath. I turned and saw Esme walk in here. As soon as she saw my face her eyes widened and panic took over her features.

"It's okay…nothing changed…I was just talking to him." I hurried to explain. She visibly relax, walked over to the bed and handed me the small cup. I reluctantly removed my right hand from Edward's and took the cup from her. My left hand was still attached to his.

"Thanks, Mrs. Cullen."

"How many times do I have to beg you to call me Esme? I think we all have been through enough to still be talking to each other with so many formalities."

"Thank you, Esme…" I trailed off before I could say something else. Did I really want this? I always thought I could keep some sort of a distance if I never allowed myself to become attached to them. So it was always Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

_Really, Bella? After all this?_

"It's really nice to see you again, it's been quite some time. And…you…you can call me Bella, if you'd like…"She paused for a moment before saying anything, seeming surprised by my words.

God, was I really that horrible?

_Yes, you were._

"Okay, Bella. And it's really nice to see you too." She smiled softly as she sat down on the couch to the side of Edward's bed. "How is your arm?" she asked.

"It's okay." I lied returning my gaze back to the bed.

"Good, I'm glad. Alice and Emmett will be here in a while." She said completely off topic. "They left before us. They almost made it all the way to Oregon before Carlisle called them. They're so worried."

"You were out of town?"

"I…I thought you knew." She said nervously. That got my attention. I pried my eyes away from Edward and turned to her.

"Knew what?" she said nothing. She just sat there quietly and…confused? I wasn't sure. "Knew what, Esme?"

"I'm not sure I should be telling you this, honey. I think it's best if we wait for Car-"

"Telling me what?" I demanded.

"Um…fine…we _were_ leaving town…at first I thought Carlisle was just in a good mood and wanted to take the family out of town for a few days. It may have seemed a little sudden but I didn't give too much thought into it. So Alice and Emmett immediately packed everything and decided to leave early…just as we finished packing…Carlisle got a voice message from Edward…" she started taking deep breaths but I could see emotion taking over her features. Sorrow filling her voice. God, I couldn't imagine what this must be for her. Before she could go on any longer, I brought Edward's hand back to my lips, kissed it softly and then placed it gently back on the bed.

I slowly got up, took my freaking IV bag from the bottom of the bed and made my way over to the small couch. I sat down next to her and turned so that I was facing her. "Go on." I whispered as I took her hand in mine.

She gave me a watery smile and tried to compose herself again. This woman was truly amazing. Even after everything that was happening, she was still trying to be strong…even when her son was laying on a bed unconscious…she still tried to smile.

"I had never seen Carlisle react the way he did…I couldn't understand what was happening…he began swearing and throwing things around. All the while I kept asking him what was wrong, but I never got an answer. He walked into the closet and started looking for something…I…I…grabbed his phone and…and…I listened to the message."

I squeezed her hand tighter when she began crying softly. I felt horrible for her, but I still needed to know. "What did he say?"

"He said something about lying about a business…he said he was in trouble…he said…" she paused for a moment glancing at me. "He said that…that…someone had you and that he was going to get you…he mentioned something about Paul and then…it was like…like he was saying goodbye…a loud noise in the background interrupted him and the line went dead. You can imagine my utter shock as I shut my husband's phone. When I finished listening to it, Carlisle came back into the room with some sort of a phone book. He took his phone from my hand and-"

"Hello ladies." We were interrupted when Carlisle came into the room. He glanced at us quickly, took one look at the crying Esme next to me and immediately went to her. I moved from the couch to give them some sort of a private moment and took my place next to Edward's bed again.

I knew they were talking, I could hear their muffled voices…but all I could focus on were Esme's words from before. Nothing she said fully surprised me…I knew they had lured Edward into coming into the storage room…but…but all it did was take me back to that place…take me back to being tied to that chair…to the knife cutting through my skin…to James' hands…being under him…his words…his breath…my arm…my head…him banging my head against the wall…

Flash after flash invaded my mind, making me dizzy.

"Isabella?"

The pounding got worse.

"Carlisle…do something, please."

My vision became blurry. I couldn't see Edward anymore. All I saw was James…Edward covered in blood…sirens…shouting…hurting…

And then I fell to the floor.

-o-

"Please."

"The team is ready for her Dr. Cullen, we just have to get her upstairs." The blond nurse said to him, completely ignoring my words.

"Please." I tried again.

"Tell them we're on our way, Caitlin. I was just finishing up here." Carlisle answered with his back to me, looking at some x-rays hanging from the light square thing on the wall.

"Carlisle." I snapped, finally managing to get his attention. He turned to me and took a deep breath. Yeah, I could see frustration making an appearance on his face, since it was like the tenth time I had asked for the same thing, but I wouldn't give up.

"Isabe-"

"Bella."

"Bella." he sighed. "Honey, you already know my answer, I can't allow you to go, not now, not until we know exactly what caused you to faint, you're in no shape to leave this room, we have to take you upstairs for a couple more tests…and besides if it would even be possible for you to leave this room now, there haven't been any news-"

"I don't care. I have to be with him, what if his condition changes or what if he-"

"Bella, listen." He said more sternly. He had my attention now. "I know you are anxious, we all are, but it would do no good to you or Edward if your health was at risk. You were down there for too long already. I was irresponsible by letting you stay so long, so please try to understand."

"There is nothing wrong with me, I swear. I just got a little overwhelmed." I tried reasoning with him. Deep down I knew it was futile. Especially since I was on my own. Before I had Esme's support…now, she had crossed to the other side and demanded that I get some medical attention.

"Still, we need to take care of you, too." He moved from the wall where he was standing and came to sit next to my bed. The nurse took the hint and walked out of the room quietly.

"He has been unconscious for too long. Why?" I asked trying to change the subject and hopefully getting some answers…and maybe some sort of mind peace. Now that I had his attention, I was taking full advantage of it.

"It hasn't been that long, you both just got here last night. He just had surgery a couple of hours ago…he's still healing…everybody heals on his own terms, honey."

"So…you're not worried then?"

"I am worried, Bella. But it's normal, I may not be his doctor in this case, but I am his father, I'm gonna worry every time about everything…but I know he'll be okay. The bullet didn't do much damage to his system or his body. He just has to heal…he needs time to do so."

Somehow I felt a little more at ease. Not so much, but if he said he could heal…I believed him. "Will you keep me posted?"

He nodded. "As much as I can, honey."

"Okay." I nodded too.

He sighed and I figured the conversation was over. Except that I could tell he was struggling on voicing whatever was on his mind. "The police want to talk to you, Bella. They want to take your statement."

_Oh._

I kind of knee it was coming. I knew the drill when it came to these situations…my father was a police officer…the chief of police…I knew how he worked. But when I had to do it…when I had to relive everything that happened…it was so much different. What could I say to that? I didn't want to do it. Period. "I…I'm not…I'm not sure I can do t-that…" _I'm scared. _"I don't…"

"Don't worry, you don't have to do it now. And even when the time comes…you won't have to do it alone. We're here for you now."

"Okay." I nodded once more. He patted my leg, stood up from his seat and left the room.

After what seemed like twenty of hours of getting every test in the world done, letting Carlisle be confident that nothing was seriously wrong with me, and a very nice nurse trying to feed me against my will, I came back into my room, only to find Alice and Rosalie sitting there, apparently waiting for me. Alice greeted me warmly, as warmly as she could. I still felt the concern rolling from her in waves, but she was still here. Rosalie was…not so cold as she used to be…but still she wasn't acting like my best friend. I didn't want her to. They tried to make small talk with me, I could feel Alice was dying to ask me what had happened, but I was too far gone to even care about what they were saying. Then it occurred to me…if anyone could help me get downstairs, it would be Alice. She could be on my side.

And she was.

After ten minutes of begging, complaining and bitching, I managed to convince her to steal a wheel chair, avoid running into her father and get me five floors down the elevator. When we reached Edward's room, we noticed Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper were gathered in a small waiting area a few feet away. She stopped the wheel chair, left me right outside his room door and made her way over there to create a distraction.

I loved Alice.

I got up from the chair and opened the door to his room. I expected to see Esme with him inside, since everyone else was out there except for her, but when I looked inside I saw a woman sitting in the chair where I had been a couple of hours ago. And most of all…I saw her holding the hand I had been holding a couple hours ago.

She was murmuring something so softly I couldn't catch anything she said…but when she heard me come in, she looked behind her and I could really take a look at her. She was slender, blonde –natural blonde- with perfect skin, huge blue eyes, flawless features…she was beautiful.

She was also the woman I had seen with Edward on the street that day.

I hadn't really seen her face back then…but I did see that hair...it was just unmistakable. I knew it was her. She was the one that was hugging him so warmly. And now…she had a hold onto his hand like it was the last thing anchoring her to this world.

She gave me an unreadable expression for a few seconds, right before a small smile adorned her lips. "Hello." She said simply.

"Hi."

"Who are you?" she asked staring at me intently.

"Who are _you_?" I asked back.

She chuckled softly and went back to look at Edward completely ignoring me. Just as I was about to ask again, Alice walked into the bedroom.

"Oh, hi Tanya…I didn't know you were here." Alice said slowly with her eyes on me. I could feel she was almost watching me…waiting for some sort of reaction from me. And I got the feeling she definitely knew _this_ person was in here.

"Hi, Alice." _Tanya_ said turning back to greet her. My body tensed and I'm sure Alice wasn't oblivious to it, she got near me and gently place her hand on my elbow.

"Okay, we're gonna leave now, Tanya. We'll be back soon." _Tanya _didn't respond. I noticed that in the whole exchange she didn't let go of his hand. Alice started to move, but my body was locked in place. It wouldn't move…I wouldn't move.

"Come on, Bella." she whispered. "My dad is out there…he knows you're here…"

"I wanna stay here." I answered without looking at her. But her hold on me didn't lessened.

"I know you do sweetie…but…um…the police is out there…they want to talk to you now that you are better."

I sighed and reluctantly allowed her to lead me out of the room. I didn't want to leave him alone with…_her_…but I knew the faster I dealt with the police, the faster I could come back in here. And besides, I didn't want to piss Carlisle off.

"Um…who is she?" I asked when we were out of her hearing range, trying to sound as nonchalant as I could.

"She's a friend of Edward's. They went to college together."

Great.

I was hoping it was his long lost cousin or something. But I did relaxed a little when I saw Esme return with a cup of coffee in her hand. She wouldn't leave him alone anymore.

-o-

Carlisle got the police to agree to take my statement inside the hospital, in a private room, as long as it happened right away. Carlisle asked me if I wanted him to be present and after a few seconds of considering it…I refused. I claimed that I had to do this on my own. The truth was…I didn't want Carlisle to found out the horrible things that happened to his son. The reason why we married, the horrible things I found out yesterday.

If the time came when they would find out, fine. But this wasn't it.

"Just make this quickly, she needs to rest." Carlisle said before he walked out of the door.

My hands were shaking. I was starting to sweat. I was trembling. But as I had said countless times…my parents had taught better than to be a coward…so after I made sure this would stay absolutely private, I told them everything I knew. Well, almost everything. There were some things they didn't need to know. I never told them the real reason we got married, just mentioned James had started blackmailing Edward for some kind of grudge against his and my dad. I tried not to leave anything important out…anything involving James. I told them everything that happened. Everything he had said. I told them about Charlie…about the knife…about Edward getting there…about Edward's dad…everything I could remember…

I cried several times throughout the whole ordeal, but I finally managed to get it all out. They got it all down.

A couple of minutes later, when we were done, one of the officers got up and let everyone out there know we were done. The one in front of me put some files away and turned to me. "Thank you so much for all your cooperation, we will let you know any progress we make on the investigation."

I frowned and just as I was about to ask him what he meant, Carlisle came into the room and quickly ushered the police officers out.

"How…how did you find us?" I asked as he led the wheel chair into the elevator. I was glad he pressed the button to Edward's floor.

"Edward left me a voice message…" he paused and cleared his throat. "He said Paul, one of his friends, was one of the people that knew what was happening…so I called him…he called someone else…we called the police. They tracked Edward's car thought the GPS, that's how we found out he had been in a car accident."

I gasped. "Accident?"

"Yeah…I…I know some officers down at the station through and _old friend_, they got in touch with the right people and by pulling some strings, we were able to found out he was actually hit by some sort of a van…on purpose as it seemed." The elevator doors opened and we stepped out of it. "With Paul's information and the identification of the van, the police was able to locate several places related to those guys…we…we thought we were so late Bella. We thought we would never see you two again." he said thickly.

"Oh my God, Carlisle…you must all hate me."

He stopped suddenly, circled around the chair and crouched down in front of me. "Why would you say that, honey?"

"Because…all this is my fault. I mean, nothing would've happened if I…if I never came into your lives and ruined it. I have put your son through so much…"

"Bella, you have to stop." He said firmly. "Nothing is your fault…we are not exactly sure what happened and we are counting on you to tell us…but we are sure that neither of you are to blame here. No one blames you, okay?"

I nodded weakly.

"Good." He stood up and when he was about to move my chair again, his beeper went off. "Can you hold on a second, honey? I have to make a quick call."

"It's okay, don't worry. I can walk to his room."

"Are you sure?" I don't want you to tire yourself more than necessary."

"I'm sure."

He smiled, went behind one of the counters next to the aisle and picked up the phone. I got up and made my way slowly down the hall.

A few feet down the path I was leading, I found myself in front of none other than Tanya. She looked even more beautiful than a few minutes ago.

I was intimidated.

"Hi, Bella." she said sweetly. "I was hoping I'd run into you alone."

I frowned. Alone?

"It's Isabella." _To you._ "What can I do for you?"

"Alright, Isabella. Wanna sit down?" she motioned to a row of chairs stuck to the wall next to us.

I shook my head.

Not likely, blondie. I mean, she seemed nice enough, she wasn't being rude or fake for that matter as far as I could tell. I just wasn't entirely comfortable around her.

Actually…I wasn't comfortable with her being anywhere near Edward.

Yeah, I had lost my mind.

"Alright, then. Look…I know who you are, I know you were married to Edward."

What?

"I just wanted to come clean with you…I'm not gonna lie and say that I know everything that happened between you two, but I do know he suffered while being with you…I was a witness to his misery…" she trailed off and sighed. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I'm interested in him."

_Excuse me._

"Excuse me?" I asked in disbelief.

"I don't wanna be shady about it and I really have no idea where you stand with him, as far as your feelings go, but I wanted you to know in case you…you were still interested in him in that way."

I laughed humorlessly. I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. What the hell was she doing? Who the hell did she think she was?

"I wanted to make it clear…I am going to fight for him. And if you _are_ still into him like that…well you're gonna see me around a lot more."

I continued to stare at her in disbelief. If I was being honest with myself, I was trying as hell not to let her words get to me…but I was failing miserably.

"That's all I wanted to say."

I didn't answer her. I just circled around her and walked away.

-o-

The few steps left to Edward's room were spent pondering what she had said. I replayed her words in my head. I knew the general feeling running over my mind was…anger. And concern. And…shit. There were so many other emotions going through me but right now…I couldn't afford to analyze them. There would come the time when I would have to deal with…everything. Right now I had to reach my destination.

The little waiting area was still crowded with his family. I waved over at them and walked into the room again. Thankfully this time only Esme was there with him. God, she looked so tired. And he was still the same…just like he was when I left a few hours ago.

"Hi." I whispered.

She turned to look at me and smiled. "Oh hi, honey. Are you feeling better? You scared us."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really." I stood by the bottom of his bed drinking him in.

_Please, wake up._

"You should get some rest, Esme. You have been here all day."

"You have been here too and I don't see you going anywhere." She said with a smile on her face.

I chuckled softy, placed my hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. "Seriously…at least get something to eat. Please."

She sighed as if she was losing some sort of a battle. "Okay. I'm just gonna go and check on my husband. Let me know if anything changes?" she asked nervously glancing at Edward.

"Absolutely."

She stood up from the chair and left the room quietly.

I sat in her place next to the bed and took his hand one more time…basking in the warmth it provided. I kissed it again and rubbed the back of his hand against my cheek. I inhaled his delicious scent and allowed myself to get lost in him for a few moments. There were so many things to work out…so many questions to answer…but all the matter was for him to get better.

"Please, wake up." I whispered. "Please, please, please." I kept chanting that word over and over again. It felt like forever since I walked into this room. I feel exhausted and just wanted this to be over.

"Bella?" I suddenly heard a voice near me rasp.

I gasped, raised my eyes slowly and…and was met with the most beautiful pair of green emerald eyes I had ever seen in my entire life.

* * *

**There. He's not dead. I wouldn't kill Edward, too.**

**Thank you so much for all your reviews, favorites and alerts. They make me smile every time. I'll try not to take as long as I did with this chapter. **

**I may be posting a super short story in a while, at least to keep you entertained while the next update comes.**

**Leave me your thoughts?**


	27. Epiphanies

**I'm back.**

**I know some of you are not so happy with the posting schedule. I know, I hate it too. But shit has been –repeatedly- hitting the fan in RL and I haven't been able to update sooner. Sorry.**

**Thank you so much for all your reviews, favorites and alerts. They make my day.**

**Yuki…thank you. So, so much. For everything. Always.**

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 27. Epiphanies. **

_Oh my God._

_Oh my God. _

_Oh my God._

_He's awake._

_You're awake, Edward. _

Those eyes. Those green, beautiful eyes. They finally opened. I actually saw the sparkle they always owned.

He blinked slowly.

Once.

Twice.

One more time.

Focusing. Trying to see…to see me. The person sitting in front of him. The one holding his hand.

I didn't realize how much I missed those eyes until now. Until they finally opened and stared back at me. They looked so alive. _He_ looked so alive. Even though I had just seen him yesterday and under less than ideal circumstances…it felt like years had gone by since I last saw him. And it was…I hadn't been this close to him since he signed those papers in my house.

Million things were running through my mind, but not one made itself present. I couldn't open my lips and say something…anything at all…I couldn't form a sound. I was completely caught up in his stare.

And the most important thing of all…he was looking at me. It seemed like forever since he whispered my name and looked at me…and yet, he didn't look away. I felt his hand give mine a gentle squeeze. It was barely there…if I wasn't so attuned to him, I wouldn't have noticed…but I did. I felt he was trying so hard to say something…anything right in this instant.

But just like me…he didn't say a word. He didn't need to. Right at this second…it was like we were having a silent conversation. I didn't know if the experience we just shared had anything to do with it…I wasn't sure if it actually could bring us together. But it felt like it.

And for the first time in a while…of since I met him…I actually let myself just…feel. I let myself get surrounded by him, by his scent. I allowed myself to swim in those eyes.

I had absolutely no idea what was going on here. What exactly was _this…b_ut I could feel it growing…there was something in here…making me dizzy, making the air heavier with…with…something.

Did he feel it, too?

_Maybe it's just your imagination, Bella._

That thought alone was enough to bring my spirits down. It was so confusing. This _feeling_ was so new to me and especially foreign. And he felt it…he felt the shift in my mood. I could see it in his eyes. I could see the distance he immediately tried to put between us.

And I hated it…for some reason I couldn't understand…I hated it.

I broke eye contact with him. I looked down to our hands entwined and kind of tangled with each other. I mean, what else could I do? Reality was a bitch and she came and slapped me right in the face, yelling at me not to forget her.

"How…how are you?" I heard him whisper gently, finally breaking the silence that had surrounded us. I quickly looked up and met his eyes again.

"I…I'm fine." I mumbled.

"How is your arm?" he said looking at my bandaged arm laying on his bed.

"It's okay."

"Edward…I…"

The door to his room opened suddenly, making us both look at the entrance. Esme walked in not really paying attention to us, she was looking at something on her cell phone. "Honey, Carlisle said that you have to go up to your room, it would be bad for-"

She stopped what she was saying when her eyes finally looked up and landed on us, especially on her son. Her eyes immediately welled up and she gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth as if to cover it. She rushed to the other side of the bed and started talking to him. Checking him. Stroking his hair.

Being a mother.

Suddenly, I couldn't do this. I let go of his hand and got up from the chair. "Um…I'm gonna step outside for a while…I have something…" I said awkwardly. Esme was totally oblivious to my comment and I couldn't blame her, her son had just woken up from several states of unconsciousness, she was immersed in him. Edward, on the other hand, snapped his eyes to me in a heartbeat as soon as he heard me speak. He gave me the strangest look…I could almost swear he wanted to say something…I could almost swear he wanted me to stay.

Except I couldn't. Again.

Even if my mind hadn't been making stupid shit up…I had no place here. Not right now anyway. Maybe some time later, I would get a chance to speak to him alone, but now…I had to deal with my thoughts before I could come up with something eloquent so say.

I made my way outside, feeling…as confused as I had always been. I had a lot to think, but right now wasn't the time or place.

Everybody was still sitting at that small waiting area. I broke the news to them and they immediately stood up and rushed inside, leaving me alone in the hallway. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath.

This was where I knew I wasn't a part of their family. I never was and I wasn't sure I could be. I just felt left out…I didn't belong with them. Sure, they had been nothing but nice to me every time, but I couldn't really expect them to just welcome me in when I had divorced Edward. Maybe I was just taking myself out of the picture…either way, I didn't belong.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the police officer that had taken my statement standing by one of the counters. I guess he was waiting any development on Edward's condition so he could take his statement. Did he even know he'd already woken up? If he didn't, he was fully committed to his job if he was actually waiting for Edward to wake up.

That thought led me to Charlie. I remember he used to do things like that. Checking on some of the victims he came across. Staying late in hospitals until he knew exactly what condition they were in. Only to fulfill at its best the job that he so loved to do. The Chief of Police of the small little town of…

_Oh my God._

I gasped loudly, feeling shock take over me. In all the commotion and the waiting for Edward to wake up…I…I…I forgot. I had totally forgotten.

_Oh my God._

I started sobbing right there on the hallway.

_Oh my God._

I pushed myself from the wall and headed to the officer. Besides, I had to get away from the room so that no one could hear me. They didn't have to see me like this.

My arm burned badly and my head started throbbing again.

_No, no, no._

_Shit. _

_Garret. _

My sudden movement caught the officer's attention and he approached me before I had a chance to get to him. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head and looked at him. I'm sure my eyes would seem frantic to him, but I had completely forgotten about Garret.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Before…I…I f-forgot. When…when I told you they had gone to my house and took me…there was a man there…with me. He tried to stop him, but James shot him. His name is Garret."

"You didn't mention that before." He stated with a slight frown on his face.

_No shit, Sherlock._

"I know…I…I forgot…I must have blocked that part…do you know about him? Have you heard anything?"

"I'm afraid not. I want you to come with me and let me know what you remember, alright?"

I nodded dumbly and led him lead me away from the hall.

-o-

Before, I was so focused on Edward and getting back to him that I completely forgot.

I retold my story as best as I could and even manage to get the police officer to believe me and promise to look for Garret in the hospitals in the area…right after he sent someone and look for him in the front yard of my house.

God, could he still be laying there? Half dead?

_Christ._

What happened to him? Did someone find him outside my house? Laying on my front lawn? Bleeding? God, was he even alive? I prayed with all my strength that someone gave him the medical service he deserved.

The officer said after I was released from the hospital, I had to stop by the station so they could get my full statement on paper and signed. He said it would give me time to remember anything else I might have forgotten due to my trauma.

His words, not mine.

They would also be needing Edward's statement as well, but since he was in the early stages of his recovery, they would have to wait for him to get better.

"So, you have my Forks' number right?"

"Yes, I do. But…" he trailed off for a moment. "I…I am not sure if returning to that house alone would be the best thing for you right now. We might have the situation under control, but we are not sure if those two were working with an agenda or with someone else, so I advise you to-"

"Wait." I interrupted him. "What…?" Just when I was about to ask what had become of James and Laurent, a soft knock interrupted me and a very concerned Carlisle came into the room. The officer took that as a chance to make his retreat and reminded me to give him a call as soon as I got better.

We were left alone and after asking how I was feeling, Carlisle began almost reprimanding me. According to him, they had been looking for me since the minute I left the room down the hall –which was over thirty minutes ago- so they began to get worried. He came looking for me, apparently on Edward's demand. He'd been asking nonstop about me.

That was enough reason for me to leave this room and get back to where he was. I could deal with the consequences later.

"They're all gone." Carlisle said as he held my arm, leading me slowly down the hall. "Actually, I demanded everyone to take Esme away. She fought as you wouldn't know, but when she saw everyone ganging up on her, she gave in. She's tired."

"I know, she needs to rest. She's been here a long time."

"You too, honey. You need to rest. As soon as you get some time with Edward, I'm taking you back to your room and leaving you there, Bella."

"But, I'm f-"

"There's no discussing this. You need to heal." His tone didn't leave much of a fight. "Are you okay from here? I've got to take care of some of Edward's paperwork." He said when we were right outside his door.

I nodded.

When I walked in I expected to see Edward sleeping or something like that. Instead, I was surprised when I saw him almost growling at the nurse.

"I am telling you. I am not letting you do it. I can do it by myself."

"But Mr. Cullen…you shouldn't be doing anything other than resting, you're have to rest."

"I know I have to rest. I can feel it. But I am not letting you do it."

"It's routine, it won't be any-"

"I said no."

Before he could get any more aggravated, I cleared my throat to get their attention. Their heads snapped in my direction and I was met with two pairs of eyes staring at me. The nurse had aggravation written all over her face, and Edward…his gaze softened immediately.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Hi. What's going on here?"

"Mr. Cullen here is refusing to let me give him a bath, let alone clean him up a bit. He says he can do it himself, but that's not the orders Dr. Cullen gave me." Edward took his eyes off me and glared back at the nurse. I should have figured. I smiled softly. It felt kind of good…that this…Edward refusing to take a sponge bath from the nurse was our biggest problem at the moment.

So, again, some stupid part of my brain took over and opened my mouth to speak. "It's okay, I got it. I can do it." Now surprise was the dominant emotion reflected in both of them.

_Yeah, I know. I'm surprised too._

"Umm…I don't think I can let you do that miss. I mean, you're still recovering…"

"It's okay, really. I can do it. Let me."

She watched me for a moment, before releasing a breath and nodding. She left the stuff she was gonna use by the bed and retreated quickly.

I turned to Edward. His eyes were still on me. Watching me intently. Examining me.

Shit. I really didn't think this through.

"You don't have to do this." He said breaking the silence that was threatening to take over the room.

"It's okay." I whispered as I made my way over to his bed.

Rather than chickening out like I should have, I took a deep breath, steeled myself and grabbed the sponge and dipped it softly in the warm water that the nurse had left.

"Hey." He whispered. "You can clean my face…and maybe my neck? It's where I feel dirtier." He looked away as if embarrassed. I wanted to laugh at the situation. Here I was, ashamed for giving in and offering my help to do this…and here he was, embarrassed because he felt dirty.

Ridiculous.

Yeah, I wanted to laugh.

But I didn't.

"Hey…I haven't showered since I got here either. They only cleaned my face, arms and allowed me to pull my hair up in a bun. Don't be embarrassed. And besides, unlike you, I _had_ to let a nurse do it, so…you're lucky." I said trying to lighten up the mood.

It worked. He chuckled softly.

So, I started.

I used the sponge to scrub his arms lightly. At least where I could reach.

"Do you know how many days you'll be staying here?" I said trying to distract myself from the world wind of emotions that were appearing in my body. My freaking eyes were glued to his arms. I had never seen him without a shirt before and they…they were amazing. He was toned and all muscle.

"I don't know…I haven't talked to my dad yet. But I'm done with this hospital, I wanna go home."

I smiled softly. Yeah, he should go home, he's been through enough. "I'm thinking about what I'm gonna do…" I offered conversationally. "The officer said it's better for me not to go back to Forks, so I…"

His head snapped in my direction and he shook his head quickly. "No. you're not going back to Forks. Don't worry about anything…I will take care of you, I promise. I won't let anything else happen to you…not again. And that includes not leaving you alone."

"You don't have to do that, Edward. I eventually will have to go back to Forks and…I don't know. I'll get a dog. Or a gun." I lied. The truth was I didn't wanna be alone. Ever again. But what choice did I have?

"You are not going back to Forks. Especially not alone." He said firmly. "Do you understand?"

"Edward, I…there's no other way. I mean, I'm not…I can't let that bastard rule my life." Even as I said it, all those words felt like the biggest lie ever.

The truth was…I was scared shitless.

"I'm not letting you go back to Forks…it's final."

I said nothing. It made sense if I stayed here for a while, at least until this mess sorted itself out. I could go to work easier. I would just have to find somewhere to stay.

"And you are staying with me." he said as if he could read my mind. "It's final and I won't hear a no out of you, okay?"

Wow.

So, I just nodded.

This conversation suddenly seemed very…weird all of the sudden. Not a bad weird, but a _weird _weird.

-o-

After so much insisting from Esme and Alice, I got transferred from my floor on the hospital, to a room closer to Edward's. They claimed it was easier for them to take care of us both if we were on the same hall. I didn't believe one bit of their excuses, but kept my mouth shut. The transfer was going to happen anyway.

A week into the move and after being forced to spent most of my time in my hospital bed, I was finally released and discharged.

That was when the _issues_ with Edward and his family began.

I know I had told him I would be going back with him…but now that the time was actually happening, I wasn't so sure anymore. I mean…seriously? How could I go and live with the man after so much crap happened between us. For god's sake, we were divorced, we only had been for about two months and in my head it seemed ridiculous for us to live under the same roof.

So…the day I finally got to go home, I got my paperwork ready and tried to find someone who could drive me to Forks, since I couldn't get there by myself. My arm hurt too badly for me to able to do that.

I tried calling Angela, but got no answer.

So, I decided to take a cab.

As long as it took me where I wanted to be, it would work. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do once I got there and I knew it was so reckless, but again, what choice did I have?

_You can go with Edward._

My mind almost whispered. But I knew it wasn't even an option. I…I was too stubborn and stupid to even think I could allow myself to look at Edward as my way out. As my savior.

It was so selfish of me to just get up and leave. Especially after everything they all had done for me. What they had done to help me. But at the same time…I couldn't just leave. I couldn't do this to them. I knew that if I so much told them I was leaving…they would never allow it and they would convince me –actually, force me- to stay with them.

The only way I could do this was to stay put and hold my own. Not letting them convince me or letting them make me feel guilty about this. So, with that in mind I signed the rest of my papers and returned to Edward's room. Esme was there, of course. But after I walked in, she slowly and in a not so subtle way, left us alone.

I sat next to his bed, trying to keep my distance as best as I could. I said nothing for a while, just sat there staring down at my lap.

"I heard you got released today…" he whispered.

I looked up to him and gave him a small smile. "Yeah."

"Good. How are you feeling?"

"Good. I…I wanted to talk to you…" I trailed off not really knowing what to say.

"Go ahead." He encouraged softly.

"Look…" I breathed in and steeled myself. "I really appreciate your offer…about me staying with you…I really do…but I think it's best if I return to Forks…that's where my things are…that's wher-"

"We can bring your things here." he said cutting me off. "You don't have to worry about that."

"It's best if I return to Forks, Edward."

"Why? Why do you wanna return to the place where that bastard took you? Why is it so hard for you to accept any kind of help?" he said getting aggravated.

"It's not that, Edward…it's just that-"

"What, Isabella? What is it?" he was angry now.

"You know what? You're right. I do have a hard time accepting help, especially from you." he looked appalled when I said this. "Can you blame me? There has been so much shit between us that…that…that I can't take anything else from you…I just can't."

"Fuck."

"Don't force y-"

"Why the fuck can't you just let me take care of you? Why the fuck can't you just let me help you? Please...let me make something right. Let me at least try to rectify everything I ever did to you. I did what you asked of me…I gave you that fucking divorce…I stayed out of your life for…for more than I wanted to…I did it. I tried to fight, but at the end I did what you asked. But then…you came back under the most horrible circumstances I could ever imagine…and I…I thought I would lose you. I really thought I would…" his voice started cracking and the monitor to his left started beeping faster.

"Ed-"

"So…all I'm asking is that…just this once, you let me take care of you. You let me help you and at the same time you would be helping me. I know it was stupid of me to think I could protect you by marrying me. I thought the danger laid with Charlie…and he could take care of himself. And if I had you with me the entire time…I could keep you from getting hurt…but like I said, stupid. But I never meant to hurt you…ever. Even if I was a total asshole around you, there was never a doubt in my mind I had to keep you safe. I am so sorry…but I thought that if I let things like they were…he would end up killing you. But I failed…the whole reason I did this…I failed at it. So now…please…let me rectify that."

He started getting even more upset and he began clutching his side, contorting his face in pain.

Shit. Shit.

I got up from my chair and took his hand in mine. "Hey, it's okay. Calm down, please. Calm down."

"Please…just don't go back there…please…please."

I nodded quickly. "Yes, of course. I'll go anywhere. I'll stay. Just calm down."

He took a deep breath and started relaxing. I don't know where this conversation turned this way. I knew I should be examining every single thing he said and trying to come up with an excuse to get out of dealing with him.

But…all I could think about was one thing…"After everything that's happened…you still wanna take care of me?"

"Of course I do. It's what I've always wanted."

"Okay."

"Okay."

He relaxed further into his bed and clutched my hand tighter in his. He closed his eyes for a second before speaking again.

"Hey…you think you can try and clean my hair? It must be disgusting."

I chuckled and nodded my head softly.

Right in this second…I had realized…even against every chance…against every wall I had put up to fight him off…somewhere along the way, I fell. I slipped and didn't know how to get back up.

And as hard as it was for me to accept it, even to myself...I did feel something for Edward.

I couldn't even begin to explain what it was or…how…how was it possible? How could I feel something for him? How was it that my heart was even able to make that connection?

I had absolutely no idea.

But it happened.

It surprised me how easy that revelation came to me now that I had allowed it to come.

I felt it. I knew it now.

The question became…what was I going to do about it?

* * *

**What do you think she'll do?**

**Let me know.**

**Hopefully I can update sooner this time.**

**Till next time.**


	28. The past

**I know, right? **

**Surprised? Me too.**

**It has been one year since this story started and I thought I could at least try and update. I have a present for you at the end. A small one. **

**Thank you so much for your amazing reviews, alerts and favorites. You're the reason I'm still in this. **

**Yuki, Abby and everyone else who has stuck with me since the beginning…thank you. **

**There's a lot of information in this chapter. The actual truth's coming out. Any doubts let me know.**

**Also, many of you disagree with Bella's way to looking at things. Try to understand her. She's 22 and has no idea what to do with her life. She's been sheltered and taken care of. So when things get rough, she shuts down. She still has a lot of growing up to do. Give her some time.**

**Let's get to it, okay?**

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 28. The past.**

"So…this will be your room honey." Esme said as she led me down the hall on the first floor of her house. "You will find everything you'll need in here. Alice bought some things for you, but anything you might need or want, just ask and we will make sure to bring them from Forks, okay?"

"Okay." I whispered as I stepped into the room.

"I'm going to make sure Edward is settled. Dinner will be ready in a couple of hours. Come when you're ready and call if you need anything, alright?"

"Yes…thank you, Esme. So much."

"Don't even mention it. We're happy to have you." With that she stepped outside closing the door behind her.

I was left alone in this strange room. Apparently Edward was just in the room right next to mine, so that made things...what? Better? I couldn't be certain about that. He needed to be downstairs for obvious reasons. He could move around easier and that way he had access to almost everything and everyone he would need.

Two weeks later after I was released from the hospital, Edward was discharged too. He began healing gradually and in those few days he was even able to sit up by himself and go to the bathroom, but only when someone went with him. He hated that, but there was no other choice. Carlisle wouldn't allow it. His wound was healing and he had only minor discomfort every once in a while. Carlisle said it was okay for him to try and move, but only in short intervals.

In other words, he was going to be okay.

As for me…the bandages in my arm were changed constantly to avoid any kind of infection. It still stung and sometimes even burned, but I sucked it up. I was finally allowed to look at myself in a mirror and what I found there…not pretty. I had bruises all over my face and neck. A few cuts here and there. A broken rib. And some other crap I didn't even want to find out. I had no idea how I managed to walk around that hospital with so many things going on with my body, without collpasing...or how anyone didn't mention the mess that was my face.

And the more pressing issue here and what kept me on my toes…I still had trouble accepting any kind of help from the Cullens. But after some reassurance from a much excited Esme, I agreed wholeheartedly about staying with them. Besides it would be temporary…at least until I knew more about the investigation's course.

And as promised…I came home with them.

I examined the room carefully before I moved around. I had a bathroom in here stuffed with everything I needed and more. The closet seemed to be filled with clothes with the tags still on. There were shoes, slippers, robes and so much stuff I couldn't even begin to describe it.

It was beautiful.

It was too much.

I sat down on the bed and looked around once more. If I was staying here I had to get used to this. This family worked like that and I had to welcome it, instead of rebelling. I had agreed.

A couple of hours after I tried settling in, I decided to walk outside and figure out what to do. I couldn't sit here, I felt useless. At least I could help with diner.

I opened the door and peeked outside. No one was in sight, so I decided it was safe to come out. I walked down the hall, admiring what I could see from this point. I had been here a couple of times before, but I was too immersed in my own self pity to notice anything but.

It really was a beautiful house from what I could see. I walked a little further down the hall. This house screamed warmth and calm. On the wall, were pictures hanging, giving it a _home_ feeling. All of them portrayed the Cullen children in various moments of their childhood. I stopped for a while and studied them. I could see Edward…in some picture he would have this odd pensive look in his eyes…and in the next he'd look as bright and happy as a kid should be.

Others were from the three of them. I could really tell they had grown up happy and loved.

The faint sound of laughter made me look up. I couldn't really see anything from here, so I kept on walking until I reached the living room. No one was there, so I decided to continue.

Finally, I spotted Esme in the enormous kitchen. She had her back to me and seemed to be stirring something, but no one was with her.

I heard some more laughter and then a couple of voices coming from the outside. I walked a few steps to get closer to the glass door leading to the back yard.

What I saw there…knocked the breath out of me.

Edward was sitting in some sort of patio furniture thingy. He looked relaxed and calmed. He was smiling. The sun was shining and reflecting on his hair making it seem even shinier than it already was.

But the thing what shocked me the most…Tanya was here. And she was sitting right next to Edward. Laughing and smiling, too. Touching him. Stroking his arm. Squeezing his shoulder.

Making him smile.

I stood there for a few seconds watching them, before Edward's eyes fell on me and he sobered up immediately. The smile was erased from his face as soon as he saw me standing there.

And that hurt even more than I cared to admit.

And then Tanya's eyes were on me, and she too, sobered up.

I knew they had both seen me, there was no point in making a run for it…but it didn't mean I wanted to make small talk with them. So I stepped outside the glass door and decided to just say hello.

"Bella…" Edward whispered. "How…"

"Hi, Isabella. How are you doing?" Tanya cut in.

"I'm fine." I said curtly snapping my head in her direction before turning back to Edward. "How are you? Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, today was good."

"Good, I'm glad."

There was an awkward pause before Tanya spoke again. "Edward here was telling me he offered to let you stay here for a while, at least until things get better." She said nudging Edward's shoulder with hers.

There was absolutely no malice in her tone, but I still felt offended by her remark. "Yeah, he's been kind enough to let me do that, but don't worry I won't stay here for long, in case you were wondering."

"Oh, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant Edward was telling me-"

"I know what you meant, you don't have to spell it out for me."

I was being more than rude, I knew it. But I couldn't make myself act differently. The only thing that was clear was that I didn't belong in this situation. It wasn't my place to be here and act like this.

"I think I'm gonna go." I said gesturing with my hand to make my point.

"You don't have to go, Isabella."

For a minute the thought of staying crossed my mind. But then I turned to see Tanya and her looked made me make up my mind. She wasn't actually looking at me, but at Edward. She didn't look like a bitch. She looked nice and really focused on the man next to her.

So with the little dignity I had left, I excused myself and went inside. "No. I'll go."

-o-

A couple of hours later, when things for me had cooled down, Esme came into my room and asked if they could see me in the main living room in half an hour, giving me plenty of time to get ready. We needed to talk, apparently.

I agreed immediately startled by her request. I was left wondering and a bit confused after she left. I mean…it sounded serious and formal, but I had no idea what 'they' wanted to talk about. Maybe I had to leave their house after all. I knew it. I never should have come here.

_Stop it, Bella._

Yeah, whatever.

I put on some of the sweats Alice had bought for me, got my hair into a messy ponytail and sat down on the bed. I had still fifteen minutes to kill. I didn't want to seem too eager to be out there, since she had said half an hour.

But in fifteen minutes my mind could do a lot. And not necessarily good.

I know I had acted less than great earlier, but…something came over me. I…got this feeling surging through me that made me act like that. I had no valid reason to treat Tanya like that…well, actually I had, but I wasn't ready to admit that.

I knew I was jealous, of course. I wasn't that dense. But other than that…I felt this sense of…dread…of lost…surrender…it wasn't that I felt threaten…I actually felt there wasn't even a fight to be fought. I felt like I had already lost the battle. I felt like I had lost Edward and there wasn't a point to try and fight.

Was there?

If I fought for…Edward…was there a point in making an effort, or had I already lost?

But more importantly…did I want to fight?

I think I did. But even about that I wasn't sure.

God, even how he said my name made me feel distant. I fucking knew I had demanded that from him…but since my big breakthrough…it felt off. I so wanted to ask him to call me Bella, but the timing since we left the hospital never seemed right.

I'm a mess. I know.

Maybe that's what they wanted to say. I was rude to Tanya and had no reason to. After all, she was a long friend of the Cullen family and I was…not. I'm sure in their eyes I was just some weird bitch who had married their son to make his life miserable and then dump him after six months.

Yeah, I was out of here for sure.

The fifteen minutes I had left passed by slowly and when the time finally came, I wasn't so sure why I even wanted to go out there in the first place.

I made my way to the living room and wasn't so surprised when I saw Edward, Carlisle and Esme sitting there. Nervous, yes. Surprised, not so much.

"Please, Bella, take a sit." The only available spot was right next to Edward. I walked to him and sat down slowly, glancing at him, waiting for him to hint some kind of answer. He met my gaze and shrugged lightly, giving me the impression he had no idea why we were here.

Right before the silence became awkward, Carlisle was the first one to speak. "They caught them, you know? James and Laurent…they're under custody."

Both Edward and I were silent. We weren't really that close on the couch, but I still felt and saw him tense. I really didn't know how or why Carlisle knew about them, so it shocked me to hear him talk about that subject.

"In case you were wondering…they have them both under custody. They were injured pretty badly and they were taken to another hospital. After they get well, they police might be able to interrogate them and get some answers."

"How…how did you know their names?" I asked.

"I heard you when you said his name to the police officer back in the hospital. As soon as I heard James' last name, I made the connection. I wasn't sure if I was right or not, but after looking into it, I realized my suspicions were confirmed."

"What do you mean? You know James?" Edward asked. He looked as confused as I did.

"Not him directly. His father, on the other hand, was another story."

"Um…what? I'm not sure I'm following." It was my turn to ask.

"Look, I'm going to try and explain this as best as I can. That's why we brought you two out here. We had no idea something like this could happen, but when I found out that name…I knew this had gotten out of hand."

I expected Carlisle to keep going, but it was Esme's turn.

"You see, honey." She said looking at me. "We all knew your parents. Your mother was one of my dearest friends."

I gasped and brought my hand to my lips. What?

"Yes. We knew each other before you or Edward were borne. And therefore…Elizabeth was also friends with Renee." She looked at Edward when she said this. I remembered that name. Elizabeth? Edward's mother? I turned to see Edward and saw his face looked as surprised as mine.

"My mom?"

"Yeah, sweetie." She nodded with a sad smile on her face. "We three were inseparable. And so was Charlie from Carlisle. You actually knew each other when you were just kids." She was back to me. "Anyway, years later, when Edward's mother passed away…and Edward was left with…with _that _man…Renee and I did what we could to get him out of that situation. I don't know if Edward filled you in…but…your mother and I…we both practically dragged Edward out of that house. We couldn't allow that to happen anymore."

"Renee Swan helped you?" Edward asked.

"She did." Tears filled Esme's eyes but she still continued. "Once you were out of that house and since I couldn't keep you here until I got the legal documentation in order…because that man would have found you, Edward…" Back to me. "Your mother, dear Bella, took my baby in her home." She murmured sobbing softly. "She kept him safe…"

"We were able to fully adopt Edward and take him away from his biological father but not without moving away from Forks." Carlisle stepped in when Esme couldn't go on. "Everything was under control. We didn't hear from that man in a long time, almost until Edward was a teenager." He paused and took a deep breath. "And until Edward's father ran into the car your mother was driving."

_God, no._

_Jesus._

I started crying uncontrollably. This wasn't real.

"Charlie blamed us at first. He said if Renee had never gotten involved, she'd still be alive."

_Christ._

"And maybe he was right, honey." Esme stepped in again. "You have no idea how sorry we were…"

"Stop." I said. Both Carlisle and Esme looked at me with fearful expressions in their faces. "It's not your fault." I cried. "Whatever happened…it's not." Esme rose from her seat and came to kneel in front of me. she took my hands in hers and began whispering soothing words.

In the back I could hear Edward and Carlisle speaking.

"Was it an accident? Or something else?"

"We'll never know. At that time, there were a lot of speculations. Some people even said there were survivors from that crash and that Charlie was so enraged, he ended your biological father."

"James said Charlie killed his father, too." I stepped in.

"I don't think Charlie was culpable of anything, Bella. I knew him…he was my best friend and I know he wasn't capable of something like that. The only thing I could think of…the police found James' father lurking around the scene of the accident. Charlie put him in jail…and that's where he died. I can only guess that's what James was talking about. So when I heard James' name when you talked to the police officer, I put the dots together."

"That's why he thinks Charlie killed his dad?"

"Probably."

"You two got caught up in a mess it wasn't yours to begin with." Esme whispered, taking Edward's hand in her free one. "And you can image our surprise when Edward ended marrying you."

Surprise, indeed.

"At first we didn't wanna say anything...because we had no idea what Charlie had told you about us or if he still blamed us for what happened to Renne...but we decided to come clean when we found out James had...when he took you two. We immediately knew it was all related."

-o-

A lot of the things James had said…were so twisted from what Carlisle and Esme told us. Which I considered to be the truth. I wasn't gonna let a scumbag like him taint the memory of my parents.

I had no idea what to say or even think. I couldn't believe how everything came to be. I had no idea Edward and I were that connected through our parents. And even more, how the hell did we know each other from before?

After my tears had finally subsided, I sat there quietly lost in my thoughts, until I felt a hand on top of mine. I didn't have to look up to know it was Edward. This feeling shit made me suddenly very perceptive to his presence.

"Hey…are you okay?"

I shrugged my shoulders still not looking up.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No…I…I'm fine…I just need to think…"

"You have to know…I had no idea…I…didn't know, Bella…I swear. Maybe I…I should have stayed out of it. If I had known…I am so sorry…you have no idea how sorry I am. I'm sorry I put you through this…maybe I would have spared you and Charlie all that pain…"

"Shhh, don't say that." I said finally looking up. I noticed we were alone in the living room. I must have been too distracted that I didn't notice Carlisle and Esme walking out the door. "You're the reason I'm still alive. You're the reason Charlie lived six months more."

"No…I don't believe that." he rasped. I looked into his eyes and my heart broke a little when I saw tears gathering there. "I'm the reason for all your heartache. I'm the reason you have this." He said ghosting his fingers over my arm "I'm the reason you're here right now…and that Charlie isn't."

"Stop. What could you have done? He was threatening you. You had to protect your family."

"By putting yours at risk?"

"Stop, Edward. He…he had already made up his mind about hurting Charlie…it was only a m-matter of t-time b-before he got to him." I choked on a sob and brought my arms around my waist. I couldn't fall apart. Not now.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He repeated over and over again. He scooted closer on the couch and hugged me to him, chanting those words repeatedly. He rocked my body back and forward slowly and I just…let the grieve take over me and sobbed shamelessly into Edward's shirt.

"I miss them. So much."

"I know you do, sweetheart. I know."

"I…I…I hurt him, Edward."

In that moment I realized…I had so much to forgive. I knew I was on my way to forgive Edward. I understood his reasons. He had to protect the only and real family he ever had and was cornered by some stupid asshole into doing the shit he did. I knew it. I understood it. I even sympathized with him. And I was in my way to forgiving everything that had happened. I really was.

I wanted to forget.

But the part I had trouble concealing…the part I couldn't move on from…I was still struggling with forgiving myself. The guilt I felt over leaving things with Charlie the way I did…after treating him the way I did…was still eating me alive. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, it was.

And after hearing all the things they went through…I felt even guiltier.

Edward's breathing brought me back a little into reality. He began stroking and kissing my hair. "He loved you, Bella. And as you said...in that letter…he understood. He knew…he knew about James…about me…he knew, baby. And he wasn't mad, or hurt. He knew."

His words only made me cry even harder. I clung to him. I grabbed and pulled and pushed against him, until I was spent and so tired I had no strength in me left to fight. To cry.

It felt like I had cried forever, but after I had calmed down enough I realized I was still in Edward's arms. And it didn't feel wrong. It felt right. I pulled back to look at his face and was met with nothing but concern, understanding and…something else I couldn't quite figure out.

The moment seemed to be filled with this weird energy surging from him to me and the other way around. I couldn't exactly be sure what it was…but by the look in his eyes, I thought he could be feeling it too.

And for some reason I could never understand…I slowly leaned in and pressed my lips softly to his.

* * *

**There.**

**See that one coming?**

**Let me know.**


	29. Friends

**Short chapter. Let's hope you like it.**

**Thank you so much for your amazing response, I absolutely love all of your comments. **

**Disclaimer. Mrs. Meyer owns it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 29. Friends.**

_The moment seemed to be filled with this weird energy surging from him to me and the other way around. I couldn't exactly be sure what it was…but by the look in his eyes, I thought he could be feeling it too._

_And for some reason I could never understand…I slowly leaned in and pressed my lips softly to his. _

The world stopped as soon as our lips met. It seemed the earth was no longer spinning and we were only held down and grounded by ourselves.

His lips were soft. And warm. And everything mine weren't.

I didn't feel that weird electricity everybody talked about and said coursed through their body when kissing someone they liked. I had never believed in those things and I wasn't going to start now. I considered myself to be realistic and somewhat cynical, so I knew without a doubt that after everything Edward and I had gone through and after all this time…there wasn't a chance sparks would make themselves known.

Instead, what I felt...were butterflies and elation and this wonderful tightening in my stomach all at once which surprised me and took my breath away. I hadn't felt like this in…well, ever if I really thought about it.

Maybe I was overreacting. After all it was just a kiss…but it felt right. I knew it.

Or maybe it was just me.

As it seemed to happen lately, my negative thoughts were the ones bringing me back to reality. I snapped myself out of my trance and began processing what was happening here. I think only a couple of seconds went by since I leaned in, but Edward froze in his spot. And he wasn't moving. His lips weren't moving. He was not responding to the kiss. At all.

_Shit._

_Fuck. Fuck._

He didn't want this. Of course he wouldn't. How could he? He wasn't interested anymore. That is, if he ever was. Maybe he had reconsidered all the things he said back then.

So with that in mind I removed myself from his lips and put some distance between us. I opened my eyes and slowly looked up at him. What I saw there made my heart drop. His eyes were wide opened and he had such a weird expression on his face that I couldn't even begin to figure out what it meant.

And it wasn't a good weird.

_Crap. _

I felt my cheeks flame up and embarrassment made an appearance. And still…he said absolutely nothing. And that made me even more concerned. God, what had I done?

"I…I'm s-sorry…I shouldn't h-have…" I whispered shaking my head from side to side. I felt so ashamed and humiliated I couldn't stand it. I didn't give him a chance to answer or anything else before I got up from the couch and ran down the hall towards my bedroom.

"Bella…wait, please." I heard him yell right before I stormed through my bedroom door and shut it close behind me. I leaned against it and dropped to the floor. I brought my knees up to my chest and started breathing deeply.

God, I'm so stupid.

How could I let myself do that? I should have thought about the consequences something like that would bring.

But I didn't. I just acted according to what I felt and wanted. How was I going to explain myself to him? For a minute my mind actually thought there was a point in fighting for him…I allowed my brain to think something could actually develop if I let myself feel.

But when he didn't respond…well, I felt rejected.

And above else…it was stupid of me to think he could still have feelings for me. There was no way. I mean, how could he?

I felt tears make their hateful presence.

A couple of minutes later there was a soft knock on my door followed by his soft voice speaking through it. "Bella…please open the door."

I didn't answer him. I couldn't.

"Please…just let me talk to you…I need to…please…I'm sorry." He sounded so sad and that made me cry even more. It hurt to even think I had put that tone on his voice. It hurt to think I had made him like that.

"Please." He whispered once more.

I wiped my cheeks, stood up from the floor and opened the door. He was sitting in his wheel chair and he…looked Sad. Exhausted. Tired.

He wheeled his chair all by himself?

I walked out and moved is chair from the hall into my bedroom. I stopped right beside my bed and sat down facing the closet.

"I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to apologize, Edward. It was my fault. I was just emotional." I lied looking straight ahead. "Remembering Charlie and everything your parents said made me react like that and–"

"Stop, Bella. Don't say that."

"It's true. I'm sorry. I just reacted badly to those news and acted stupidly. Be sure it will never happen again."

"Why are you doing this?" he snapped.

I tried not to flinch hearing his harsh tone. "I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you fucking do. Don't do this, Bella. Don't push me away."

"I'm not pushing you away, I-"

"Yes you are...,look what happened back there-"

"Look Edward, can we just drop it?" I said harshly. "I already said it won't happen again. I'm sorry. It never should have happened." I said with a tone of finality and got up from the bed. When I was about to leave the room into the hall, I heard him whisper.

"Please. I'll drop it. I'm sorry, just don't shut me down. We were making so good. We…right now…after everything we learned…we need each other…I…I need you…" he finished those words barely audible.

My heart broke a little hearing those words come from his lips. But even still, I kept quiet. How…? What was I supposed to say? I turned to face him and before I had a chance to even think about something to say, he tried getting up from the chair wincing in pain and clutching his side with his free hand.

I knew I was being a bitch. I knew I was treating him less than nicely and perhaps being a little over dramatic. And I had to stop. After all it wasn't his fault. I had been the one who kissed him. Not him. Actually, the fact that it was him who didn't return the kiss was the reason I was acting so defensively. But again, it wasn't his fault.

"Stop. Don't get up." I said taking a deep breath. I moved from my spot, and went to pull his chair a little closer to me and faced him as he wanted.

"Please, don't push me away. I…I felt so-"

"Okay." I said softly. "I won't push you away."

"I just…can we…can we at least be friends?" He said desperately. And I hated it. "I know we are far from being in a place where we can…well, have some sort of peace, but we have to start somewhere…do you think we can do that?"

_Friends?_

_No._

I may not be sure what I want, but friends wasn't it.

"Sure. Friends sound good."

"Good." He gave me a small smile.

"Good. And I _am_ sorry. I was out of line."

"You weren't out of line. You were…perfect." He whispered gazing at me. I knew he wanted to say more, but I stopped him.

"Do you think we can talk about what your parents told us? I have so many questions."

He sighed and nodded. "Ask me anything."

So I asked. And he answered as much as he could.

What amazed me the most was that we knew each other when we were barely kids. There was just no way I could possibly remember any of it –I was too young- but I wanted to know if he did.

"I don't remember much. I remember being dragged away from my room in my dad's old house. I know it was Esme and someone else who took me to the hospital…but I always assumed it was a friend of Esme. I never knew it was your mom. And I don't remember meeting you…"

"And Charlie? Is that how you knew him?"

"No, I don't remember meeting Charlie back then either. I only met him until James brought me into this."

"How did he…how did he contact you?"

"James?"

I nodded.

"Weird things were happening around my house…my mom received calls almost every day from various unknown numbers…Rosalie got a couple of funeral wreaths and so on…until one day he made contact with me. He showed up at my work place and _explained_ everything I had to do."

"He said you denied?"

"I did, but when the threats started getting worse…I…I had…" he choked up on his words and closed his eyes. "He even showed up at my house when my mom was all alone. He didn't do anything, but it was enough to send his message."

"And Alice's attack, right?"

"Yeah, but that was when everything had already started…"

"Can you…can you tell me what happened to her?"

"She doesn't remember much, but apparently _someone_ followed her when she was leaving the grocery store. He reached up to her in her car and dragged her somewhere out of sight and beat her up. Someone found her and called the police. She had bruises all over her face and broke arm."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah. The fact that I was looking into…Charlie's death…well, it pissed him off."

"You knew it wasn't an accident?"

"I had my suspicions, but I wasn't entirely sure."

"He said he wanted you to hurt me." I said changing the subject.

Maybe he knew what I was doing because he didn't press on. "He wanted me to kill you Bella."

_Christ._

"But somehow I managed to talk him into finding another way…and…well, you know the rest. That's how we got married."

We were both silent for a while.

I was too busy trying to process everything until he spoke again. "Can you tell me what happened when…" he trailed off, not being able to finish his sentence. I didn't need him to. I knew what he was talking about.

"That day…I left your house for a while…and when I came back…the door was open and at first I thought you were back, but something felt off, but I still got in. I should have known better. I heard him call my name and then he hit my head with something."

"Laurent?"

"Yes. When I woke up I was on the floor in the living room. He started yelling and kicking me. He tried to hold me down and hit my face even more, but I managed to get free from his grasp."

"I'm so sorry, Bella." he said angrily. "I'm sorry for not being there."

"It wasn't your fault Edward. Don't blame yourself."

"There was blood everywhere."

"I know. It wasn't mine though. It was his."

He frowned as if he didn't understand. "His blood?"

"Yeah. I fought back, Edward. In that moment I conjured all the moves Charlie had taught me in my life and put them to use. I don't know if I did any damage or not, but I tried."

"You fought him?" he said amazed.

"Well, he had already beaten me up…it was the least I could do."

He stared at me for a few moments before he smiled and whispered. "Thank God for Charlie."

I smiled. "Yeah…thank God."

After a couple of questions later about our health, I wheeled Edward to his room and let him rest. It had been a long day for both of us and we were exhausted.

I came back to my room and tried to get some sleep. But it seemed impossible. I was left alone with my thoughts and the internal war began.

Even though a few hour ago, I had come to the realization that I had to forgive Edward and that somehow I was on my way to do it…there was also a part of me really wanted to hate him. It wanted to hold on to all those words, all those insults and awful feelings he once evoked in me. That part of me wanted to remember every single day and every little thing that happened and it wanted to be mad for it. All the time. That was the part that stopped me from going any further with him or that stopped me from acknowledging, even to myself, any real or strong feelings I might have for him, other than just a slight crush or any affection I may have created in my mind in these last few months.

But then…there was this part…the part that longed…that felt, that wanted to move on. That wanted to not be stuck in this rut of misery. The part that knew there was no way Edward could have acted differently. There was no way he could have stopped everything James wanted from him…because I would have done the same thing to save my family.

And I was starting to realize this part was even bigger than the other one.

-o-

I did manage to fall asleep for a few hours. When I woke up I wandered around the house, only founding Esme in her office.

"Hi, honey." She said looking up from her papers on her desk. "Did you sleep alright?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat really quickly."

"I'm fine…is Edward around?"

"He's not here, honey. He left to the police station. He said he was feeling slightly better and wanted to get this over with."

Oh.

I had no idea he wanted to do that. "Did anyone go with him?"

"Yeah, Carlisle wanted to drive him, but Tanya came back and offered to do it herself."

_What?_

"Tanya?"

"Yes."

_Great._

"Is everything alright, honey?"

"Yes. I just…" I sighed. "What are you doing over there?" I said motioning to her desk.

She showed me some of her work and after chatting with her for a while, I went into the living room and stayed there practically pacing back and forward waiting for them to come back. It felt like an eternity before they returned. And they did…forty six minutes later. As soon as I saw Tanya's car park in the driveway, I skipped to my room and let the door half closed so I could hear them come in.

It took them a couple of minutes before they reached Edward's room. I waited a few seconds and then went outside and stood in the hallway a few feet away from his door. I knew he was with her. I could hear her voice. I smelled her perfume. And I was standing outside in the hallway like some creepy stalker just waiting for my chance to get a glimpse in what they were doing or saying.

_Nice, Bella._

They started talking about the statement as far as I could tell. A few laughs here and there. Some questions and some answers. But suddenly their conversation turned…and so did their tones. They became softer. Quieter.

I didn't hear clearly what they were saying, but what I did hear was enough to make color leave my face.

"I like you, Edward. A lot. I have for a while now. And if you let me I will be here for you…for as long as you want me. If you give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me, I promise you won't regret it, I know you won't."

There was silence for a few seconds before she continued. "I do have feelings for you. and I want to show you how much I care about you. Would you let me?

As much as I wanted, I couldn't hear what his answer would be. I ran back to my room, shut the door and sat down on the edge of the bed.

I was sick of not knowing what to want. I was sick of always expecting things to get solved on their own. I was sick of it.

The only thing I did know…I had to make a decision. Soon.

* * *

**As you can tell, Bella is a mess in here. She's contradicting herself and that only makes her even more confused, but as I said, give her time. She needs to deal with this.**

**Join me in the forum. I'll leave you some goodies.**

**Till next time.**

**Love, Xim.**


	30. Just Be

**Disclaimer. I own absolutely nothing.**

**Hello children. Is anyone still out there?**

**I am so sorry for the delay. **

**Let's get on with it, okay?**

* * *

**Chapter 30. Just Be.**

There are moments in everyone's life that are impossible to forget and you will never be able to do so. Moments so clear and life changing that will be with you throughout your whole life and so etched in your memory that not a detail goes by unnoticed. Moments that alter you so deep that you probably will never be the same again.

Those moments are simply the ones that define you as a person, as an individual. Simply as a human being.

This moment right here is one of them.

I was currently sitting between my parents' graves not looking at them directly but fiddling with the soft grass beneath me.

A whole week had gone by since the kiss incident and not a word was said after we had sat down and talked. Ever since then, I spent my days trying to…regroup. To decide. To get my shit together. I tried sorting out my thoughts and come up with a solution I could live with.

I think I was getting there.

I knew the change wasn't happening in a week but I knew it was a start.

In the process I had convinced myself I'd do it on my own. Somehow I had managed to extract myself from the situation I was living under and I kind of ended up avoiding Edward. I kept trying to tell myself it was for the best and the more space I got, the faster it would be for me to figure my life out.

But deep down I knew I was doing it on purpose. As much as I could anyway, considering we were living under the same roof.

He tried engaging in small talk every once in a while, asking random questions. Offering me breakfast and invited me to join the family when they all got together on movie night.

But even if I tried, there were still so many issues to deal with in my head that kept me from truly being myself…my true self. So I tried to keep my distance.

It was hard though.

They tried to include me. To make me a part of their family.

And in some way or form, I knew I wanted to. I wanted to fit in, to be a part of a whole. A part of them.

I had finally accepted the fact that the one with the problem was me, not everyone else. I wasn't happy and I couldn't blame anyone but me.

So after a lot of thinking and taking the opportunity when I found out that Edward was scheduled for an appointment to check his progress and determine the course of treatment he would be leading, and only Alice and I remained there, I asked the only thing that was plaguing my mind for the last few days and wouldn't let me be.

"Could you take me, Alice?" I whispered. "I really want to go."

She stared at me for a few minutes before smiling softly. "Of course."

So after a few hours we ended up in Forks and that was how I found myself kneeling between my parents' graves. I hadn't been to the graveyard since Charlie passed and I found it to be the hardest thing to do.

I finally managed to look up from the grass and stared at the gravestones looking back and forward from one to another.

I was silently begging for help. I begged them to let me see the light. To guide me and give the answers I needed.

I cried.

I whispered words of love to my parents.

I mourned their absence.

And I let go.

It was hard for me to actually pinpoint where I had taken this road. I couldn't remember the exact time when I became this confused and indecisive individual.

I was always determined and driven. Nothing could stop me and stir me from my path.

And then…I just wasn't.

But looking at what was left of my parents and remembering the life they had led and everything they once tried to teach me…I suddenly had my answer.

I needed to get rid of old habits.

After some consideration, I knew it came down to two basic options.

I could leave. I could leave and never look back. I could disappear from this life, from the Cullens and never see them again. Never see Edward again.

But just the thought of considering that option made my heart clench painfully.

And then…the other option and the one my mind was struggling with the most. I could stay. I could fight. I could take Edward away from Tanya. I could let Edward into my mind and heart. After all, he once said he had feelings for me, right?

Could I hope that those feelings still lingered there?

And even if they did…was I ready to accept them?

-o-

That day after returning from Forks…I felt a little bit better.

Actually, a lot better.

I felt lighter.

I think I actually smiled.

Everyone was gathered in the house. I could see the guys cooking something in the grill on the backyard, while the girls were in the kitchen making themselves busy.

I tried to open my eyes and mind and took a look around me. I tried to take everything in. Everything I had overlooked before.

And as I did I absorbed everything I had overlooked before.

I never noticed the huge love Esme and Carlisle had for their children. The way they would leave everything aside just for the sake of taking care of them. I never noticed the love they had for each other. Every time I saw them together I had to look away. There was something about them interacting that made my heart ache.

I never noticed how much Emmet and Rosalie struggled and were still struggling to conceive, as Alice had said. I always thought Rosalie had everything in life. She was beautiful, amazing, she cooked, she was successful in her job, she had a great husband who loved her to death and had a family that would do anything for her. But I also found out that if there was something Rosalie wanted in her life was a baby. And that was also the part she couldn't have.

Alice was crazy and energetic and got on your nerves most of the time, but she was also compassionate, dedicated and extremely sensitive. And totally in love with Jasper.

And then there was Edward.

For as much as I tried avoiding him, I also had a lot of time to observe him. To find out things I never knew were part of him. I was discovering this new being I had no idea existed. I had spent time around him but not like this. Not when he was in his element and he was comfortable in it.

Not when he was happy.

He may not be Esme child, but the resemblance between them was amazing. Apart from the physical aspect, they acted and spoke basically the same way. Every time I watched the two of them together my face broke into a smile.

The more I knew…the more I wanted to find out. And the more amazed I became.

Maybe he had forgiven me too. Maybe everything was in the past.

"Hey, are you okay honey?" Esme asked breaking me from my thoughts. "You've been standing here for a while."

I smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Can I help with you anything?" She smiled back at me and ushered me inside the room.

After all the food was ready, we moved to the back yard and set the table to eat.

Everyone sat around the wooden table set up next to the pool. It was nice seeing everyone gathered and just…being. They all made conversation flow easily and even managed to get a few giggles out of me. Which was saying much these days.

Every now and then my eyes would wander over to Edward and I'd catch him looking at me with what I could only describe as…surprise, maybe? I couldn't really tell if he knew something was different inside me, but I was determined to show it.

And the fact that Tanya wasn't here today, helped a lot. Actually, it was a huge relief.

Her presence in this house was becoming ridiculous. The few times I allowed myself to engage with the whole family, Tanya suddenly made her presence known and was always there to remind me Edward wasn't alone. I knew I couldn't fully speak to him or even look at him when I knew Tanya was lurking behind the scenes. I hadn't talked to her anymore since the day I heard them talking, but I had a feeling something was going on between them. I had no idea if Edward had responded in a positive way to her words, because if he did, he didn't let anything on.

But right now…she was nowhere near sight.

I was taking advantage of that.

If I was doing this I had to do it right. If I was forgiving and letting the past go…I had to do it completely. There would be no time to second thoughts or doubts.

No regrets. No yelling. No holding grudges.

No hard feelings. Anything at all.

And for once I was gonna stop thinking and act on impulse. Act according to what my heart wanted. I only prayed it wasn't too late.

-o-

A couple of hours into the night and after cleaning everything up, everyone said their goodbyes and left the house. Carlisle and Esme subtly excused themselves when it was just the four of us and left Edward and I alone in the backyard.

In a very awkward silence, I might add. Or maybe that was just me.

We were sitting across from each other and even though I was looking down at my hands laying on my lap, I could still feel his eyes on me. I was just trying to think of a way to organize this.

"Are you…um…are you tired?" he said making me look up. He was pulling at the hair on the nape of his neck and he looked exactly like I feel.

Uncomfortable.

I didn't like it.

"No. Well, not so much."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

We stood awkwardly stealing glances to each other every now and then.

"Okay, so…um…we should go to bed." He mumbled as he stood up. He walked slowly and passed by me as if waiting for me to follow.

But I wasn't following. I took a deep breath, stood up and steeled myself.

"Wait…can we…talk?" I asked uncertainly. Suddenly all the courage and strength I had been mustering throughout the day…just disappeared.

"Yeah, sure." he said just as he turned back around. He looked as confused as I was feeling and went to sit down back at the table.

"I…I have been thinking lately…about everything that's happened…and there's some things I would like to discuss with you…"

"Um…okay."

"I had been examining things and…I've come to realize that a lot of the things that happened…well, I was responsible for a lot of them."

"You know that doesn't…"

"It does, Edward." I said cutting him off.

"A lot of this is on me."

"You were the one delivering the sentence, not the one dictating it."

"It doesn't matter, Bella. I did what I did and you have no idea how sorry I am. I feel so…so guilty."

I knew he did. I felt it too. But we couldn't move on if we kept doing this and acting this way. It had to stop now.

"Dammit Edward, stop it. Just stop." I snapped making him go silent. "We can't keep doing this anymore. Haven't we both been through enough?" I took a deep breath and tried to control my hammering heart. "I mean…haven't we both…suffered so much? It just seems absurd for us to keep adding to it."

I walked around the table and sat down next to him. Surprise was written all over his face and I guessed it wasn't only because I took his hand in mine and brought it to rest on my lap, but due to the fact that this time it was me putting an end to his self guilt instead of spurring it on. I was putting a stop to this madness right now.

I guessed he never saw the conversation taking this road.

"I forgive you." I whispered slowly looking down at our joined hands. "I really do. I want to forget everything that happened. I wanna be and get better…I wanna start over…the question here is…can _you_ forgive me? Can _you_ forget everything and just...try along with me?"

He kept on being silent just looking down at our hands. He was giving me a heart attack here.

"Of course I forgive you." I smiled a little when I heard his words. "Of course I want to forget to. I want to move on."

"Good. No more pain. No more arguments…and no more sulking around, okay?"

He chuckled lightly and nodded his head.

"So…do you think you could try along with me?" I asked again.

"What are you saying, Bella?" he whispered, brining his eyes to mine.

"I'm saying that…that…" Fuck this was so hard. "I wanna know if you still…" I trailed off not having the courage to say anything else.

I dropped his hand and stood up from the table. I began pacing back and forward across the lawn, not knowing for sure what I was saying.

Or what I was asking.

He seemed to notice my predicament and also stood up slowly. He walked a few steps and came to stand a couple of feet away from me, making me stop in my spot.

"What are you saying, Bella? You have to be clear here."

"If you still…" I trailed off not having the courage to continue. Again.

"If I still, what? Tell me. If I still, what?"

He came closer and stood so close to me. Only a few inches were separating us now.

"If you still have…if you still feel…" I trailed off again, entranced in his proximity. I was breathing heavily. The air seemed thicker all of the sudden. That energy that sometimes made itself present was definitely here now.

"Yes." He whispered barely audible. He answered my unspoken question. And then nothing else mattered but that word. Nothing had ever mattered as much as that word did at that time.

Because with that word he answered so much more than I was actually asking, so much more than I was actually thinking. He put a rest to my doubts. He made me think we could actually forget about the past and move on.

That maybe, just maybe…we could just…be.

I didn't wait for any more words to pass between us, I just leaned in and crashed my lips to him.

Once again.

-o-

"This is so new to me, you know?"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"What do you mean?"

"I have never been…" I suddenly forgot what I was supposed to be saying when he began stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.

We were sitting on the couch on the living room facing each other. He was now the one holding my hand in his. After I practically threw myself at him, I backed away immediately amazed once again by my stupidity. But this time, it was different. This time he didn't let me walk away and only pulled me closer to him.

And to his lips.

This kiss was so different from the last one.

This wasn't shy or awkward. It was filled with hope and something more…maybe promise?

And when I began shivering, he thought it was because of the cold, so he suggested we should move this inside.

I wasn't cold, but I still agreed.

"Well…this is new to me too…different, actually."

"Different? Good different?"

"Absolutely."

"Good." I smiled.

"Good." He smiled too, bringing my hand up to his lips and kissed it softly a couple of times. "We…we have a lot to talk about…you know that, right?"

I looked down to our joined hands, trying to process his words. Of course I knew it. There were so many unsolved issues to deal with. The thing was…I didn't want to. Not anymore. Maybe before…but now? I just wanted to stay here. Like this.

I just wanted to feel.

Even if I didn't know what I was feeling.

"Hey…where did you go?" he whispered.

I looked up to his green eyes and smiled softly. "I know we do need to talk, but…right now…could we just…?"

"Be?"

My smile grew wider when I heard his words. I nodded and laid my head back on the couch.

Right here I realized…I had changed so much. For better or worse, I had. And in the process I think I have also grown…matured.

I still had a long way to go, of course… but I do believe I will be pleased with the outcome.

* * *

**There. Better? **

**A while ago I said things would move slowly. Very slowly. Well, this is moving on. The light will come out now. **

**I know you probably hate me for taking so long with the updates. Again, I'm sorry. I really do try my best. I promise I'll make it up to you.**

**Leave me some love.**


	31. More

**Disclaimer. I own nothing.**

**Thank you so much for all your reviews and alerts. I'm really thankful for all your support.**

**Read on.**

**Chapter 31. More.**

* * *

Waking up alone was something I had grown accustomed to. Actually I had never really slept with someone on the same bed before.

So for me to wake up next to a warm body was…different. Good different.

I smiled as I remembered those exact words coming out of Edward's lips last night. Of course, the fact that I woke up to no anguish or anxiousness at all…was the best feeling in the world.

I angled my body towards him so we were face to face.

It was a surprise to have him here. Last night after a couple of hours of just sitting there and when the events of the day became too much and caught up with both of us, he somehow let me know he wasn't ready to let me go yet. So I just stood up from the couch and pulled him toward my bedroom without saying another word.

I didn't dare to think about what I was doing. I wasn't stupid enough to think everything would magically resolve itself. But for now, it was a start.

I brought my hand up and softly started stroking his cheek. He really was beautiful. Of course he was handsome in every way –I would be a fool not to see that- but he had something that made him…just beautiful. I ran my fingers through his hair next, massaging his scalp lightly. Trying not to wake him up…but at the same time trying to do that just the same.

His hair is soft and sweet and the contrast between his long strands and my fingers is mesmerizing. And then a low hum erupted from his chest causing vibrations to travel down my hand that laid casually wedged between us.

A few seconds later his eyes opened slowly and his emerald gaze met mine.

Cue the butterflies in my stomach.

"Hey." He said groggily, his voice filled with sleep.

"Hey." I smiled. "Morning."

"Morning." He smiles back. "How did you sleep?"

Amazing. "Good. You?"

"Good." He repeated.

Silence enveloped the room. It wasn't awkward but for some reason I wasn't settling for it, so I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. "You snore, you know?"

The laughter that now filled the room was even more amazing that I could have ever imagined. I could already feel his walls coming down and I felt ecstatic about that fact. Maybe it was stupid and girly and whatever, but it warmed my insides and made everything twist and turn in a weird way.

It made me smile.

"I do not snore. As a matter of fact, the only one snoring in the room…no scratch that, the only one snoring in the entire house…is you my lovely."

Warm again.

I was suddenly feeling really playful. Something that hadn't been there in a while. I sat up in the bed and looked at him straight in the eye. "Hey, you were the one who was practically begging me to come here last night, not me. And if I did snore as much as you said, you could've just left, you know."

"Begging?" he gasped in mocked horror. Which in turn made me laugh. "I did not do such a thing. Actually if my memory doesn't fail me, you were the one that practically dragged me in here. I was just a poor soul following its fate."

"Really? A poor soul? You couldn't wipe that freaking smile off."

"Well…I…it's just…I was…" at a loss for words, it seemed.

"See? You have nothing on me, baby. I win." I could do this all day. Now I could. I was preparing for his next remark when his eyes went from playful to mischief and the next thing I knew he took my arm and pulled it back, making me fall against the bed next to him.

I gasped in surprise and a giggle escaped me…which was cut off when I saw his expression…and when I felt his warm body pressed against mine.

There was something about his eyes and the way they were looking at me that made me feel…self-conscious…and a little bit excited as well. His gaze made the butterflies appear again.

"I'm really glad you let me stay last night."

"I'm really glad you stayed last night." His features softened and he smiled widely.

Warm again. "How 'bout breakfast?" I suggested.

"Breakfast sounds great."

-o-

After we both got showered and dressed –in separate bedrooms, of course- we met up in the kitchen and we bickered for a while about what to cook. He wanted scrambled eggs and I wanted pancakes.

After a few minutes we were preparing the pancake mix. I was smiling widely and a little smug, I might add. He was pretending –very poorly- to be annoyed with me…but I could still see him trying to fight the smile that was threatening to come out. I still thought he let me win and was only spurring me to argue to see if he got a rise out of me.

Well…I wasn't complaining.

This was a side of him that was totally new to me and I had to admit I was…loving it.

Specially today his demeanor was even more carefree and relaxed than last night when we became…whatever we are. Right now I couldn't really describe what we were at all. I knew there was _something _there. I just didn't know what it was. We weren't friends, I knew that now. Friends don't share a kiss like we did last night…which only served to remind me that we hadn't done it again. And that was upsetting me somehow.

So I decided to fix it. I dropped the spoon on the counter, stood on my tiptoes and gave him a small peck on his lips.

To say he was shocked would be an understatement. "What was that for?"

"No reason." I shrugged.

He stepped closer and put his arms around me, pressing a couple of light as feather kisses on my temple before pressing one to my lips. He then brought my forearm up, turned it so my palm was up and softly kissed the scar there.

"I hate that you have this." He said suddenly.

"You do?"

"Yes."

"I don't."

"You don't?" he asked surprised and a little bit confused. "Why?"

"Don't get me wrong." I clarified. "I hate the person who did this…but not the scare itself. It kind of reminds me…it reminds me of everything we went through. It's a symbol of everything I was and everything I am now. It reminds me of how we got here."

_It reminds me of how I got to lo…_

I stopped that train of thought immediately. It was way too soon to be thinking about _that_ right now. Sleeping in the same bed for one night I could deal with…the rest? Not there yet.

He must have sensed my anxiety and maybe my panic, because he frowned and whispered "Hey…what is it?"

"Um…it's nothing. I just…"

Fortunately I didn't have to explain my mood swing any further because we were interrupted when we heard someone call out for us.

"We're over here, Alice." He dropped my arm and stepped back, answering his sister as he gave me a glance that said he wouldn't forget his question.

Alice came into the room practically jumping up and down with joy. "Oh my God, you guys. Hi. Come into the living room. I have the greatest news you could ever imagine." And as fast as she said the words, she was out of the room.

I looked over at Edward who just shook his head and shrugged. "That's Alice. Come on, let's go."

We joined Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme in the living room. Edward and I sat next to each other earning a couple of weird glances in our direction. I'm sure everyone wondered what that was about, given that we hadn't even so much as crossed a few pleasantries on the days prior, let alone sat next to each other. So I figured we had some explanations to do in the near future…but until we couldn't figure out what we wanted and what we were…that would have to wait.

I couldn't say I was looking forward to having that conversation.

But apparently if anyone thought twice about our behavior didn't mention it. Specially Alice who was currently jumping up and down next to Jasper.

"What's going on, Alice?" Edward asked impatiently. "You look like you're on crack."

Alice smiled sweetly at him before answering. "You my dear brother…can go kiss my sweet toned ass. Nothing you say will ruin this for me."

That made Edward chuckle.

"Children, please behave." Esme said firmly, making Edward laugh even harder, which in return earned him an elbow to his ribs. My elbow.

"Behave." I whispered. He turned to look at me and gave me the biggest smile he could come up before nodding, causing everything in me to get warmer and warmer. I think he knew exactly what his smile caused in me and he still used it.

"Okay, enough with the gooey eyes." Alice brought us back to present. "We have the best news ever."

"_Ever_." Edward mocked.

"Shh." That was me.

"We're getting married." Alice said suddenly, squealing and standing up from the couch bringing Jasper along with her. Everyone expressed their happiness over the news. I think I even saw Esme cry a little. Both Alice and Jasper were embraced by everyone in the room.

And when it was finally my turn to hug her, there was only one thing she had to say. "You are so telling me what's going on here later."

Shit.

* * *

**Two weeks later.**

"What about this one?" I held up the least extravagant dress I could manage to find. But after seeing Alice's glare, I knew that was a bad choice.

"Seriously?" She said as if I was stupid. "You are so not wearing that, thank you very much."

"Alice." I whined. This was getting ridiculous. We had been in this store for over an hour and we still hadn't found anything she liked. Actually, I hadn't found anything she liked.

"Don't start, Bella. I am not letting you wear that hideous thing, especially not on my wedding day."

"Fine." I huffed and moved on to the next thing.

"So…" She said not meeting my yes, pretending to study really hard at a dress. She tried to sound casual but she was failing miserably. "If I recall well…when we announced the engagement we talked about _you_ telling _me_ what the hell is going on between you and my brother."

"I really don't remember us talking, you know. I only remember all the hugging and a few shed tears."

"Don't play dumb with me. You know what I'm talking about."

"I seriously have no idea." I deadpanned.

"Bella."

I sighed. I had spent enough time with Alice to know nothing would stop her and that she wouldn't give up. "I've been thinking about Edward lately…a lot."

"Well I should hope so. I would worry if you thought about someone else."

I stayed silent.

Shit.

I realized at that moment that our whole situation didn't make much sense to her. After all she was his sister. The sister I wasn't so sure how she felt about me after everything that had happened. The sister that probably wondered what the hell had made us get a divorce and then started acting like teenagers who were only beginning to date.

Great.

"Bella, don't sweat it. I'm only kidding. Relax."

I let put a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Seriously, you should have seen your face."

"Not funny, Alice."

"Yes, it was. But you were saying you have been thinking a lot about my brother?"

To put it mildly. But really, this was getting ridiculous. Everything was stirring up inside me like…like I had been put under some sort of goddamned spell. I still wasn't able to revisit the thought that enter my mind a while ago…about my feelings and shit…but I knew it was in the back of my head.

I just wasn't ready to explore that. Too much was still so unresolved.

"Yes, I have…I'm just…confused…" I trailed off not knowing what else to say given the situation. What could I say? I think I'm starting to develop feelings for my ex husband? Don't think so.

"Look, Bella…you two were married. Now you're not. I don't know what happened between you too and when you're willing to tell me, I will gladly listen. I only know that you both have changed lately. You seemed more at ease. You seemed happier. Just take your time and think things through. It's understandable if sometimes we have no idea where we are headed, or even what we'll do next." She said as she kept on browsing through the store.

I frowned. For some reason her last comment didn't make me happy at all. I mean, I knew what she was saying was entirely well intended and it wasn't so much that I thought she was wrong. The opposite, she was absolutely right.

What she had just said…didn't sit well with me.

Now that I knew what I could have…I wanted more. I kind of wanted it all. Now that I knew what it could be like…it hurt to think to go back to what we had.

It hurt to even stay like this.

So when we arrived at the house I practically dragged Edward to my room.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned.

"Yes, I…I just started thinking about…"

"About?"

"About…us." There, I said it.

"Oh."

His face suddenly was drained of all color. So I rushed to calm his anxiousness. "It's nothing bad, I promise."

He let out a breath in relief. "Are you sure? 'Cause you're kind of scaring me. What is it?"

"Um…I wanted to…know…" Spill it Bella. "What are we?" I said in a small voice looking down at my lap.

"Hey." He whispered bringing my chin up with his hand. "We are whatever you want us to be. _I_ want to be whatever you want me to be."

"Oh."

"I want everything with you, Bella. I don't know if you're ready to accept or even hear what I have to offer…but believe me when I say that I will wait for you…and I will give you everything I have."

Happy with his answer I pulled him toward me and kissed him hesitantly. I still wasn't sure what I was doing or how we were moving along, but he soon put my doubts to rest when he brought his hand up to my face to cup my cheeks.

The kiss seemed to last to little for my taste. It left be breathless. Panting. Wanting more. When he was done kissing me, he skimmed his nose from my cheek to my jaw. Back and forward. Slowly.

Driving me crazy.

Making me nervous.

Making me love it.

Making me lose my mind.

-o-

After the not so long make out session –which I think you couldn't even call it that- we were laying down on my bed just…talking. Smiling. Breathing.

I knew this wasn't the time to bring this up, but it had been on my mind lately. And I kind of wanted to know how he felt about this. "So, um…I'm…I've been thinking about going back to Forks." I said uncertainly.

"What? Why? Aren't you happy here?" he asked confused.

"It's not that Edward. Of course I'm happy here." I admitted. "It's just that I can't keep living off of your parents…I've already caused too much hassle in your lives."

"You know my parents are glad to have you here…to have us both here."

"I know…but if we want to move forward…I think this need to be done."

"No."

"Edward…"

"No, Bella. I just want you to be safe…is that so hard to understand?"

I stayed silent.

"Do you think I liked seeing you in that bed, Bella? Do you think I liked seeing you bleed? Or seeing this every day?" he grabbed my hand and brought it up to make his point. "I don't want you going back to the place where he took you…at least not alone."

"I know you don't sweetie." I rushed to calm him down. "But Edward…I can't live here forever. I can't stay hidden like a coward and not see daylight again."

"Alright then…I understand."

Wow. "You do?" I asked surprised by his sudden change in tone and admission…and actually not knowing how I felt about it.

"Yes."

"Oh. So…I'm going back to Forks." I stated.

"No."

What?

"I'm buying you a house."

**One week later.**

"Can I help you dear?" The elderly woman asked as I walked through the hospital doors. I looked at her and debated for the tenth time today whether this was a good idea or not.

Edward said it was something I had to do and that he completely understood. And I believe him. I just wasn't sure what I would do with the information I would get.

"Um…yeah, I…I…I'm looking for someone." I said nervously. "His name is Garret Hudson. I…I'm not sure if he was even a patient here…about a month ago or something like that. I really hope so, because this is the only option I have left. I've been looking everywhere else and I left this place as a last option, when in reality it should have been my first, but I couldn't really…" I trailed off when I realized I was rambling and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry. Let me see what I can find here." She started typing something into her computer, frowned, typed some more and then turned her eyes back to me.

"He was a patient here, but he was released over a month and a half ago."

"Oh." Good God. At least I knew he was alive. "Do you know if he's okay? Or is he left an address or a phone number when he left?"

"I'm sorry Miss, but we can't give that kind of information. Not unless you're strictly related to the patient."

Of course she couldn't. But I still needed to know. I'd already been to his place and he wasn't there. I didn't even know if he _had_ been there. But now at least I knew he was alive.

She must have seen the look on my face because she looked at me for a moment before speaking again. "Wait…you…you're Isabella, right? The Chief's daughter?"

"Um…yes I am." I said confused.

"Oh, dear." She whispered. "Come on in the back. I think I can make an exception."

Fifteen minutes later and apparently thank to Charlie, she gave me all of the information I needed. It seemed everybody in Forks had heard what happened when Garret was found outside my house. And the fact that the Chief's daughter was involved in something like that event had the whole town running wild.

"He kept asking about you once he woke up. That's how we knew you were gone, honey."

When she was done telling me all she knew, I walked out of the small hospital and got in the car waiting for me right outside.

"So, what did they say?" Edward asked just as I buckled my seat belt.

"Well, he _was_ admitted. He spent about two weeks in here and then he was released."

"That's good, right? I mean, you had no idea if was alive or not."

"Yeah, I guess. I…I just don't understand why he hasn't contacted me. I mean…"

"Don't beat yourself up about this, baby." He turned in his seat and gently pulled my hand to his lap. "Bad news travel fast. If something else had happened to him, I'm sure you would have known about it."

"I'm not so sure about it." I shrugged. "I just hate having to think he went through this alone."

"Bella." he sighed. "You were dealing with your own issues. You had to take care of yourself, too."

"But Edward, think about it. In some way or other, even when we couldn't see past our issues…we had each other and your family for support. We didn't go through this alone. At the end of the day someone was always there for us…and still is. I'm not sure he had anyone with him."

"They didn't tell you if someone came to visit him?"

Just as I was about to answer, we were interrupted when his cell phone started ringing. That was the fourth time today. I wouldn't have put much attention to it…if it wasn't for the fact that every single time, he took it out of his pocket, looked at it for a few seconds and then put it back in its place without saying a word. Or answering for that matter.

"Who is that?"

He was silent for a while. At first I thought he hadn't heard me, but then he sighed rubbing his hand up and down his face…and that was all I needed to know.

_Fucking Tanya._

* * *

**Oh Tanya, Tanya. *shakes head* What do you think she wants?**

**So…not much plot from here on. Only a few chapters left and then an epilogue.**

**I noticed I have a few 'not so happy' readers. Thank you also for leaving a review, I will try and take your thoughts into consideration. But if you guys _really _don't like IMYLM…don't read it.**

**Just saying. **

**A while ago I wrote a short short story. It's called 'One Year'. Check it out and leave me some love, okay?**

**Till next time.**


	32. Tanya

**Disclaimer. I own nothing. Mrs. Meyer does.**

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**Let's get on with it.**

* * *

**Chapter 32. Tanya.**

"_Who is that?" _

_He was silent for a while. At first I thought he hadn't heard me, but then he sighed rubbing his hand up and down his face…and that was all I needed to know. _

_Fucking Tanya._

I tapped my fingers against my thigh over and over waiting for an answer. Anxiety almost eating me alive.

Okay, no. Maybe that was a bit much.

But I _was_ nervous. Nervous because I knew what his answer would be…but I didn't know what that would entail for me.

For us.

So I waited for him to say something.

And he did after what felt like an eternity.

"It was Tanya." He murmured reluctantly for some reason.

_No shit, Sherlock._

Of course it was fucking her. It would have been too good if that wasn't the case. I turned away from him and looked out the window. I didn't want to admit it to him, but I couldn't fool myself. I was annoyed. Beyond annoyed.

I knew it wasn't his fault but still…it bothered me.

Things between Edward and I…well, they had been almost perfect these past few weeks. We were beginning to connect in a way I would never thought possible. I mean, he even convinced me to go look for Garret because he could tell it was something that was bothering me.

Somehow he became my security blanket. At nights when I would wake up from a nightmare involving James…he would be there. He'd pull me into his arms, kiss my scar and hold me close to him. And even though I had no idea how the hell he got into my bed without me noticing…I was glad he was there. It felt good.

So yeah, we had been getting to know each other more every day.

But then there were times like right now when something would step in front of me and stopped me short in my path.

Today it was Tanya.

I got so used to not seeing here anymore around the house that I actually had forgotten about her existence. But apparently her mission today became to reconnect with Edward no matter what. Hence the missed calls throughout the day. I mean, for all I knew the talk we had in the hospital made her think she had a free pass to make her moves on Edward and maybe in her own little head she felt with the right to chase him.

_Well…you never told her otherwise, Bella._

I rolled my eyes at myself. Of course I never told her otherwise…but at that time I couldn't even admit to myself that I had developed feelings for Edward. How could I have told her something I didn't even know at the time?

Great.

"Bella?" he said when he noticed I had grown quiet all of the sudden, reaching over from his seat to take my hand in his.

I was having none of that so I pulled my hand back.

_Real mature, Bella._

Whatever.

"Hey. Are you okay?" he tried again when I didn't answer. I mean, what the hell did he want me to say? 'No, I am not okay. You see…I have this weird feeling going through me right now that I definitely know what it is but I'm not ready to admit it out loud and I am hating it so much and the person causing it too. And I know it's stupid and childish but I can't help it and if I could I would grab your freaking phone and throw it out the window while the car is still moving. So no, I am not okay."

"Peachy." I answered instead, my voice laced with sarcasm. For a moment I thought I wouldn't get an answer from him but was quickly surprised when he just pulled the car on the side of the road and slowed until we stopped completely.

"Why are you being like this, Bella?" He was getting frustrated, I could tell just by looking at him. "What's wrong now? I mean, I thought you wanted to check on Garret and now…do you want to go look for him or something?"

_What?_

"Seriously Edward?" I snapped, turning the full force of my glare on him. He didn't step down though and only glared right back.

"Yes. Seriously. What the hell is going on?"

We never even talked about the subject, I knew this. But it didn't even cross my mind the fact that Edward could be so dense as to not see the fact that I knew about them. About what happened.

"This isn't even about Garret. This is about you and…that woman." I admitted. "I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling over here with those calls." I said gesturing to his phone.

He frowned as is he didn't understand my point. In a way he couldn't. He didn't know I was fully aware of Tanya's intentions. Whatever they were.

"I know. I know about you and her."

"You know about that?" he asked, acting so surprised that it kind of pissed me off.

"Of course I fucking know, Edward. She…" I trailed off.

"She, what?" he demanded. "She, what Bella? Come on, tell me. She, what?"

"She talked to me, okay? She told me she was going to…pursue you." To put it mildly. "And now I don't even know that to think. I mean, I know we really haven't made anything official between us, but I thought…I thought there was no need for that. So when I find out she's been calling you all day…I think you can imagine why I'm acting the way I am."

"When was this? When did she talk to you?"

"When you were in the hospital."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"What was there to say, Edward? We didn't…we…I didn't even know where we stood, how could I come up and say 'hey Tanya has the hots for you but please stay away from her, okay?' Of course not."

"I would have done it without a doubt." He said suddenly. I stared at him for a minute. When he said things like that he made everything fade away. And the sincerity in his eyes made me breathless.

"You do know that, right?" he leaned in and cupped my face in his hands. "There wasn't even the chance between Tanya and I…"

"But I saw you Edward. I saw her declaring herself to you…I heard the things she said and I…I mean, what could I have done when she was giving you her whole heart and I…I wasn't? I had no chance against someone who was just…there for you. And now with those calls…well, it brings stuff back in me."

He remained quiet as if pondering what to say next. When he seemed to gather his thoughts he unbuckled his seat belt, got out of the car and walked around it to my side.

I only stared at him in confusion. "Did you hear what I said to her?" he asked right after he opened my door and extended his hand so I could take it.

I shook my head. "I ran out of there as fast as I could."

"Well you should have stayed and listened, that way you would have known all along how I really felt…how I still feel."

"Oh?"

"Yes. She did mention her feelings for me…but I told her –as kindly as I could- that I was flattered by her words, but I just couldn't…I wasn't able to return her feelings. It just wasn't possible for me."

"Why?" I barely whispered.

He pressed me softly against the side window and leaned into me. I could feel his warm breath ghosting over my face with each exhale.

Hypnotizing me.

"You know why, silly girl." He gave me his crooked grin and pressed his lips to mine for only a second. "You. You are and have always been the reason for everything I do. Good and bad, apparently. As much as I love seeing you feisty and jealous…you have no reason to be. Tanya is just…I could never develop feelings for her."

I shook my head quickly, trying to dispel the haze he put me under. I knew what he was saying and a part of me didn't want to believe him…it really didn't. But when I saw the sincerity in his eyes and heard the truth behind every word coming out of his mouth, it was hard not to believe him.

"If I have to tell you every single day how much you mean to me, I will do it without a second thought. You mean the world to me. And we haven't made anything official yet because I'm trying to give you your space and let things flow however you want, but believe me…as soon as we see my family I am shouting all over the place that you and I are official."

I giggled like a school little girl. "Okay."

"Okay? Do you believe me?"

I nodded. "I do. I'm sorry for being so moody."

He chuckled before pressing his lips to the tip of my nose. "Don't apologize…I would have reacted the same way, probably worse."

I smiled at him and kissed his nose too. "So…I want the subject dropped, alright? There is no one that will hold my attention as much as you do…are we clear?"

"Yes."

"Good. So…are we done fighting?"

I nodded and smiled up at him again.

"Okay. I have a few places to show you. Come on, let's go."

-o-

The whole ride back to Seattle was spent bickering back and forward. Not actually fighting, just bickering playfully. Edward refused to tell me where he was taking me and I refused to back down from my questioning.

Silly, I know. But I loved it. And he seemed to love it too, given the small smile that grace his lips every time I asked about our destination.

We drove around for a few minutes until we reached a secluded part of town I had never even heard of. It wasn't a rare sight to see rows and rows of trees covering the whole town, but this was…over the top. We took a small road that when you looked around, all you could see was green, green and green. And beyond that more green. And I think there was a small lake behind that, but I couldn't be sure.

Finally we pulled up in front of a huge gate that opened when Edward announced us in some sort of intercom.

"What are we doing here?" I was beyond confused by now. "Are we visiting someone?"

"Not someone." He said simply.

Huh? "What?"

"You'll see." He said slyly after he parked the car outside of a house. He got out of the car and walked all the way around and opened my door for me. He led me down the stony path and up a couple of stairs.

He stopped, grabbed my upper arms and turned me to face him. "Before you freak out-"

"Yeah, 'cause that's a great way to start a sentence."

"Before you freak out…" he continued as if I hadn't interrupted him. "I want you to think about this as objectively as you can."

"Okay." I said slowly, having no idea where he was going with this.

"Remember a few weeks ago…when…um…" he murmured nervously. He brought his hand up and ran it through his hair before letting out a huge breath. "When I…well, when I mentioned that I was gonna…um…buy you…" he didn't need to finish his sentence. His wandering eyes avoiding mine told me what he couldn't say with words.

A house.

This house.

"WHAT?" He cringed when he heard my tone.

Shit.

"No way, Edward. No way. I told you when we had this discussion…I'm not letting you do this."

And we had talked about it. After I suggested I had to move out of his parents' house, somehow he got the ridiculous idea that the solution was buying me a house.

And of course I flipped.

I mean, on the inside I was secretly happy he wouldn't let me leave just like that. Esme and Carlisle had been amazing to take me in and it wasn't that I particularly wanted to leave, but it would be nice to get my own place and have some sense of independence…the thing was…I didn't want to leave without him. So yeah…I felt flattered and honored he wanted to buy me a house.

But come on…he wanted to _buy_ me a _house_.

Ridiculous man.

"_It's not only for you, Bella. If you want…we could both…live there."_ He had sounded so uncertain when he said this, still unsure of my feelings for him that it made me falter a little bit in my decision.

I guess he took that as his green light.

And as much as I tried reasoning with him, the only answer I got was 'we'll see.' I didn't actually think he really meant it.

"I know we talked about this…but you said you wanted to get out of my parent's place, so…"

"Edward, you are totally crazy. Have you bought this already?"

"No." He said leading me towards the threshold and opening the door and practically pushed me inside.

"Good, because there is no way I am letting you…" I trailed off. All of my struggles immediately stopped as soon as I walked into that house.

Never had never seen anything like this…I was speechless.

I tried to take all of it in at once. From where I stood I could see the living room and a huge dining room, but I was actually afraid to wander even further in, thinking I would mess something up. The high ceilings, beautiful lighting and the modern feel to it made it…just perfect.

This seemed unreal. A few seconds ago I was adamant to let him bought something like this for me and now…all I wanted was this house.

I never even knew I wanted something so much…until it was right in front of me.

"I…I wasn't sure if you'd be okay with this." Edward's voice brought me out of my trance. "It's just a suggestion, if you don't like it we can look at something else…I just wanted you to have an option now…not like before." He whispered that part softly, making it impossible for me to miss what he was talking about.

He was giving me a choice now.

"This is one of the best of the bunch, that's why I wanted to show it to you first…but…um…if you want we can look at the others? I picked out a few more that are in great shape…not as good as this one…but…well, we can still look at them…or we can do whatever you want, however you want it…we don't have to settle for looking just at the ones I picked out…or even stay in Seattle…if you want we can go to Forks and maybe look for something there? Whatever you want, Bella. Anything you say I'll do."

He seemed so nervous all I wanted to do was kiss him silly. So I did. I stopped his rambling by placing my lips on him. I thought his worries were completely cute but also unnecessary. "Stop."

"Okay." He whispered kissing me back.

"I'm sorry you had to worry like that…I know I've been difficult…thanks."

"You like it?" he asked surprised.

"I love it. The furniture?"

"It's yours if you want it. As well as the house." He added that part quietly.

_It's yours if you want it._

I really did.

"Can we keep it?" I asked excitedly.

"Just like that?" he looked even more surprised. I guess he wasn't expecting me to give in so easily.

"Is it stupid? I mean, I don't know what the code for house hunting is or how many houses you have to look at before you can make a decision…but this one feels right."

"Then nothing else matters."

"Really?" I grinned.

"Really." He grinned too.

"Good."

"Good. Welcome home, baby."

-o-

"Baby, are you ready?" I hear Edward yell from downstairs. I smiled to myself. We had an upstairs and downstairs now. We also had a deck, a terrace, a swimming pool –at which I almost passed out when I saw it- and office, four bedrooms, six bathrooms, a huge front and back yard, a kitchen stocked with ever appliance I could think of and more, an entertainment room, a laundry room and so many other things I couldn't even remember them. He did give me tour but it was so big I was still having trouble adapting.

I voiced my concerns to him about the size of the house -once I knew ho huge it was- but he only dismissed them saying it was the least I deserved.

Yeah…warm inside.

We had moved in a couple of days after and decided to move all our stuff here. Yes, all of our things. His and mine.

So I guessed now we were living together.

Scary.

All the things happening lately had been scary…but I was done letting that rule my life, especially when I saw he still had doubts about my feelings.

"_Um, Bella?"_

"_Yeah?" I answered from inside my massive bathroom, marveling at the huge tub and all of its faucets._

"_I already left the keys to the house on your dresser…do…do you want me to keep one?"_

"_What do you mean?" I said confused, pocking my head out the door._

"_Well…yeah. Do you want me to have a spare key to your house or…" he trailed off when I stepped out of the bathroom. _

"_Why wouldn't I…?" I finally understood what he was referring to by having a spare key. "Wait…aren't you…you're not moving in?"_

_Silence._

_I strode towards him and looked up at him. "Edward?"_

"_I…wasn't sure you wanted me to." He admitted looking way from me. "So, I just…"_

"_Hey…" I grabbed his chin and turned his head to look at me. "This is our house, right? You said it yourself…it wasn't only for me, it was for both of us…because if what you said isn't true then I don't want the house…not without you."_

"_It was true." He cupped my face in his hands. "It is."_

"_Okay…so we're both moving here." I stated. He just kissed me, pushing me against the wall._

So yeah, that was that. He still thought it was best for us to sleep in separate bedrooms but I wasn't pushing him on that subject.

Yet.

"Baby?" he yelled again. I smiled again hearing his voice. I had learned to love that nickname more than my own name. Something I never thought possible, specially coming from his lips.

And now those lips were demanding my presence since we had somewhere to be.

Alice's engagement party.

"Coming." I yelled back, making my way down the stairs.

We arrived at the venue twenty minutes later and the place was already packed. Everybody was dressed elegantly, mingling and talking amicably. We had only been there for about half and hour when Alice spotted us and practically dragged me away from Edward into the bathroom, claiming it was an emergency.

"Want me to come with you?" he said still holding my hand, looking at Alice worriedly, as she kept pulling on my hand.

"No, it's okay." I laughed. "I'll be fine. I'll be right back."

"Okay." He said giving me a chaste kiss.

Apparently Alice only needed me to hold her dress up while she peed, but that didn't stop her from chatting on and on about how happy she was and about arrangements and flowers for her wedding.

"I'm glad you're happy, Alice." I said as we finally made our way out of the ladies room. Just as she was about to answer we heard someone behind us call our names.

I didn't need to turn around to see who it was.

Tanya.

What the fuck was she doing here?

I was about to turn the full force of my glare on her when Alice turned around and hugged her. I was a little shocked at first, but then I remember she had no idea what was going on with Tanya and her stalking issues. She was a family friend and had been one for a long time.

Tanya kept glancing at me several times as they made small talk and when Alice finally decided she had had enough with the chit chat she started to say goodbye.

"Actually Alice, I was hoping I could have a word with Bella."

I frowned. What the hell did she want to talk to me about? I was about to politely decline when Alice spoke. "Oh, of course. You guys talk…I have to find my fiancé." And with that she left us alone.

Great.

"How have you been, Bella?"

"What do you want Tanya?" I snapped. I wasn't in the mood for bullshit.

"Straight to the point, right? Okay. I saw you with Edward tonight." I didn't answer. After all, she hadn't asked a question. She looked at me as if studying me before continuing. "I thought we had an understanding."

Not a question again, but at that I had to answer. Definitely. "An understanding?"

"Yes. I thought we talked about Edward and…your feelings for him. You said you weren't interested in him and now…well, here you are."

What the fuck? "I didn't say that Tanya." I said as calmly as I could. It was getting harder to contain my anger when I heard the things coming out of her mouth.

"Fine…you didn't say it. But you didn't stop me either when I told you what my intentions were with Edward."

"I guess things change, Tanya." I said simply.

She didn't like that answer apparently, because her face morphed into one of anger. "No, Isabella. It doesn't work that way. I fucking gave you a chance and you dismissed it and now you have to live with the consequences."

"He doesn't feel anything for you, Tanya. He said it himself, you just have to admit it."

She raised an eyebrow and smirked. "He may have said that, Isabella…but you should really examine the meaning of his words. _If_ he did say he didn't have feelings for me…that doesn't mean he didn't have…certain urges to be scratched…by me."

Bitch.

"You know…" she continued getting closer to me. "He fucked me really good. Did he tell you that, too? Did he tell you he let me ride him until we lost our voices from all the screaming and moaning."

Oh, God. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and I had to fight the urge to wrap my hand around her throat and choke her.

"Stop."

"He also told you he fucked me in every way imaginable? Did he tell you he enjoyed it? Did he tell you all the dirty things he whispered in my ear as he pounded into me?" By that point she had me almost pinned against the wall, making me recoil from her closeness…and her words.

"Stop." I whispered shakily.

"I am a woman, Isabella. That's exactly what Edward needs, not some little girl who's afraid to give the man what he wants. He said it himself…"

Suddenly she wasn't in my face anymore saying those spiteful words. If I hadn't been looking, I would have missed Edward yanking her by the arm and dragging her out of the hall toward the yard.

For a minute I just stood there. Trying to…absorb her words. Trying to decide what to do. Trying to…breathe. But I couldn't seem to do it. I closed my eyes as her words swirled around in my head confusing me. Making me doubt.

_It's not true, you know it. He's shown you. He's been trying to prove himself to you._

I did know it. I just had to remember it.

I didn't have time to think of anything else when I barely heard Edward's voice yelling, so I moved around until I was close enough to hear what they were saying.

"Why the fuck are you saying those things?" I heard him growl.

"Because you said you weren't fucking ready for a relationship and yet here you are…all over here like the slut that she is."

"Shut the fuck up, Tanya. You will never address her like that, do you hear me?"

"I don't fucking care what you want, Edward. Let's see if that makes her back off."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." I could her Edward starting to lose it. "You can't make lies like that to get me. If anything you have just lost my friendship, Tanya. I told you from the begging that was all you could get from me."

"I never wanted to be your friend, Edward."

"Well…I'm sorry. Now I can't even offer you that. Stay away from us. Forever."

He walked back into the room, his eyes looked frantic. He was searching for me.

"Edward."

He turned when he heard my name. "Oh, my God, Bella. Are you okay?"

I nodded stiffly. He strode towards me and brought me close to his body. "You know that everything she said it's not true, right?" he begged desperately. "Please tell me you believe me. Please, Bella…please…"

I silence him with a kiss and against his lips I whispered the only words going through my mind. "Please, take me home."

* * *

**What do you think about the progress in their relationship? And Tanya? Crazy , right? Let me know what you think.**

**Next update will be in about four days, I hope.**

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	33. Love me

**Disclaimer. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and the song included in this chapter are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Hello my darlings. Told you I wouldn't be too long. **

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**So…I've never done this before, so I hope you like it. *bites nails***

* * *

**Chapter 33. Love me.**

"_You know that everything she said it's not true, right?" he begged desperately. "Please tell me you believe me. Please, Bella…please…" _

_I silence him with a kiss and against his lips I whispered the only words going through my mind. "Please, take me home."_

He nodded against my forehead and closed his eyes tightly. I think he was trying to convince himself I wasn't running out the door.

Well, I was trying to convince myself too.

He stepped back and led me outside to his car. He opened the door for me, helped me inside and crouched down so he could see my face better. "I'm just gonna tell mom we're leaving, okay? I don't want her to worry and starts calling us nonstop." I didn't think I was capable of forming any words at the moment so I simply nodded.

A few minutes later he came back out and we drove away from that place. The whole ride back to the house was spent in silence and with me looking out the side window. Sometimes out of the corner of my eye I would see Edward glancing at me. Sometimes I could hear him take a breath as if preparing himself to say something.

He didn't.

As for me…I really didn't have anything to say. Not yet at least.

I really didn't know what to make out of Tanya's words. I knew she was just being spiteful and trying to hurt me but I had let her get to me that way. I had let her words make me doubt everything Edward and I had built over these past few weeks. I knew all the things she said weren't true…at least I thought I did.

Maybe I just needed some reassurance?

The car pulling on the driveway brought me out of my thoughts. Neither of us said anything as he opened the door for me. I walked right inside. My plan was to keep going until I reached my room and locked myself in there for a while…but Edward's voice stopped me.

"Bella." he whispered. He sounded so broken I couldn't go on. "You…you really don't…you don't believe what…she said, right?"

I was still with my back to him, but I didn't need to see his face to recognize the hurt and doubt in his voice.

"I heard her, Bella. I heard the things she said…you have to know they're not true…" I felt and heard him move closer to me. "I…I haven't been with anyone since…since before I met you." He said that last part so quietly I wasn't even sure it was meant for me to hear.

_Oh, Edward._

"You have to believe me. I wasn't even sure Tanya was capable of something like that…I really thought she was a friend with just a silly crush and it would soon melt away. I didn't think she would do something like that…"

_There's your reassurance._

Christ.

_Stop him, you idiot._

I turned around and pressed two fingers to his lips to stop his rambling words. He looked as nervous as he sounded and that broke my heart a little.

The nights events had been somewhat stressful and hectic…and at the same time eye opening. I always thought that at a certain age I would become the person I was meant to be for the rest of my life. That I would grow up and that would be it. But it seems you never stop growing up. You never stop finding things about yourself and about the other people surrounding you.

Tonight…after all the words spoken and all the feelings thrown out there…I realized one thing that my heart knew a long time ago, but my mind wasn't ready to admit.

I was completely in love with Edward.

That realization came to me just as he stood in front of me with tears in his frantic eyes…when my mind actually took in the words Edward had spoken to Tanya and the conviction in which they were said…when all he cared about was making sure I knew Tanya's words were all lies.

I loved him. I truly did.

We stood like that for a moment. Our breathings harsh and quick for two different reasons. Suddenly my body and mind became a live wire waiting to explode. So I did the only thing I could do…I grabbed Edward by his tie and pushed him against the wall.

At first my attack was met with no response and I began to worry about him not feeling the way I did and just as I was about to pull back and put my hands to rest, his lips started moving and he kissed me with such passion that made it almost impossible for me to breathe and remember what I was supposed to be doing in the first place.

We stood against the door battling to contain something apparently neither one of us had any idea it existed. His lips devoured mine. Mine devoured his. Our hands traveled around each other's bodies, occasionally bumping against clothes, hands and fingers.

It was rushed and crazy and new and unexpected. But I loved it.

I was completely under his spell. All I could see, breathe and hear was him. Absolutely him. I even think at one point we moved away from the wall, because suddenly I found myself on the couch with Edward beneath me, my legs straddling his thighs.

I hoped he now knew I believed him completely.

"Edward…" I gasped after a while when I finally manage to recover my senses. He didn't make it easy tough. His lips moved down to my jaw, trailing hot wet kissed along my neck. His hands that rested on my lower back, tentatively moved south and then he was ghosting his hands over my ass. Lightly at first…but he seemed to let go of the control he had and then really grabbed it and pulled me in. To him. Grinding against me.

Making me gasp. Making me lose my mind.

"Fuck, Bella."

_I know._

And I felt…_him_…really him…and when I did, I couldn't even think about what I was supposed to be saying. So I just gave up and let him consume me. I was just getting in love with the whole grinding situation when I noticed him slowing down. He was the one to pull away first. I think I even whimpered a little. "Fuck. We have to…_oh God…_we have to stop, baby."

"Why?" I breathed, kissing his adam's apple. My hands were out of control and wandered everywhere all at once.

"Because…_fuuuck_…we do, baby."

"Why?" I repeated grinding against him again.

He grabbed my hips with both of his hands and stilled me. "Because if we don't I think I'm gonna embarrass myself and I don't want that happening."

Oh.

_Oh._

"Yeah."

Instead of feeling embarrassed like I knew I should…I felt good. Empowered. Wanted.

So, no. we weren't stopping. My heart was telling me this. I just felt it inside. I was sure of it. And the fact that my body was on fire and his passion had flamed an unstoppable and scorching fire between my thighs, was all the confirmation I needed.

"No."

"No, what?" he asked confused.

"We are not stopping."

"What do you…" he trailed off as understanding settled in his features. For a moment there I thought he was gonna say no…but then his gaze shifted and he looked at me with those green eyes filled with lust and hunger…it made me think for a minute he could feel the same way.

We stopped the grinding against each other and he pressed his lips back to mine, softly this time. "Bella," he breathed, his intoxicating breath tickling my face, "Um…are…what are you talking about?" I didn't think he had any doubt about what I was referring to, but he still wanted to make sure he heard me right.

"We are not stopping, Edward." I said slowly. "I don't want to stop…please." He searched my eyes for a while and I think finally he saw what he needed.

'_Are you sure?'_ he asked with his eyes.

I only managed to nod weakly before our lips merged together again. Somehow he figured out a way of standing up without letting me go. He held me to him and pressed me against him even harder than before.

Our shoes were thrown across the room, just like his jacket and tie.

I placed my hands around his shoulders and he brought his hands to my things and wrapped them around his waist. We fumbled for a while, grinning every once in a while, smiling into each other's lips. I'm sure that if anyone on the outside would look at us right now…they'd see a couple of fools completely in love with each other. I am sure that's how we looked.

I only wished that would become true very soon.

I felt him take tentative steps towards the stairs. I thought for sure he would put me down so we could climb up the stairs…but he surprised me once more when he brought me even closer to his body –closer than I even thought I could be to him- and started up the stairs.

The ride to the bedroom was getting extremely long. Between him pressing me up against the wall to kiss me silly and me grinding into him…I doubted we were ever going to get to our destination. That thought was quickly erased when I felt him stop and managed to disentangle myself from his lips to look around. We were in my room. Well, from now on it was ours…that was for sure.

He gave me a few chaste kisses right before he set me lowered me down to lay on the bed. I expected him to join me, but instead he went to my closet and pulled out what appeared to be some sort of sound system. He was fumbling with something and then all of the sudden, the softest and sweetest music filled the room.

I looked at him questioningly. "I put together that playlist for you a couple of nights ago." He said as he shrugged and came back to bed. He climbed up to hover over me, gazing at me with such intensity that everything suddenly became very clear.

The reality of what we were about to do came crashing down on me and anxiousness and nerves made themselves known. Every little piece of self confidence and strength I had been mustering went down the drain.

"Hey…are you okay?" he asked softly when I grew quiet. "We don't have to if you don't want to…"

"It's not that…I do want to." I did. With all my heart. "It's just…I…I…"

"Hey…look at me." he whispered when I looked away, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand and kissing my forehead. "Are you nervous? You don't have to be…we can just do what we've been doing. It's okay."

"I am nervous…but…I…I haven't…I…I've never…done this before." I whispered and brought my hands to hide my face. And my embarrassment. I had managed to overlook that little detail, but when the subject was staring you right in the face…it had to come out. Besides I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. I knew the theory of it…but practice? Not my field.

And his silence didn't do much to help with my mortification. I couldn't stand it. So channeling old habits, I took a deep breath and made a move to get up from the bed -without uncovering my face, of course- only to have him pull me back by my waist.

"Hey." I heard him whisper.

I didn't answer.

"Hey." He tried again. When he got no response from me again, I felt his hands gently trying to pull mine from my face.

I struggled. I really did because I didn't want him seeing me like this, but the thing was…he was strong. Really strong. So when he finally managed to pry my hands from my face, I turned away and closed my eyes tightly.

"Hey, look at me, please." He said grabbing my chin and turning my face in his direction. "Please open your eyes, baby."

I shook my head.

"_Please…_please open them_."_

Great. How could I refuse him when he used that sweet tone with me?

I finally opened my eyes and watched him warily. "There you are…hi." He kissed me once. Twice. One more time. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about…actually…fuck, Bella."

"What?"

"You have no idea…what that does to me." The tone of his voice was enough to make me momentarily forget about the nerves and start the fire again. I clenched my thighs together…trying to…calm whatever was going on with my body.

"You…you don't mind?"

Slowly, I saw him shook his head. But it wasn't in a negative way, it was more…amazement? I couldn't be sure. Why would Edward be amazed with me?

"I…I…how could I mind that? You are wonderful and amazing and everything, but…" Of course there was a fucking 'but' in there. "Are you sure, Bella? We can wait. If you're not ready we can wait and just continue doing what we're doing. I don't want you to feel pressured or like you have to…"

He was rambling a lot tonight. So I interrupted him once again. "I _am_ nervous." I admitted. "So, so nervous. But that doesn't mean I don't want to…I am sure. I want to…with you."

_Because I love you._

"You have to promise me…if I…if I do anything that you don't want to…tell me, please. Okay?"

"I promise."

He grinned making me smile again. His eyes wandered over my body me from top to bottom. "You are so gorgeous." He finally lowered himself over me, making me feel every inch of his body across mine. He continued kissing me…placing soft open-mouthed kisses on my lips, my neck, my jaw, my collarbone, behind my ear.

Making me pant, gasp and shudder at the same time.

He was taking his time. He didn't seem to be in a rush. He just kissed, nibbled and whispered soft words in my ear. His hands wandered softly now, not like before when we were rushing. He caressed my knees, my thighs, my hips, moving up and behind until he was cupping my bottom in his strong and firm hands. He pulled me against him and started slowly moving me too.

"Please…" I whispered in his ear when it became too much and my breathing was becoming embarrassingly loud.

There was something going on with my body. It was…coming alive. I even thought I could explode and I had a feeling only Edward would make it better.

"Please…" I whispered again. He removed himself from my neck and moved to my ear.

"I'm just going to…" he breathed. For a minute I didn't know what he was referring to, until I felt his hands grab the edge of my dress and eased it up over my body until it reached my head, leaving me only in my strapless bra and panties.

I nodded a little too late, but I couldn't care about that. Right now I was starting to get a little self conscious. Nobody had seen me in this state of undress since I was born, so yeah…I was embarrassed.

But Edward he saw right through me and kissed me again. His hands gripped my waist tightly and his mouth continued its attentions to my lips. He ghosted his lips over mine back and forward and I knew what he was doing.

He was distracting me. Making this easier for me.

I think I fell in love with him a little bit more.

The hand that was on my waist moved to his shirt and he started undoing the buttons. "Help me?" he rasped. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I felt the moisture building between my legs when I hear his voice.

I took a shaky breath and with fumbling fingers I continued where he had left off. His hand returned to my hair and he kissed me again. Once I was sure all the buttons were undone, I opened his shirt and he helped me get it off his shoulders, throwing it across the room.

He held himself on one arm and then I felt his other hand move to my stomach, softly brushing my skin with his knuckles, trailing them up my torso, slowly and so gentle, until he reached the underside of my bra. I squirmed again and gasped softly not really knowing what to do next. Did I take it off by myself or…?

I didn't have time to think anymore when he looked up at me and smiled softly. "Can I…?"

I nodded a few times and took a deep breath again. He reached behind me and unclasped it, gently pulling it away from my body.

And then he just…stared. Really stared. I started squirming under his intense gaze but more out of shame than anything else. Even thought the lights in the room were off except for a lamp on the bedside table, I still brought my arms up to cover me but he stopped me by taking my wrists in his hands.

"Fuck, Bella. You are so beautiful. Don't hide. Never hide, Bella." he whispered. "Don't be nervous, baby. It's just me."

He was trying not to scare me. To give me the reassurance I needed. And it was working. I let my arms drop from my body and reached up to kiss him once more. That seemed to do the trick before with getting me to relax.

I felt him tentatively bring his hand up to my collarbone, making his way down to my breasts.

"_Oh_…" I breathed, releasing his lips and entirely surprised by this new feeling surging through me. He palmed them softly and we both groaned as his hands molded themselves around my body…as his fingers found purchase over my sensitive nipples.

"You are so gorgeous."

"Oh, Edward." A moan made its way out of my lips causing his to groan once more. His hands felt so warm and firm on me, it was freaking ridiculous. Then something else happened. Something made my insides burn again with more intensity and I looked down to see what it was.

His lips wrapped around my nipple. And then I felt his tongue. Circling. Licking. Sucking.

_Oh my God._

My hands that had been laying by my side now came to life and I let them get lost in his soft hair. Almost holding him there.

Then he switched to the other one.

"Oh."

I could feel my heart racing in my chest as his mouth continued moving on me. Then his lips stopped and his fingers were next. Trailing down my torso once more. Only this time they were headed south.

He looked up at me and I stared back unable to speak. My chest was heaving because I knew where he was going. And then one hand made its way down and slowly started lowering my panties.

My breathing became so hard at that point I had to remind myself to stay calm.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

"Yes." I breathed just as he lowered them all the way down.

"God, you are perfect, love." he rasped. His eyes were full of wonder and…something else I couldn't decipher.

He continued kissing me as his hand trailed his fingers across the inside my thighs. He moved higher and higher until he reached his destination and slowly, very slowly his middle finger dipped inside me.

"Oh, God." I cried out quietly. My eyes widened in surprise. I kissed him again, clinging to his upper arms with all my strength, trying to anchor myself to him. He added another finger and ever so slowly started pumping them in and out of me while another circled around my sensitive nub.

"Jesus baby, you're so tight…" he breathed against my lips. Up until that point I hadn't been very vocal, but the fire he was creating inside me, the need and everything else made me want…no, need to tell him what he was doing to me.

"I want you Edward. So, so much."

"I want you too, baby."

"Please…now." I whispered as his hand continued moving between my legs. His lips continued moving between my neck and jaw.

"I don't want to hurt you, Bella…" He said shakily. "I need you to cum first, love."

And I did. With me pleading and squirming under him. With something swirling inside of me. arching my back, taking him deeper, trying to get more, loving the way his fingers were moving, loving the things he whispered in my ear…loving him. And after I came down from my high he caressed my face, he cupped my cheeks, kissed my forehead and pulled me closer to him.

"You're amazing."

"You, too."

Just as he was about to kiss me again, he suddenly froze and he lifted his face to reveal his worried stare.

"What?"

"Fuck."

"What, Edward? You're worrying me."

"I'm sorry, baby. I don't…have…um…protection. I just remembered it and…I don't have any. It's been a while so…" he said sheepishly.

Oh. I thought it was something far worse.

"Um…I'm on the pill…I had some health issues when I was younger…so, I'm covered." I shrugged.

"You sure?" he asked shakily. I nodded firmly.

But then I realized I wasn't the one who was nervous anymore. At least not so much.

He took several deep breaths as if trying to calm himself down. He looked down to me and I saw his expression. "Hey, are you okay?"

He took a few seconds before he answered. He ran a hand through his hand and finally whispered. "I'm nervous, too…I…I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me." I hoped. "I know you." I tried to assure him. I didn't really know what I was saying but I would do anything to settle his nerves just as he had settled mine.

He moved from his spot on the bed and I saw him unbuckle his belt and remove his pants…right along with his boxers.

All I saw before I turned my head away was his bottom and I had to say…wow. He was toned. I blushed like crazy and had to take a couple of breaths to calm down.

My heart was beating erratically as he return back to the bed and moved to hover above me. His full body was making contact with mine. Every inch of his body felt wonderful against mine. And then I felt something against my thigh that made a flutter of apprehension roll around in my stomach.

Shit. Shit. This was really happening.

"Are you sure?" he asked once more. Checking. Always making sure I was fine.

I nodded quickly.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded again. "We'll go really slowly." He breathed. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

"Okay."

He let out another shuddering breath and with his hands he parted my legs. "You're so gorgeous, Bella." he said as I felt his tip at my entrance…and then…he…fuck…he pushed in slowly.

My eyes widened in surprise and I think I gasped and cursed a little bit. I wasn't sure. I felt pressure and then…pain…and more pressure and more pain. I gripped his upper arms and held onto him because for a minute there I thought I was gonna split in half.

Fuck. Fuck.

I felt him stretching me so much. It hurt. And I wanted to cry. I really did. But I wouldn't.

_Man up, Bella._

I think I even heard him curse too. He hid his face in my neck and breathed against me making me tremble even more. "Fuck, Bella."

_Fuck, indeed._

"You okay?" He rasped as he lifted his face and looked into my eyes…I gasped again. His eyes were telling me so much it was hard for me to breathe. And then…he bent down to kiss my eyelids, my forehead, both my cheeks and finally my lips. He caressed my neck, my hair. He wasn't moving at all. He was just trying to get me to relax.

_Oh, God._

Since we got into my room I really hadn't been paying attention to the music. It has served just as a background, but now…when we was looking at me like that and kissing me like he was…everything was different.

The song playing became too much for my heart to bear. It was something soft in played in piano with only the singer's voice adorning the tunes. And then I noticed it was in a foreign language, which made it even more powerful.

Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't help it. I just couldn't.

"God, Bella. I am so sorry. Please don't cry…please. Tell me what to do, tell me…please." He begged when I made eye contact with him and he saw my tears. "Do you want me to pull out?"

I shook my head quickly and squeezed his arms harder. "I'm fine…it's just…the song." I tried to look away but his hands caressing my face prevented me from doing it.

_God, I am such a girl._

"Look at me." he said softly. When I finally did he smiled. "Hey, baby girl." He whispered still smiling. He continued his journey over my body and anyplace he could reach. "It's okay."

Edward bent down again to kiss my neck and started whispering softly in my ear.

"_Mi vida entera…la mujer que yo soñé."_

Oh, my God.

Christ.

He was whispering along with the song.

"_No quiero más que amarte así…hoy tengo el alma tan encadenada a ti…"_

I had no idea what he was saying, but still…the tears were flowing freely now...but any discomfort I had was slowly being erased by his words.

"_Tú me das todo lo que yo quiero."_

"Oh, Edward." I whimpered.

"Oh…Bella_,"_ he moaned when he finally felt me relax. "Does it hurt, love?"

Yes. "A little."

"Are you ready for me to move?" he panted into my ear.

"Yes."

And he did. Slowly. Getting me familiarized with the feeling. I felt him fill me again and again. It still hurt and I don't think I could achieve another orgasm and he knew this…but still, this was everything. Everything I never thought it could be.

'I love you' I wanted to say. But I didn't want him to think I was saying it just because of what we were doing…or for him to feel like he had to say it back.

He was so gentle. He caressed my body tenderly, making me feel so much. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. He stroked my hair, my ribs, my breasts, my neck. He whispered in my ear once more as I whimper helplessly in his arms.

He was everywhere. Everywhere.

After what seemed like forever and still not long enough…he grunted softly before he stiffened and dropped his head on my shoulder.

Kissing me once more.

_God. I love you._

* * *

**So…yeah. That was intense. *digs toe on the floor* I gave you a whole chapter of pure ole loving. I think that was my favorite chapter so far. And the song…amazing.**

**As I said before, we're near the end. I'm only making them love each other from here on. Anything in particular you want to see them do *wiggles eyebrows* let me know.**

**Leave me some love, okay?**

**Translations. **

**Mi vida entera…la mujer que yo soñé – My whole life…the woman of my dreams.**

**No quiero más que amarte así – I aks nothing more than to love you like this.**

**Hoy tengo el alma tan encadenada a ti - Today my soul is chained to you **

**Tu me das todo lo que yo quiero – You give me all that I want.**


	34. Something missing

**Disclaimer. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and references included in this chapter are property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I don't own Twilight. The mistakes are all mine, though. **

**Hello my darlings.**

**If any of read 'Trapped' you know I got the stupid flu. But this chapter only needed a few minor arrangements, so I decided to finish it today. Besides…we have something that hasn't been resolved…anyone remembers what it is?**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 34. Something missing.**

I never thought one experience in my life could alter me so completely. I always thought it would be a row of events that would do it.

It wasn't.

Last night had been...I had no words to describe what happened last night, but today with the sun filtering through the curtains in my bedroom...I felt so, so different.

Physically I was sore...everywhere. An ache still remained in my whole body, reminding me of the things Edward did to my body last night. Emotionally...I was still trying to figure it out. I was happy. I really was. I felt like a teenager anxiously waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up from a date. Elated and excited.

But then...was it normal to feel...guilty? To feel...weird?

I really had no idea what that was about. I had no reason to feel like that, right? Edward had made me feel so good, cherished and beautiful. When his arms wrapped around me...I felt adored; when his lips pressed against my forehead...I felt at peace. When his whole body met mine...I felt alive.

So why did I feel...off? I shook my head and rolled my eyes. It was so me to make a mess out of the most beautiful things.

_Just stop it, Bella._

I stretched slowly, feeling my muscles ache, right before turning around on the bed, expecting to find Edward still sleeping next to me. He wasn't. The space on his bed was cold and empty. I frowned and of course started worrying. Where was he? I mean, the last thing I needed was to wake up alone. But my paranoia was cut short when he walked into the bedroom naked.

Totally naked.

Only holding what appeared to be a pair of boxers in his hand.

I'm sure my eyes were about to pop out of my head.

Now that the room was perfectly lit with the sunlight coming in through the window...I could see how beautiful he really was. In all of his glory. His naked glory. His hair was a perfect wet mess on his head. His strong shoulders were firm and rigid. His six pack was utter ridiculous, and that sharp V that leads to...fuck...was...um…was that inside me just a few hours ago?

_Holy fuck. _

His...his..._that_...along with the rest of his body was...amazing. And a little intimidating, if I'm being honest. For the first time, getting a good look at it now...I noticed something else...it's...it's _really_ big. Like really big. And…um…that's just when…it's not excited.

_Come on, Bella. You're a big girl. Surely you can think the word._

Whatever.

My face practically burst into flames, and in that moment the most delicious fire consumed me...only to remind me that my body was sore. Really sore. I had absolutely no idea how in the world did that fit inside me.

I was still contemplating the semantics of it all…when Edward cleared his throat trying to get my attention. I blushed once more and looked away from his body immediately. Shit, I was just caught staring at his...yeah. Too early to be dealing with these emotions.

"Hey." He whispered from the door. I turned around again and noticed he had covered himself with his boxers and was looking kind of…shy? I had no idea why. I mean, he looked amazing, why would he need to cover himself?

_Because you were staring psycho._

Yeah, whatever. I was actually kind of disappointed to have something covering him, but I couldn't focus on that now. "Hey." I whispered back biting my lip. It was like we were both expecting for the other one to say something. He shook his head gently, chuckled and slowly moved back to bed.

He laid down next to me and brought my body closer to his. He nuzzled his head in the crook of my neck."Morning."

"Morning. You showered?"

"Mmhmm." He hummed as he pulled back to look at me. "I'm sorry you woke up and I wasn't here." He skimmed his fingers over my cheek after pressing his lips against my forehead.

"It's okay. You're here now."

"I am." He smiled gently. "How are you feeling?"

Confused. Happy. Excited. Weird. "I don't know. Different…I guess." I admitted.

"Good different? Or bad different?" he probed, taking my hand in his and bringing them to his lips to kiss them softly.

"Good different." I think. "You?"

"Amazing."

Shit. He was being so sweet and I just…I just wanted to cry. When he saw the tears forming in my eyes, that frown appeared on his forehead. "Are you sure you're okay? You…do you regret what happened?"

"No." I almost shouted. "I don't regret it...do you?"

He hesitated for a few seconds right before he smiled gently, making my nerves rise. He shook his head no, and kissed my lips softly. "I don't regret it…but why are you crying?

_Because I'm a fucking weepy girl, apparently._

"I'm just…emotional, I guess."

"Don't cry…please." He pressed his forehead to mine. "Come on, you wanna take a shower while I make you some breakfast?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

-o-

I thought things would magically fall into place after that.

Well…they didn't.

Almost two weeks later, Alice's wedding planning paid off. Everything was so detailed and absolutely magnificent and I had never seen a couple more in love than those two. We were now at the reception. As for me? I was hiding in the bathroom.

The ceremony made me remember my own. Which wasn't helping my already weird mood at all.

Okay, so things weren't bad between us…they were just…there. Not moving forward, not moving backward. Just like they were before we…um…slept together. Things had been practically the same. They had been great and so wonderful…there was just times I wished I could finally proclaim my love for him once and for all. But there was something stopping me.

I just didn't know what it was.

Okay, I did know.

I was just trying to fool myself into believing I didn't.

He'd been acting kind of weird since that first time we were together. Off, even. Sometimes I would catch him staring off into space. He would get this look on his face when he thought I wasn't looking and…I don't know…it made me worried. He seemed to be thinking about something really hard and I found myself constantly wondering what it was. I mean, if it was occupying so much of his attention, it had to be something important, right? I just worried he didn't trust me enough to tell me. And then when he'd realized I was in the room, he would smile. The smile didn't reach his eyes for a few minutes. Then, it would be back to happy and lightness.

Maybe he doubted what we had? Maybe he realized I wasn't worth all the trouble?

I had no idea what to think anymore.

And then, to top it all…he hadn't touched me since that first time.

The first few days I expected him to initiate the contact. We were sleeping in the same bed now, and to me…it just seemed natural. Besides I was just too fucking shy and inexperienced in that department to do it myself. But he never did. He was affectionate, kissing my lips, my neck, my forehead, holding me while I slept…but never letting things get to more than that. Never letting them get too far.

After a few pep talks and drawing my _cojones_ out of the bedside drawer…I decided to make the move.

One night he was writing something in his lap top with his back against the headboard in our bedroom…and I just walked in slowly and sat beside him. He looked up and smiled at me before returning to whatever he was writing. I took a deep breath and slowly inched closer, bringing one of my shaky hands to his chest and moving it up and down and pressed my lips to the spot behind his ear. Trying to make myself clear about what I wanted, I moved my still shaky hand down, heading toward his pants.

That was the moment he stopped typing, but it wasn't to continue what I has started…it was to tell me he had a lot of work to do and he had a dead line that expired tomorrow. And with that he turned back to his laptop and practically ignored me for the rest of the night.

I only tried again two more times. Always getting the same result. So I just stopped trying all together.

Which just left me feeling undesired and…rejected.

How the fuck was I supposed to feel when…when…when he acted that way? All I knew was that he got under my skin. Badly. And now…now he was hurting me by acting that way.

Maybe he didn't find me attractive…or maybe I really sucked at the whole sex thing, so he decided I wasn't worth another try.

The thought that he was doing this shit on purpose even crossed my mind at one point. Maybe…maybe things hadn't changed after all…I stopped myself from my train of thought.

I looked myself in the mirror and wiped the tears that were running down my face. If I kept this up, I would have to redo my makeup a couple of times and I was done with it. I fixed my face one last time and steeled myself to go out there once more. Being weak would do no one any good.

When I finally reached our table, I noticed Edward was missing. Something particularly common tonight. But instead of sitting down and wait for him to come back, I grabbed my clutch and made my way outside. I sat in one of the chairs beneath the small gazebo adorned with twinkling lights, letting the air calm me down. I sat in the cold night for a while, just…staring into the night. Thinking. Trying to come up with solutions. Then…I heard someone approach me.

At first I thought it was Edward, but then I heard a voice that didn't belong to him… "Bella?" I heard my name and turned to see who it was. What I saw made my heart stop.

"G-Garret?" I gasped.

_Oh, my God._

"Hi, Bella." He smiled tentatively. I sat there frozen in my spot for God knows how long. My mind couldn't process the fact that he was right there. There was the man I had been looking for weeks…the man that had gotten himself shot in his attempt to save me, was right in front of me…and he was still smiling, when he should have been yelling at me. Snapping myself out of my stupor, I stood up and practically crashed into him with the force of my movement. I hugged him to me and held him as tight as I could.

"Oh my God…I've been looking for you…" I whispered against his ear.

"You have?" He even sounded surprised.

"Yes, of course. I was so worried. What…what are you doing here?" I disentangled myself from him and took a look at his face.

"I saw the wedding announcement on the news paper and I…I actually wasn't expecting to see you here…um…with the…divorce and all, but I guessed I could ask around for you." I was still too stunned to really comprehend his words, so I just pull him back towards the bench I had been sitting at.

"What…what happened after…?"

"One of your neighbors heard the noise and she came out to help me. I was taken to the hospital and they had to take me into surgery. When I was recovering I asked about you…somehow they knew about what happened and they told me you were alright, so I just…I don't know, Bella. I went home and took some time to think."

"I'm…I'm sorry you had to go through it alone, Garret." I whispered.

"Don't be sorry, Bella. I wasn't alone…I had my family with me. I knew you were okay, so that way I knew I could relax and heal. Or at least that's what I told myself. I was there, sitting in my bed trying to stay all calm and cool, and all I could think about was you, how you were, what you were doing…who was with you. I wasn't alone but…it killed me everyday…to think _you_ were." He took my hand in his. "So I went back to Forks looking for you at your house, but you weren't there, obviously."

I wanted to tell him where I'd been all this time, but I wasn't sure why I remained silent. I just knew he…would judge me if I told him the truth.

"So I saw the papers and I figured I could ask…Edward about you. Buy you're here…"

I nodded. "I am."

"How are you?"

"I…I'm fine. Everything that happened that day in my house…I think it changed me. I'm different now. You know…I'm trying to figure things out."

"I know what you mean."

"Thank you so much…for that day."

"You don't have to thank me. I came here tonight for you, Bella." He said with such intensity that made me a little bit uncomfortable. "What happened that day…it was too much for me, so…I'm leaving."

I gasped. "What? Where?"

"I'm moving back to New York. That's where my family is and…I'm going."

"Oh." Was my lame response.

What could I say?

"I want you to come with me, Bella." He said all of the sudden.

What?

What?

Did he really just say that? He wants me to come with him?

What the hell?

But I didn't have time to answer him, because Edward appeared behind us, calling my name. I turned around to find him staring at us with a cold glare. Then, his eyes went to our hands, so I took my hand away and stood up.

"Edward." I murmured. "This is, Garret. Garret this is Edward." They both knew who the other was, they just never met each other. I thought Edward's glare would soften when he knew who this man was, but he never faltered.

He walked around the bench to stand next to me and placing his arm around my waist, he shook Garret's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too." Garret just looked impassive. They released each other and we stood there for a few seconds…and it couldn't have been more awkward even if I wanted to. I could see the confusion all over Garret's face when he saw Edward's arm around me.

I wonder what he was thinking.

It couldn't have been good.

"Thanks for everything, man." Edward said, finally breaking the silence.

"No problem. I did it for Bella."

"I'm sure you did."

They both glared at each other now. "Well, it was nice seeing you, but we have to go back inside." Edward stepped away from me and when he saw I wasn't moving, he stopped and frowned. "Isabella, are you coming?"

Isabella? Really?

Suddenly, the situation turned incredibly awkward. I stood between them, looking back and forward from Edward to Garret. Watching their expecting gazes on me. Somehow I got the feeling this was a test. From both of them.

I had to make a decision.

The solution would have been obvious. It had to be. Garret had been a great friend to me and I would forever be thankful to him. But I'd always made myself clear with him. My choice…it would have been Edward. I was in love with him…but…he was acting so cold and detached right now…and I…I was hurting. _He_ was hurting me.I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I turned to see Garret and gave him a sad smile, hoping to convey all that I was thinking. Then, I turned to Edward and gave him the coldest glare I could possibly muster.

Without another word, I walked away from them.

-o-

I asked the cab driver to drop me off at home. I was cold and hungry and sleepy and I just wanted out of this dress and get into bed. I knew that wasn't happening any time soon, as soon as I heard the front door slam shut.

"Bella?" he yelled from downstairs. "Bella?"

Oh, I was Bella now.

Well I was pissed off at him for acting the way he'd been doing it, so I decided to ignore him and locked the door to my room. He could sleep in the guest room for all I cared. I heard his footsteps getting closer to the room and then he was pounding on the door. "Bella, I know you're in there. Answer me."

Oh, he sounded mad as well.

Well, fuck him.

He had no right to be mad. "Bella. Open up." He said behind the door, pounding it once more. "I am not leaving until you open this freaking door. I have all night."

Great. "What do you want, Edward?"

"I want you to let me in."

Tough luck. "Well, I'm not."

"Open the door." he gritted out. Like that was gonna get him somewhere.

"No."

"Dammit, Bella." I heard him walk away and starting getting undress. I removed my shoes, my dress and let my hair down. All of the sudden the door busted open, revealing a very angry looking Edward.

"What the hell?" That was me. "How did you get in here?" He didn't answer my question, he just held up a key in his hand.

Fantastic.

I rolled my eyes at him and continued getting ready to bed, all the while trying to ignore the fact that I was standing in nothing but my underwear before him.

_He's seen you naked, Bella._

Yeah, whatever.

"Wanna explain what the hell was that all about?"

I don't answer. You see, I'm really fucking pissed right now. Everything had been boiling up inside me and even though I am hurt, and just a few hours ago I was crying my eyes out…right now I'm pissed. At him. For putting me through this.

And because of that, I'm not talking to him. So I just ignore him and remove my bracelet and earrings.

"What? You're not talking to me?"

Silence.

"Very mature, Bella. You're acting like a child."

Okay, that's it. "And you're acting like an asshole." I snapped as I made my way to my closet to grab my robe. I needed to cover up. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I would like to go to sleep. So…go." I said motioning for the door, making it clear he wasn't welcomed here tonight.

"What? You want me to sleep somewhere else?" He shook his head. "No way, I'm staying right here." He said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Really? Fine. If he was gonna be that way. "Fine. Have it your way." I said as I walked toward the door, except I didn't get too far, 'cause when I was about to pass him, he grabbed my arm and brought me back into the room.

"You're not going anywhere either." He gritted out. I yanked my arm back from his hold, squared my shoulders and glared at him. If he was looking for a fight, he was about to get one.

"What the hell is your problem, Bella? What the hell was that about? Why did you just…leave like that? And then I called you and your fucking phone sent me straight to voice mail."

"That's because I turned it off." I said simply.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I didn't wanna talk to you." I said as I sat down on the chair in front of my vanity, brushing my hair.

He moved behind me so he could see me reflected on the mirror. "Why wouldn't you wanna talk to me? What the hell did I do?"

"Seriously, Edward?" I put my brush down. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What?" he raised his arms in exasperation. "What the hell did I do to make you leave like that and not talk to me?"

"I left because I couldn't deal with you. That's why. You have been acting like an asshole for over a week and tonight was the boiling point for me."

"W-what?" he hesitated when he answered, making me realize he did know what I was talking about.

"You know what, Edward. Don't act all innocent and stupid…because you are not." I looked away from his reflection in the mirror, and just as I was about to take my brush one more time, he startled me by grabbing one of the armchairs and roughly pulled the chair around so that I was facing him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he said slowly, almost menacingly. He inched his face closer to mine…so close I could feel his breath on my face. But I wouldn't back down, he'd open the door for this discussion…I wasn't backing down, so I pushed him away by his shoulders and stood up.

"You…you have been rejecting me ever since _that_ night. I've been trying to get close to you, to connect…to give myself to you…only to have you take all that I'm offering and slap me in the face with it. I get it, I do. Maybe you don't wanna be with someone inexperienced, but what the hell do you want from me? I told you I'd never done that before and I understand that maybe you're looking for something else…for someone more attractive and beautiful, and I am not that person…but dammit Edward. You touched me and caressed me and made me feel things I'd never thought I'd feel and then…you act like that. You seriously can't tell me you expect more from me than how I acted tonight."

It was so hard for me to say those words, but somehow I managed to find the courage to do it. But even worse, was the fact that he just…said nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Great.

I was suddenly very tired to do this. When I thought he wasn't answering and tried to move away from him, his words stopped me.

"You think I don't find you attractive? Fuck, Bella."

Seriously? That's the part he got? Then, he startled me again. He walked toward me quickly, making me take a few steps back until my back hit the wall, caging me there. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his crotch, placing it right on his…hard…wow.

Fuck.

"See? See what you do to me by just standing there? See how I react to your presence, to your scent? You drive me absolutely fucking mad."

I took my hand away and closed my eyes. "But, what the hell am I supposed to think? You haven't even touched me since that night and…" I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions. "Every time I tried to get close to you…you just pushed me away."

"You're supposed to know that I fucking love you." He yelled. "I fucking love you so much that…I can't fucking control myself around you, but I tried to because I want to fucking respect you."

And he didn't give me a chance to answer, because he crashed his lips against mine. This kiss was so different from before. It was intense, passionate and raw. I let him dominate the kiss. I let him dominate me. He had so much to show me through his lips, that I became breathless. He became frenzied, almost…desperate. His hands wandered…over my breasts, my stomach, down to my hips and then…cupping my ass roughly.

I whimpered.

He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against mine. "See? I can't fucking control myself around you, which only makes me feel so guilty because…because you deserve so much better, you deserve everything in the world and I have absolutely no idea why you chose me to give you those things, but that night…you deserved everything…you deserved romance, tenderness, passion and…love…and you still do…and I don't think I gave it to you. I…I want to give you more than I am giving you right now…I want to…I want to love you."

_Christ._

"Please…please don't leave."

What?

"Don't leave with him, please."

God. He was all over the place. I heard what he was saying…but all my mind could think about…were those words. Those three little words that had my mind spinning. Again, he didn't give me a chance to get a word out, almost as if he was afraid of my answer. He crashed his lips against mine one more time. After a few minutes, he broke the kiss, leaving us both panting and me utterly confused. "You don't…you don't have to say anything…I know…I know you're not there…but I just wanted you to know that…I love you." He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine. His words were tearing up.

When he yelled those words right in front of me…I finally figure out what had been missing. I knew why I felt guilty and why something felt off since the night we made love –because that's what we did- I needed to know he loved me as I loved him, because if he didn't…I would die.

"I do. I do love you."

"What?" he asked stunned.

"Of course I love you…and you gave me so much that night…I though…I mean, I don't know much about it…but to me…that night…we made love. I only want you. I want nothing more."

My words set his eyes and body on fire, almost triggering him. He was becoming too much for my body to handle. He pulled me to bed and positioned on my back with him on top of me. His hands made their way back to my body…never breaking the kiss…until he did. Only to leave me breathless one more time.

"Marry me…please…marry me."

* * *

**I'm thinking just one chapter and one Epilogue to go. Then a couple of future takes. I know I said I wouldn't make them fight anymore, but…think about it this way: make up sex ;)**

**For all of you who have been with me from the beginning and are too shy to write something down there…come one, leave me some love, okay? ****And for those of you who had been reviewing from the start…thank you so, so much. Now go and leave me some more love ;)**

***sniffling* I'm 'bout to cry. I do not want this to end. *pouts***


	35. Divine

**Disclaimer. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and references included in this chapter are property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the respective author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I don't own Twilight. The mistakes are all mine, though. **

**I am so deeply sorry; you have no idea how much. Somehow, in the process of transferring files from one place to another, chapter 35 got totally erased, so I had to write it all over again. I think the only part remaining, was the teaser posted on the forum. **

**Not pretty. I think I lost my mind.**

**Don't hate me pretty please. *begs on her knees***

**Aaaaanyway…Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 35. Divine.**

_My words set his eyes and body on fire, almost triggering him. He was becoming too much for my body to handle. He pulled me to bed and positioned on my back with him on top of me. His hands made their way back to my body…never breaking the kiss…until he did. Only to leave me breathless one more time._

_"Marry me…please…marry me."_

"W-what?" I whispered, the air leaving my lungs suddenly.

"Marry me." He asked once more.

What? "Ed-dward...I...I'm not leaving with Garret...you don't have to…um…worry about that. I'm staying here…with you."

"Listen to me baby, please." He raised himself over me, supporting himself with his forearms, leaving us close so I could still feel most of his body against mine.

"You have no idea how glad that makes me feel, but I'm not asking to get you to stay...I know I don't deserve to even utter that question, but…that's all I want. Since that night we first made love…that's all I could think about. No, scratch that, since way before that, I only wanted to make you my wife again. I don't deserve to ask another chance…because I already wasted the one I had and believe me when I say I'm gonna have to live with that for the rest of my life...but I am asking now. I'm asking you to give me another chance to make this right…another chance to fix everything I ever did wrong…another chance to…to show you how much I love you."

I felt the tears spilling down my face and to the side as I listened to every word he said. "So, I'm asking, even though I don't deserve it...will you let me try and fix my mistakes? Will you let me try and make you as happy as you make me? Will...will you marry me? Please." He whispered placing a soft kiss against my lips.

What could I possibly say to that? _Oh, Edward._ On some level I wanted to say yes, of course I did. But…there was a nagging in the back of my head telling me we'd already done that before -being married- and look how that turned out.

We were horrible. We almost destroyed each other.

I squirmed beneath him, trying to move from the position we were in. He finally got the message and with hurt and confusion on his features, he moved away from me.

"Bella?"

"Are…are you serious?

"Absolutely."

"I…I'm not sure that's such a good idea…" I sat up and looked away from him, not having the courage to see his expression.

I was met with nothing with silence and that had me worried. I finally glanced up and Edward was looking down with his eyes closed. His beautiful features etched with nothing but sorrow and hurt.

_You did that, Bella._

"Fuck, Edward, I…"

"That's alright. You don't have to say anything else." Gone was the sweet and loving Edward I was so used to, only to be replaced by a distant and cold version of him.

_Well, what the fuck did you expect?_

He sat up from his spot on the bed and with a heavy breath made his way to leave. "Please talk to me." I whispered, making him stop at the threshold of our bedroom.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? You said no, I don't think there's much to talk about." He murmured with his back to me.

"I never said no. I just…I…I'm scared, Edward."

That seemed to get his attention. He turned around suddenly looking vulnerable. "Why? Why are you scared?" He pleaded with his eyes for some sort of explanation.

"We…we were already married and…look how that turned out. We practically ended up hating each other…I just don't want that happening again. I love you and…it would kill me. I'm not saying no…I'm just confused and caught off guard and scared."

He remained impassive for a couple of seconds as if trying to register what I'd just said. He must have seen something in my expression, because his features softened and he took a few steps in my direction until he was right in front of me. He gently grabbed my chin and made me look at him. "I don't think that will happen. I love you so much…I know I screwed up last time, but Bella, I feel like I have lost you a thousand times over and over again since I met you...I will do anything in my power to keep you happy and content."

His words warmed my bridle heart. But how could I be so sure we wouldn't fall back into our old routine of hatred and anger?

_You have to try._

"I…I really don't wanna be like that again."

"Good, neither do I. So if you…if you agree…we have to really try."

"You…you swear we won't be like that again?"

"I swear baby." He said wiping my cheeks with both his thumbs. I didn't realize a few tears were still rolling down my face. "Even if it's the last thing I do."

I breathed out shakily. Hearing him say those words did make me feel a lot better. I knew I would try as hard as I could to make everything work. I just had to try. With all that I had.

"Yes." I whispered, looking at him through my lashes.

"Yes?" He asked quite stunned actually.

I nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"I am. I love you so much." He pulled my face to his and crashed his lips against mine. "Do you have any idea how happy you make me? I only hope to make you as happy." He breathed once we came up for air.

"You do. You do make me happy. You just have to help me out here...I'm young and I kind of need your help. And don't push me away again, please."

"I won't. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry I hurt you and made you doubt my feelings for you. And I swear this time will be different. So, so different."

I smiled and pushed myself up to kiss him, but he backed away from me. I think I whined a little, making him chuckle in return. "Wait." He said as he stood up from the bed and ran out of the room, leaving me confused but mostly grinning like a love sick teenage girl.

Having agreed to his proposal was…beyond amazing. Just thinking about what could have happened if I'd said no...

"Edwaaaaard." I was getting impatient.

"Wait, baby. I'm coming." I huffed and flopped back on the bed. Seconds later he walked right back in, beaming and looking so excited. He took a deep breath, pulled my hand and dragged me out of bed.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Shhh." He dropped to his knees and pulled out a box from his pocket. He opened it to reveal a huge diamond ring.

"Will you marry me?" He asked with the biggest grin of his face.

This time for some reason, I wasn't speechless, I was freaking nervous, so I laughed and said the first thing that came to mind... "Seriously, I already said yes. How many times more are you gonna ask me?"

He gasped in mock offense and pulled the ring back and placed it back in his pocket.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. YES. Yes. Yes!"

He laughed and pulled the box once more. He took the ring and gently slid it into my finger. "Perfect fit."

I looked down at my hand, still completely surprised and amazed that this was actually happening and that the night had done a complete one eighty. I bit my lip when I saw the ring adorning my finger. Wow. It was breathtaking and beautiful…and it wasn't the one he had given me before. He smiled softly when he saw the look on my face. "I had to give you a new one…the one from before…I gave that ring based on hurt and anger…this ring is filled with love and adoration."

Tears spilled once more and I dropped down to my knees to mirror his position. I brought my arms around him and hugged as tight as I could. "I love you."

"I love you, Bella. So much." He cupped my face, grinned and then…"Will you marry me?"

I laughed.

"I just love asking...and I love you saying yes every time."

"Then yes…yes a thousand times."

He laughed as well, before he stood up, turned off the lights in the room, except for the bedside lamp and took me with him and led me back to bed. He placed himself above me and started kissing me softly.

_This is it. We're doing it again. _

I wanted to squeal like a teenager, but refrained from doing so. I just bit my lip and prepared myself. But then he reached over and turned off the only light remaining in the room and brought my body close to his.

Huh?

He put his arms around me and nuzzled his nose against my neck. "You make me so happy. It's been a long day, why don't we go to sleep?"

Huh? No freaking way.

No. Not after the weeks and night we just had. I turned in his arms and tried glaring at him through the darkness. "You're not gonna touch me?"

"What?" he seemed surprised by my question. Good. I was too, but I wasn't backing down.

"You heard me."

"I…um…I'm trying to be respectful and letting you sleep, you must be tired…and I'm trying not to assume things I shouldn't."

"You just asked me to marry you. For the second time…I think you can assume whatever you want."

He looked contrite for a second, before his lips crashed against mine with a force that took my breath away. "God, Bella. Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You look so beautiful." He crashed his lips against mine and started driving me mad slowly. His mouth was wet and warm and tasted just as good as it did that night. It felt like it'd been forever since I last kissed him, but not in a million years could I forget what they tasted like. Even though a part of me was nervous, I remembered this. I remembered how to do this. How to love him.

His hands moved from my sides, coming to rest on my chest. He opened the robe I was still wearing, revealing my almost naked body underneath. Bending down, he started kissing my collarbone making me hot and kind of breathless.

"Um…wait." I gasped. I felt my body flushing from head to toe for what I was about to ask him but it had been plaguing my mind for two weeks now.

"What? Did I hurt you?"

"No…um…" Shit. "The…um…song from before…who was that?"

He regarded me curiously before smiling. "He's a Latin singer, from a small town in the south of Mexico, I think. He's not a huge celebrity or anything like that, but I love his songs and everything they mean."

"It was beautiful."

"You liked it?"

_I loved it_. I nodded, suddenly feeling very shy. "Everything felt…more intense, I guess. Do you understand what that song says?"

He leaned down, skimmed his nose along my jaw and against my ear he whispered…"Si."

_Fuck._ His voice sparked something in conversation was suddenly forgotten and I pulled his face to mine once again.

His kiss was fervent, making my blood boil and my insides melt. He was setting my body on fire…a fire that began between my legs.

He released my lips and moved down to my breasts, placing his arms beneath me and unclasping my bra, removing it and letting it fall to the floor, exposing me to him. I couldn't say I was too comfortable being out in the open in front of him, but the look in his eyes stopped me from doing anything about it.

"Gorgeous." He murmured, mostly to himself, I think.

His kisses were slow and tender, showing me his devotion. His lips were so soft, so open, leaving a trail of wetness over my body. Learning. Devouring. Just touching me with exploring hands. Hands that were trying to memorize my body.

It was then that I noticed he was still wearing too much, so I brought my hands up and started unbuttoning his shirt. In no time the only thing separating us were his boxers and my panties. And that made nerves take over my body. I was still so inexperienced and I wanted to be good for him. So with a deep breath, a blush that took over my entire body and a pinch of courage, I brought my hand between us.

Up until this point I'd only just seen it –and had it inside me, of course- but now I wanted to touch it. I wanted to touch him.

But apparently Edward had other ideas, because he moved away from my reach, hooking his fingers into my panties, he slid them down my legs, tossing them aside. He caressed my thighs and skimmed his hands over my knees, before gently pushing them apart. He moved down my body, trailing soft kisses all over my breast and stomach, his eyes never leaving mine. My pulse quickened and my breathing became shallow when I realized his intentions.

_Yeah, that's a no._

I tried closing my legs to stop him from going any further but he wouldn't have that and pushed them back open with his hands.

"Um…Edward, you don't have to do…_that_." I said nervously.

"I want to."

"No, you don't. Please come back here."

"Hey, look at me." He rasped. His voice sounded so rough, it made me look at him. His expression was enough for me to believe his words, but still…I was too embarrassed to let him do that. "If you really don't want me to, I won't…but I really want to."

"Why?"

"Because I do. Because this…" He said skimming his nose along the apex of my thighs, making me shudder. "This is pure Bella. This…this is heaven."

How could I form any coherent thought when he spoke like that? So I sighed and agreed embarrassed.

With my arm thrown over my eyes I surrendered to his ministrations. I felt him reach out and touch the exposed skin between my legs. Gently. Giving me time to adjust to the feeling.

I felt him probing. Touching. Caressing. Opening me up and then…his tongue met my flesh and my body became a live wire. I moved my arm from my face and looked down at Edward. He looked…beautiful…and kind of naughty even. I could see it in his face…he wanted me. He wanted it.

So any restricting I had, quickly evaporated. If he wasn't embarrassed or reluctant to do this, I would let him and try to enjoy it. And I did. I arched my back and moaned so loud when he inserted a finger and hit a spot inside me that made me gasp in shock.

"Steady baby."

_Yeah, right._

I burned. Slowly. Amazingly. Taking everything he gave me. Feeling his tongue, his fingers, his everything move against me. In me. He continued his torture until he inserted another finger; making me gasp incredibly loud and with a twist of his fingers…I came undone.

I gasped, moaned and trashed on the bed, feeling completely out of this world, seeing stars and dots behind my eyelids.

It wasn't like the last time. This time it was even more amazing.

But somehow…I was still aching. I was so ready. So desperate to have him inside that I pulled his body up toward me and raised my hips seeking his body, only to have him stop my movements with his hands.

"Edward…please."

"Easy, baby. I want to take my time with you." He caressed my face with his fingers, moving my hair out of the way and kissed my neck.

"Please." I asked once more. Begging him to just take me. "Please."

"Fuck, Bella. What you do to me."

He moved slightly away from me only to remove his boxers. I took my chance and really looked at him. He truly was a gorgeous man, so sweet and attentive.

He tossed his remaining piece of clothing to the side and hovered over me once more. "Are you ready?"

I nodded. He bent down and kissed me again, pouring everything into the kiss. I felt him settle between my legs, making me open them even wider and then…he entered me slowly. Inch by inch, letting me get used to the feeling.

This I remembered. The slow burn and stretching. The fullness. The feeling of completeness. It still hurt, but not so much as the first time. It was more like a dull ache that still remained inside me.

"Are you okay?" he rasped once he was fully in.

"Yes."

"I love you."

"I love you."

He started moving and that dull ache turned into something more. A scorching fire the begged to be put out. A need that wanted to be fulfilled.

And he was.

He was giving me everything I could ever need. Not just physically now…but emotionally. In every sense of the way.

Lacing his fingers through mine, he brought my left hand above my head and held it there while he moved inside me. My free hand fisted gripping sheets next to my head. His free hand went to my leg and brought it up higher over his hip.

"Edward." I whimpered, feeling him slide even deeper than before.

"You feel so good, baby." He groaned against my breast, biting my nipple gently.

"Fuck."

"Oh, Bella."

Suddenly he stopped, and just as I was about to protest, he flipped us over, pulling me over his lap straddling him.

_Holy…_

Shit. I could…feel him…everywhere…so deep.

But then with wide eyes…I stayed still, not really knowing what I was supposed to do.

"What…what's wrong?" he asked breathless when he saw my expression.

"I…I don't know what…what to do." I shrugged embarrassed and looked away.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll guide you." And he did. He grabbed my hips with his hands and slowly started moving me up and down.

"Oh." I gasped.

This…_wow_…this felt so different. I could feel him deeper. It felt so intense. I felt every inch of him moving in and out deliberately.

"Put your hands on my chest, love." He said when he saw my hands just hanging in the air, like I was afraid of touching him. I tentatively placed my hands on his chest, making him…oh…fuck…the…um…the angle was different like this…so…so…fuck.

"God, I love you." he groaned.

After a few minutes my legs started hurting, not really used to being in this position. I mean, this position was great, but I was getting too self conscious being out on the open like that, so even though he was moving me, I tried slowing down my movements hoping we could switch places.

He noticed my motions and the look on my face must have given him a clue to what was going on inside me. I was hoping to see disappointment in his eyes, but I only saw love and adoration.

"Hey…come back to me." he whispered as he sat up, rearranging our bodies. He wrapped my legs around his waist and brought me closer to his chest, hugging me tightly.

_Yes, this is better. Much better._

I was momentarily stunned when I heard the soft static leaving the speakers. I turned my head to look at the sound system on the side. I had no idea if it just started playing now or I was too absorbed in Edward to hear it before.

And then the song started playing.

The one before was sweet and almost tender…this one…this one was definitely…more.

Just as the sensual sound of the saxophone started playing in the background, Edward started moving his hips slowly, bringing my attention back to him.

And what I found was too much.

He was really close. Extremely close. So close our noses were touching and I felt his breath warm washing over my face.

Casting a spell on me.

I'm sure that's what he was trying to do. Envelope me in emotion. Overwhelm me.

He alternated between moving his hips and moving mine, but we were always doing it. Creating that friction that was slowly driving me crazy.

Everything was becoming too much. Feeling his breathing against my neck. Against my lips. Almost breathing each other's air. Gasping and feeling. The song. His body against mine. Inside me. His heat and warmth. Everything was too much.

"You're divine."

_God. Too much._

My head lolled back and just as I was about to fall backward, not being able to support myself anymore, he brought his arms from my bottom and hugged me to him tightly. So tight I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Actually, I'd just decided he wasn't allowed to let me go. Not now, not ever.

This felt so…so real…so tangible. So intense and sensual. Sensually delicious.

It covered my skin raising goosebumps everywhere. If his body wasn't saying it already, his gaze told me everything he was feeling. Confirming my decision to say yes. To become his wife once more. Only this time…it would be willing and filled with love.

I reach out and stroked his cheek. His eyes closed as I rubbed jaw, asking myself how I got so lucky. "I love you so much."

His hand covered mine against his cheek, his fingers closed around mine and he brought our entwined hands and placed them right against his pounding heart. "I love you."

With those words I came undone once more, the force of my climax surprising me. My body's reaction triggered his own release, making him call out my name and dropping his forehead against my shoulder.

_Oh my God. That was…_

.

.

.

"Hey, hey. Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?" he asked with alarm on his voice once he heard me sniffling.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm fine…I just…I'm overwhelmed."

He put his hands on either side of my head and kissed me softly once more.

-o-

After I calmed down a little bit, he pulled me to him. My head was on his arm next to his naked chest while his fingers gently skimmed over my back. He bent down and kissed my nose quickly, making me smile and pulling me even closer to him. Not that it was possible, but he still tried.

I couldn't imagine feeling any happier that right now.

"That was…" he breathed out.

"I know."

"You know, you almost gave me a heart attack for a minute."

"Huh?"

"When you said you didn't think marrying me was the best idea. I thought you were gonna make me suffer for it."

"Please…you didn't have to work for it at all. I caved almost immediately."

"I'm glad you came around."

"I'm really glad I did." I whispered, bringing my hand up and admiring the ring on my finger.

"When do you want to get married?"

As soon as possible. "I don't know. You?"

"Soon."

"I know. I mean, we were already married, right? It's not like we're jumping into something we don't know, so why should we wait?."

He turned on his side so he was facing me. "We _are_ jumping into something we don't know, Bella. I meant it when I said this would be different. All we know from before was anger and sadness. I don't want any of those feelings in our marriage. I only want happiness and elation. So if you need some time to get used to the idea or even to get to know each other a little better, it's okay."

"I think we know each other a _little_ better, don't you think?" I said motioning to our state of undress.

He laughed. "That's not what I mean and you know it." He said tapping his finger against my nose.

I bit my lip to keep my smile from getting any bigger than it already was. "I don't know how long it takes to plan a wedding. I'll have to ask Alice."

"You…you want to plan it?" he asked surprised.

"Um…yeah. It's my wedding, isn't it? Of course I want to."

"You didn't plan the last one." He said quietly.

Right, I didn't. I decided to go with honesty. "I didn't want the last one. This one however…I crave it."

The smile he gave was blinding. "So…we'll ask Alice?"

"Only regarding the time frame. I want to make the decisions this time."

"Absolutely, baby."

* * *

**The song? Pretty amazing. You should…um…you know…do it…while listening to it. It's in Spanish though, so if anyone is interested, just ask for it. **

**So…this is the last chapter. Only the epilogue left. **

**I'm sad. Really sad. I think I might cry. **

**I won't say my goodbyes, I'm not ready yet. **

**See you next time? **

**All my love.**


	36. Epilogue

**Disclaimer. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, and references included in this chapter are property of their respective owners. The original characters are not the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I don't own Twilight. The mistakes are all mine, though. **

**Sorry. No excuse is good enough.**

**This is it. **

**Long ass author's note at the end. But if you don't read them…thank you. So, so much. Always.**

* * *

**Epilogue.**

* * *

Dress. Check.

Hair. Check.

Shoes. Check.

Make-up redone for the third time. Check.

Best day of my life. Check.

I took a deep cleansing breath, trying to remain as calm as I could.

Yeah, I wasn't getting anywhere near calm. This day was becoming too much for me to handle…but in some way I wouldn't have it any other way.

Memories kept coming back to me, flooding my mind, making me remember the day we got married for the first time. The day I once thought as the worst one of my life…who knows, maybe it was back then. But now? Well, I would like to believe I'd gained some perspective and could look at it in a different light.

That day was the one my life became attached to Edward's. That day I had started a transformation in me that would probably never end.

So many things were different now.

The church and the room I was currently waiting in, were totally different. At first we had issues finding someone willing to marry us again. I mean, we were already married in the eyes of God, so any priest had said it wouldn't make a difference if we wanted to do it again.

We did.

Almost six months had passed since that night when we declared ourselves and he proposed, and everything after that had been absolutely crazy.

There had been a couple of arguments regarding how we planned on doing this again. Somehow Edward thought the bigger the wedding, the better, and I had a hard time getting my point of view across. I just wanted something small. I only had two or three friends left from Forks –that weren't even present in the first wedding- and besides my grandparents who were miles away from here and wouldn't be able to make it due to health issues, I had no one I wanted present that day.

"_And besides, baby…that first time…when I walked in there and saw all those strangers looking back at me…it made me feel even more…" I trailed off not knowing what else to say, only hoping he would understand. _

He did. That was the last time we touched that subject.

So we ended up finding a small beautiful church with room just for a few people. His parents and our closest friends were the only ones attending.

Now, the fact of telling Edward's parents again was a whole different ordeal. To say they were surprised would be putting it mildly, but they gave us their full support. That only meant I wasn't alone this time. Before, I had spent hours locked in a room waiting for my unstoppable doom, now I had Edward's family here with me.

Alice was currently talking on her cell phone, arranging and setting things up, and with her back to me, thank God. Esme was outside making sure everything was set and ready to go.

Other things…they were the same.

Charlie wasn't here this time either.

That was one of the reasons I was crying. Remembering my father today was inevitable and it hurt me deeply that he couldn't be here to give me away…to see how happy I was. To see how long I have come.

"Bella?" That was Alice. She noticed my tears for sure. I wiped my face as gently as I could, trying not to ruin my makeup.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll stop, I swear."

"Hey." She whispered, making me turn around. "Don't worry about it, but why are you crying, honey? This is supposed to be the best day of your life."

"It is, Alice. It's just…I...I miss Charlie, that's all."

"Oh, Bella. He would have been so proud. I know it."

"Yeah."

"Let's fix out makeup, okay?" I nodded when I noticed she had tears in her eyes too.

-o-

"Are you ready, honey?" Carlisle asked when we were only a few feet away from making our big entrance.

I could only nod and give a small smile. I was so freaking nervous.

"Alright, come on." He said as he took me by the arm and led me down a hall and stopped just as we were about to reach the isle.

Carlisle turned to me, caressed my cheek and gently squeezed my hand. "Here we go."

I heard the music.

I smelled the flowers.

I knew the guests were there.

But all I could really see was Edward. He was there at the end of the aisle. He looked so beautiful and handsome, it took my breath away. I became mesmerized. Hypnotized.

And then I wasn't nervous anymore. I was just…overcome with emotion. Overwhelmed, even.

That man…

The man waiting for me…he was once a stranger.

The man that was once my enemy, my worst nightmare…even my ex husband…now…he was everything.

He stood there beaming with tears in his eyes, just as me.

A man that exuded nothing but strength…now he was trying to calm his nerves and get his breathing under control.

That man was going to be my husband once more.

My new best friend.

The love of my life.

I only hoped I could make him as happy as he was making me.

And then I was in front of him. I was placed in his hands. He kissed my cheek right before he kissed my cheek. We turned toward the priest. I heard the words. But the warmth of Edward's body next to mine made it almost impossible for me to focus on the words being spoken to us.

I was having an out of body experience. I couldn't stop and examine every detail like I did that day. Right now my focus was solely on the man standing next to me.

I'd only catch a few words the priest said, managing to answer when spoken to.

And then we spoke the only two words important right now. The words that would tie us for the rest of our lives.

"I do."

"I do."

-o-

"We're not doing it on the plane, baby." Edward groaned hotly against my neck. He was trying to sound all firm and shit, but his actions…and hands, said otherwise. He was leaning against the leather seat with both his hands kneading my ass roughly as I straddled him, trying to push my breasts as far as I could onto his chest.

"Why not?" I breathed against his ear.

"Because I…I thought we agreed we would wait until…we were there."

"Yeah, but…I don't know where 'there' is…so, I have to keep myself occupied, seeing that you won't tell me where we're going." I trailed my hands from his hair, down his chest and stomach, leaving them hovering over his very prominent erection.

"Fuck, baby. We have to stop."

"I don't wanna." I purred, grinding my hips against his lap.

And I really didn't want to.

At first, the idea had popped into my head and I became determined to force him to tell me where he was taking me on our honeymoon, so I decided to seduce him, or at least try to. But now, with me moving on him sensually and his hands roaming all over my ass, squeezing and pulling me against him…yeah, my plan would probably back fire on me.

Not that I minded.

I mean, how in the world I thought I could resist the sexiness that was my husband? I just couldn't. It was beyond me.

"Come on…tell me where we're going." I begged. He suddenly froze beneath me and removed his lips from my neck.

"You…you're doing this on purpose? You're trying to distract me enough so I'll tell you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said as innocently as I could.

"God, you are one dangerous creature, Mrs. Cullen."

"You love me anyway."

"That I do. And I love how brave you've become." He rasped as he resumed his residence on my neck. "You weren't this forward a couple of months ago."

I blushed when I heard his words. He was right. A few months ago I couldn't even think about making the first move on him and now…well, guess who started the make out session.

We were basically embracing a journey that was as much new to him as it was to me.

Yeah, right. We were both just horny for each other. Craving the intimacy and the contact after so long of living without it.

Since the night he proposed it had been on. Definitely. We were all about exploring and experiencing what came along. He was teaching me things I never knew I could feel and I –as he put it- was opening his eyes to a whole new world.

At first he was sweet and loving and everything a clueless girl like me could ask…but there were times where he would just lose absolute control and something primal and heated took over him and I had to say…I absolutely loved it. I actually craved it. Wanted it with everything I had. I even did all that was possible to make that part of him come out as much as it could.

So it became my life's mission to get him to lose his shit. I tried everything I could possibly think of. I went from dancing around the house in only a towel after getting out of the shower, pretending to be oblivious to his presence…to buying barely there lingerie that made me blush from head to toe.

And my efforts were not wasted, believe me. They worked every single time, making me feel wanted, cherished and powerful. But over the months I'd learned nothing worked better on Edward as much as me starting any…activity. Even if I didn't stay in control throughout it, the fact that I started whatever it was we were doing, had an effect on him that left me breathless and gasping for air every time.

So I finally asked him what it was about it that made him tick…he only said "It makes me feel like you really do want me."

I almost smacked him in the head when I heard those words, but I was quick to reassure him of my love and devotion. In all honesty…it had been true all along, I never stood a chance against the Edward Cullen charm and I let him know that.

"Does that bother you?" I asked throwing my head back exposing my neck even more to him.

"Absolutely no. In fact…it drives me completely wild."

Yeees. Good.

"But, we have to stop, baby." He pecked my neck a few times and slowly began to remove his hand from my ass.

"Nooo." I whined.

"Please. This is unbearable. It physically hurts."

"Hmmm…I can make it feel really good, you know. Not make it hurt and all."

"God, where did you come from?" I didn't answer. I just chuckled softly before returning my lips to his jaw.

"Come on…let's wait until we're there. Please?" he begged a little more in control now.

Dammit. I sighed and backed away from him.

"Fine. But…can we at least make out a little bit more? Just make out? I promise."

"Of course, gorgeous."

-o-

I felt movement all around me. The air was cool, hitting my naked arms and I felt my legs slowly dangling back and forward. I opened my eyes and realized I was actually in Edward's arms. Looking around, I saw what it looked like a hallway, maybe? I wasn't sure. The last thing I remembered was landing and then getting into a limo. I guess I fell asleep after that.

"Hey, baby. Had a good nap?"

"How long was I out?"

"Not much. Only about a half an hour. I didn't wanna wake you up, so I just carried you here."

"Hmmm…and where is here?"

"You'll see soon enough."

He walked a few feet more and came to stop in front of two huge wooden doors. He arranged me in his arms and managed to open them. After stepping inside the room, he set me down, giving me a chance to admire my surroundings.

Wow. This was…

I wasn't sure why I was surprised. I should have expected this. Pure elegance and luxury. A suite. With its own living room, dining room as far as I could see…and…was that a…a grand baby in the corner? Wow.

"You like?" Edward asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I love."

"Good."

"You know…we're already in our hotel room and I still have no idea where we are."

"That was the point."

"I wonder why you're being so mysterious. I'm seriously considering the idea that we're actually in Oklahoma or something like that."

"Seriously?" he released me from his hold and turned me around to face him. "That's what you think?"

I nodded my head and smiled goofily at him.

He shook his head in amusement. "Oklahoma is beautiful, you know?"

"So I've heard."

"By all means, baby. Go ahead and take a look at Oklahoma." He said motioning with his hand to some sort of a balcony at the far end of the room.

I stepped out of my heels, tossed them to the side and started walking toward those doors. When I was standing in front of them, I stayed still and took a moment to absorb everything going on around me.

I was actually quite nervous.

Not about where we were, because the place or location didn't matter at all. We actually could be in Oklahoma and I would make it my life's mission to have the best time of my life…because that was how it was going to be from now on. No more second guessing anything. No more doubting. No more hesitating. Everything would be fine as long as I had Edward by my side.

My life was starting right now and I wanted to live it.

So with a final breath I slowly grabbed the handle and opened the doors in front of me.

I gasped as soon as I saw what awaited me there.

It was beautiful. Breathtaking. Amazing.

"Paris?" I breathed turning around from the magnificent view we had of the Eiffel tower to face him. "You really brought me to Paris?"

"Yes." He whispered timidly. I frowned. His tone caught me off guard for a second.

"What is it?"

"Um…do you…um…remember when I…fuck." He said as he ran his hands through his hair. I caught them and brought them to my lips.

"Hey, what?"

"Back then…I asked you to lie to my family and said we'd had out honeymoon in Paris, remember?"

Oh.

Yeah, I remembered.

"Even though it was just a lie…I always craved it to be true. I always pictured you here…with me. Do you hate that I brought you here? Shit. I swear it seemed romantic when I thought about it in my head. We can leave if you want; we'll take the jet and go somewhere else…"

I cut him off by crashing my lips against his. "Shut up." I mumbled against his lips. "We're not going anywhere. And it is romantic. So let me enjoy this moment."

"Okay." He finally smiled. "I know it's kind of cliché…but…well I thought…I want to give you the world…and what better way to do that than to show it to you first."

"No…I love it."

"You do?"

"Of course. How could I not to?"

He beamed and pressed his forehead to mine. "If you want we could live here…for a while. A few weeks or months…whatever you like."

What?

"What?" I breathed. "Live here?"

"Yes."

"Just like that?"

"Yes. Just like that."

Was he serious?

"I don't speak French."

He laughed before pulling me to him. "I could teach you, that's not an issue."

Wow. Live in Paris?

"Can we think about it?"

"Of course, baby. It was just an idea. Just wanted you to know it was a possibility. Or we can live somewhere else if you'd like? London? Rome? Spain?"

"I don't speak Spanish."

"I do, baby." He purred, making my body tingle all over.

"I remember."

"Good."

That was the end of our talk.

-o-

"Fuck, baby." I gasped.

"Yeah?"

"Yessss."

"There?"

"Fuck, yes."

"God baby, I love you."

Yeah, that.

He was kneeling on the bed. I was on my back with my legs thrown over his hips. He held mine in his firm hands while he moved in and out of me in the most delicious ways. The moonlight was filtering through the long curtains, illuminating only the side of his face, making his hair look darker, his skin paler and his features even more defined.

So yeah, I was speechless at the moment.

Actually, that had been a permanent state of mind since we got here. I mean, I know newlyweds are supposed to be this way, but I think we were bordering on ridiculous. We'd become insatiable. We just weren't able to take our hands off each other. Today was our fifth day in Paris and I don't think we had seen much of the city.

Our routine consisted only in waking up, making love, showering, making love in there, eating breakfast, making love, um…making love again…going out for two hours at most, making love, having lunch, taking a nap, waking up and making love, having diner and um….guess what? Yeah, making love.

Um…like I said, insatiable.

"Harder…please." I begged. "Please."

"Damn…anything." And he complied. He grabbed onto my hips and picked up his pace, making me whimper and moan and loose my mind.

He brought one of his hands to the apex of my thighs and began stroking me with two of his fingers. "Please baby, come…please."

"Yes…Edward…."

"Ughhh…."

"Oh, God."

"I love you." He shouted before he released inside me and slumped on top of me.

-o-

"How 'bout this one?"

I sighed once again. "I don't need that one either, baby."

"I know you don't need it, I'm just asking if you like it."

"Of course I like it, but it's too much."

"It's not too much."

That's what he'd said with the last piece, too. I shook my head and exhaled. I knew he meant well, but seriously?

We'd been in Venice for about a week now, and when we were strolling around the city, we found this expensive and fancy looking art gallery. And now Edward was trying to buy one of the pieces for me…or for the house, as he claimed.

Everything was absolutely magnificent here, so it was obvious I liked some things. But everywhere my eyes landed, Edward took it as a sign that meant he had to buy it for me. I mean, I had seen something and of course loved it, but that didn't mean I wanted it, not for the price they were selling it.

"Baby…" I said taking the sculpture from his hands and flipping it over to see the price tag. "This is like $12,000.00 dollars. It's way too expensive."

"I want you to have it." I swear he was seconds away from pouting. "It's really beautiful."

God, how could I resist him?

"Look…that one is way too expensive. What do you say if we leave this one here…" I put the piece back in its place and took his hand, leading him to another section of the store. "And we pick something from this rack. Everything is less expensive here. What do you say?"

He sighed. "Whatever you want, baby."

I smiled.

Was that so hard?

We only had to compromise.

"So…where to now?" he asked once we left the gallery.

"I don't know." I admitted, taking his hand in mine and linking our arms together. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, there's a little town not too far from here. It's called San Morino, and I was thinking we could go. I hear it's absolutely beautiful."

I smiled once more. "Whatever you want, baby."

This honeymoon had been absolutely wonderful. I seriously couldn't have asked for nothing more. We had traveled all over Europe, visiting and staying in places I had never even heard of. The most popular cities were the first ones on our agenda, but now it had become Edward's new mission to show me as many little towns as possible.

Sometimes we even ended going back somewhere we'd already visit, either there was something I craved to see again or there was something he suddenly remembered he forgot to show me.

He was spoiling me rotten, for sure. I could definitely get used to this. I was even considering taking him up on his offer and staying here for a while. I mean, in overall we'd already been here for over two months and I was finding it amazing.

And apparently he was rich enough he could take that time off, which worried a bit. No matter how rich you are, you can't take three month off work just like that, and when I told him so, he said he'd put my worries to rest, claiming he'd left Jasper in charge of the company. Still he made a few phone calls every now and then, making sure everything was in order.

"I love you." he murmured against my temple, putting his arms around me.

"I love you, too. So much."

-o-

"Fuck, Bella. I swear you're gonna kill me one of these days." He said panting in my ear and pulling me closer to his body.

"Right back at you, baby."

I was tired. Exhausted and thoroughly fucked in every since of the way…but I wouldn't have it any other way.

We were in Prague now and I just told Edward I did want to live here for a while. How could I not? It was unbelievable.

So, he thought he could thank me by fucking me into oblivion.

Again, I wasn't complaining.

We still had to figure out where and how long, but it was decided. We were living here for a while. At least until we knew what we wanted to do with our lives.

Actually, until I decided what to do with my life.

Edward said he'd already planned everything in his life before he met me, which of course changed once I walked into the picture, so every decision he could make from now on, would be based solely on me and what I wanted.

And what I only wanted right now…was to be with him.

I'd been thinking a lot and realized something. Every single action, every single word uttered between us, had led us right to this moment. I believed that now. As much as the first few months of our lives together had been nothing but hell, I knew the outcome probably wouldn't have been the same if we'd avoided said months.

As much as I'd tried stopping myself from getting attached, from feeling and wanting…in the end my heart was no longer its owner.

My heart belonged to someone else.

And it had for a long time now.

Even if I tried to deny it.

My love for him was almost inevitable.

And I could only find one reason behind me developing those feelings. He was the reason. Only him. I couldn't find another explanation.

Who would have thought? In the end…I did end up loving him.

* * *

**Fin.**

* * *

**So…this is it. *sobs* This journey has come to an end.**

**Yuki, thank you so much for encouraging me every time. I'm sorry for not being a better friend.**

**To all my readers…how in the world can I thank you all for sticking with me through this? I just can't, but I'll try. Thank you so, so much for every single word, every PM, every favorite, every alert you guys were kind enough to give me. Thank you to all of you who read but didn't review…I love you, too.**

**This was my first fanfic story, so to get this response from you has been amazing.**

**You have no idea how terribly sorry I am for making you all wait so long for updates. I'm sorry for all the grammatical errors you found on every single chapter. I know they're there, I've seen them. But sometimes it was really hard for me to catch them. I did this without a Beta, so you can understand the reason behind them.**

**I'll sill write a couple of future takes on these two. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long. And I also have planned a few stories ahead. Hopefully I'll see you around?**

**Now, go and leave me some love. X.**


	37. Futuretake: Two Years Later

**Hello my lovelies. Here's the future take I promised.**

**I own nothing.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Two Years Later.**

"So…um…what are you saying? Is it really over?" I breathed into the phone, waiting for the answer that would allow me to finally breathe easily.

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen. After so long the verdicts finally came through and everything came out as we had discussed. It's safe to say you won't be seeing any of those two individuals any time soon."

Wow.

Really?

"Does my husband know?"

"Not yet. I heard he was out of town and figured it was best to give you the news first."

"You were right. Thank you so much."

A couple of questions later, I hung up the phone and slumped on my chair…and breathed out a sigh of relief.

This was it.

Our lawyer had called as soon as he heard the news and apparently James and Laurent were both behind bars and probably would be there for a really long time.

About six months after Edward and I got married, the trial came to a start. We had both been called to take the stand and recall everything that happened. We weren't too thrilled about that, especially Edward, but after thinking it through we decided to go ahead and do it. And apparently we hadn't been the only ones affected by those two scumbags. As soon as the trial had become somewhat public, many others stepped forward and took the stand as well. That was one of the reasons why it took so long to finally get a verdict.

So, James and Laurent had finally been persecuted and since yesterday had been found responsible for fraud, kidnapping and a bunch of other things I wasn't even interested in remembering. That part of our lives was since long forgotten and now…it was absolutely in the past and would remain buried there.

Just as I was about to pick up the phone to call Edward, my assistant Emily knocked on the door. "Hi, Bella. You're needed out there. Mr. Kerney wants you and the rest of the staff in the conference room."

I nodded and stood up from my desk, wiping my skirt down. "I'll be right there, Emily. Thanks."

I guess the news would have to wait for latter.

-o-

"Is everyone clear on the new program?"

We all nodded our heads rightfully and cleared the room almost immediately. We had stuff to do immediately if we really wanted to get the new set of programs ready to launch.

I walked back into my office and turned to Emily. "I need those lists we went through last week. They need to be ready and checked. And could you tell Erick I need the conference room booked for Friday, please?"

"Sure thing, Bella."

"Thanks."

"By the way…" She paused at the door and smiled gently in my direction. "Great job in there. Mr. Kerney was really impressed. He's been since you got here."

Oh.

"Thank you so much, Em. That means a lot to me."

With a small wink she left the room, closing the door behind her. I sat in my chair and thought about what she said. Hearing those words from her were like a breath of fresh air. Especially after having such a rough time adjusting to everything around me.

Everything had been hectic since we came back from Europe. We stayed there for as long as we could, until it was impossible for us to avoid the mess of the trial any longer. Almost seven months were spent out of the country, giving plenty of time to decide what to do with my life.

And surprisingly I had made up my mind.

I wanted to go back to school. So I did.

It just didn't turn out as easy as I thought. Things didn't come my way easily, not with the school thing, but I struggled for almost two years trying to find a job. I almost gave up, but I had Edward by my side and he gave me the courage and support I needed to keep going.

But in the end I managed to find an internship here. A PR company that had given me the chance to prove myself. Now all I had to do was just that…prove I was capable of getting things done. And I was trying my ass off. I worked overtime and as fast as I could.

My cell phone ringing brought me out of my musings. Pulling it out of my pocket, I smiled when I saw Edward's name on the screen. "Hi, baby." I breathed out, relieved to finally talk to him.

"Hello, gorgeous. How are you today?"

I smiled. "Better now that I heard your voice."

"I know baby. I can't wait to be back."

"I know. I miss you."

"Oh, Bella. Are you pouting?" I could hear his smile through the phone.

"Maybe."

"I miss you too…so much. How are you feeling?"

I sighed into the phone. As much as I loved him worrying about me, I thought it was unnecessary for him to do it.

I had managed to stay healthy and strong since he left.

About two months ago… I got sick.

Like really sick.

Like I almost died sick.

Okay, not so much. But still…

They doctor said it was a combination of food poisoning, the flu and other shit I can't even remember…and every once in a while I still got dizzy or really tired, which put Edward absolutely on edge. But this trip couldn't be postponed again. Not because of me anyway. So I practically had to force Edward out the door.

He wasn't happy about that.

"I'm fine, baby. Please don't worry about me."

"Of course I worry. I hate leaving you alone…I wish I was there with you."

"Baby, you've been gone for three days. I'll be fine until you get back. Besides, your family has been keeping me company, so don't worry, okay?"

"I'll try."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

After promising to call later tonight, he reluctantly said goodbye.

-o-

My phone rang again. This time it was Edward's sister. "Hey, Alice. What's up?"

"Hey, hon. You ready? I'm right outside."

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

After I hung up, I took the elevator downstairs and met Alice outside the lobby. We made our way over to the coffee shop down the street from my building to have lunch.

"So…did Edward call already?" She asked as we sat down on a little booth at the corner of the shop.

I laughed. She knew very well how maniac her brother got when I was left alone in the house. Not that it happened a lot, but still. "You know he did. He's worried."

"Yeah, I know. He called me almost demanding we all looked after you until he got back."

"I'm sorry. He gets really overbearing sometimes."

"Don't worry, Bella. We are more than happy to comply."

I smiled. Edward's family –my family now- had been amazing in every aspect of our lives. Always checking in and asking if we needed something. Even Rosalie had stepped up as well. "I know. Thanks, Alice."

Our food was delivered to our table and as soon as the waiter placed my plate in front of me… I knew something wasn't right. If it was the look of the food or its smell, I wasn't sure. But something made my stomach react weirdly.

And then the nauseas started just like that.

I looked up and saw Alice eating and eating and chatting and eating more and more. I couldn't exactly hear what she was saying.

My mind was dizzy. My thoughts were tired and sluggish. My body felt heavy.

Yeah, something was definitely wrong.

That was my last thought before I dropped to the floor and everything went black.

* * *

**EPOV.**

"So gentlemen. Let's begin, shall we?" I sat down and took a look around the conference room filled with business man. "We have come up with a new set of strategies that we think could be beneficial to your campaign and will help us develop the main aspects that were initially set in the contract. Our associate here will explain them further. Mark could you start the presentation, please?"

Mark nodded, turned the lights off and began talking away using the screen behind all of us as a map guide.

Thirty minutes into his speech, my cell phone began ringing, earning me several looks from my piers around the table. I looked at the screen and when I saw who it was, I send it straight to voice mail, hoping she could way a little longer.

Alice.

As soon as the meeting was over, I'd call her back.

But apparently she had other ideas in mind, because she kept insisting. I sighed and sent the call to voice mail once more.

I opted for texting her instead.

**Big meeting. What's up?**

I got an answer a few minutes later.

**It's important…it's Bella.**

I frowned and read her message once more. An uneasy feeling suddenly took over my body. Why would Alice be calling me about Bella? "Excuse me." I murmured distractedly as I stood up and made my way out of the room. Once outside I dialed her number and paced impatiently waiting for her answer.

"Edward." She sighed.

"What's going on? Where's Bella?"

"Look…I'm going to tell you something but I need you to stay calm and listen, okay?"

Yeah, not the right thing to say when you want someone to stay calm. Her words only made me even more anxious. "What the fuck is going on Alice?"

"Edward, please calm down."

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down, just tell me what's going on? Where's Bella?"

She sighed. "Okay. Look…we met for lunch today and when we arrived at the coffee shop…she um…she…"

"What, Alice?" I snapped, anxious to hear what happened.

"She fainted Edward."

No.

"What?" I breathed out.

"Edward…listen." She rushed her words out. "She's okay now. She came around minutes later but I still took her to the hospital to get her checked out. She's fine."

"But…why? What did they say?"

"They didn't tell me anything, they only spoke to her and she was released about two hours later."

"Where is she?"

"She's at your house. I wanted to take her to mom's, but you know your wife…she's stubborn."

Of course she was. "Why didn't you call me before Alice?"

"I…she…she made me promise not to. She didn't want you to worry…but I had to let you know. She…well, even thought she assured me everything was fine, and the doctors told her it was only stress…she…she seemed out of it. So…I thought I'd let you know."

"Out of it?" I rasped.

"Well, yeah. Worried, maybe. I don't know. I wanted to stay with her but she refused. She promised to rest and nap all afternoon."

"Fuck."

"I'm sorry, Edward." She whispered.

"No, Alice. Don't apologize. You did what you had to do. Thank you for calling me and for taking her to the hospital. I'm gonna try and reach her and see what's going on."

"Okay, Edward. Let me know if you need anything, alright?"

"Of course. Thank you."

After I hung up, I immediately dialed Bella's number but after a few seconds it went to voice mail and I got the same result once I called the house's number. "Fuck." I put my phone away, walked back into the conference room and excused myself from the meeting.

I had to get to Bella.

As soon as possible.

-o-

So…three hours later, I had managed to get myself into a state of mind of pure panic.

Absolute and utter panic.

Bella wasn't answering my calls and after replaying Alice's words over and over in my head, I knew something was wrong.

I mean, the logical and rational side of me thought Bella was probably just sleeping `or resting, and the fact that she had fainted was actually due to stress. But the irrational and emotional side of me…well, it told me to get my ass on a fucking plain right the fuck now and go to my wife, because whatever was happening wasn't right.

_Maybe you're overreacting?_

Fuck that. I wasn't. Period.

She had been sick a couple of months ago and now this?

I wasn't overreacting.

So that's what I did. I got on a plain and now I was minutes away from arriving at the house, not knowing what I would find in there.

I think I even prayed on the way there.

All that mattered at that point was that Bella was fine.

"Bella?" I called out when I finally made it to our house. "Honey? Are you here?"

The lights were off downstairs, so I took the stairs to the second floor and immediately went to our bedroom. I could see the bathroom light on but the door was closed. I walked to it and slowly opened it, peeking inside to see if she was in here.

What I saw there made me gasp for air and my heart break.

Bella was inside the bathtub, the water barely covering her knees that were drawn up to her chest, hugged by her arms. Tears streaming down her face and she had her eyes closed. I think my breath caught in my throat because she startled and her eyes flashed open.

Our gazes met and neither of us said anything for what felt like hours.

When I couldn't take the silence and the distance anymore, I walked slowly to the edge of the tub and knelt down in front of her. She wiped her tears with both of her hands and took a shaky breath.

"Hey." I whispered. "How are you?"

"I…I'm fine. What…what…" Her voice was so raspy I barely recognized it.

But I could see it in her eyes. She wasn't fine.

"Baby…what happened?" She shook her head and closed her eyes once more. "Baby…please talk to me…please tell me…tell me what happened."

She opened her eyes once more when she heard my shaky voice, but when she saw the tears forming in my eyes, she broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably.

Only fueling my fear even more.

If before the thought that I was overreacting even crossed my mind, seeing her like this…it only confirmed I wasn't.

"Bella…please."

I placed my forehead against one of her knees and sobbed right along with her. I wasn't even sure why we were crying, expect for the fact that her tears made mine come. Her pain made mine come. And the look in her eyes made me feel desperate.

"It's…it's…o-okay-y." She tried to say through her sobs. "Don't c-cry…p-pleas-se."

I raised my head to look at her. "Then tell me what's going on…I beg you."

After a few seconds of just gazing at me, she nodded quickly. I took that as my opportunity. I stood up from the floor and went to get a few towels from one of the racks and turned back to Bella. Removing my shoes, I stepped into the bathtub surprising her. I bent down and placed my arms underneath her legs and carried her outside of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I placed her in the bed and wrapped a few of the towels around her naked body.

She just sat there at the edge of the bed while I dried her body and went to get her robe from the closet. When I returned she was putting her hair up in a messy ponytail and when she saw me, she reached for her robe, putting it on. Once she was done, I picked up her up again, nuzzling her face in her hair when she put her arms around my neck. I placed her back on the bed and pulled the covers over us.

This time I didn't let her go. I held her to my body but reached back to look at her face. Tears were still running down her face, making me even more scared and anxious. "Talk to me, beautiful. What's going on?"

She took a shaky breath. "It's nothing wrong…I-I p-promise."

"Then why are you crying, Bella? You're scaring me." That only made her cry harder. "Bella…please. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." She seemed to take a few minutes to control herself, taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly. I remained quiet, stroking her back trying to soothe her. After a while, she then closed her eyes and smiled softly, only confusing me even more. "Actually…everything's fine…we…we are fine."

"What? Why did you faint, baby? What has you so upset?" I asked softly, bringing my hands up and running my thumbs over her cheeks to wipe her tears away.

"They said…um…they said the dizziness…and the passing out…well, it was due to…um…some work related stress…" Yeah, that was what Alice had said, but somehow I knew it was more than that. "But…they said that it was…mostly because of…um…of my condition." She whispered that part so softly I could barely hear her.

"What? What condition, Bella?" She looked away from me, but I wasn't allowing it. I took her chin and made her look at me. "What condition, Bella?"

"I…I'm…" She bit her lip. "I'm pregnant."

Huh?

Out of all the things I expected to hear from her…._that_…wasn't one of them.

Wha…

Did I hear her right?

Wait. Did she…did she say she…

Pregnant?

As in…

What?

My mind was trying to understand what was going on here, but…

Did…

Pregnant?

Bella was pregnant?

Holy fuck…a baby?

We were having a baby?

We were going to be parents?

Fuck.

"Edward." I felt my shoulders move. My eyes focused on Bella and I realized she was the one moving me. "Can you hear me?"

"Yeah…yes…I'm here."

"Are…are you okay?" she asked uncertainly.

"I…I am…we…we're having a baby?" I asked in wonder and still in a bit of a daze.

She nodded slowly biting her lip. "Yes."

"A baby?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I said over and over again, peppering kisses all over her face. "I am so happy you have no idea."

"Really?" She asked surprised. "You are?"

"Of course I am, gorgeous. This…this is amazing. We…we're gonna be parents."

"I know." She smiled softly.

"But…why were you crying, Bella? Do…do you not want a baby?"

She gasped and grabbed my face between her hands. "Of course I want a baby, Edward. Of course I want your baby. When they first told me I was so ecstatic and beyond happy that I couldn't describe it…but then as the minutes went by…there was this part of my brain that…that made me…doubt myself."

"What are you talking about?"

Tears sprang to her eyes once again. "I'm scared, Edward. I mean, having a baby it's a huge responsibility and I can barely take care of myself…how am I supposed to take care of someone else? Of someone that will depend totally on me? What if…what if I screw it up? What if the baby hates me? Or what if I ruined him or her for life? I mean, you saw how I acted a few years ago, how am I supposed to handle raising another human being? What if I make him or her into a total mess? Or maybe it turns into a criminal? Or worse…what if the baby resents me for being a terrible mom? Or what if…"

"Baby." I cut her off. "Breathe."

She did. "I'm scared. I'm really scared. That's why I freaked out."

I pulled her closer to me and leaned my forehead against hers. "I'm scared too…but you don't have to worry about that. I know you will be a great mom."

That was the reason she freaked out. She was afraid she wouldn't be good enough. I would make it my life's job to make sure she knew she was; that she knew we were.

"How can you possibly know that?"

"I know it because I see it in your eyes. I see how you take care of me every day, even when you don't realize it. You are kind and caring and loving. I see how you act around my sibling's kids. I see how they love you. You will be a good mom, because you are a good wife and a good person. And above all…I'll make sure to keep you in line in case something gets out of hand…just like you will do with me. We will try as hard as we can."

"Really?" She sounded so hopeful, that I would do everything in my power to reassure her.

"Of course. Absolutely."

She smiled and pressed her lips against mine. "Thank you so much. That's what I needed to hear. And I'm sorry I freaked out." She admitted planting one last kiss on my nose.

I chuckled. "Hey, it's okay. I freaked out too over there in case you didn't notice."

"I thought I lost you for a while there."

"Never."

Suddenly her eyes didn't look worried or apprehensive anymore. It may have seemed ridiculous or even pansy, but I swear I could see the change in her eyes. I saw the moment where the cloudiness and uncertainty left her gorgeous brown eyes and was replaced with warmth and happiness.

"We're gonna be parents." She repeated my words from before.

"I know. Hey…do you know how far along are you?"

"No." She said shaking her head. "They only confirmed I was pregnant. I have to find a doctor out here and make an appointment."

"We."

"What?"

"They confirmed _we_ were pregnant. _We_ have to find a doctor and _we _have to make an appointment. Okay?"

She nodded right before she bit her lip once more…but this time it was to contain her happiness.

* * *

**I'll see you soon. **

**Leave me some love.**


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